When you have no internet and nothing to do chapters tend to be longer, and I know those out there that like to read these types of FF have been waiting so here is another chapter.

And to my guest reviewers I am so sorry, I know you were waiting and I hope that these chapters are up to standard, and thank you for sticking it out and waiting for me, it means a lot.

The Lost Wolf

Chapter 15

Callen's P.O.V

Sam pulls up to the address given to him by Kensi on the outside of the LA lights nearing the rolling country and what I see is not what I was expecting for someone with a supposedly high rank in her…supernatural world. It is a long driveway covered with trees and a long white fence. The house is small with a gentle wrap around porch with a brick barn several yards from the house where, when I get out of the truck can hear the snorts of horses.

"No offense to your sister Kens, but this is not what I had in mind when I thought of your sister's house," I say as I help Sam haul Deeks out and start limping towards the front door. She silently raises an eyebrow over her bloodshot eyes. "I pictured more of a…"

"Large?" Sam supplies and I quickly nod.

"Yea, large declaration of money." I say sheepishly with the knowledge that I didn't really know Cara all that well.

Kensi chuckles weakly. "Yea, no, she likes the silence but the fact that LA is close, when she truly wants to be alone she will head out to her place in Tennessee, out there, the closest neighbor is twenty miles away."

"How many places does she have?" Deeks rasps looking over at Kensi shocked. If Kensi's family had money she never said a thing about it, never flaunted it.

"Um, not sure, I want to say four, two have horses, she and I always wanted a few when we were little," she laughs sadly. "Then the place in Aspen, but that is more of a business than home where she generates money to fund our people, and then she has an apartment in New York but I know she rarely goes there, so she rents it out to her people who need a place to crash for a while before getting their feet under them. But through it all this is her favorite place." She motions towards the small brick house and as we approach the door swings open and an aging woman ushers us inside quickly.

"Come, come, Dr. Walsh is in the kitchen take him there," she says, slightly out of breath before embracing Kensi. "Kensi my dear, I am so sorry Cara called with the news before briskly hanging up."

Kensi's response is lost as we push open the kitchen door and place Deeks gently on the waiting chair.

Much like the rest of the house the kitchen is done simply with dark colors, and despite the look of the outside the inside is open and spacious. Kensi rushes in pulling me from my thoughts as she kneels my Deeks as Dr. Walsh tends to the bullet wound in his leg. "Now, Mr. Deeks this may sting a bit," he pulls out a needle and I see Deeks tense. The doctor looks up towards the kitchen door. "Kayla!" The aging lady comes in, "Please show these two to the living room, to give Mr. Deeks his privacy."

"Come gentlemen," she ushers us to the living room with a black leather couch facing a large television with large bookcases on either side filled to the brim with new and old books. Sam takes a seat but I walk to a picture on one bookcase that catches my eye.

It is Cara in a beautiful wedding dress, simple and modern and hugging her body in the right places, and behind her Alex was beaming with his arms wrapped around her, a stunning difference to the man I last saw lifeless and empty on a cold warehouse floor. In the background I saw Kensi and Julia with large smiles on their faces watching the young happy couple that has now been fractured.

"They were a beautiful couple weren't they?" Kayla states quietly, turning I see tears in her eyes. "Cara made my son so happy." She chokes out picking up the photo, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder I look to Sam, whose eyes are as sad as I imagine mine are. In the background I hear Deeks moan in pain and Kensi snap at the doctor to be gentle that he was human not a wolf.

"How did your son and Cara meet?" Sam asks gently from the couch. Kayla turns and sits gingerly in a rocking chair, still clutching the wedding photo a wistful smile on her face. I leave her side to sit by Sam.

"They were seventeen and Cara had…" she laughed. "She rear-ended him at a stop sign. The wolves were few and far between at the time and Cara had yet to claim her title as Alpha. They were so young but…so in love. Really only ever had one fight, When Cara did declare the war, he thought it was better to just stay in hiding but Cara…young headstrong Cara was sick of the hiding, she wanted the world to be safe for her mother and sister. Eventually Alex came around when he saw the good that the mere thought of safety did for the wolves and other creatures in hiding from the reign of the vampires." She runs a finger down the photo before she continued speaking.

