Chapter 15

* Credits for a lovely Phyllis Nagy. / Dedication for my lovely friend, Daisy! / Just tell me what are you thinking after the reading. / Hope that you'll like it, so enjoy.

The morning greeted Cate on the run.

Morning. The blonde opened her blue eyes, hearing the piercing sound of alarm. "Fuck." - she swore softly, trying to find a phone. She felt as if she had not gone to bed yet. She slept maybe for an hour. Although even that, she was not certain.

She stretched and turned off the alarm clock. Lately, there was a silence, although annoying sound for a moment piercing into her ears. She looked at the phone screen and smiled to herself. Message from Rooney. "Patricia." - blonde woman whispered softly. She remembered clearly when Patricia's green eyes staying darker when she saw her. The smell of her pale body. The smoothness of her fair skin. Nevertheless, in the middle of her soul, she felt some kind of concern. About what or who, she isn't sure.

The woman got out of bed, going to the kitchen. She quickly made coffee, and response for dark-haired girl's message: "So this is today. I'll be back soon. Andrew knows. I miss you. I miss so much. I'll call you later. xoxo. C. "

When she finished her coffee, her mother joined to her.

- How are you? Are you holding up? - her mother asked. Cate response only sighed.

- So, as you can see. I sleep so badly. - blonde woman added, washing her cup. She knows, that her mother eyes are watching her carefully. Cate did not like ruth. - Andrew knows. I could not lie to him. I'm afraid a little bit, which may arise from it. But today... Today I have play, as if nothing had happened and to support him best as I can do. - actress said, almost breathless.

There is not much time to the funeral ceremony. The women agreed to share with one another in their responsibilities.

Cate ran to upstairs to wake up her sons. In a moment uproar, laughter and yells filled the entire house. Blonde woman, during the ironing shirts, explained to her boys, that day like today is so an important day. Day in which they are farewell their grandfather - and they should be very polite. She is helping them to prepare for the morning toilet, responded to each question. When she improved Dashiell's tie, they heard the voice of her mother, who called them for a breakfast. The boys ran down, and she finally had some time to herself.

Actress closed the bathroom door and sighed loudly. She was feeling fatigue. She quickly slipped bathrobe from her shoulders, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had dark semi-circles under the eyes. Her eyes are bloodshot. A slight of bruise on her cheek. Despite this, blonde actress ran her hand through her neck to her collarbone. She smiled by corners of her mouth. The remains of the unsaturated Patricia's mouth, further reminded her of this night. Night, which turned over her whole life.

She does not regret it.

- It was worth it. - she said at loud.

- Rooney, I'm talking to you. - Todd said, crossing his hands.

Once again, they are repeating one scene.

- I'm sorry, Todd. I just ...

Rooney knew, she should focus. Despite this, her thoughts returned to newly received message. Cate misses for her. If only Cate Blanchett could knew, what Patricia Rooney Mara feels, when she placed in an empty bed. Suddenly, she felt a strong, broad hands on her small shoulders.

- Hey, Rooney. It's a tough scene, but we will do it well. - she heard his warm voice.

She lifted her head, looking at the young man. He smiled. He was wearing a dark coat and hat. In response, just she nodded, blushing. "Stupid, Mara" - she thought. - "Just focus on it!" Todd went to the actors, explaining the movement of the camera. He wanted to hear what actors have to say about their characters, then he added, how he sees this scene. The dark-haired actress nodded.

- Thank you. - she whispered and sighed loudly.

- Everyone on their places. Action! - Todd exclaimed.

- 'I'm thinking of putting together a portfolio, you know, of my pictures. Start taking portraits, even. Apply for jobs. Maybe at a newspaper. Maybe at the Times. ' She could not look him in the eye. She took a breath. 'Dannie knows someone ... "

Jake interrupted her in her mid-sentence.

- 'Have you been thinking any more about Europe?'

She didn't answer.

- 'Terry?' - Jack insisted on.

Rooney suddenly stopped and turned. She looked at him. She looked into his dark eyes. She knew this as well. She remembered every detail from scenes in her apartment. She remembered all the earlier conversations with Charlie, which at the same time stood in front of her eyes

- 'What?' - he asked, looking at her with surprise.

- 'How many times have you been in love?' - she replied asking. She hears, how her voice sounds unnatural.

The man raised his eyebrows, grinning, not knowing for sure how to behave.

- 'Whoa. Never. ' - he laughed, not knowing why. In the end, he lowered his voice adding and pointing at her. - 'Until you.'

Young actress frowned furiously retorted in her voice.

- 'Do not lie. You told me about those two other girls. '

- 'Come on. They were ... '- man stopped, delaying the response. Lately, he added - 'I had sex with them. That's not the same thing. '

Rooney bridled.

- 'Meaning ... I'm different because we have not ...' - she paused and added quietly - 'Gone all the way?'

- 'No, no - that's not what I' - a man trying to get out of an awkward situation. He paused mid-sentence, after a while, adding with a smile. - 'Hey, what's this all about? I love you. That's what's different. '

She looked at him and nodded. They resumed walking.

