MEMOIRS OF

MAJOR GENERAL JACK O'NEILL

(Re-activated)

4. Pegasus

Chapter Four

By Arrietty

2031

Hey, Jack.

Sam.

Have you driven the nurses mad yet?

No, of course not . . .I saw you roll your eyes.

How are your memoirs coming along? You've been writing these for a long time now.

They're going fine, but I do have a question. What happened that first night on Ishta's planet?

What first night? We've been to Ishta's planet lots of times.

You know the night I got blind drunk – just after we were rescued by Thor.

Oh that, it's years ago now, why would you want to know about that?

Because you never told me what I did . . . or said.

I was in a tent with Daniel and we were talking. He was just bringing me up to speed on a few things that you and I hadn't covered. . . I mentioned Pete just as you walked into the tent. You must have heard me because you went nutso and started babbling on about all sorts of things.

Sam . . .

What?

Can you please come and sit beside me. I want to know what I said to you. . . Please.

Okay. You said, that "Pete! Is that all you can think about? How you can get back to Shanahan. Well he's ditched you, gone and married some other chick. He didn't even have the decency to wait. He was married within three months of you dying."

You were angry and drunk. It scared me at the time. I didn't understand why you were behaving like you were.

I'm sorry, Sam. You know I wouldn't say anything like that to you if . . .

I know. But then, I was fragile and I was trying to find myself again. You were my rock, I had leaned on you the whole time I was La Haia, but when I remembered who I was I wanted to distance myself from that person and to do that I had to keep away from you.

Is that why you began to ignore me and hang around Daniel and Janet?

Yes. I'm sorry I didn't explain, I would have if that night hadn't happened.

I don't buy that, Sam. Me spouting off about Shanahan like that wouldn't have caused you to be that distant. I must have done something else. . . Where are you going?

I . . . don't want to . . .

Sam, please.

You sure? You won't like it.

Well I have to know now don't I?

Jack, when you finished yelling at me about Pete you started telling me things about yourself. Things I'd guessed anyway, but it still scared me . . . I didn't know how to deal with it. The emotions of it were too immense.

What did I say?

You said, "Shanahan didn't give up his life's career because he couldn't live without you, he just found someone else. I've been wandering the galaxy trying to get my life back together because of you. And all you care about is that lump of lard that doesn't love you like I do." Then you stormed out the tent. We could hear something smash and then you came back in again. I've never seen you like this before or since, thankfully.

It was ugly, Jack. If Daniel hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened. Fortunately, you passed out before Teal'c arrived. I think if he'd been there while you were behaving like you were, you would have had more than a hangover to nurse the following day.

Jack, talk to me.

What is there to say?

Well you wanted to know. What did you expect?

What worries me is that you remember it so vividly.

These memoirs that you are writing, how much do you remember – vividly?

A lot – too much.

Well, you have to remember that these were the first days after my memory returned. Of course I am going to remember when the Jack I know behaved like I'd never seen before. I was scared that you had changed. . . Remember, it didn't take me long to realise that was just one incident and that it was the drink that was talking not really you.

Don't you understand, Sam? That was exactly how I was feeling at the time. I have no memory of that night. But I do know what I was feeling.

Yes, I do understand. I understood soon afterwards too. . . Jack. Is this why you have never got drunk since?

Yes, Sam. I had no idea what I'd done. And as far as I know, I've never got so drunk I've hurt someone before. Usually I just fall asleep. I didn't want to risk it ever happening again.

I think you have Brat'ac to blame for that, his home brew kicks a powerful punch.

Ya think!

Jack I have to go now. Are you going to sit and brood on this for the rest of the day now? Or are you going to put it behind you?

Already forgotten.

Liar.

Will you forgive me, Sam?

I forgave you back on P4C-970 when I first realised that being with you didn't take away anything from who I am. You just make me a better person, you always have – you always will.

I think I need time to myself now, Sam.