"The wedding was during the peak of the war, they were only twenty-three and yet they had witness so much death…" she whispered before looking up at us. "A few weeks after the wedding Jack came back from the war…you have heard the story, yes?"

We both nod. "If I may ask a question ma'am?" I implore the older woman.

"Of course young man, anything." She says kindly.

I look to Sam the same question burning in his eyes. "What is going to happen with Cara?" the door opening stops her answer, Kensi is helping Deeks to the couch, his newly changed sweatpants clean of blood. After she lowers Deeks to the couch she moves to stand to the side of the television.

"Anything could happen Kayla," Kensi whispers. "She just took off, I mean if Cara went off the deep end, I don't think there is a single creature out there that can stop her, you know how strong and resourceful she is." Kensi starts pacing running a hand through her hair absentmindedly. "I am worried Kayla." Kensi turns her eyes to Alex's mother, tears yet again visible in her eyes.

In the few short hours since Jack barged into the Mission Kensi has gone about a very subtle but noticeable change; her gaze was sharper, her walk more confident and an air of subtle command, much more subdued than her sisters. Kensi Blye was no longer just a Federal Agent, she was a werewolf….a term that still seems surreal to mean even in the privacy of my own head.

"And you should know better than to doubt your sister little one," Kensi looks down at her fingers that are picking at her shirt a look of shame touching her features.

"I know Kayla but…" she looks up suddenly. "This is Alex that we lost today, for any other wolf to lose their mate to death would be…heartbreaking, but damnit you know that she isn't like the rest of us…" Kayla stands up quickly…so quickly I question her age and amazed she didn't break something.

"No, she isn't like the rest of us, and neither are you!" Kensi looks down. "Cara knows her duty, has since she was nineteen, you haven't been here enough to fully comprehend just how much our world has changed little one, how much your sister has changed. A few days catching up doesn't mean you know what she has had to do to keep us safe…so regardless of her differences to the rest of us, she is still strong…she is still Alpha and you would do well to remember that, little one." Kayla bits out, the end of her tirard coming out soft at the look in Kensi's eyes. she walks gingerly up to the female agent. "You have been away at your sisters' orders, and that isn't your fault but we live a much freer life under the leadership of a strong Alpha."

Kensi backs away and briskly walks out the back door, I hear Kayla sigh and turn to us. "I am sorry, normally Normals do not see the inner workings of our people, but Kensi was always like her sister, strong-willed and headstrong." With that Kayla disappears into the kitchen where Dr. Walsh is still puttering around.

Deeks moves to stand up but quickly grunts in pain before falling back with Sam's help. "Stay," I say while standing. "I will go check on her."

"No, Callen…" he starts but I put my hand up, silencing him.

"You cannot walk and you look ready to pass out. Rest Deeks or I will have the Doc tranquilize you, okay?" he looks ready to argue but my look keeps him quiet, I nod and walk out the still open door, shutting it behind me.

The sun has now completely fallen behind the horizon giving way to a half moon and stars, something one rarely sees when living in LA, but the light in the barn gives way to Kensi's form standing before the head of a horse. I quietly walk down, mindful of the large animals…I never understood the appeal of a pet but hey, I am the lone wolf on the team…the irony of the words not lost on me.

"You know we are all worried about her right?" I say when I am close enough to be heard, the horse merely moves his ears but still staring at Kensi who stares back.

"I know, and I cannot understand why, I mean you hardly know her." she whispers as I move to stand next to her, as I too stare at the gray horse before her.

"True, we may have not known her, but we all know what loss feels like…" she shakes her head turning to me.

"That is the thing, you, Sam, and even Deeks…you don't understand," she turns and walks down the aisle between the stalls before turning back to me taking a large breath. "Normal wolves feel twice as much emotion as a human…but Cara…and m-me…I never really understood what Cara felt until today. Yesterday I felt as all other wolves, twice the amount…but today…tonight," she shrugs at a loss for words so I stay silent waiting for the valuable insight into this mysterious world.

"Kens?" I prompt her after a few minutes, in the cooling air I can feel the horses' warm breath on my bare arm.