- 'Have you ever been in love with a boy?' - Rooney finally said, feeling how her heart sped up. She felt as if she was locked up and could not get out of it. She knew that this question is a one big trap. Jake was silent.

- 'No,' - he said with delay.

- 'But you've heard of it?' - she asked impatiently.

- 'Of course.' - he replied. - 'I mean, I have heard of people like that? Sure. '

The dark-haired actress frowned. Words uttered by Jack, hurt her. She no longer felt like Therese Belivet. At this point, in the front of camera was she - Patricia Rooney Mara. "People like that" - could still hear the words that echoed in her head.

- 'I do not mean people like that. I mean two people who just ... '- What? She could not find a definition. What was that? What she felt for Cate? Fragment of a letter from an elder actress stood before her eyes "Slowly. Without any expecting. I am falling in love with you and I can not escape from it." Love? - 'Fall in love. With each other. ' - Love. The words scared her. She felt like she's trembling. After a moment, she added. - 'Say, a boy and a boy. Out of the blue. '

- 'I do not know anyone like that.' - Jake grimaced, as if what he said skeeve him. He looked at the woman who walks beside him and added. - 'But I'll tell you this. There's always some reason for it. In the background. '

Rooney still trembling inside. "People like that." Did she and Cate are these people? The image of a passionate night stood in front of her eyes. The moment when she felt Cate for the first time. They walked down the street.

- 'So, you do not think it could just "- paused, hesitating. - 'Happen to somebody, just,' - she felt her cheeks blush harder - 'Anybody?'

Rooney closed her eyes. She could feel, how her palms sweating. She knew that she isn't playing now. She did not play too, when she kissed Cate's lips. It happened to me. It happened to me and Cate. Patricia remembered the moment when she was inside her lover. She remembered very well, how slender body of an elderly woman trembled violently.

Jake shrugged.

- 'No. I do not. What are you saying? Are you in love with a girl? '

Patricia thrilled. She read the script, god knows, how many times before. She knew that he was going to fall this question. But she did not know, that it will pick it up her just like that. It sounded like a statement of fact. As the verdict. As he judge her guilt. She fell in love, did not even know when. She missed Cate. She tried to separate her own emotions. She had been on the movie plan for the first time and she felt same, as portrayed character. She could not lie.

- 'No!' - she shouted. Patricia knew that it was obvious. Her hesitation in her own voice. Lack of control.

A couple stopped in front of the building. Jake leaned his old, black bicycle on nearby lanterns. He took girl's hands into his. She felt as if Charlie blamed her lack of meetings and the time, when she frantically reading a book of Highsmith and a script written by Phyllis Nagy. She knew well what he asks. She remembered how Charlie asked the same question.

- 'Do not you know I want to spend my life with you, Terry?' - Jake asked, looking into her eyes with devotion. - 'Come with me to France. Let's get married. '

- "Richard, I'm not ready! - Her voice was desperate. She was near to yelled. - 'For that.' - She felt like she is running away. She is running away from Jack, as well as she did with Charlie. She was not sure, so she ran away before making any decision. With Cate it was different. She immediately jumped into this without thinking of the consequences. She wanted this very much. Just the same as elder actress. Patricia open her eyes wide, when she understand her own thinking. She felt how her soul was broken into thousand small pieces.

- 'I can not make myself!' - She yelled at him with amazing power.

- 'What? 'Tell me.' - Jack asked withdrawing.

- 'I just ... I have to go.' - Rooney replied, feeling ashamed of herself.

- 'Terry?' - Jake said.

- 'I'm sorry!' - She replied and disappeared behind the wooden door.

In the darkness of the setting, Rooney sat down and buried her face into her hands. She was trembling. She could not calm the severity of breath. This scene smashed her completely. In the middle of her soul, in every each she knew, what the answer is. She knew but she is just to afraid to admit it, in the front of herself.
She jumped into the middle without asking unnecessary questions. She jumped in the middle regardless of the consequences. She jumped into and forgot completely. She forgot about herself - disappearing completely in her own feelings for Cate Blanchett.

Cate looked into the mirror last time. She was wearing a black, pencil dress to her knee. black jacket, fitted to her waist and matte, dark high heels. She pin up her long, blond hair into a high bun. Woman used makeup to cover her bruise after being hit in the cheek. She took with her a dark sunglasses.

- Mommy! We have to go! Daddy is here! - she heard from downstairs.

- I'll get down. - she called back and reached for the small, leather, black bag on a long strap. She took her phone and looked at the screen. Four messages.

The first message was from Todd. He wrote to her that there is no problem with organizing this meeting in the last days of shooting. He also has a plan for her sons which they could play as extras in the passage of the film. The woman, after the reading, smiled to herself. It would be an interesting experience for them.

Another from Patricia. Cate's heart started to beat faster. She'll call her back as soon as it will be possible. She didn't have time for last days. The situation with her husband. Absorbing children. Lessons and their school. A lot of talking with them. Explaining why they can not live like before - all together. Together with their dad. Cate explained them with a calmly voice, that she came here only for a moment, but she would like to spend with them her free time.

