Yo, yo, YO MY PEEPS! WHAT IS UP IN THE HIZZLE OF THE SHIZZLE OF THE NIZZLE, YOU BIZZLES! Yea, that's right I can rhyme all the time, I have the skills to pay the bills, I can be the hakuna to your matatas, if you know what I'm saying.
Okay, so I have no idea where in the hell I was going with that so just save me some shame and ignore it. So yea, I'm back with another chappy for all y'all lovely peoples and here it is. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I am done with putting up with you. I am going on strike.
5 MONTHS AND 18 DAYS BEFORE DEATH
Now, if you know anything about me whatsoever, you know that I don't do studying. Regardless of this fact, I still have a near perfect GPA and am the top student in most of my classes. What? You're shocked and/or surprised to hear that I actually have intelligence? Thank you so much for the confidence booster, but given how idiotic my previous choices have been, I can't say I blame you.
Anyway, like I said, I'm the top in my classes, even Pre-Calc. Especially Pre-Calc. While all those other idiots in my class wormed their way through assignments and had several mental breakdowns on how they'd pass the class, I was cruising by their suffering and basically just enjoying my superiority to their groveling pains.
So imagine my surprise—and utmost horror—when I found that I was all of a sudden failing Pre-Calc. You see, a couple of days ago we had to take a huge test that would make or break our grade and it turns out that my test score not only broke my grade, it incinerated it. I was devastated. I was desperate. So I did the only thing I could think to do.
"Iggy?" I spoke quietly into the phone as if I didn't want anyone to hear, even though there was nobody around in the sanctuary of my room.
"Yes?" Iggy mocked my small voice.
Clearing my throat, I said, "I need your help."
"With…?" He prompted.
"Um…with math…?" Cringing, I admitted my problem.
For about a minute there was silence on the other end of the line and for a while I thought that he had hung up on me. But then I heard him laughing his ass of, reassuring me that that son of a bitch was still there.
"Me…help…you…" he wheezed between guffaws. "Since when did you, the great and powerful Maximum Ride, ever need my help?"
"Since our last unit test," I began to get annoyed by how nonchalant he was acting even though I was freaking out on the inside. "I need you to help me study for my retakes."
At this, his laughing became even more boisterous. "R-Retakes? You, going to retakes? HA! That's hilarious!"
"Are you going to help me or not?" I growled.
"Hmmm. Let me think. Now why would I help you? No, I'd much rather watch you squirm your way through this class. After all, your suffering brightens my day." And with that he hung up on me.
Now I know what you're all probably thinking: "What kind of a douche ass best friend would hang up on you like that? I mean, is he PMSing or what?" And I agree with you. It was pretty douchy for Iggy to ditch me like that and he might just be experiencing a bit of PMS. Hell, he might even be going through menopause. But he does have a reason for being a dick and I do deserve what he had to say. Now I know what you're thinking now: "What did you do?" Oh, so many things…
You see, dear reader, a couple of months ago, Iggy, like all the other imbeciles in our class was tanking. In a moment of desperation and need, he came to me for help. The conversation went as following:
"I told you, Iggy, I won't do it!" I yelled into my phone, causing the majority of the sensible people around me to look up in shock, surprise, and slight annoyance.
"Jeez, Max! Will you at least consider the sake of my eardrums before you shoot me down?" Iggy's scratchy voice replied over the receiver.
"Iggy, listen to me carefully. If you want an A in Pre-Calc, you need to earn it, meaning no cheating via me," I said in my most measured voice.
"Fine, I won't have you cheat for me, but could you at least help me study?" Iggy pleaded to which I rolled my eyes.
"You don't need my help; you're doing fine on your own," I said as I nearly dove out of the way of an apparently blind bicyclist who obviously didn't understand the meaning of "stay to one side".
"LIKE HELL I'M DOING FINE ON MY OWN. MY GRADES ARE SO BAD THAT I HAVE A "Z" IN THIS DAMN CLASS. A. FUCKING. Z," Iggy nearly blew out my eardrums with his pathetic pleas. "Please Maxie-Pad. You're the only shot I got to passing this class and graduating high school."
"Now why would I help you when you don't even have the decency to call me by my real name?" Smirking, I taunted Iggy. "No, I'd much rather watch you squirm your way through this class. After all, your suffering brightens my day." And with that I hung up.