"What Cara feels is…overwhelming, so much so that even with the years of separation I knew when she was happy, when she was stressed…hell I even knew when she was intimate with Alex because her emotions are so strong, so overwhelming that I feel them too, deep in my chest," she says laying a hand over her heart.

"What is she feeling now?" I ask quietly as I see a tear falling down her cheeks in the gentle light of the still barn, the ruffling of hay the only sound.

"She feels…" she looks up from the ground and straight into my eyes and dare I say my soul. "Lost. She feels lost. She has all of this love and nowhere to channel it, and that is what scares me Callen. That emotion can easily change to anger and even rage in our kind. And the worst part is, if that happens Callen, if she flies off of the hinges she will have to be put down…but there isn't a being on this earth strong enough to go up against her."

"What…what do you mean?" I ask, worry tinting my words.

"I mean Kayla was right she isn't like the rest of us, not even me, I am new at this. There is something different about her and me, but more so her. She is the one that has this energy about her that is deadly…dangerous…" Kensi stops abruptly her face blanching and a look of understanding in her eyes. "That is it…the status quo…it has changed," her eyes expand.

"Kensi what are you talking about?" I ask as I walk towards her.

"Hetty told me story from long ago, she spoke of two sisters…twins…one was dark, one was light…they were us but three thousand years ago Callen," I still at the thought…there was so much of this world that was still unknown to me that it was difficult to digest her words. "Cara in the story was light…I-I was dark, but today I never went through the Change…the status quo changed…we switched places…at least I think…old Gypsy tales are open to interpretation…maybe I am wrong…. but with the death of Alex we very well could have switched roles that Fate laid out for us…"

"Kensi, what does this mean, I am having a hard time understanding what you are saying." I ask gently placing my hands on her shoulders to ground her to the here and now. She looks up to me, fear in her eyes.

"It means that while I was coming to terms with who I was the darkness that was in me three thousand years ago left, but darkness never leaves…it means that Cara is out there right now fighting the darkness that is now in her because I was to petty to force the change when I was younger…"she pulls away and I see her eyes turn wolfish…a look that I did know what meant. "Fuck, if I had just did what Cara and mother asked of me after father died all of this could have been avoided. Alex would still be alive and Cara wouldn't be out there right now fighting within herself."

Her lips pull back in a sneer and fists her hair roughly as she voice thoughts that are next to meaningless to me, but the emotion behind them is one that I can understand; unrestrained fear.

Cara's P.O.V

I have no clue exactly where I am but I know I am somewhere in south Oregon lost within the forest and rain. The gray angry clouds yell at me as lightning flashes dangerously close to me, but I couldn't care less…

The flash of his smile…

Whispered words of love in the dead of night…

His fingers dancing over my bare skin…

His green eyes…

Alex….oh Alex.

I lift my fur covered head back and growl at the sky as anguish washes over me…he was dead…DEAD! My husband was just murdered before my eyes…to keep my sisters mate alive… and hell if I didn't want to hate the two of them…my own sister…but she was my sister…I only ever wanted her to be happy, to be loved the way I was…

But with a flash of lightning I feel my anguish turn to rage as I lash out at the nearest tree, leaving deep gouge marks in the bark, the sudden sound spooking a deer, and instantly I forget everything and focus on the most basic of wolf instinct…the hunt.

I bound through the woods near silent after the scared deer as I channel everything that has assaulted my head and heart for the past four hours into pumping my large limps over fallen trees and creeks, the rain stinging my eyes. I quickly come up on the deer and pounce ever merciful in the hunt I end it quickly…

The rain washed away the blood quickly from my black fur as I blended back into the rainy night….however the emotions quickly come back full force swallowing me whole as I collapse next to the near empty carcass of the deer and fall into the internal darkness eating away at me.

Kensi's P.O.V

As I glare at the empty space in front of me I realize that Callen is only understanding bits and pieces of my spoken thoughts, but I am in no mood to fully explain the inner workings of the supernatural world and the Fates, so instead I fist my hair as I try to control Cara's emotions that are flooding my body.

"So this is you?" he whispers quietly, so quietly that if I were normal I would not have heard him over the soft sounds of the barn.

