Arrancars Arrive
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"
The giant hit the ground causing a crater to form.
"Ow."
"Yammy can't you go annoy someone else? I am on a mission."
"But Ulquiorra I want to kick some butt."
"This is a covert mission Yammy."
"That is why I am working with you."
"I said covert not cooperative. How did you get that mixed up?"
"Hey Ulquiorra. Why are those people looking at us?"
"They are not looking at us. They can't even see us."
"Oh too good to see ghosts are you? Well lets see you be too good for this."
Yammy used gonzui to suck out majority of the souls in the area.
Chad and Orihime saw all the souls gathering in an area around the park.
"Oh no. It appears a new threat has appeared. Its probably more dangerous than the bounts."
"We must stop this new threat before it gets out of hand."
"You idiot. Why did you do that."
"Because they thought they were too good to acknowledge my existance. Look at her. She is still alive. She thinks she is too good to die."
"Interesting she is still alive."
Ulquiorra and Yammy walked toward Tatsuki.
"Damn you boys. You think this is some kind of prank? I'll take you both on."
"Clearly you don't know who we are."
"A couple of anime fans right?"
"No. We are espada. An elite group of arrancar which consist of the top 10 fighters who's skills are beyond any other."
"Sounds like anime to me."
"My name is Ulquiorra Cifer the fourth espada and he is Yammy Llargo the 10th espada."
"This sounds alot like anime. I mean look at you with a giant jaw and you with half a helmet and wearing green make up over that pale face of yours. This is probably an anime grouping seeing as everyone here is pretending to be dead."
"Ulquiorra. Can I kill her."
"Sure Yammy."
Yammy's foot traveled insanely fast toward Tatsuki's face only to be stopped by an invisible barrier.
"What is this?"
"I think it's called plot armor."
"No its me Yasutora Sado."
"I can see you."
"He's under your foot Yammy."
"Oh. Wait what happened to the plot armor?"
"According to Aizen's plan, everyone we will try and kill has plot armor and so does the person we need to kill."
"Why do we need to kill people who wear plot armor?"
"Maybe we are so powerful that we can destroy plot armor."
"Plot armor? Chad lets show these two the power of plot armor." Orihime ordered.
Yammy slapped Chad and severely injured him.
"That attack should have blown his arm clean off. This must be the power of plot armor."
"This is it. We will kill everyone wearing plot armor."
Yammy moved in for the kill but his attack was blocked by Ichigo.
"Hey. You ugly motherfucker!"
"Don't expose Yammy to curse words."
"What is this an anime intervention?"
"Why does everyone think this is an anime inter-interv-interor-inter..."
"Intervention Yammy. It is pronounced intervention."
"It doesn't matter. You attacked my friends. You must die now." Ichigo pulled out his bankai.
"Chad's gonna need a new arm thanks for donating." Ichigo sliced off Yammy's arm.
"Ow Ulquiorra. Help me."
"Okay Yammy."
"You stay were you are."
"Oh okay I will wait."
"Ichigo!" Said his Inner Hollow.
"Go away I am in a battle."
"Come on Ichigo I just want to talk to you."
"Can't you talk to Zangetsu?"
"I am Zange-"
"Oh look now I am getting beaten up."
"You are literally so weak I can beat you with one arm tied behind my back."
"Hey Ulquiorra what are you looking at?"
"I am observing the surroundings."
"One particular part of the surroundings." Orihime covered her breasts with her arms.
"Hands in the air woman!"
"But..."
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in my court."
"Don't worry Orihime. You don't have to worry we will beat these two people up." Said Kisuke.
"Who are you?"
"They are Kisuke Urahara and she is Yoruichi Shihoin. They are former captains of the 13 court guard squads."
"In other words." Said Kisuke.
"You're screwed." Said Yoruichi.
Yoruichi unleashed a series of karate kicks on Yammy and knocked him out cold.
"I will show you to mess with me silly girl!" Yammy fired a cero at Yoruichi.
"Covert was the term used to describe my mission." Said Ulquiorra.
"Hey arrancar. Say hi to the Grand Fisher for me." Kisuke unleashed his Benehime on Yammy which Ulquiorra deflected.
"Idiot. Against them you would need your full power you fool."
"Hey Ulquiorra lets teach these people a lesson."
"Right. After we deliver our report to the all knowing Aizen."
"Hello Ulquiorra. Hello Yammy. Did you have fun in the world of the living."
"Yes. Yammy had lots of fun."
"Ulquiorra got a girlfriend now."
"I wish I never brought you along."
"Did you have fun destroying the plot armor?"
"Yes. Yammy managed to obliterate it."
