A/N: for this story Kensi's father died when she was 17 not 15 and she was never estranged from her mother. And here we have Deeks' view of things. enjoy! Still do not own anything

Am I a Monster?

Chapter 5

Deeks P.O.V

As I watched the scene unfold and I saw the explosion I could feel the dread radiate off of my partner. It was understandable, that was her twin sister. But when Kensi doubled over in pain because of Cara's wounds I realized just how close the two were. Cara's pain was Kensi's pain and I would bet my money Kensi's pain was Cara's. Their connection went beyond normal human twins and delved into the supernatural.

Supernatural

I still had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that my partner has the werewolf gene running through her veins and her sister, her sister was a full blown wolf. Watching as the replica of Kensi molded her body to a 7 foot tall lethal wolf. I couldn't help myself wondering if Kensi's wolf would have looked like that or was unique or different in some way.

As we waited in OPS for the trio to come back I looked over at Nell and Eric. Eric was busy trying to track Jack's movements. But Nell was looking at Kensi as though she had grown a new head.

"She is really a…." Kensi nodded clearly uncomfortable. "And you are too but you can't…. do that…."

"Yes but something could trigger it and that is something that wouldn't end pretty."

This caught my attention. "What does that mean?"

Her polychrome eyes bore into me. "A werewolf traditionally turns on their 16th birthday. However Cara turned at 15 for reasons best left unsaid for now.." I saw a dark shadow pass over Kensi's face before she continued. "My 16th birthday came and went and i never turned. However I still showed traits of being a wolf but no teeth and no fur. It could be because we are twins. Twins are rare in our race and with mother's wolf being weak could also be the reason. But going through the change before your 16th birthday, like Cara or after your 16th birthday, like me, umm… the pain it's unbearable. Watching Cara writhe on the floor as her bones broke over and over again… " she took a shaky breath. "I felt all of her pain and what happened to me in Afghanistan was nothing compared to that. And the knowledge that one day I could go through what she went through… it scares me."

"I can't believe you never told me." Nell stated. I could see she was hurt, but I could only agree with her, but kept my mouth shut.

"Nell I was only trying to protect all of you. I don't live in this world Cara does, that is why our contact has been minimal."

"But if you aren't a part of it there should be no danger." Nell tried to reason but even I saw that it was no use.

"Nell!" she spread her arms to the big screen. "What the fuck is all of this? I knew it was just a matter of time because as much as I steer clear of it all I still reek of werewolf. It just so happened to be Jack that was the first one. It could have been any demon, any vampire following my trail thinking they were after a regular werewolf. The supernatural world is at war Nell and has been since I was 15." Kensi was all but trembling now when Cara walked through OPS.

"Are you okay?" Cara asked. She must have been aware of their connection as Cara grabbed Kensi's arm and checked it over.

"I'm fine." I raised an eyebrow at her automatic response as did Cara.

Cara looked up to me as she placed one of her hands on the joint at Kensi's neck and shoulder. It seemed an old and practiced move. "Kensi, I think for the sake of me and Deeks we need more than 'fine'."

I couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped. Kensi glared but the smile on her face told me she wasn't mad. "I'm shook up, but I will survive."

"We both need to be extra careful." I said knowing full well that if either of us went home he might snatch us before we could even blink.

"Yes you do. You two need to be with me at all times and wear a tracker in case he does grab one of you. For he will only be able to grab one if you two are together and I will be there and that will fluster him hopefully resulting in him leaving an opening and I can strike and end this once and for all." Cara's voice was gravelly and husky

"That is a well thought out plan Mrs. Blye but what if Jack has accumulated followers over the last ten years?" Cara looked in deep thought, running a hand through her hair.

I saw Kensi lean back against the table in the center of OPS. "If he has followers then that makes this all the more complicated Cara."

"I know, but I'm not going anywhere."

"Would it seem fit to cut the head off of the snake rendering the body useless?" I asked. With Jack gone his followers would most likely disband.

"That could work but there is always that miniscule chance that they will not diband with his death. But we can only hope for the best." Cara looked over at Kensi, she was having a hard time staying awake. "Why don't both of you go to the bunk room and get some sleep."

Kensi looked ready to protest but stern looks from me and her sister silenced her. with my hand on her lower back I led her out of OPS to a room with a few beds in it. I maneuvered her to a bed towards the back. "Here lay down and get some sleep." She sat down but made no move to lay down.

I turned around to walk to another bed when her quiet and scared voice stopped me. "Please stay."

"I'm not going anywhere Kensi."

"Just, please lay with me. I need to know that you are here." The slight tremor in her voice nearly broke my heart. When I turned around I saw tears pooling in her eyes.

"Okay." She laid on her side and I pulled her back flush to my chest burying my nose in her hair. Sunshine and gunpowder.

After a few minutes she turned around and buried her face in my neck, I could feel her silent tears land on my shoulder as I tightened my arms around her. "Do you think Nell hates me?" he voice was weak and so not like the Kensi I saw everyday.

"She is just in shock. You have been keeping a pretty big secret from us Kensi." My voice was soft but when she tensed I knew she heard the accusation.

She pulled back and stared into my eyes with her polychrome eyes. "Deeks, I was just trying to protect all of them."

"And what about me?"

She sighed. "I didn't tell you for selfish reasons." Another tear slipped down her cheek. Seeing her looking this lost was damn near killing me. "I feared that if I told you the truth you would leave. And I wouldn't survive if you left. I wasn't lying when I told you that I need you to breath. And that scares me because if you looked upon me as a monster I fear I would have become just that a monster."

"You could never be a monster Kens." She shook her head.

"I'm a werewolf Deeks just without the change. There have been wolves who's mates were human and couldn't handle the fact that the one they loved was a wolf. A few years ago there was a wolf that fell in love with a woman, a human. She fell in love with him too but when he told her the truth she called him a monster. Her human mind couldn't handle who her heart loved. And he couldn't handle being called that by a woman who swore to love him, so in his mind her words must have been true. And he became just that a monster. He went on a killing spree. He killed his entire pack right from the elders to the pups."

"What happened to him?" I asked when she was silent for a minute.

"Cara put him down. We had grown up with him. He was the sweetest kid." Fresh tears fell.

"Kensi, I may be hurt that you didn't tell me, and I may need time to accept what you and Cara are but you are no monster. You are a beautiful, strong, hardheaded woman," she chuckled softly. "Now get some sleep. I do love you Kensi."

"I love you too." Her hand fisted the material of my shirt as though she was afraid I might disappear in the night. "Goodnight Marty

I watched as she fell into her dream world before I drifted off into a dreamless sleep