Last time Will and the others met Edward and Alphonse Elric, or just Ed and Al. A pair of Alchemists from a parallel dimension, they traveled through the Krell gateway in search of information of Alchemy. After averting Vathek from attacking Ed and Al, Elyon offered to show the two Alchemists the palace library where Phobos kept several books on Alchemy. Meanwhile Irma rejected Martin once again. This time around, 'the straw that broke the camel's back' fell on Martin. Realizing that she might have pushed him to the edge of suicide, Irma went after him. We'll catch up with that later, time to change dimensions. On with the show!
"In the absence of light, darkness prevails."
from 'Hellboy'
Chapter 3: Other Views Scene 1
Our story continues in a parallel Earth that's very similar to the world Will and her friends knew so well, yet filled with minor but distinct differences, and one major difference. This difference is The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense. It is the duty of The Bureau to monitor, observe and in most cases, defend against supernatural threats to mankind. Within The Bureau is a team of first-response agents who have earned a reputation for getting the job done, whatever the job. This team, composed of evolved humans, or Meta-Humans, is known as The Ramblers.
One of The Ramblers, a scientist by the name Virgil Blake, was currently delivering a lecture in one of the meeting rooms in the administration level of The Bureau. Virgil, a blond haired native of L.A., always wore dark wrap-around sunglasses to conceal his metal eyes. His real eyes were burned out on Halloween night of 2004. He has long since adapted to being a cyborg, he just wears the sunglasses to look cool.
In the meeting room was Leon Smyth-Falcon from New Orleans, (Voodoo expert and one of the original eight Ramblers), Fay Valentine from Bangor Maine, (she died in the fight against Voldemort 2007 (see Harry Potter: Quest for the Horcruxes), but was brought back to life in early October (see Count Olaf Must Die!)), Laura Hurst from Denver, (one of the strongest telekinetic individuals alive), Michael Long from Des Moines, Iowa (a former bounty hunter), and Simon D.P. Brotonoononowluski from Trenton, New Jersey, (he lost his right arm during the fight against Voldemort, but had it replaced with a metal one).
At that time Virgil was right in the middle of his lecture. On the whiteboard behind him was a diagram of a complex looking microchip, a sophisticated looking device that appeared to be a laser and a drawing of a hydrogen atom. To Virgil's right was an object that was covered by a black tarp.
"So the real question is," said Virgil to his audience, "How do we improve computer chip technology, while faced with microscopic sized limitations? And I'm sure we've all asked ourselves that at one time or another, right?" Vigil didn't get the answer he was expecting due to the fact that everyone at the meeting, excluding him was asleep. Most were snoring loudly, while a few were drooling saliva.
"For f#cks sake," said Virgil to himself before shouting, "Hey! Shrink ray!" His outburst caused everyone to wake up as Virgil removed the tarp from his device, a black laser-like gun mounted on a tripod. The laser had three buttons on it, a red one, a blue one and a green one. "You got a shrink, you got a shrink ray?" asked Fay who wasn't quite fully awake yet. "We had to go through all that crap, just so you could show us the shrink ray?" asked D.P., "Now what you're saying is interesting!"
He got out of his chair, grabbed the shrink ray, aimed it at his chair and pressed the red button. A bluish white energy beam shot from the shrink ray, hit the chair, and the chair was reduced to an inch in height. "Hey don't play with that!" protested Virgil. "Hey shrink this," said Fay as she pointed at the table everyone was sitting at. D.P. aimed the shrink ray at the table and shrunk it.
"Shrink that," said Fay as she pointed at the white board, and D.P. shrunk it. "Now shrink this," said Fay as she pointed at a TV on the far wall that was currently off. D.P. aimed and shrunk the TV. "Now de-shrink it," said Fay, "Make it a Jumbo-tron!" "Which button's reverse?" asked D.P. "The blue one," said Virgil, "But…" "But nothing," said D.P. as he increased the TV from its normal size of 18 inches to 90 inches.
"The shrink ray isn't a toy, D.P.," said Virgil as she grabbed the shrink ray from D.P. "You say that about everything you own," said D.P., "You should own toys; they're fun." "This is a very important scientific tool," said Virgil, "I mean micro-surgery; long range space exploration; can any of you people just see the applications?"