"What?" I lower my arms and cock my head to the side as I stare quizzically at my team leader, who merely chuckles softly.

"This," he waves his hand, gesturing to my entire body. "This is you, a werewolf, you know I was the kid in all of my foster homes to tell the scary stories about how the werewolves would eat any bad children." I can't help but laugh, it is a very Callen thing to do. "But this is not what I expected lay behind your walls, and now that I have been in the thick of it with you and Cara…I do not know it just doesn't really surprise me, this suits you." he shrugs.

"Do you think I can still be on the team?" and that right there, amongst all of Cara's pain and anguish is my true fear…that after all my team has seen of me, the real me and the life I live in that they will no longer want me…or trust me. I lower my gaze to the hay covered floor not wanting to see the pity in Callen's eyes. When Cara said she had to cut ties because of the war Callen became my surrogate sibling, a title he was unaware of its true meaning, and if he said he could no longer work with me, I would understand…but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't hurt, because I love being Deeks' partner and now that I admitted to him and everyone that yes I do have feelings for him…love him….i wanted no one else watching his back…but I also know of the distrust between humans and wolves.

"Look at me Kensi…" I feel him gentle tap my chin before his hand cups my cheek a small smile touching his lips. "I may not be your brother by blood Kensi, but of course, our team needs you, in our own way we all need you…the real you Kensi, fur, teeth and gun... all of you. And now we may need you to fully explain this world you live in but you are my sister Kensi and I need you on my team." For a man of few words, when he chooses to speak he does so with such depth.

Without another thought I rush into his arms and wrap my arms around his waist. "Thank you Callen…brother…" I bury my head in Callen's chest as he hold me in the very way I held Cara a mere four hours ago as she grieved…and through the elation I felt at Callen's words I feel the grief at Alex's death… a brother lost.

"He was such a good man Callen, I-I can't believe that he is really gone," a few tears fall and land on Callen's shirt. I have no clue how long we stand there when we hear someone call my name.

"Kensi?" a man with a buzz cut walks in his head lowered. I pull away from Callen and stand before him.

"Yes?" his eyes never meet mine.

"Madam Julia is hear and demanding to see Cara and you Mistress." He bows when he is finished before disappearing back into the dark. I sigh…not looking forward to relaying the events of a few hours ago to my mother.

"Mistress?" Callen says with a smirk, I shake my head a chuckle.

"Cara is Alpha and Julia is Madam and I am Mistress…the titles of the reigning family. Come I need to see Deeks and keep my mother calm."

We leave behind the barn and head back up to Cara's house. As soon as I enter I hear mother demanding to speak with Cara and I, bypassing her I walk over to Deeks who is having a quiet conversation with Kayla. When he sees me he smiles sadly, "How are you doing?" he asks. I lean down and kiss Deeks softly…he is alive…Alex protected him…I kiss him again just to silence my raging thoughts.

"I should be asking you that, you were the one who was shot." I say mindful of Kayla sitting next to Deeks.

"You were shot too…"

"You were SHOT Kensi?!" Mother says loudly. "Kensi what is going on? Where are Cara and Alex? My security detail wouldn't say anything.

I sigh sitting on the arm of the couch next to Deeks and place a hand on his shoulder and he places his hand on my upper thigh…his touch silencing Cara's out of control emotion running rampant deep in my chest.

"Mom…Alex was killed," I hand my head low and feel Deeks squeeze my thigh. "Jack was going to kill Deeks but Alex saved him but didn't notice the other knife…" Julia's hand flies to her mouth as tears spring to her eyes, for her daughter and the man she thought of as a son.

"Marty are you alright?"

"I am alright Julia, nothing some rest can't heal." He says softly.

"Where is Cara?"

I shrug but it is Commander Fell who speaks as he walks through the front door with Talia in tow. "We tried to track down the Alpha but you know how she is when she doesn't wish to be followed. The only one who could find her was Alex." His voice is solemn, his head bowed.

"Talia, my dear," Julia looks her over to see if she is okay.

"I am okay Julia."