Yes, I believe you do. You need to forgive yourself too, and don't dwell on it too much. I'd forgotten about it long ago. . . I love you, Jack.

I know.

2009

I was bored. Bored out of my skull. Where were these marauding wraith and Gennii that kept attacking Atlantis? I suppose I should be glad that they didn't. I certainly was in no state to fight back. When no one was watching I sneaked into the bathroom and copped a look at myself. I didn't look a day under ninety. I certainly felt that old. I nearly made it all the way back without anyone catching me too, but I collapsed. These old bones just weren't what they used to be. It was Teal'c who rescued me and I was pretty sure he wouldn't dob me in either.

"O'Neill, I do not think it is wise for you to be walking."

"I wish I could, Teal'c. A hobble is about all I can manage at the moment. But it's better than yesterday as then I couldn't even get out of bed."

"It is as it maybe, but I still think it is unwise."

I sighed. "If you say so, Teal'c."

He left me on my own and I went back to being bored.

The following day, Dr. Fraiser, Dr. Becket, Sam and Elizabeth Weir came to my bedside. All these people certainly made it seem ominous.

"Jack, we think we might have found something that will stop you from getting any younger."

"I don't think it is a problem, do you?" I asked Sam.

"Not right now, no, but . . . " She looked over at Beckett.

"General, we think we've found a solution."

"This is good news." I didn't like the way my voice quavered with old age as I spoke, but I really didn't have much of a choice.

Beckett continued to explain. "If it works, it will stop the reverse aging in its tracks and you won't get any younger."

"I hope you aren't going to try and test it out on me now," I asked. I really didn't want to be ninety for the rest of my short life.

"No." Beckett laughed. "Of course not. We'll wait until you get to about ten years older than you were before and then test you."

"Why ten years?" I asked.

"Um." He glanced at Janet. Sam wasn't looking to happy either.

"Why ten years?" I repeated.

"Because there is a good chance it might speed things up instead."

"No," I said. "I don't want to stop getting younger at sixty odd, I want to be the age I was before all this happened, or a bit younger; definitely not older.

I started to cough and couldn't stop. Sam immediately rubbed my back to sooth the coughing fit. I really hated being old.

Over the next few days, I steadily began to get younger. It wasn't really noticeable at first, until I found I could get out of bed easily and stand straighter when I was out. Visits to the bathroom weren't such a mammoth event and my appetite returned. All in all, life began to get better. Of course Beckett monitored my progress every day, examining my cells to see how quickly they were getting younger.

"General O'Neill, the reduction in age is speeding up again. A bit like it did before, but more steadily this time."

Beckett was standing beside my bed with a clip board in his hand.

"How quickly?" I asked.

"Well, if we don't start thinking about testing this antidote, you'll be younger than you want to be very soon."

"Not yet, Carson." I looked at him intently. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life being seventy years old."

"I can understand that, General."

"Beckett."

"Yes."

"I'm retired."

"I know."

He walked out of the infirmary towards his office.

Four hours later he was back. I'd just finished lunch. It was good, but not enough of it. My appetite had returned tenfold.

"General, I've just done another set of tests and you're about four years younger than you were four hours ago."

"This is good?" I asked.

"Yes and no," he answered. "I'm not sure if this is good or not. I have no idea how long it will take for the antidote to work or if it works at all."

"If my math is correct you've got about sixteen hours before I get younger than I'm supposed to be."

Beckett looked at me sharply; I could see the cogs whirring around in his brain as he tried to work out an argument against what I was saying. He must have lost the argument internally, because he turned and walked out the room. I hoped he hadn't gone to get the big guns. Janet, for all her size can be very formidable when she wanted to be.

I was both wrong and right. He'd got out the big guns all right, but different ones. Sam was clearly concerned when she entered the infirmary and sat down beside me.

"Carson says you won't let him try out this antidote on you."

"Not when I'm seventy, no," I replied incredulously. "I just want him to wait until I'm fifty or younger, that's all."

"Oh." She turned and glared at Beckett.