"I can," said Leon, "Make my Johnson bigger!" "What you should do with that thing," said Laura, "Is shoot us a pool in one of the empty storage rooms downstairs. I've been begging Bureau Head Callahan for ages to let us have a pool." "The ray doesn't shoot pools, Laura," said Virgil in an annoyed tone. "Then why are you wasting time on it?" asked Laura.
"You ought to invent a pool shooting ray," said Michael, "Or something like that." "Swimming!" exclaimed Laura. "Doing the high dive!" exclaimed Michael. "Marco Polo!" said Laura, "I mean can't you see the applications?" "We're doing my Johnson first," said Leon, "And let me find some single girls and upgrade their butts, 'cause baby likes back!'" "Oh shut up," said D.P., "You're not Sir-Mix-A-Lot!"
At that time Virgil had brought in a huge microchip that was six feet long on each side. "Alright everyone," said Virgil as he aimed the shrink ray at the chip, "Stand back and prepare to make history!" He pressed the red button and shrunk the chip to less than in inch in length. "Amazing!" exclaimed Virgil s he picked up the chip, "Do you people realize that this chip can be inserted into a micro-bot, that could enter someone's skin…"
"Or," said Michael as he grabbed the chip out of Virgil's hand, "It can be inserted into the mouth, manually, then digested so it can battle hunger and taste good." Just like that (insert finger snapping sound) Michael swallowed the chip.
"Did he just do what I think he did?" asked Laura. "He did," said D.P., "He's so doomed." "Tell me you didn't just eat that f#ck$ng chip!" exclaimed Virgil. "Hey man," said Michael in a way that sounded like he didn't have a care in the world, "You said it was a chip, so where's the dip? Or am I looking at him?" "Oh you did not even just say that!" exclaimed Leon, "You are so dead! Oh no you didn't! On my god!"
"You know," said Virgil in a calm voice despite is rapidly growing rage, "I've been rather patient with you people for a long, long time. But you, Michael Long, have just crossed the line." He removed his sunglasses to reveal his metal eyes, "I'm gonna get that chip back if I have to blast your damn stomach open!" At that time Michael ran from the room, with Virgil chasing after him, shooting orange laser beams from his metal eyes.
Meanwhile…
Sitting at one of the many computer terminals in one of the many labs in the Bureau was Violet Baudelaire, a brilliant young inventor and one of the richest people alive. For almost a year the nefarious 'Count' Olaf, who had murdered her parents, relentlessly tormented Violet and her siblings, Klaus and Sunny. It wasn't until Violet, Klaus and Sunny came under the guardianship of Jill Sparrow that their troubles began to subside. Violet learned that she and her siblings were Meta-Humans. After being introduced to the many scientific aspects of The Bureau, Violet's talent for inventing truly began to blossom. As an added bonus, Violet met and fell in love with Shawn Ohmsford, a strong telekinetic himself. As for 'Count Olaf, he got what was coming to him in the end, but that's not important right now.
At that time Violet was working on her latest invention. Her long brown hair was tied up in a ribbon, which was a sign that her mind was working in high gear. She was so into her work that she didn't notice someone was standing behind her until she saw Shawn's reflection on the computer screen.
"And how is the world's most beautiful inventor this fine day?" asked Shawn. "I'm pretty darn good if you ask me," said Violet as she saved her work on the computer, then turned around to kiss Shawn. "So what amazing, new device are you creating that'll make the future better for humanity?" asked Shawn.
"A new form of computer," said Violet, "Virgil is convinced he can make computers better by building computer parts bigger, then shrinking them down. I disagree. Besides, I've seen his work on that shrink ray of his and the results just aren't stable. Anything he shrinks will return to its original size within days. What I'm doing is something completely different, something that shall truly launch mankind into the twenty-first century."
"I believe you can do it," said Shawn, "You did something like it before." Indeed she did, for when Violet first joined The Bureau, she perfected the design for Fusion power. "That," said Violet, "Was just the beginning. My new reactor design won't be ready for global application until 2010 or 2011. This is something that, assuming I can get all the bugs worked out in time, can be available to the public this time next year. I also have a few other ideas worth pursuing."
"I hope I'm one of those ideas," said Shawn as he kissed Violet. "You're always at the top of my list," said Violet, "Or at least near the top." She was about to kiss Shawn when the phone on her desk rang. "Duty calls," sighed Violet as she picked up the phone, "Baudelaire here… Yes… Is that so... Yes, that is interesting, it's very interesting… I'll get right on it as soon as I find Virgil." She hung up the phone.
