"Oi shitty cook," Zoro asked.
Not the real Zoro, obviously, but his mind playing sick jokes and imagining his voice. Why his conscience decided to come in form of that moss-head instead of his beautiful Nami-san or anyone he might actually listen to was beyond him. He was going to ignore it anyway.
"Being a whiney stupid excuse for a pile of shit, ero-cook?" he went on questioning. Sanji ignored him. It was irritating how even the thought of Zoro could leave him that annoyed. He was not whiney, thank you very much.
"Playing dumb now, are you?"
Sanji didn't have to turn his head to see the made up vision of the swordsman next to him. Instead he just growled at him. Imagined or not, it felt satisfying enough.
"Fine", Zoro said, closing his eye and crossing his arms behind his head shrugging nonchantly, "not that I care."
"Leave me," Sanji hissed.
Zoro lazily opened his eye again, "So you can happily drown yourself in self pity or what? Has your perverted brain finally stopped working altogether..." he trailed of daringly.
If he were real it would have been a trap to get him riled up, to provoke him. Sanji gritted his teeth. If he were real he'd probably succeeded by now and had kick coming for him. Preferably in his face.
"Leave me the fuck alone, bastard..."
"So what?" the other one said, "so you could let yourself be killed in peace? You running away, hiding behind death?" the swordsman stopped and looked at him slowly and finally finished with a mixture of disappointment and contempt : "Never thought you'd be so weak..."
He kicked the air beside. He was not weak. Damnit. He was doing the right thing, he was just protecting everyone. He didn't like the idea of her killing him, he hated it, but...
"There's nothing I can do!" he yelled at him,
Zoro shook just shook his head. "You're pathetic," he answered.
Pathetic, for falling for her like this? For being played like that? For abandoning his friends?
Zoro held his gaze, "No, for drowning in self-pity, for letting that bitch kill you without a fight."
He didn't even wince at the word. There was no fight he could put up against them. And even if- the costs of his nakama being the ones to pay for his mistakes were too high. "There's nothing I can do, Marimo," he said defiantly.
He saw the image draw his swords and attack violently he countered the first blow, then the second. They started coming harder and quicker until he felt that bastard putting more force in it than in any of their usual fights. He dodged another blow, but managed to block the following just barely , the next one got him hit to the ground. He was panting at the angry image of Zoro before him.
"If you want to die so much, then it should be me to cut you into pieces,"
"Do what you like, Baka,"
"I'm not finished yet. There's nothing you can do? What about some faith? What about trusting you nakamas to get you out of there?"
"Look where faith has put me!" Why couldn't that annoying son of the bitch keep quiet and leave him the fuck alone, even in his fucking thoughts?
"Because you always put it in the wrong people! Trust a girl you barely know before you trust your own nakamas. What the hell is wrong with you? After all we've been through you should trust us to get you out of that mess,"
"Trust you to turn up and get yourself killed, you mean," Sanji was on his legs again. He angrily kicked at the swordsman again but Zoro caught his leg in mid-air.
"No, just what I said. Trust us. Trust us to be strong enough. And fight. Fight till we get to you. Don't be a coward and run from the consequences of your own actions, you own Luffy an apology you own all of us an apology. Don't be a coward shitty cook, fight."
"I hate you," Sanji hissed drawing back his leg.
Zoro just grinned. "I know."