MEMOIRS OF

MAJOR GENERAL JACK O'NEILL

(Re-activated)

1. La Haia

Chapter Six

By Arrietty

2008

The following morning, La Haia bounced into my room closely followed by, an exuberant two year old. La Haia had made a friend already.

"Tzak! Tzak! Wake up," as if La Haia couldn't see I was awake already.

Mariam jumped onto the middle of my bed, "Oomph!" Of course I was still lying in it.

Mariam mimicked La Haia. "Tzak wakeup!" All shyness gone.

"So what's for breakfast? Pancakes?" Mariam frowned at my words.

La Haia smiled, "With bacon and maple syrup," she added.

I sat up, making Mariam roll onto the floor with a squeal.

'It was a memory.' "Okay, ladies, I'll be down in a jiffy." It was La Haia's turn to frown at that comment.

The cook, Naleena and her husband Gamol were busy bickering good naturedly in the kitchen when we entered. Naleena bustled forward and enveloped me into a huge hug while tutting her tongue. "Tsk tsk, you've lost weight, Jack. What have you been doing to yourself?"

"Oh this and that," I said as I untangled myself from her grasp, grinning.

I introduced La Haia to them and we sat down at the large kitchen table. Mariam climbed onto La Haia's knee as though she had been doing it all of her short life. "Brekfus!" she demanded.

"No, you don't, you've already had yours. Off you go find Mama," Naleena gently admonished. Mariam obediently jumped down and scampered out through the door.

Freshly baked bread and a light red wine was our breakfast fare, no sign of pancakes and bacon, smothered in maple syrup. A bowl of fresh fruit was placed on the table so we could help ourselves.

"Where's Mara," I asked La Haia.

She smiled, "She's helping Beatrice do the shopping in the market." La Haia leaned close to me. "Thank you," she whispered. I knew what she meant; thanking me for getting Mara somewhere to live and work. Somewhere safe.

"La Haia," I started to tell her of my plans when Alexander walked in.

"Jack! Good to see you." He gripped my elbow as I rose from the table and I pulled him into a hug. It was good to see him again. "It is good to see you again, Jack. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see you again."

"No," I laughed, "You're not going to get rid of me that easily."

"So, this is La Ha. . . " He blanched and stopped in mid sentence.

"Yes, this is La Haia, who doesn't remember anything of her life apart from the past few years," I said quickly. He was clearly shocked.

Alexander turned and looked at me, his eyes shining from unshed tears. "Jack, we have to talk."

I nodded. "Be back soon," I caught La Haia's eye, she nodded in return.

I followed Alexander down the hallway into one of the side sitting rooms. As soon as I closed the door, I couldn't contain myself.

"How did you know?" I shouted.

His face distraught, Alexander replied, "Kanan."

The shock of his reply was like a physical blow and I found myself sitting on one of the couches.

"I'm sorry Jack, but I know a lot about your world and your life too. I know how you feel about Samantha Carter. Kanan showed me quite a bit before he died. He said that I needed to know about you, so I could explain better why he did what he did to you."

I didn't look at him, my friend, host to something that I hated; something that had deserted me during my most desperate time of need. I shook my head before resting it onto the palms of my hands.

"Jack," he pleaded. "I need to explain."

An all consuming anger flared. "What is there to explain? He deserted me, left the sinking ship, just like a rat. I could have done with his help while being tortured by Baal. Did he tell you what Baal did to me? Does he really know what happened to me every day, for days on end? I have no idea how many times I died; losing a little bit more of myself each time." When I'd finished yelling into Alexander's face, I found myself standing. My whole body taught with tension and anger, but Alexander had never flinched from my violent words.

"Jack, he knew what you went through."

"How can he? He was slithering off somewhere else. Saving his own slimy butt." Disgusted, I sat back down heavily onto the couch.

"Jack, he was there."

I looked up smartly. "What! How?" I demanded.

"He hid in one of the servants. He knew what was going on, but couldn't do anything to help you, Jack. He tried - really."

"Not good enough, Alex. Anyway, why should you care what I think about Kanan?"