Yes, it was a douchy thing to do. And yes, I was on my period (in fact I had these terrible cramps in the morning; they were just, ugh, I don't even want to talk about it and I'm sure you don't want to hear about it either). But that doesn't excuse how much of a douche I was to Iggy, and now I was paying for it.
Scowling at the irony of how he had strung up my hopes with the same words as I had his way back when, I punched in new numbers into my phone and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Fang, it's Max. I need your help-" I tried to say, but the phone cut me off.
"It's me. Well, really it's just Fang's answering machine." Rolling my eyes, I forced myself to listen to the dumb answering message Fang had Nudge put on his phone. "As you can tell, Fang nor I are here right now, so if you're someone he likes, leave a message. If you're not someone Fang likes, you can go fu-" BEEP. And that was the end of Nudge's message.
"Yo, Fang. It's Max. I need your help with studying for Pre-Calc and I would really love it if you called me back ASAP. So yea…bye," Hanging up, I let my phone hand drop to my lap. Running a list of names through my head of who I could call and plead for help and seeing that I had no other friends, I sighed and flopped back onto my bed.
After feeling sorry for myself for a bit, I got up and walked downstairs to get started on my torture—I mean studying.
Two hours of staring at a paper and nearly banging my head on several walls several times, I still had no idea what any of the gibberish on my paper meant.
Even though I had the house to myself—Ari was on a weekend field trip and Jeb was at work and wasn't supposed to come home until later—I couldn't focus. My mind would drift from one thing to another, trying to avoid the absolute torture of doing work. Letting a loud whoosh of air escape my lips, I laid my head down onto the table and decided to give up, just as the front door opened.
Jeb isn't supposed to be back until 6, I thought to myself as I looked up at the clock. 'Cause fate is a bitch, it read 6:00. Had I been sitting here for that long? Crap. My dismay grew when I realized that I wouldn't be able to sneak away from Jeb since the stairs to my room was right next to the very hallway he was undoubtedly walking through. Swearing under my breath, I tried to play it cool and decided to make a plan to escape on the fly.
As Jeb's footsteps got closer and closer, I began to feel a cold sweat dripping down my neck. My pulse was racing, my hands were clammy, and I was sure I was going to puke. When his face came into view around the corner, he glanced up and we made eye contact. At first he startled but he gained his composure soon enough. Clearing his throat, he said, "Hey, Maximum. How's it hanging?"
"Fine." I said.
"Good, good." Nodding his head as if he'd done something right, he dared to venture a step closer to me. "So…whatcha doing?"
"Homework."
"What kind of homework?" Jeb took another step closer and I tried to act as if it didn't bother me.
"Pre-Calc."
"Hmmm, the tricky stuff, eh?" Now standing behind me, Jeb looked over my shoulder to see my work. "Um, Maximum, sweetie, you did a couple problems wrong."
"Which ones?" Peeking over my shoulder I looked up at him.
"Uh…all of them?" He said this as if he didn't want to hurt me. Too late for that buster.
"I figured as much," I sighed.
"Here, let me help you. So what you do-" Trying to instruct me, he took my pencil from my hands and indicated something on my paper, in the process accidentally brushing his hand against mine. I involuntarily flinched away.
"I'm fine," I said hurriedly. "I can do it by myself."
"But I want to help-"
"I'm fine," I cut him off as my voice turned steely. Once again he gave me those sad puppy dog eyes and I expected him to back off like he did before, but to my surprise and slight annoyance he didn't. Instead, he took a seat next to me and laid his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands.
"Look, Maximum. I know what I've done to you and your brother was horrible. I know what I've done to destroy this family was horrible. You have every right to hate me—hell, I hate me. But can't you see that I'm trying to make up for it? And I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to take away the pain I've caused you, but there are things I can do to make it better." Looking deep into my eyes, he held my gaze as he gently took my hands in his. This time I didn't flinch or pull away, against my better judgement. "I don't deserve forgiveness. But I can earn it. So please, Max, let me earn it." Tears leaked down his face and I wasn't surprised to find that my cheeks were just as stained as his. As I looked into his eyes, I saw that we both had the same sad, chocolate eyes. Eyes are a mirror to the soul. Peering into his eyes, I could see his soul was a bottomless pit of sadness, regret, and fear. Sadness for the family he destroyed. Regret for all the pain he's caused. Fear of the monster he may become. All of his fears mirrored my own. My sadness of the fact that Ari will never grow up in a happy, stable home. My regret for causing my mom to die in the accident. My fear of giving up and giving in, of letting Ari go and ending it all. I saw myself in Jeb and that terrified me more than anything else in the world.
