Chapter 14

Note:

Hello, my lovely readers - I'm back.

I'm so surprised, that you are still with me. I know, I know - I screwed up, because I don't write anything for a really long time. I need to puzzle some things in my life. From that place I can proudly say, that I'm back with a full head of ideas. I have a plenty of time to writing and the next chapter will be quicker.

For writing this chapter I used some music. If you want you can check it out:

The first is a song by Annie Lennox "Walking on broken glass" (here it's a link: watch?v=y25stK5ymlA )

The second one is a song by incredible Norah Jones "Turn me on" ( link: watch?v=ED1B39W9b0E )

Always I used a fragment from a LGBT show - L word, when I compare Sarah to Alice Pieszecki character - so here it's a video: watch?v=dC4Cn_x2iOg "Alice finds out about Shane & Jenny"

Please enjoy this chapter. You can write to me freely.

If you read this chapter, please leave a review.

Love you and thank you for support and kind words.

It was already dark, when a blonde woman went to the kitchen. She was wearing a night-dress from black lace and satin, short robe. Cate felt like her eyes are swollen from recent tears. She turned on the overhead light, which gave a really nice, dim light. She cleaned her face with cool water and sighed. "This week will be so hard."

Blonde woman set the kettle on and mechanically turned on the radio. She talked with Rooney by half of the evening. Patricia's sonorous, pleasant voice, full of concern gave her much more strength. Cate smiled to herself, remembering well girl's laugh. Patricia told her, how she met Sarah Paulson on a movie plan. Patricia compared Sarah to Alice Pieszecki character from some famous LGBT tv-series. Both woman have a similar entertaining manner. The blonde was not sure of it. She wants to check it out, by turn on the notebook and bring for herself, a freshly brewed green tea.

The blonde heard her mother's voice. She knew perfectly well, that her mom is lulling Igy to sleep. The hardest thing for him is to fall asleep. He had the most fascinating questions before going to bed. Cate heard about what her son asked. Her mother replied that his mom felt worse after a long journey and must rest. Little boy with blonde-haired storm of curls on his head said: "But Daddy is also sick. Now mommy. I'm very worried." Cate felt, how her heart ached for a moment. Her sons sensed that between their parents is not going so well. Children could presentiment things. She knew she will go to him after he fell asleep, she did not want to awake him again. It was after 23:30 pm . Woman promised to herself that tomorrow, she will spend more time with her children. Time, for which she really miss.

Cate rubbed her tired eyes. She remembered her own shaky, lower voice, when she said that it will be a very hard week for her. Cate also mentioned to Patricia, that her sons would like to get to know her. Dark-haired woman promised to talk with Todd about it and if they could arrange something during the last days of shooting. Younger actress believed that Cate's sons like her. She also said that Cate necessarily to see Alice Pieszecki, when she discovered that the two of heroine are together. Patricia explained that it could improve Cate's humor. Sarah looked like Alice, when she read Cate's letter. Both ladies spent the whole afternoon after the shooting together. Sarah behaved like an excited teenager, babbling all the time "that it is unbelieveably cute". The blonde shook her head and turn on the movie. After a moment, she laughed out loud. Cate could easily imagined Sarah and her facial expressions.

Suddenly, she heard a man's voice behind her.

- What are you watching?

Cate jumped on a chair.

The notebook screen was visible. Two women are kissing, and behind the front door are standing a blonde girl, quietly talking by the phone and commenting on what is happening.

Cate turned, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear.

- How long are you standing here? - she asked.

- Enough. What are you watching?

- Todd recommended it to watch. He said that it's funny and could change a little my shitty mood. - she lied. When her blue eyes returned to the screen she saw as the other actress receive sms from Alice, saying that Shane and Jenny had sex last night. Their reactions were hilarious. Cate laughed again and turned off the laptop, when the movie was over. She was sure that Sarah could be discreet on these matters.

