THE HACKER'S TALE
"How's my favorite lady doing?" Hutch St. James asked, entering his bedroom and sitting down on the bed where his nine months pregnant wife Hero was trying to take a nap.
"I was trying to sleep," Hero grumbled and readjusted the ten pillows she'd packed around herself.
"Sorry. Here, I'll help." He tucked the pillows around Hero and covered her with the covers. "Did you have a nice day?"
"Not really," Hero glumly gestured to her belly.
Warning bells went off in Hutch's head. "Babe, what's wrong? Is the baby okay? Are you okay?"
"This is horrible, Hutch!" Hero moaned. "This whole thing – it stinks! I gained force-knows-how-many pounds, I have to go to the 'fresher once every ten minutes, my back hurts, my feet hurt, this kid keeps kicking my organs, and I want weird food all the time."
She turned over so he could see the panic in her eyes. "Last night, I ate chocolate ice cream with hot sauce. I was a culinary student. I know not to mix chocolate ice cream and hot sauce!"
"That's not wrong," Hutch reassured. "It's just a part of being pregnant."
"Why did we do this?" Hero wailed. "There are tons of kids out there who need parents. Why didn't we just adopt another one?"
"Well, this one kind of just … happened." He answered. "But if you want, we can go for three when this one's a little bit older. I always wanted a big family."
"I did too, until now." She buried her face in the pillows. "I don't feel like Hero St. James anymore, Hutch. I don't feel like the Waitress from Hell. I feel like a big, fat, blimp."
Hutch's heart broke.
But before he could do anything, the door eased open and Katooni called "Mom?"
Hero sniffed. "Kat?"
"Are you okay? I sensed a disturbance in the Force."
Hero wiped her nose. "Yeah honey, I'm fine. Can you come here for a minute?"
Katooni crawled onto the bed, and Hero hugged her tight, their embrace a little impeded by Hero's belly. Hutch wrapped his arms around his girls, both of them. He struggled to reach all the way around to Katooni on the end acting as an eleventh pillow, and it wasn't just because of the pregnancy. Katooni had just celebrated her thirteenth birthday a few weeks ago, and she was getting big.
He lay awake even after the women finally nodded off, waiting for his broken heart to mend.
…
At an hour far earlier than anyone would dream of dragging themselves out of bed the next morning, every male member of the crew except for Tav congregated together in Saw and Rex's room.
"Why did Hutch call us here at this hour?" Lux grumbled, blinking sleep from his eyes.
"Like I know," Saw snapped. He was so lazy he didn't even bother getting out of bed. Captain Rex half-followed his lead by sitting on the edge of his bed in his pajamas, and Tandin sat in Rex's chair wishing he had a cup of caf.
Hutch elbowed the door open. "Guys, thanks so much for meeting me. It's an emergency."
The other men straightened at the word "emergency". Lux spoke up first. "Hutch, what's wrong?"
"It's Hero. She was really down last night, and she says she wishes we had adopted this baby too instead of having our own, and -."
"Are you telling me that you woke us up at four in the kriffin' morning because Hero's sad?" Saw roared.
Lux looked at his friend disapprovingly. "Saw, you don't get it."
"What don't I get?" Saw grumped and flopped back in bed.
"She says she doesn't feel like herself anymore." Hutch continued. "That doesn't make any sense. I mean, to me she's still that awesome girl who kicked Velvet Sparkles out of the house, and now that she's going to have a baby she's like," Hutch struggled to find words for his emotions. "She's like…"
"A goddess?" Asked Lux, who'd been there before.
"Yeah, a goddess!" Hutch agreed. "An awesome Onderonian warrior goddess who'll kill anybody who tries to go near her recipes. But she doesn't get it. She says she feels like a whale, and I don't understand. How can she think that?"
"Hutch, do you realize that Hero wakes up every morning and can't see her feet? And she hasn't worked a job since she began to show?"
Rex cleared his throat. "When Steela had to wear the fake belly, she was mortified that she couldn't tie her own shoelaces or get out of a speeder without me helping her."
"That's nothing new," Tandin interjected. "I took care of her every day during the Lazarus Project and sometimes she was embarrassed she couldn't take care of herself."
"It's different." Lux explained. "She knew she needed help after her injury, but now Hero, Ahsoka, and Steela are completely healthy."
"How do I fix it?" Hutch asked. He was quickly catching on that Lux was the best source of information.