"I know you, Jack. I know that this hate could eat you up from the inside out. I also know how much Kanan respected you and cared about your welfare." He paused, before he continued in a much softer voice. "As much as I do, Jack." He looked at me with a piercing gaze.

I rubbed my hand over my face. "Okay, Alex, tell me what you want to say, I most probably won't accept it, but fire away."

I leaned against the back of the couch and rested my head on the plaster wall. I listened to him start to tell Kanan's story, I had closed my mind to anything he might say that would sway me from my deep seated hate of the snake who had caused me so much pain and anguish. I almost hated it as much as I hated Baal. The only reason I was still sitting here was my friendship with Alexander.

Kanan's Story

Kanan was dying. His host, a young man in his early thirties in all intense and purpose was already dead, only hanging by a thread by Kanan keeping his host's lungs moving and his heart beating. The pain was all encompassing, filling Kanan's vision with red and black shadows. He needed rest so he could have enough strength to tell his fellow Tok'ra what Baal was doing before this broken body he was trapped in, finally gave its last breath.

"Baal is go. . ." Weak words trailed into silence as Kanan slipped into unconsciousness.

Anise laid a blanket to cover Kanan as he lay there. Time was of an essence, they needed a host soon. Now. Moving quickly, they removed Kanan's symbiote and put him into stasis.

Anise didn't leave his side, constantly monitoring his condition. If they didn't find a host soon, Kanan would not live. They needed the information urgently. They'd already managed to keep him alive for several days. He only had another three, maybe less. With a sigh, Anise moved over to a low chair and sat down. She pulled out her notebook and started to write down some thoughts. It helped her cope with the waiting.

One of the young Tok'ra came into the room and stared at Kanan suspended in stasis. Anise ignored him, often fellow Tok'ra came to watch; they were not only worried about the information, but they were also saddened by Kanan's plight. Suddenly, the young Tok'ra spoke, his double voice reverberating in his voice box. "I will sacrifice myself so that Kanan can tell us what Baal is going to do." He turned and looked at Anise. Sincerity filling his countenance.

"No, this will be unnecessary," A deep voice came from the doorway, just before Thoran entered the room. "The Tau'ri have need of a symbiote to heal one of their own."

Anise asked, "Who is it?" She wondered who would be joining their band of Tok'ra. Would it be someone she knew? Part of her or more appropriately part of Freya hoped it was going to be Colonel Jack O'Neill. Even if he did push away her advances and had feelings for Major Carter, at least once he is Tok'ra, there could be a chance he would change his mind.

"It is Colonel O'Neill." Freya released the breath that she had been holding. Hope filled her only moments before Thoran dashed them with his next words. "Colonel O'Neill will only be a host for a short amount of time, just enough to heal him of his sickness then Kanan will have to find a new host." The disgust at O'Neill's request was evident in Thoran's voice.

Anise felt the same as Thoran, Freya not so much, she just felt disappointment. Maybe Kanan would be a good influence on O'Neill. He and Anise had known each other all their long lives. He knew of her feelings for this Tau'ri. However misguided Kanan thought her feelings were, maybe he could sway Colonel O'Neill her way.

Anise under Thoran's watchful eye carried Kanan, dripping from the solution he had been kept in, over to O'Neill.

Kanan could feel her hands holding him gently. The air cooled his warm skin as he moved through it. He could see the outline of a man on a bed; he was an older man, with greying hair. An unnatural flush on his cheeks offset the pallor of his skin. Without Anise telling him, he knew that this was to be his new host; his only hope of revealing Baal's plans to the Tok'ra.

Anise opened the man's mouth and Kanan shot in down the man's throat into the back of his neck. There was no resistance to anything he did, the man wasn't there, he was too ill to respond or acknowledge him. Straight away, Kanan set to work healing the virus that racked this man's body.

After the first onslaught on the virus, Kanan started to work into this man's mind. Worming his way through his memories. He needed something to be able to hold this man at bay, to stop him from fighting for control. Within moments he had found his subjects. Memories, fond happy memories of a child once lost and of a beautiful flaxen haired woman that he worked with. He filled Jack O'Neill's dreams of these two people, while he began to systematically search through Jack's memories for anything else that would be of help to him in keeping this man quiet.