Woman looked back at the man, who put his large hands on the table and watched her carefully. He was tired. His eyes looked puffy. Under the eyes he's got the gray crescents. He had no sleep or sleep poorly. She did not feel anything, only regret of the situation. She regrets that he lost someone, who was the closest person to him. He lost his father. Just like her, but it's only one difference. She was a little child, when her father passed away. She has learned to live with the loss. In this case, it must be a much harder.

Suddenly Cate heard a familiar voice of Annie Lennox. Ironically, it was "Walking on broken glass", lyrics which gave exactly what I felt at that moment. Tearing, pain, longing and uncertainty.

"I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass"

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. The headache did not want to go. Suddenly she felt an indescribable fatigue. I can not lie. I can not give him a hope that it could ever be well. I'm a phenomenal actress - certainly he would believe me, but lie does not work for anybody and it could only aggravate the situation.

- Cate, Can we try to talk normal?

The blonde just nodded. She saw how her mother comes into the kitchen, with a questioning look.

- I'm feeling good. It was only a temporary crisis. - Cate said, getting up quickly from the table. Her low voice was almost coldly.

- Cate, I'm very sorry ... I screwed everything, but we can still fix it. I try and ...

- Are you trying to? - she asked sarcastically, interrupting him almost immediately. - Where? At what point did you begin to try? - she paused, looking into his eyes. Her blue eyes were icy. The tide of bitterness overflowed a long time ago. Cate's weighed her words only by a learned tact.

"And if you're trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
Cause if you're trying to cut me down
I know that you 'll succeed "

- Cate, I'm trying for us and for our children. - he said quietly, trying to catch her hand.

- Really? - she asked, taking in her hand a packet of cigarettes. - Not so long time ago, our children, remind you a lack of interest. I don't remember since when, we do not talk to each other. Suddenly you do not drink by two weeks, two weeks does not replace years and wrongs of what you did to me. You're trying now. Only fucking now, when you lost a person which you loved. Maybe this opened your eyes for everything. - Cate said quietly, heading toward to the front doors. The man went after her.

The blonde sat on the wooden stairs from the terrace. She lit a cigarette and stared into the distance. Her head still ached. Is it a tension headache? She ran her hands over her forehead, waiting for his argument. Silence. She knew, she was right. Before her eyes stood the words of their son. He is worried about them, and the tense situation.

- I do not even know how much it is hard for me. - he began uncertainly.

Blonde woman winced, hearing his words. Yes, after it was not hard for her. Years of marriage slowly leaking through her fingers. Job, departures to the movie plans, children, their preschool, alcoholic husband. Continuous checks. Manically of checking her phone. She closed her eyes and bit her tongue, puffing on a cigarette.

"And if you want to hurt me
There's nothing left to fear
Cause if you want to hurt me
You're doing really well, my dear "

- I try. Although I know, that I hurt you a lot. I'm hurting you every time. I want to know, if we have a one more chance, Cate. Just...

The woman put out a cigarette and looked into his eyes.

- There is no longer, what we can save, Andrew. - she stopped and after a while she said in a low, trembling voice. - You do not know, how sorry I am. We should trying for our sons. I can be with you. I can support you, but I am not able to fight for us anymore. I can not. I don't feel the same, as before ... - she paused, feeling how tears come to her eyes. In the middle of her soul, she felt nothing. Complete emptiness and kind of sadness.

Woman could feel how his eyes moving over her face and body. She could not raise her eyes. She jumped violently, when she felt his hot breath on her face.

- You slept with someone? - he asked quietly. Into his voice was, we can heard shadow of sadness mixed with anger. - Rather you did not those marks by self. - he growled, pointing to her neck and collarbone.

"Now everyone of us was made to suffer
Everyone of us was made to weep
But we've been hurting one another
And now the pain has cut too deep ... "

Blonde woman pursed her lips. She might lie to him. She could lie perfectly easy, that during the shooting of kissing scene, younger actress left red marks on her neck ... But this kind of lie could give a hope for her husband. And it could be placed her in the disadvantaged. In position, in which, she would be a torn between her sons, husband and person which she began to love.

- Yes. I slept. - she said in cut, lower voice, interrupting him. - And not. There was none of your colleagues. It was not even a guy. - she said with reserved voice. She saw in his face an emerging disbelief.