"There's the problem. From what I've gathered, it's all hormones so you can't attack it straight-on. My best tactic was to surround Ahsoka with things she liked."
"Things she likes?" Hutch repeated. "Uh…yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Thanks for meeting me here, you guys!"
He rushed off, muttering Hero's name.
Saw rolled over in bed. "Now, was that worth waking me up for? I didn't think so."
Captain Rex beaned him with a pillow. "Stop whining like a shiny."
…
Meanwhile, Hero milled around the corner of the bedroom designated for the new baby. She ran her fingers over the green-and-yellow checked bedding in the crib, then she checked the bag filled with baby powder and already-stocked diapers.
Suddenly, she withdrew her hands. "What am I doing?" she asked the baby in her belly. "I have a million other things to do, and I'm going through your stuff? You aren't even here yet!"
She dropped a bib into the baby's drawer. "You don't even understand what I'm saying. Wow, I really am losing my mind."
Behind her, Hutch cleared his throat to get her attention. "Hey, babe."
"Hey," she said, shutting the drawers. "What's up?"
"Not much. I brought you your favorite kind of doughnuts."
"Really?" she grabbed the bag out of his hand and stuffed a doughnut into her mouth; Hero had a serious sweets craving. "Thanks!"
"So what are you going to do today?"
"I don't know. Clean, probably." Everywhere Hero looked, she saw a mess that needed to be cleaned up ASAP.
But for Hutch, it couldn't be better news. "Great! I checked the HoloNet, and this planet is having a culinary festival. We should go check it out."
Hero glanced furtively at the heaping pile of laundry in the corner.
"Come on, it'll be fun," he coaxed. "They'll probably have tons of desserts."
He had her at desserts, but for Hero and her eagle eye for messes, walking out of the ship was like dragging a duracrete block through a bog.
…
A few minutes after Hutch and Hero left, Mina walked down the hallway and found Katooni scrubbing the floors.
"What are you doing? It's Saw's turn to clean the floors."
"My mom asked me to," Katooni explained. "She says that she keeps seeing dirt everywhere and since Dad really wanted to take her out, she wanted me to do the floor in this hallway."
Alarm bells rang in Mina's head. "Give your bucket to Saw and let him finish, Katooni."
As Katooni looked around for Saw, Mina ducked back into the bathroom and checked her supplies.
…
"Look, they're serving Toydarian noodles!"
Hutch smiled. At long last, his wife was getting her groove back. "Wanna go try some?"
"Of course!" Hero dragged him over to the stand and grabbed two sample containers, forking the delicious noodles into her mouth. "Oh man, these are good."
Hutch nodded assent and forced the food past his lips. So far, Hero had stopped at nearly every food stand and scarfed their samples. After the Nubian shaak bites, the Ryloth sautéed roots, and the Mon Calamari fish, Hutch was absolutely stuffed but he kept eating for Hero, who was like a bottomless pit.
"I hope Katooni scrubbed the floors." She worried. "They were so dirty, and the laundry and dishes need to be done, and I don't know if we have all our baby stuff in order."
"What's left? We have the crib, the clothes, the diapers, the blankets, and that contraption to strap the baby to our chest. I think we're good, and we have plenty of time."
Hero slurped her noodles. "No, we don't. My due date's in a week." Her eyes widened. "Holy Unifar, my due date's in a week!"
Hutch wrapped an arm around her waist, resting his palm over her belly. "I can't wait."
She snatched his noodle container out of his hand after she polished off her own. "Me neither. Maybe after that, I won't feel like I need to eat the universe."
…
A few hours later, Hero's fatigue had overcome her hunger and she and Hutch had returned to the ship.
"Hey, guys. Where's the food?" Ahsoka greeted.
Hero raised an eyebrow. "Food?"
"We're out. You two went to a culinary festival, right?" Katooni piped up.
Hero turned color. "We only tasted the food, we didn't buy any!"
"Hey, it's cool." Hutch swooped in before Hero could lose her recently-regained mojo. "I'll run back and get some of those Toydarian noodles. You stay here and rest."
"Thanks, babe." Hero said gratefully and sat down on the couch. After a few minutes, she asked "Ahsoka, where's the broom?"
Ahsoka perked up. "The broom? Why do you want the broom?"
"There's dirt on the floor." Hero said as if that explained everything. She got to her feet and tried her best to stretch.
"Saw and I did the floor in the hallway. Are you okay, Mom?" Katooni asked.