"Who was that?" asked Shawn. "That was the Scanning Department," said Violet. "Oh yeah," said Shawn, "They're the ones who keep their eyes open for supernatural stuff all over the world." "Well they've been monitoring several time/space distortions," said Violet, "Which simply are ripples in the fabric of reality. Nobody knows what causes them, but so far they're harmless so people tend to not notice them."
"Until now," said Shawn. "Exactly," said Violet, "They've been increasing in number and in how fast they occur. More information is needed on these phenomenon if we're gonna get to the bottom of the situation."
Just then Michael ran into the room, shortly followed by an enraged Virgil and a just plain angry Fay. Virgil was brandishing one of Fay's knifes. "Just hold still, Michael," said Virgil; "You won't feel a thing as I gut you like a fish, cause I'm getting my chip back, one way or another!"
"Keep away from me!" exclaimed Michael, "You're f#ck$ng crazy!" "Give me back my knife Virgil!" yelled Fay, "It's mine and you took it from me without asking!" "You'll get your knife back when I get my chip back, Fay," said Virgil. "This isn't a big deal, Virgil," said Michael, "It was a joke."
"A joke?" asked Virgil, "A joke! Do you have any idea how much this project has cost The Bureau? It'll be my head on a silver platter if I don't get that chip back, so it's either you or me." "Just chill out man," said Michael as he removed something from his pocket, "I didn't eat your f#ck$ng chip." For indeed the chip was in Michael's hand.
"Oh," said Fay, "He palmed it before 'eating' it, clever, very clever." It was at that time that Virgil got so angry, his metal eyes short-circuited and exploded. He collapsed from the electrical discharge. "Oh my god, he blew a fuse," said Shawn. "Wouldn't be the first time," said Fay as she picked up her knife and returned it to its sheath, "Let's get him to sick-bay."
Meanwhile in the Bureau lunchroom Violet's guardian, Jill Sparrow, was being pestered by fellow Rambler, Steve Austin, from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania (He sometimes acts like he has no brain, but there's no denying his courage). "I'm telling you, Jill," said Steve, "I saw Dracula outside my apartment window last night!" "No Steve," said Jill, "What you saw was a media induced, paranoid delusional nightmare, which was spawned from too many horror movies."
"You keep saying that to yourself," said Steve, "but I saw Dracula, and he was as real as you are." "Perhaps you should tack some garlic wreaths to your walls," said Julie 'Hawkeye' Eckheart. Born in Pittsburgh, Julie was a natural with guns, especially her modified Winchester rifle. Her most notable features were her yellow, hawk-shaped eyes and a hooked-shaped scar below her right eye.
"Garlic isn't a deterrent against Nosferatu," said Klaus Baudelaire. As Violet's brother, Klaus has the unique ability to remember every word he has ever read. "Wolfsbane," said Klaus, "That'll keep vampires away." "And what makes you the expert on blood suckers?" asked Steve. "I can read," answered Klaus, "You would know this if you would just pick up a book."
Just then Violet and Shawn came in. She sat down with a heavy sigh. "What's troubling you, Violet?" asked Jill. "For starters," said Violet, "Virgil got so mad and Michael, his metal eyes blew up. He's gonna be blind for a couple days while his eye sockets recover from the electrical burns." "This is the third time he blew a fuse in his eyes," said Jill, "The fist time in the summer of 2005, the second on President's Day 2006."
Just then Max Kildare, leader of The Ramblers, entered the room. Max, a native of Baltimore, possessed incredible physical strength and speed, among other abilities of the body. "There you are, Violet," said Max, "I just talked with Doc Spartan; Virgil's gonna be out of the game for at least a week. Which means until he recovers and gets a new set of cyber eyes, you are the head scientific mind in The Bureau."
"I won't let you down, Max," said Violet. Just then a voice on the intercom rang out: "Violet Baudelaire, please contact Scanning Department. Violet Baudelaire, please contact Scanning Department." Violet went to the wall phone and called the Scanning Department. She talked on the phone for over ten minutes before hanging up. "What's wrong?" asked Shawn, for a concerned look was on Violet's face.
"Those time/space distortions I told you about earlier," said Violet, "They're growing in number and intensity." "What does it all mean?" asked Shawn. "I don't know," said Violet, "But I'm gonna find out, mark my words."
The end of chapter 3. Next chapter, we switch views back to Metamore as a new player enters the scene. Please review and I'll see you next time!