- With who? How ? After how much I tried! For us! For you! For children! - he shouted. After a moment, she felt a strong hit on the cheek. She hissed quietly, hiding behind her own hand. She felt the heat, which after a while, turned into a slight pain spilled on the right side of her face. She noticed that he breathed loudly. The man, which she loved so much, standing in the front of her completely powerless. He hit her because he isn't jealous, he hit her because all things, which loved are bleeding and going away.

Her heart at the same time broke up into several pieces. Nothing will ever change. She felt a tear runs down on her cheek. After another one.

Her low, trembling voice pierced the silence.

- That's how you try. Every time is the same.

After a while, she got up from the steps and before she entered to the house, she added quietly:

- I don't have any strength to fight, Andrew. It's not about that, between us isn't going well. Think about the boys. Here, we are playing for their welfare. I want them to be happy. Nothing more. We're not an ugly people, Andrew. Oh, and I have one more answer to your earlier question - I slept with Patricia Rooney Mara.

Silence.

Silence, smashed by the slam of the door.

March morning greeted the young actress by a sleet. Wind lashing raindrops, leaving the unpleasant feeling of cold on her cheeks. Fog's limited visibility.
The dark-haired actress walked briskly. She improved her scarf, which is draped casually around her neck. When she was alone her thoughts guided inside her own soul. For young woman, it was always so hard to talk about her emotions, or feel them immediately. When she was alone, suppressed feeling inside of her, are bursting with all the power, blossoming like the first flower in the early days of the spring.

Patricia remembered the sad, tired voice of the blonde woman, who only changed her tone, when she mentioned about her sons or that she misses her so much. Dark-haired woman remembered well, the elder's woman laughing, when Patricia describing her meeting with Sarah.

Although it passed the next day, when Cate did not make any contact with her. Patricia headed toward the flower shop, which located is in the center of town.

When she entered to the shop warm with the smell of fresh flowers hit her nostrils. She smiled involuntarily, looked around uncertainly.

Young woman standing behind a wide desk smiled.

- Good morning. How can I help you?

Rooney headed toward her, saying that she called yesterday afternoon. She ordered a large funeral wreath with the dedication of the entire movie team.

- It is ready for shipment. Today it comes to the indicated address. - said the young woman, showing wreath. - It was to be bunch of sunflowers and white lilies.

Rooney nodded. She handed once again address, which she received from elder actress when they talked with each other last time. Young woman paid, took the receipt and left from the florist shop.

It started snowing.

Patricia closed her eyes and caught her breath. The cold air plod her lungs. She knew that somewhere inside her the longing is born.

"Like a flower
Waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb
In a dark room
I'm just sittin 'here waiting for you
It's come on home and turn me on "

She could not remember, if she ever felt anything like that before. She remembered full lips of blonde woman, when she kissing her slowly. The touch of her slender fingers. Another of Cate's hand slid slowly between her dark hair. To feel this kind of desire even more, when their tongues intertwined. They are losing only in this one, magical moment. The scent of Cate's body.

A young woman suddenly felt how her chin is trembling. She froze disoriented, unable to control her own emotions any longer. At the same time she reached the incredible sadness. The woman to whom Patricia began to feel something amazing is a mother, wife, and the most talented actress of our times. The feeling that slowly was filled her body was almost out of place. But younger woman still wanted more:

"My poor heart
It's been so dark
Since you've been gone
After all you're the one who turns me off
You're the only one who can turn me back on "

She felt how tears coming to her eyes. She could not deny it anymore and shut out like anything is happened. She fell in love, knowing very well about the consequences. Patricia felt like one of tears slipped out and ran down on her cheek. She sniffed, improving her scarf. After a moment, she took off her black leather gloves and reached the phone.

She opened the message, while at the same time her phone rang. She saw on the screen a picture of her older sister. She grimaced. She did not want to talk right now with anybody. She rejected the call, which immediately sent a message that she is busy at the moment and call back later.

Young woman sighed loudly and quickly wrote a new message.

She could not behave otherwise.