I demorphed on the roof of the hotel and morphed into seagull. Washington, DC isn't really known for its raptor population, and a seagull would blend in well enough.

I launched myself into the air, ignoring the seagull's interest in the food stands and garbage cans below, and just flew.

I landed on the roof of a big white building with twenty minutes to spare and demorphed. It was cool now, the sun starting to go down. I must have slept late into the afternoon in the hotel without realizing it. Instead of morphing again, I just lay down on the flat asphalt roof, staring at the slate-grey sky. Traffic was loud below, cars honking, clashing music, sirens, people talking, shouting, laughing.

I felt like I should cry. It wasn't just Rachel. James and his entire team were gone, gunned down one by one like a sick video game for the Yeerks. Jara Hamee.

I even wanted to cry, but I couldn't. It was like someone had stuffed a lead ball in my chest, right below my collarbone, and it was keeping the tears in. In a movie, maybe it would have started raining, and there would have been sad music. But instead, I just lay there for a long time, watching the clouds move slowly.

It was almost dark when I heard wings by me, and saw a small brown figure land. I sat up and looked over.

Tobias, in his natural form. He was the one of us who paid the first price, getting trapped in the body of a red-tailed hawk, although he regained the ability to morph later on. He'd also been through a lot, getting captured by the Yeerks a while back. And he was in love with Rachel.

I looked away first. It's hard to win a staring contest with a hawk.

It was my fault that Rachel was dead, in a way. I let the Yeerk in Tom's head take the morphing cube. I stopped Jake from killing his brother to keep it out of the Yeerks' hands. And because of that, because he ended up with that cube, Jake sent Rachel to kill his brother. Sent her on a mission they both know was suicide.

And in the end, there hadn't even been a point to it. The Yeerk in Tom's head was dead, but the ship he was on escaped. Escaped to do who-knew-what damage in the universe.

My fault. I'd told Ax once that I thought maybe it was the way to peace. It would show the Yeerks another way. I wasn't sure I'd been wrong about that.

But I wasn't sure I'd been right either.

The silence grew unbearable and I broke it finally. "I won't apologize. I did what I thought was the right thing. We'll all have to live with our consciences now." I winced as the words came out. They came out angrier and unkinder than I'd meant. Tobias didn't deserve that. "I'm—I'm sorry, Tobias. It's just—I can't believe it's— " I trailed off, looking down. What right did I have to complain? Even now, Tobias was still stuck in a hawk's body, and always would be.

I don't hate you. That made me look up, a bit surprised. His thought-speak sounded…odd. Flat, in a way that I hadn't heard before, like all the color had drained out of it. I probably should. But you…just did what you do. And Rachel did what she does. Did. Jake… The thought speak died out, but I could feel the waves of anger coming out of him.

I felt like I should say something profound. The others used to say I was the moral compass of the team. The tree-hugger. The one who'd say it if we were going too far.

But really, how was I any better? At every step, I'd helped. I'd cooperated.

I'd killed. I'd killed more living beings that I'd ever be able to count, and some of them, many of them were innocent. Just hosts, being used by the Yeerks, hapless prisoners who happened to be carrying a parasite in their brain. And many of the Yeerks had seen no other way to live.

"Jake did what he thought he had to." The words were hollow in my ears, even though I knew they were true.

Yeah? How will that bring Rachel back, Cassie? How's it going to bring any of them back?

I couldn't answer that. I just fell silent again, staring out at the other buildings around us, at the sky above. Tobias perched by me for a long time, until the sun was starting to set. Part of me wanted to stay on this roof forever, and just let the world pass by. But it was getting dark and cold, and my parents were going to be frantic.

Funny that they'd probably be just as worried about me sneaking out of the hotel room than they had been when I was on a Yeerk pool ship, surrounded by thousands of enemies. Maybe it was because they understood the danger better here. A big city—there were muggers and kidnappers.

Like any human criminal would or could tangle with me now.

It occurred to me as I sat up that I wasn't sure how to get back. I wasn't even positive what hotel we were staying in, let alone what street it was on. "Did you see what hotel they put us in?"

Yeah. You're not far from the Mall. Come on. I'll fly you back, but let's hurry. Hawks don't like flying in the dark.

I nodded and risked morphing into osprey. If anyone was paying attention, they'd think something was up, but no seagull can match a red-tail hawk for speed. We still launched into the air separately, keeping our distance, but staying close enough to see each other. That isn't hard when you're in a raptor morph—when your life depends on hunting and killing small rodents from the sky, you have to have some pretty amazing eyesight.

Tobias led the way back to the hotel we were staying in, not saying anything more. I think we were both too lost in our own heads. It wasn't until we were almost on the roof that I broke the silence. You could stay with me, if you want. In the hotel. Until we—until we know what we're going to do next.

His 'voice' had that flat tone again when he spoke. And what, sleep in the dresser drawer?

I would have winced at that if I could. At first, after he became a nothlit—someone trapped in a morph permanently—Jake had made a sort of nest for him in his attic in an old dresser drawer. It hadn't lasted long, and he'd moved out into the woods.

Those woods were a charred crater along with the rest of our homes now.

I demorphed before I answered. "Offer stands, if you ever change your mind."

Tobias didn't answer. I watched him launch off the roof and wing his way towards the Mall in the last rays of the sun before I morphed back into fly to head back inside to the hotel room.

It took me a while to find the right room, and I was starting to feel really guilty by the time I crept through the vent in the bathroom and demorphed. My parents probably were worried sick by now. At least when we were all hiding in the woods, they knew when I was going on a mission.

I landed in the shower and demorphed, in case anyone came in—morphing into or out of insects is always hideous.

I pulled the curtains open and walked into the main hotel room, stopping when I saw my mother's tear-stained face, my father holding her hand. "What's wrong?" I demanded, feeling a spike of anger. Why couldn't the world leave us alone? And if something was wrong with the peace process, why hadn't Jake gotten ahold of me?

My mother shook her head and wiped her eyes. "It's—it's Rachel, dear." I looked at her blankly, unable to understand what she was talking about. "They've…they've recovered her body."