A/N: It's official. I don't think I've ever been this inspired before or so committed to writing and finishing a story. In this chapter I really wanted to capture the train-wreck that is Lara, dealing with the events of Yamatai and losing Sam to Himiko. I'm trying to show (my own interpretation) of why Lara is the way she is in "Rise" if that makes any sense. We see her as a colder person in Rise of The Tomb Raider, and I'm making an attempt to explain for it. Anyways, thanks to Reasons Lost for beta reading.

The songs featured in this chapter are as follows: "Only Happy When It Rains" by Garbage, "You Can't Fix This" by Stevie Nicks and "Blood For Poppies" by Garbage.

THE SESSIONS

CHAPTER FOUR - It's All Over But The Crying

After my session with Dr. Faulkner later that night I found myself on the wrong part of London, and I really didn't care. After Sam walked away that day, it wasn't unusual to find me sitting at one of the more questionable pubs in neighborhoods such as Hackney, Harlesden, Tottenham or Brixton. Trouble seemed to follow me everywhere I went according to Reyes, but little had she known I was the one seeking it. A worrisome feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment stirred inside me with each brawl. The daunting rush of adrenaline when I'd been tossed out arse over elbow, spewing profanities. Respect was a key principle in the more dodgy pubs in town. After a pint or six, I'd offer to teach the discourteous patrons a few lessons in it. But not tonight.

My mind was all over the place. Voices in my head from the past screamed so loudly I had no other choice but to head for the bottom of the bottle to plug out the sound. The constant nagging feeling in my chest whenever I thought of Sam needed to be killed, or at least watered down. I walked into the pub, let the door slam behind me and strolled to the end bar stool. I sat down, removed my hood and pulled a twenty pound note from my jacket slamming it down on the bar.

"A pint of Fosters," I grumbled, avoiding eye contact with the barman. He took it and proceeded to the register. The dim lighting made it hard for me to notice the many scuffs and chips within the bar's surface while an unrelentingly loud, fuzzy guitar riff doubled by acoustic played from the jukebox. The doleful lyrics claiming that the singer was only happy when it rained and her only comfort was the night going black. "I can relate," I muttered under my breath.

The the barman returned with my change and my lager. I brought the glass up to my mouth quickly, with no interest in those around me. The song however, going down a treat. The lyrics "pour your misery down." forced a crooked smile across my face as I braced myself to chug a few gulps. The cold lager lacking the "bite" that most had.

A minute later I set the glass down half full, slumped lower on the stool and leaned on the bar for support. My right arm found its way to a pocket of my jacket. I halted, out of the corner of my eye I could see Kaz leaning on the bar. A smug look on her face.

"Now, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" She flashed a grin, apparently feeding off of the anxiety bumping into her caused me. I groaned, spinning on the bar stool to face her.

"I could ask you the same thing." I blinked, taking a long drag.

"Move over." She gestured, I grabbed my beer and slid it along the edge of the bar as I moved down a stool, allowing her to sit.

"Pick your poison." I told her before motioning for the barman to serve us.

"How you been holding up?" The tone in her voice changed, becoming more soft-spoken. The slight breakthrough I had wasn't substantial enough to say I had been making progress. My hand reached behind my neck, rubbing it nervously as I lied, almost wishing I had drank enough to tell her the truth.

To tell someone the truth.

"I'm fine..."

"Finding shady pubs to mope in, in even shadier parts of town is a bad habit, love." She chuckled, giving me a playful pat on the back, sitting straight up in excitement as she noticed the song playing in the background. "Garbage." She smiled. I looked at her in confusion. "That's the name of the band, silly. Lead singers from Scotland, she's a total babe too."

"Scotland, now?" I asked, thinking of Grim.

"Edinburgh, about an hour from Glasgow," she answered as I nodded, circling the edge of my glass with my finger carefully. Grim was from Glasgow.

"I'll be right back, Broody." She teased as she walked over to the jukebox grinning. I wondered what she could possibly be doing.

"This one's for you, Croft. Listen and listen good." She came and sat back down. Soon the bewitching, somber tempo of the music she selected made sense. I recognized the artist.

"Stevie Nicks?" I laughed as the barman walked over. "Two shots of Talisker." I slid the rest of my money towards him, I could hear Kaz scoffing behind me. I took her advice and listened to Miss Nicks' lyrics. They told a story of a downward spiral, advising over and over again to never dance with the devil. It was a bit ominous.