"Patricia, you do not know, how much I miss you. I'll call you later. Love, C. "- she typed quickly on her phone and sent it on a well-known number.

When she's crossing the front door she remembered a scene from past. In this flashback, she was 10 years old, when she and her siblings were going to the funeral of their father. Apparently time should heals all wounds ... - she thought, and shook her head with disbelief. She put on her dark glasses and walked to the car.

Slamming of the car's door.

Silence.

The blonde walked beside her husband when they're leaving a church. The bells rang loudly. A couple talking to each other sporadically since last dispute.

- We will do this, together. - Cate whispered into his ear. The man only nodded. She noticed how tightly he clamped his jaw. She knew, that he fought with himself. The stereotype, that men never cry, stuck deeply inside him. Woman in response took his hand. Hand was cold and limp. She closed her eyes. Trauma that haunted her since childhood stood before her eyes. She remembered her father, who was died. Then her mother. Siblings. She remembered the day, when they told about the death of her father. She had not slept. She could not eat. The woman quickly looked at her sons. They went ahead with her grandmother. They held their hands. Cate remembered that it was the same with her siblings. It's just that the loss was more painful. Although every loss, teaches something. It opens our eyes, that trivial problems are in fact worth nothing. The only thing that is important is health.

They paused before the tomb. Cate looked at Andrew, and her heart clenched in a seizure. His red eyes looked ill and swollen. She squeezed his cold hand. After a while, the men from the funeral home slipped the urn into the grave. The first blow sand on the coffin. Empty sound. The man standing next to her didn't make a sound. She could clearly see how his shoulders are shaking. She sighed softly, feeling in the midst of excruciating pain. Her father in law was a very good man. He supported her in every difficult moments. He was like a father, whom she had only for a short time. Another hit of sand. Life with a loss. The woman could not handle. She hugged her husband tightly at the waist and whispered. "Come here." When he returned her hug, tears finally filled her eyes.

Rooney was late. She ran on a movie plan with a scarf casually draped around her pale neck. Her dark long hair was tied into a messy bun. March debuted in Cincinnati for good, but even though it was still windy.

Young actress ran into the dressing room.

- I'm so sorry. I ... - she said, breathing heavily. After a moment, her eyes fell on the person sitting on a small wooden cabinet. Suddenly her green eyes widened. She felt how her heart speed up. She wanted to scream. Jump. But she did nothing. She watched dumbfounded at the blonde woman, who winked at her. She was wearing a bright ecru, tailored suit.

Cate in response laughed softly. She seeing how a reddish girl's lips wide open with surprise.

- Did you miss me, right? - she asked her coquettishly, winking at her significantly. - I thought I'll surprise you and come back earlier.

Rooney could not utter a word. Her heart began a mad rush.

- C ... Cate, I ... You're ... You're looking so amazing. - she paused, blushing immediately. Rooney knows that she did not look the best. She could not sleep. Her pale face was covered with no makeup and hair was quite carelessly. - I'm entranced by you. - Patricia added, her voice is breaking. Longing, which she felt for the last days filled her heart with all the momentum after a while disappear. Longing replaced by something else. Rooney knew very well what kind of feeling she has. She looked around the dressing room and saw no one is near. She decided.

She could feel how her own body is trembling. Her steps were long, despite the little part, which she had to move. She felt how blue eyes are carefully watching her each step. Patricia felt that known playfully, flirtatious look.

In the end, their faces divided by millimeters. The blonde could see, how green eyes of the younger actress lit by the darker flame. This flame. Cate could feel Patricia's hot breath on her own lips. After a while Rooney hugged her tightly. Elder woman closed her eyes. That smell.

- I miss you. - Cate heard a whisper, which gripped her heart. - I miss you. - dark-haired actress added, pulling herself away from the elder woman. She looks on her alabaster face. Women imbibe their presence. Their eyes moved through their faces. Rooney still had Cate's hand on her cheek. After a moment, she smiled only and pulled Rooney's face to her own. Patricia heard how Cate sighs softly. Their lips met finally. Coveted kiss, where you could feel this kind of longing. Patricia began slowly. Gently. Without hurry, feeling how her own body is trembling. Cate hand slid down through her cheek, the other wove into her dark hair. Blonde woman pulling Patricia's small body even closer to her. Cate's tongue did not wait for an invitation. After a while, the younger actress felt like their tongues entwined. She was sure, that she is not going to stop it now. She felt in the middle of her soul this kind of desire. The fire, which ignited her soul. The fire, which was the flame of love. Cate. My lovely Cate. - Patricia thought. She's feeling Cate's voracious hands on her back.

Suddenly they heard a knock. Then grunt and loud laughter. They jumped back from each other immediately, trying to get back to reality. Both ladies looked with ashamed on a doorway.

Todd stood with Sandy Powell near to the entrance. He grinned. Red-head woman was in a little shock, but she smiled slyly. After a while, she added with her lovely British accent.

- Todd, you told me, you were enchanted. I mean, I don't blame you, should I?