He let out a large impatient sigh. "The only thing is it might not work first time and there is a good chance it won't actually take effect for several hours. Meanwhile you are fast approaching adolescence."

"Oh that is about everyday with him."

I looked up to the source of the sarcastic comment. "Daniel. Nice of you to actually come visit," I said petulantly.

"See," he commented.

"Okay, I'll do it, but not before I turn fifty-five," I announced feeling totally exasperated with everyone.

Sam squeezed my hand and waited until everyone had left before she spoke.

"I think you've made the right choice, Jack. I'd rather have you old and alive than young and dead any day." She softened her words with a smile.

"Hey, fifty-five isn't old," I exclaimed.

She just smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll be back in ten hours," she said and walked away.

I was bored.

I was woken in the middle of the night by Dr. Beckett. Sam was there too. She looked tired, it was the first time I'd actually noticed. I should have realised that this was very hard on her too.

"Good evening, General. You do realise that this may not work at all?"

I nodded.

"It could take several hours to take effect."

"I know, Carson, you've told me many times. This is why we're trying it now and not later."

He nodded while he changed the IV bags over. "This hopefully, will do the trick." He smiled. "I'm not sure how it will affect you if I've got the requirements wrong, so I'll stay to see."

Sam's hand was firmly in mine and she was sitting on the side of the bed watching my face.

I didn't feel any change.

"Nothing's happening," I said.

"Ach, give it a little time to work." Beckett sounded a tad irritated with me. He pulled over a chair and sat down beside the bed.

I was bored.

He waited like fifteen minutes then took some blood and rushed off to test it. He was back in twenty minutes with the results.

"It's sped up," he announced looking devastated. "I think I know what I did wrong, but it will take several hours to perfect."

I looked over to Sam, she was now standing. "Can I do anything to help, Carson?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm going to need all hands with this."

"Just how sped up?" I asked, feeling a tad worried.

"Fast enough," Becket threw over his shoulder as he rushed from the room.

I wasn't bored anymore.

Daniel appeared bleary eyed from sleep about ten minutes later.

"Hey, Jack. What's all the fus . . . Whoa! You're looking younger," he stated.

"Yes, Beckett's experiment went a bit haywire."

"Oh," he said non-committedly and sat down on a chair.

Every so often Daniel would look at me askance and then look back at a book he'd brought with him. So much for having someone wait with me, while the scientists tried to save my life.

I was bored again.

Fortunately, for me they didn't take long to make the adjustments. This time Beckett, injected something straight into my IV, no hanging bags to measure in the dose slowly.

"General, we can't waste anymore time, we need to stop this now, before . . ." He stopped talking for a moment. "I think its working," he said.

"A man can get a complex with all of you guys staring at me," I joked.

They ignored me. I watched Beckett, his shoulders were tense, and he hadn't relaxed yet. When he relaxed so would I. Becket removed some cells from the inside of my mouth and scuttled off to test them.

"Can I get a cup of coffee?" I asked.

"No," was the answer from Janet, Daniel and Sam. They all spoke in unison.

"Oh come on, guys, give me a break."

The one person I didn't want to leave offered. "I'll get you a cup, Jack." Sam stood and walked out the infirmary. It must have been the hardest things she'd done, not knowing if when she came back that I'd still be alive.

Fortunately, for all concerned especially me, I was still alive and not any younger either when she returned. Her relief was almost palpable. I could see it in the set of her shoulders and the way her eyes shone with unshed tears.

"Well, General, It looks like my antidote has worked. Your cells are the same as when I tested them before the treatment. I would like to take some blood this time and be sure."

He and Janet went off to the lab to test the results.

"Daniel, you must be tired," I suggested.

He took the hint. "Yes, actually I am. Glad you're gonna be okay, Jack." He smiled and sauntered off out the infirmary.

Sam smiled at me and settled herself down on the bed beside me. "Jack."

"Yes, Sam."

"I was scared."

"I know, but everything is going to be okay now," I assured her.

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