"Did you complete your mission?"
"Yes but Yammy comprimised the mission."
"Did you eliminate all your opponents?"
"Yes. Yammy handled most of our opponents up until Yoruichi and Kisuke and we retreated."
"I knew it. You were helpless. Tell me one thing that you did that Yammy didn't or couldn't have done." Grimmjow yelled.
"I told him that Ichigo was the one we were looking for."
"Yeah and I messed him up pretty badly."
"Hey dumbo. Shut up. You were the one who got beaten up by a girl."
"Not my fault. If it wasn't for that girl I would have totally beaten up that other man."
"Yammy you are not making things better for yourself." Ulquiorra whispered.
"You know I am able to defeat at least 10 of those people."
"Oh no this is bad. I hope nobody tries to break the rules and go to the world of the living and kill everyone in attempt to please me."
Grimmjow smirked.
"Grimmjow."
"Yeah."
"I hope its not those things I just said."
"Yeah."
"Well it doesn't sound like you know exactly what I am talking about."
"Trust me Aizen. I have no intention in disobeying orders and pleasing you without your permission or to prove that I am better than Ulquiorra."
"Alright men. We are disobeying orders to please Aizen and prove that I am better than Ulquiorra."
"Oh no Dii Roy has been killed and I inconvieniantly arrived shortly afterward."
"Who did you kill?" Ichigo asked.
"Um. Shit I didn't kill anyone."
"Ichigo you need to run this person is too powerful."
"Hey soul reaper woman."
"What."
"Fuck off." Grimmjow pierced Rukia's abdomen and threw her to the side.
"No Rukia. You killed my..."
"Ichigo run..." Rukia said before passing out.
"You killed my girlfriend."
"Relax I didn't kill her. She just passed out due to the fatal injury I inflicted on her."
"What's the difference between that and death?"
"She lives a little longer."
"That's it. I am going to break your everything."
Grimmjow quite easily blocked Ichigo's attack and countered with his own.
"Oh no. My everything."
After some one sided fighting Tousen arrived.
"Grimmjow. You have disobeyed orders from Aizen and lost 5 arrancar in the process. Lord Aizen is furious and he will punish you in the name of justice."
"Dammit Tousen. Is there anything you say that isn't justice or cause related."
"Hello Grimmjow. Did you pick up groceries while you were out. Oh wait I never told you to go out. I was too busy focusing on the arrancars that were not disobeying my instructions."
"Hey Yammy how is your arm?"
Yammy attacked the arrancar nurse.
"Not good enough. I should've split her in half."
"You are lucky I bought your arm back and it wasn't destroyed. This is the first time something bad happened to you and the same thing happened to someone else."
"Ah my arm! Damn you Tousen!"
"Don't jinx it."
"Oh no look at my arm. Time to leave the room." Aizen stepped out of his throne.
"Is he teasing me. Since when can you the time just by looking at your arm?"
"Okay Gin. The next phase of my plan is going to be absolutely hilarious. I might need Mayuri's help."
"Isn't Mayuri all the way in..."
"Thank you Mayuri Kurotsuchi for inventing this bracelet."
"You stole that bracelet?"
"No. I convinced Mayuri to give it to me before we left and using the hogyoku, I modified it."
"What are we going to do about the place of the 6th espada. Are we gonna give leave it blank just like the 9th spot or should we fill it up."
"We could use more feminine espada."
"If Szayel Aporro and Halibel don't say feminine nothing does."
"But we have Barragan, Zommari, Nnoitra, Yammy we need more humanoid espada. Hey you!"
"Yes."
"You look like a woman. What is your name?"
"My name is Luppi Antenor and please stop calling me a woman or gay."
"We don't need another Szayel Aporro."
"Would you like to be a member of the espada?"
"No not my rank! Or maybe the empty 9th seat is being filled."
Grimmjow continued walking down armless and seeing countless arrancar laugh at him.
"Hey Grimmjow. You're not so tough without your arm." Said Loly.
"I am still stronger than you."
"I wouldn't get so hostile. I heard Aizen might let you back on the espada. I can see that you are never placed on the espada again. After all I am quite close to Aizen."
"Don't take me for a fool."
"Sooner or later I won't be getting beaten up by every espada."
"Oh really. Let's have a visit to Nnoitra."
"Nnoitra you have visitors."
"I can hear that you fool. I am not deaf Tesra."
Nnoitra opened the door to his room to an armless Grimmjow and Loly.
"Oh great. Aizen sent me the disabled people."
"What did you call me?" Loly and Grimmjow growled.
"Don't talk back to me. I am your superior forever! And you are just a woman."