Clearing my throat, I extracted my hands from his sweaty palms and took back my pencil. "Just because you're my father doesn't mean that earning me back is going to be easy. Beware: I'm going to work you to the bone and suck the marrow out of you, you hear? And the first thing you start with is by helping me understand this damn gibberish they try to pass as math."
I didn't even have to look up to see the massive smile on Jeb's face. "Alright. So, like I said, you got everything wrong. Your main problem is…"
For the rest of the day until just before Ari got back home, Jeb helped me study for my retakes. I actually enjoyed his company and he helped me to understand all that I couldn't. A couple of days later, I took my retakes and passed with flying colors, thanks to Jeb.
"Yo, Max! How'd you do?" Iggy asked as he and Fang jogged up to me.
"Like you care," I snorted and turned my back on him.
"Of course I care. After all, I have an image to uphold and I can't be friends with someone who's failing classes. You need to step up your game if you want be get some of this, Max." Like the dork he is, Iggy motioned up and down his body and causing me to roll my eyes.
"If you must know, I aced it." I said.
"That's great!" Fang wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze, causing me to blush furiously.
"That's good news for you. Now you can be reassured that you'll still get a piece of Iggy Pie." Regardless of how douchy he sounded, Iggy gave me a high five and a 500 kilowatt smile.
"What the hell is "Iggy Pie" and why would anyone want a slice of it," I smirked.
"Puh-lease, Max. You wouldn't know what people would want. After all, you're "unexperienced" in the arts of sexual pleasure. Not to ruin you precious innocence, I'll give you the bare minimum of the details and tell you that people definitely want a piece of Iggy Pie." Wriggling his eyebrows, Iggy walked ahead of me and Fang, causing us to follow him out to the school parking lot.
"Since you're "so experienced" in the arts of sexual pleasure that just means that you're a man whore." Fang snorted.
"Says the guy who slept with Loose Lips Lissa," Iggy giggled as Fang tried to clock him upside the head.
"So did you!" Fang yelled after him.
"Whoa, whoa whoa…WHAT? Iggy slept with Lissa, too?!" I practically screamed.
"Hey, who hasn't? Guys do it, girls do it, and I bet even dogs do it, too. I mean face it, Max. The girl is fucking hot. And so what if me and Fang banged the same girl. At least I was smart enough to realize that it was meaningless sex, unlike tall, dark, and stupid over here," Iggy shrugged his shoulders. "But if you want all the other naughty details of what went down that's a story for another day."
Shaking my head, I said, "You guys are such man whores. I wouldn't be surprised if both of you have chlamydia."
"We don't have chlamydia," Fang rolled his eyes. "At least I don't. I'm not sure about Iggy, though. And can we please not talk about such disturbing things such as Lissa. I'm starving. Let's go get some pizza."
Iggy nodded his agreement and I was about to as well when I thought of an idea.
"Hey guys, I'm going to have to take a raincheck on the pizza. I gotta go. I'll see you guys later." Starting to back up, I said my farewells.
"Where are you going?" Fang shouted at my retreating form.
"I'm going to have movie night with my dad and Ari," I yelled back.
Turning to Fang, Iggy asked, "Since when did Max have movie night with her family?"
Since the day I began to regain hope of getting my dad back.
So…yea. Iggy and Fang are both man whores and Max is starting to put her faith back in Jeb. Which do you guys think is a bigger mistake: sleeping with Lissa or trusting Jeb? Let me know in the reviews! And if you just want to say your opinion on this story or criticize me (helpful criticism only!) that's fine too! I love, love, LOVE hearing from you guys and I would love to hear more from you lovely people. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING MY STORY SO FAR AND I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THE REST OF IT! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, HOW YOU FEEL, ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE (ABOUT MY STORY, ABOUT ME, ABOUT ANYTHING REALLY), AND REMEMBER TO…
Watch the skies,
Doctor Bessy