Terrible memories of Jack's lost friends and comrades filled Kanan's mind. One particular one caused Kanan to really search into. Jack had been left behind. He had been tortured by his enemies, treated most cruelly. Everywhere he went in Jack's past, he found this one strong thought. 'Do not leave anyone behind', even if you die trying you don't leave anyone behind.

Visions of Shallan filled Kanan, memories of this beautiful woman. He loved her greatly and it had saddened him much to leave her, but he just couldn't bring her with him. 'Why not?' The accusing words sprung into his mind. They sounded suspiciously like what Jack would've said if he was conscious. Concerned, Kanan searched Jack's mind to see if he was awake, finding no sign of a conscious Jack, he relaxed. His thoughts drifting back to Shallan, their stolen moments together were bringing forward fond memories of his own.

It had been an arduous seven hours of revealing all of Baal's plans for his dominion over the other System Lords. Kanan was done, finished with all the talking and reporting to the council. He was tired, healing Jack had been taxing on his reserves and keeping him subdued wasn't easy either. Fortunately for Kanan, Jack had no idea what was going on. He was blissfully unaware, immersed in the dreams that Kanan had placed in Jack's mind.

Kanan rose from his chair and walked to his room. Sleep would be good, something that he needed to complete the healing process.

He tossed and turned in his sleep. Visions of Shallan swam past his eyes, tortured and beaten by Baal. Accusing words left her lips. "You left me behind." Kanan awakened with a start, sweat drenched his clothes and he was breathing heavily. He rolled out of bed and sat on the side. He checked to make sure Jack was still caught up in his memories, only to be surprised to find that he was sleeping peacefully, dream free. From what he had found out, most probably the first in a long time that he had slept so free from nightmares that seemed to plague him.

Kanan moved to the small bag that one of the Tok'ra had given him. Inside were some clothes that weren't his, but fitted his new body. He quickly changed into fresh clothes. They weren't very flattering, but beggars can't be choosers. 'Where'd that come from?' He looked into Jack's mind again, and found he had a whole host of clichés that he used from time to time. He smiled to himself as he walked down the blue crystal corridors of the Tok'ra's hideout.

He couldn't believe at how easy it was to leave the Tok'ra tunnels without anyone noticing. It was dark when he slipped up to the guards by the Chaapa'ai. They were talking quietly to each other and didn't hear Kanan as he opened his zat'nik'atel. With two quick shots he downed both of the guards. He then dialled the Stargate to Baal's home planet.

The other side was just as easy to get through, although this time he didn't need to zat the guards, just announced his service to Baal and walked straight towards the fortress. Once inside, he made a systematic search for Shallan, he knew she wouldn't be serving Baal at this time, but most probably preparing for the following day. The problem being is that she could be anywhere in the building. He finally found her in her quarters; it looked like she was getting ready for bed.

"Shallan," he whispered.

She looked up and turned to Kanan. "Who are you?" she asked.

"It's me, Kanan." He moved closer.

Shallan took a step closer to Kanan, her face only inches away from his. She searched his eyes for any sign of the person she loved. "Is it you?"

"Yes," he said simply. "Come with me."

"No, he'll stop us."

"No, he won't. I will protect you."

Kanan took hold of her hand and led her along the corridors towards freedom. It was easy to slip through the dark places.

Once free, they ran through the woods towards the Stargate. A loud sounding alarm reverberated all through the forest as they ran. A shout of warning. "Kree!" Kanan ran faster, dragging Shallan along behind him.

""It's too far," Shallan gasped just as she stumbled and fell.

Kanan stopped and bent down to help her to stand.

"I can't. . ." she pleads.

"Hide there until the Chappa-ai is activated. Go," Kanan said, pushing her behind a stand of thin trees.

Crouched over, he ran over to the DHD splashing through puddles as he went. With speed he punched in the first glyph followed closely by a second one. A staff blast hit him in the right shoulder causing him to fall to the ground.