"Well Aizen didn't..."
"Okay. You are to clean up this giant mess and Grimmjow just say that I made you visit Szayel Aporro."
"Why me?"
"Because you are a woman that's why!"
"Okay new generation espada. Grimmjow. We are going to launch another operation in the world of the living."
"You lot get to have fun!" Gin added.
"If Grimmjow can beat them anyone can." Said Nnoitra.
"You idiot. That was before he got kicked off." Luppi responded.
"Luppi, Yammy, Grimmjow and Wonderweiss. You will distract the enemy by killing them while Ulquiorra hopelessly fails to seduce the woman of his dreams."
"Is this one of your poorly coordinated jokes again Aizen?"
"Apparently what I lack in humor I more than make up for with my plan."
"Hey look the world of the living."
"Haaaaaaaaaa."
"Hey this place looks familiar."
"Maybe its because you've been here before Yammy."
"Don't get rude Grimmjow. You are not even an espada anymore."
"Espaaaaaaaaaa?"
"No you see its pronounced espada."
"Is this what Szayel Aporro experienced when he was kicked off?"
"No I am afraid you got it worse."
"Espada. The most elite group of arrancar numeros consists of 10 members who are numbered according to their strengths. And it says here in the most recently added definition; something Grimmjow got kicked off of."
"Its amazing how Yammy can only read correctly during times like this."
"Who added that last part to the arrancar dictionary?"
"Someone called defr? I don't think I pronounced that right."
"Give me that. It's pronounced Loly you fool."
"That bitch. I knew she was behind it. She and I are going to have some words."
"W-wa wa- words?"
"Yay. Wonderweiss is learning so fast."
"Eventually he will be smarter than me."
"I think everyone is smarter than you Yammy."
"Hello can anyone hear me? I am talking."
"Yeah you're a former espada who cares."
"Hey you guys! What are you arguing about?" Asked Toshiro.
"You guys deal with him. I am leaving to find my opponent."
"Try not to lose your arm in the process!" Luppi taunted.
Toshiro used his shikai on Yammy.
"Brrrrr. Luppi. Why didn't you bring some mittens like I asked."
"I told you Yammy. Bring them yourself."
"Hey Ichigo I was looking all over for you."
"So was I. And what happened to your arm?"
"Um."
"Grimmjow 1000 years dungeon." Said Aizen.
"You're kidding." Replied Grimmjow.
"Oh that's right we don't have a dungeon. Grimmjow 1000 years no arm."
Tousen cut off Grimmjow's arm.
"Tousen destroy his arm."
Tousen fired Haien at Grimmjow's arm destroying it.
"I lost it."
"You lost your arm?"
"I think its in my sock drawer... maybe."
"You know you can never defeat me like that."
"Don't underestimate me. I will grind you into a pulp."
"No Grimmjow. I mean..." Ichigo put on his vizard mask.
"...You no longer have any way to beat me."
"What did you do to yourself?"
"Other than train and learn this."
"I can only hold this for 11 seconds."
The next 2 minutes are censored because of how badly Ichigo beats up Grimmjow.
Ichigo's mask suddenly broke before delivering the final attack.
The 2 minutes after that scene are also censored because of how badly Grimmjow beats up Ichigo.
"What an obnoxious sight." Said Yumichika.
"You ugly cow. How dare you call me obnoxious. I am better than you in everyway shape and form."
"Haven't you guys realized something?"
"What?"
"While Yumichika and the espada are fighting. Captain Hitsugaya couldn't gain the upper hand against that espada."
"You're right Rangiku."
"Oh Yammy would you be a dear and give me your opponent."
"Sure why not."
"What could be so hard about fighting and elementary school student."
"That is Captain Hitsugaya to you!"
"Your mother must spoil you. Don't come crying to her when I give you a boo boo. Strangle Torepadora."
"This guy talks way to freaking much." Said Toshiro.
Toshiro was overcome by Luppi's attacks.
"Oh dear. Whatever will you do without your captain?"
"Seriously. He talks more than Yumichika." Rangiku added.
"What should I do with you? I mean I defeated your captain and your helpless, helpless with no help."
"I wish I could call the way he talks unaesthetic."
"I don't know what to do? I mean you guys are so weak I can handle you in my base form."
"Will you shut up! Seriously do you even acknowledge that we are telling you to not talk?"
"You know lets play a little game. I will try to catch you and you must kill me before I catch you."
"He is either deaf or likes the sound of his own voice."
"Maybe both."
"How could it be both?"
"We are too far away for him to hear us."
"Seriously. I have to go with soul reapers here. Luppi is talking far too much."