"Uh-huh. I'm just a little stiff and cramping, Kat." Hero said, when she felt something dribbling down her pants.
Katooni's face went absolutely white. "Mom…"
It suddenly dawned on Hero just what that liquid was.
"Oh my God," she gasped before she remembered that Katooni was watching her. "What's going on? This can't be happening! I'm not due for another week!"
But Ahsoka calmly walked up, slid a hand under Hero's belly to support the baby, and guided her to her room.
"Welcome to labor, Hero. An unexpected arrival is all part of the experience."
…
Mina knew what was going on when she saw Hero's obsessive cleaning, but she was a little surprised when Ahsoka led her in, saying that her water had already broken.
"Already?" Mina echoed, getting to work stripping Hero's bed and putting down plastic sheets.
"Yup," Ahsoka said. "Hero, sit down. I'm going to get one of Lux's old T-shirts for you to change into."
"How long has this been going on?" Mina asked as Hero struggled into the T-shirt.
"How long since my back started hurting? Um…around midnight last night."
Mina nearly facepalmed. "It's three o'clock in the afternoon!"
"I didn't think it was anything serious!" Hero cried.
Mina took a deep breath. "Hero, honey, you are pregnant. You need to report anything out of the ordinary to me."
"Okay, okay – Ow! Mina!"
"Blow it out," Mina ordered. "Pretend there's a big candle in front of you, and blow out the flame."
Hero held her belly and exhaled while Mina checked how dilated she was.
"Katooni, is your father answering the comlink?"
Katooni shook her head, very freaked out. "He must be driving. He doesn't talk on the comlink while he's driving."
"Try again," Ahsoka ordered, coming back in with the T-shirt. "He needs to get back here as soon as possible."
That was about the time that Hero realized that a tiny human was going to be emerging from her body.
"I want drugs!" she bleated.
"We don't have drugs," Mina explained. "They're not in the first aid kit."
"Get some then!" Hero cried, her pain-and-panic-wracked brain forgetting who she was talking to. "I need the drugs!"
…
In the hallway, Ahsoka pulled Mina aside.
"There's morphine in the kit. Why are you telling Hero we don't have any?"
"Simple," Mina explained. "It's too late. She's having this baby right now."
…
Hutch sauntered up the boarding ramp, holding a bag filled with the Toydarian noodles that Hero liked. His wife had good taste, and he was pretty sure the rest of the ship would love them.
"I brought dinner!" he announced, sauntering into the ship to find everyone in the crew except for Mina, Katooni, and Hero sitting in the common room staring at him.
Saw's jaw dropped. "Dude…"
"What? Is something wrong?"
Everyone stared at him in silence, until Steela broke it.
"You are in so much trouble."
Now Hutch didn't know exactly what she meant, but his paternal instincts went off and he dashed off toward his and Hero's room.
He shoved the door open. "Guys! What's going -."
Hutch froze. Because there was Hero, lying on the bed with a little bundle on her chest.
"W-what is that?" Hutch asked, pointing at the bundle.
"Well," Hero said evenly. "It looks like a baby."
"How?"
"Didn't you check your comlink?" she asked annoyed.
Hutch dug it out of his pocket and checked. Sure enough, he had 15 missed calls from nearly everyone on the ship, principally Katooni.
"Holy Unifar."
"Yup," Hero announced, snuggling the baby to her chest. "You wanna see her now?"
Hutch perked up. "Her?"
Hero nodded. "Her name is Molly."
"I helped her pick it." Katooni crowed, sitting on the bed next to her mother. "Come and meet her, Dad. She's really cute."
Hero turned Molly. "She's got your eyes."
That moment went down in history as one of the few times Hutch St. James' heart melted. He walked up to Hero's side and pulled down the hood of the blanket to peer into the face of his second child.
The baby stared back at him with big, brown eyes. His eyes.
But that wasn't what made him smile. What made him smile was the big nose on little Molly's face, an exact copy of Hero's.
"Impressed, babe?"
As an answer Hutch hugged his girls, all three of them.
A/N: And there it is. "Dating in the Dark Times," Mother's Day edition! Who was glad to watch the awesome Hero St. James get her groove back and Molly to appear?
Thank you to starwarshobbitfics, McAwesome, MusicKeeper, Johnt12345, and Rose Ravenclaw for your reviews. And speaking of which, please review!
Until next time,
Lux's Sister