He knew he wouldn't be able to escape now. In the distance he heard Shallan's cries as she was caught by the Jaffa. In despair, Kanan knew that Baal must never know that Shallan had come willingly with him. He loved her; he knew what Baal would do to her to find out what she knew. Her only chance would be if he escaped. Jack didn't know anything, he couldn't reveal Shallan's treachery and if Kanan wasn't caught, he could never reveal his true reason for being here. Kanan quickly slithered from Jack's body and crawled away through the muddy ground. With a backward glance he saw Jack crawl towards the Jaffa, before he quietly slipped into a stagnant pool. The words, "Shek'mal, Tok'ra. Kree! Jaffa. Shal Kek," ringing in his ears.

Kanan was sick, in heart as well as body. The water was barely keeping him alive, if someone didn't come by soon, he would die. He thought maybe it would be for the best, so far all he had managed to do was give Jack into the clutches of Baal and leave Shallan at the mercy of the cruel Goa'uld. Disheartened and if he was honest with himself, afraid, he swam down into the murky depths of the pond to die.

The morning sun shone bright on the water of his pond. The reflection of the blue sky gave the illusion of blue water. The sun's rays managed to reach a sad and miserable symbiote as he languished in his wretchedness and fear. Waiting to die was his only thought, until he noticed he could see through the water. Trees swayed in the breeze, dipping and dancing to their own tune. A shadow past over where he lay just before he heard voices. Children were playing in the shallows of the pond. Curiosity overcame his fear as he slowly swam towards the laughing children. One boy had his head under the water, eyes wide open as he searched for small shrimps. Without a thought to the boy's safety, Kanan swam closer to the boy. He saw him just too late, opening his mouth in surprise he swallowed a huge mouthful of water along with the Tok'ra symbiote.

Quietening the boy's mind, similar to what he had done for Jack, Kanan quickly left the other children and ran towards the fortress. He was in luck, the boy worked as a runner. He carried messages and did errands for Baal. The boy had been given the afternoon off as Baal was busy. With a jolt, Kanan knew just whom Baal was being busy with. Eleven days already, 'how could Jack survive this long?'

His host knew all the back ways in and out through hidden doorways. Wasting no time, Kanan made his way to the 'The Grid Room'. Kanan felt no guilt in taking a child into this room of horrors; knowing full well that the boy had witnessed not only O'Neill, but many others before him. Sickened by this knowledge, Kanan filled the boy's mind with memories of long past; memories of when he lived with his mother, as she sang him to sleep with a lullaby.

Crouched down low, Kanan had a clear view of both Baal and Jack. By the damage to Jack's shirt, Kanan could see that he had suffered greatly. Even now, Jack was mumbling to himself, calling for his friend, Daniel. The acrid smell of acid hung in the air like a death cloud. Kanan knew that he had to get Jack and Shallan out of there. Giving him a shock, he heard his name spoken from Jack's lips. Then his name said again, this time from Baal. If Jack knew his name, there was a good chance he'd remember Shallan's. Fear gripped him at the thought of Shallan going through what Jack was going through. From what he had seen of Jack's mind, he was a man that would resist this, but not forever.

"Oy!" A shout from behind him. Just as an iron grip clamped around his ankle and yanked him out of his hiding place. "Boy. What do you think you're doing?" The iron grip transferred from his ankle to his ear – painfully so. Kanan in one move could have downed this man, but now wasn't the time to reveal himself. He recognised him from the boy's memories. He was one of the human slaves that worked in the kitchens. "Get down below where you belong."

"It's my day off," Kanan said, using the boy's vocal cords.

"Not anymore. And before you decide to run off anyway, you're coming with me."

Kanan followed. For now. He knew where Jack would be held and he was pretty sure Shallan wouldn't be far away either.

The next two hours his time was spent carrying water for the cooks that worked in the hot steamy kitchen. It was noisy too as it was situated right next to the power generators.

Suddenly, there was an explosion, the ground shook and bits of masonry began to fall. Kanan ducked into a small air vent which led outside. Being small had its advantages. Something heavy landed on his head and Kanan fell unconscious.

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