While Commander Fell and Talia relay in more detail about the events that lead us to here to Julia and Kayla I feel deep seated rage wash through me, whether is was mine or Cara's I know not. I stand up abruptly, Deeks' hand falling from my thigh as all eyes turn to me. I pull my teeth back and feel my canines slide out.

"Take this discussion somewhere else," I growl menacingly at Commander Fell who immediately diverts his eyes and bows his head.

"Yes Mistress, please accept my apologies."

"Out now, all of you!"

Talia, Kayla, Fell and my Mother all bow their heads and walk out the back door to discuss the events outside. Sam watches me closely as I stand by the couch staring daggers where the wolves have walked out of the house. As quickly as the rage came is disappeared.

"Kensi," it was Deeks' voice that woke me up from trifling through Cara's emotions. "What was that?"

"I do not wish to talk about it…I do not wish to hear about the events of the past two days ever again…I just want my sister to come home." I say weakly as I sit back on the arm of the couch.

"Hey Kens?" Sam speaks up, I look to him. "Talia is your cousin?"

I smile a small smile. "Yea, that is why when I saw her during the submarine case I was shocked, angry that Cara sent her to check up on me, but after the case Talia explained that Cara sent her to keep an eye out for Deeks while I was in Afghanistan, then again to see if I was okay with the message that she wanted to be the one to check up but she was out of the country at the time and the war was still raging." I chuckle.

"So it wasn't because you were jealous?" Callen asks, laughter in his voice.

"No I was angry some other wolf was hugging my man," I say as I run my hand through Deeks' hair biting my lip looking down at him…yes he was mine…all mine, and that thought makes me smile widely. "But that night in the boatshed she informed me that she is married to Commander Fell…or Jake Fell…happily for a year…I would have known this if I had been involved in the war." And just like that my smile fades a little.

Callen's phone broken the silence with its ringing. "It is Hetty, come Sam we will fill her in while you two rest." He points at me and Deeks. When they are gone I take Kayla's vacated spot, turning my entire body towards Deeks.

"So you were shot," he says staring down at his hands that I twirling the drawstring of his sweatpants.

"In the right shoulder." I whisper as he turns to me and raises his hand up and brushes my shoulder, his hand slipping under my shirt to test the skin that poured blood mere hours ago, his probing fingers causing my heart to race and swallow thickly. His eyes darken, but not from lust but from the thought I was shot. "I am okay Marty," I whisper and still he touches my shoulder.

"I guess that explains a lot… about you giving yourself up to the Russians all those years ago…being hit by several cars and bouncing back like nothing happened…hell you don't even need a partner…"

"Stop," I growl lowly. "I may not need a partner but I need YOU, and I want you as my partner Marty." I gasp as his hand travels up my neck to rest against my cheek as he stares into my eyes. "I am sorry Kensi…none of this would have happened if I had been paying attention…I should have seen Jack walk into the Mission should have fought back…"

I cover his mouth with my hand silencing him before softly speaking. "If you had fought back Marty, Jack would have killed you, and Alex's death was not your fault, it was mine," I shake my head when he tries to pull away. "I tried to live this life as a normal person but I am not, and as much as I love you I still want to protect you from all the darkness that is in this world…and I want nothing but to push you away from me for your own safety…"

"Kensi don't…"

"BUT…" I cut him off. "But I am too weak to push you away, after living like this for almost ten years I just want to be happy and you Marty make me happy… so happy, but you have to be patient with me, I very well could be someone you don't love because I have only ever showed you half of me. That is why I was always jealous of Cara; she had backbone, money and everyone around her even her husband who knew what she was, she was herself and she was happy…but now…god I do not even know, there are so many emotions swirling around in her that I can't begin to understand…" Deeks' hand travels down and settles over my heart, the core of the emotional turmoil wreaking havoc on my sister at this moment.

"I love you Kensi, please look at me?" I look up to him. "She will be okay and she will not blame you, and she won't blame me, if she is anything like you at all she will be blaming herself and you have to be there to show her that it wasn't her fault, your fault or even my fault…we have only Jack to blame…okay?" he implores and I nod.

"I love you too Marty…please don't ever leave me." I whisper burrowing my face in his neck thinking that I wanted to never feel the lost feeling my sister was feeling.

-A. Grayson