"Aaaaaahh."
"Hey Wonderweiss what are we gonna do?"
"Now that I caught you, I can do whatever I want with you. I might use your shiny head as a flashlight, I will kill you outright and you... oh my god you have the sexiest body on the planet. Tia will get pissed if she sees you."
"Can you not compare me to any of your arrancar whores!"
"Sorry what was that? I can hear you. You're lips are moving but its like someone reduced the volume on your mouth. Speaking of mouths there is something I'd like to put in there."
"Okay this guy is stupid and insensitive."
"I might use my secret weapon on him."
"But Rangiku is present and likely several others."
"Listen you. Now that I am within and earshot of you..."
"You calling me deaf woman?"
"Deaf and you talk alot. There is nothing more disgusting than a man who won't shut up."
"Well lets see who is louder after I shove this tentacle up your..."
"If you say what I think you're going to say I am going to go Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan on you."
"I was going to say throat."
"Up your throat? Aizen really needs to educate you on basic grammar." Kisuke used his Benihime and freed Ikkaku, Yumichika and Rangiku.
"Something smells fishy. Grand Fishy."
"Hey its you. The one that beat up Yammy."
Wonderweiss fired a bala at Kisuke.
"Holy shit what was that. Mind telling me what that was?"
"Baaaaaaaaaaawaaaaaaaaaa."
"Umm..."
Kisuke was hit by Yammy's bala.
"Hahahahaha. I'll tell you what that was. It's called a bala. It is better at killing things than ceros despite being weaker than ceros."
"How come?"
"Boop now your dead." Ulquiorra fired a bala at the first soul reaper.
"I just wan't to talk to you woman."
"Why did you kill that guy than."
"Boop got your face."
"Why do you keep saying boop?"
"Like all abnormalities in this world. It can all be relate to Gin."
"Okay I know you want something from me."
"Lord Aizen told me to open with a joke so I want your body."
"You have a good memory. Aizen's advice to make Orihime fall in love with Ulquiorra."
'I hope Aizen's plan covered this situation'
"Hey this isn't advice. This is a note you on purposely gave to me from the words of Aizen. Also it says you may be bored in Hueco Mundo but don't worry you have a secret admirer. His name is Ulqua-Ulqui-Ulqa-"
"Ulquiorra?"
"Yeah. How do you know."
"I just mightbeUlquiorra."
"Whispering that you might be Ulquiorra won't work on me."
"Well woman. Aizen also said I need to give this to you." Ulquiorra came toward Orihime and handed her a bracelet.
"Wow where did you get it?"
"Aizen made it."
"It says by Mayuri Kurt-Kurotsuki-Karrot-"
"Kurotsuchi."
"Yeah."
"By the way were you not supposed to be kidnapping me?"
"You must come with me or people will die. I don't mean you."
Ulquiorra showed Orihime the battle in 3 images;
Censored due to the amount of ass kicking happening also Ichigo is in it
Luppi just flapping his gums
Yammy firing balas at Kisuke
"Listen. My friends are more than capable of..."
"Silence. You have no rights."
"What about the right to remain silent and anything I say can and will be used in your court?"
"That also applies."
"What about freedom of religion."
"Yes."
"The right to own a certain peace of land." Orihime stared at Ulquiorrajs crotch.
"Sure why not."
"The right to freedom of speech."
"Yes."
"Basically the universal declaration of human rights."
"Yes."
"And the right to not have my rights taken."
"Yes."
"In that case I'm leaving."
"Wait you tricked me."
"But you were the one who gave me my rights."
"Well if you leave than I won't tell the espadas to stop killing your friends."
"Dammit."
"You see woman. There is no escaping Aizen's plan."
Meanwhile in real time.
"You're finished Ichigo! You cannot win. Beaten by an arrancar with one arm!"
"Tsugi No Mai, Hakuren."
Rukia froze Grimmjow.
"Hey Rukia how did you get so strong? Last time Grimmjow nearly killed you."
"I trained." Rukia struggled to get Grimmjow's zanpakuto out of Ichigo's hand.
Grimmjow broke free using his one arm.
"I broke out with one arm. One arm only. Just one arm."
"Oh no. You again. Don't worry Ichigo. This time I can fight him."
"Wow did you just hear that. Sounds like a cero and a nuke combined with eachother." Said Luppi.
"How are you not dead?" Asked Ichigo.
"Plot armor. And your friend over there. Why does he have piano teeth?"
"Why the hell do your teeth look like Nnoitra. Do you an him go to the same dentist?"
"Do I look like I go to the same dentist?"
"Yes. I just said that."
"I can't have the same teeth as you losers. Besides you only have one arm. It looks like you can't even keep your body straight."
"Why you little!" Grimmjow tried to strangle Shinji simpsons style but Shinji did the same and got the upper hand.
"That's it. I am going to march up to Aizen and demand he get my arm back."
"I bet that is part of Aizen's all knowing plan."
"How did you know about his crazy plan."
"I was his cqptain and I couldn't do anything because of his plan."
"Well his plan is about to come to an end because I am going to show him how well I can fight with only one arm."
"Didn't you say that you were going to beat it out of Aizen?"
"Okay. Time to rap it up." Ulquiorra stopped Grimmjow's advance then both of them were trapped inside a negaccion.
"Oh no. You guys are pathetic. After that hat wearing bastard saved you, you got caught again. That is so stupid on your part. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Seriously what idiots. How can any of you expect to beat me (and after a few minutes of talking) This just goes to show how pathetic you are."
"At this point, my eardrums have almost been killed. Ikkaku, Yumichika, please don't judge me but I have to do it."
"I don't care what you do as long as it shuts him up."
"His voice is giving me a headache."
"Espada. If you be quite for 10 minutes, I will do whatever sexual thing you want me to do."
"You will be remembered Rangiku."
"No sacrific. No victory."
"She is truly our hero this time."
"What? I can't hear you!"
"Shut up for 10 minutes and I will do whatever sexual thing you want me to do."
"I seriously cannot hear you."
"This must be embarrassing for Rangiku."
"Tell me about it. She is offering to shut this guy up with an offer that will permanently damage her pride. The worst part is, he can't even hear the offer."
Luppi's tentacles suddenly froze. His attention was drawn to Toshiro who was still alive.
"Your mouth is the worst torturing device ever invented. It will pay for damaging the will of my lieutenant, the secracy of a man's bankai and the... the... I'm sorry Yumichika what exactly do you possess?"
"Nothing that needs to be known okay."
"Hey the focus is on me."
"Yeah yeah. You're an espada bye bye." Toshiro froze Luppi in an icy prison.
"You are the best Toshiro."
"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"
"Take that and that and that and that and that and..."
"Lord Aizen will be mad!"
"What? Who said that."
"This is your guide. Your personal oracle. Guardian. I must warn you, you are hitting absolutely nothing."
"What am I hitting?"
"My assistant will show you!"
Kisuke pulled out his newest invention.
"Hey. Your assistant looks and awful lot like my opponent."
"That's because he is your opponent. You are just so dumb that while he is talking you still believe your guardian is speaking to you subliminally."
"What does subliminally mean?"
Luppi and Yammy were caught inside a negaccion.
"Beware captain. You haven't seen the last of me."
"That is what I am scared of."
Yammy, Luppi, Wonderweiss and Grimmjow waited for Ulquiorra's return.
"Oh no what is taking them so long. I sure hope they didn't hit it off just like my plan says they did."
"I still can't believe our diversionary attack was met with this much resistance."
"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that all of this was just a diversion?"
"Yes Luppi. And all your talking made a good distraction."
Ulquiorra and Orihime finally arrived.
"Lord Aizen. I have bought the woman."
"My name is Orihime. I thought we established that."
"No. We established that you were clever if I recall. You tricked me into giving every right that exists."
"It's just that you're weak. You couldn't fight my charms if you wanted to."
"How come your a virgin than?"
"What the fuck is going on between those two?" Asked Luppi.
"I know. It's like they're married." Grimmjow added.
"Okay lets finish this. Orihime. You have powers that I want. Heal Grimmjow's arm."
"Hey why does Grimmjow's arm have to be healed? There were so many things him not having an arm could have done!"
"Luppi. Don't bother fighting. It's just all part of my plan."
"How unexpected. I thought about going against you to get my arm back and instead your plan gave me my arm back."
"Hey Orihime I think that's your name. Stop healing Grimmjow at once. I command you."
"Hey Luppi."
"What non espada."
"Shut up will you."
"No. You are not allowed to have an arm. I prohibit it."
Grimmjow impaled Luppi with his arm.
"What? Your arm is healed already?"
"Yes it is. Now shut up and die like a warrior!"
Grimmjow fired a cero which destroyed Luppi completely.
"To this I say good ridance. Seriously this guy talks way to much."
"And then we can..."
"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! LUPPI FOR THE LOVE OF AIZEN'S PLAN SHUT THE-"
"Perfect. Grimmjow is the 6th espada again and Luppi is dead. Orihime is my prisoner. Ulquiorra is in love with her. Yammy and Wonderweiss are Yammy and Wonderweiss. Everything is going according to plan."