"You're playing with fire here, dear." She warned me. Unsure of what she was referring to, I shot a mystified glance at her. "What's the reason for all of this? The drinking, the pub crawling. Is it because of Sam?" I tensed up and sighed heavily.

"Before you tell me, 'I'm fine Kaz, this is what she wants.' I will stop you and tell you that's an absolute load of bullshit. You are 'dancing with the devil' Lara, you can't keep doing it and then wonder why you're still in hell." I rested my elbow on the bar, my forehead resting on my palm. "You're not alone, as much as you'd like to think you are. You need to find your purpose."

"I lost my purpose when I lost her," I murmured. Shortly after, her hand reached up to smack the back of my head.

"Stop that right now. You haven't lost her. She's still alive…" Her face quickly went from irritated to emotionless. Shit... Lucya. "When Lucya was killed, and I went into hiding, I wasted my nights in places like this. I felt guilty, and I tried to drown it the same way you're trying to drown yourself. Things may seem dark but this is far from your darkest day, Lara. You know that." Two shots of Talisker scotch whiskey made their way to us, I slid one towards my friend while keeping the other for myself.

"You look like you need this." I took a deep breath as I downed the shot in one swallow. It burned my throat the entire way down. Slamming the small glass down, I looked over at Kaz to see her following suit. She shook her head, making a disgusted face.

"Shit." As soon as she was over the shot her gaze returned rolling her eyes at me, as I finished my pint. "You and I have a lot we're gonna talk about." She reached into her pullover, pulling out a few pounds with a mischievous look in her eyes. "If It means getting you shitfaced in order for you to talk, that's a risk I'm willing to take."

I reluctantly accepted her offer. I needed so desperately to talk to someone who could empathize with what Sam and I had been going through. Kaz was the perfect person for that. We sat there for hours. I told her of how we were supposed to get married, before Yamatai happened. I was not the same woman leaving there, having the experience I did. Doctor Faulkner seemed to judge and analyze me. That was his job. Kaz was a friend, and I sensed no judgement from her. Partially because of the alcohol, and partially because she had lost a wife she loved. She knew what that kind of loss felt like. She called Jonah to pick us up at closing time, first stop was taking care of my drunk arse.

Kaz swung the door open, my arm slung over her shoulder as I staggered into my bedroom. I shouldn't have had so much, I knew. Kaz and her ideas. I lost my balance when I was less than a metre away from my bed and crashed down on it.

"All right," she sighed, clapping her hands together and scanning the room, "arms out." I raised my arms from my sides so she could remove my leather jacket. "I will get you a change of clothes, Jonah will bring you a bucket, along with water and aspirin. He will take me home, Ana's gonna be here in the morning. So, sleep it off." Sam had always been the one to do this for me. On the nights where I'd get so tanked up I couldn't stand she would change me and put me to bed. God, I missed her so much.

"For someone who's trying to get better, you're bad at it," Kaz reproached me, folding her arms to her chest. During our chat at the pub I mentioned that I had been going to therapy. I sat up, using my sore arms as support to stay upright. The room was spinning, my vision deceiving me, telling me there were two of her. "Lara, you can't keep doing this to yourself." She walked towards the frame of my door. "Jonah, Lara and I need a moment, all right?" She called out to him. I heard a unintelligible response from him before she gently shut the door.

"Listen..." She looked me in the eye. "I would give anything to get Lucya back after what Trinity did to her. With Sam, you still have a chance. I know how much you love her, and I could tell by the way she looks at you she loves you, too."

"I feel... lost, Kaz," I slurred. "I don't know what to do without her." I shuddered, tears forming in my eyes as I tried to focus my blurred sight on her, but the tears made it difficult.

"Sam needs you, Lara. I know that you're hurting, and I hate seeing you like this." She knelt down to my level, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "But you can't give up on her." Her words echoing in my head as I struggled to keep it upright.

"I haven't given up on her." My head dropped, my eyes staring blankly at the floor. "Just myself." Tuning in and out of cohesiveness, I fell back on the bed, trying to pick out shapes in the ceiling. I thought of everyone I had lost. Mum, Dad, Steph, Grim, Roth, Alex, and finally Sam. I had realized that Kaz was right. I was dancing with the devil and each time I did, I felt a little piece of myself drift away never to return. The love of my life needed me, then more than ever. I agonized over whether there was anything I could do, stirring around the mattress until I laid on it properly.

"What's the point?" I hiccuped, glancing at her. "Himiko has latched onto some part of her, It won't be long before she takes over completely." My stomach felt sick, my chest burned. Probably the alcohol forcing its way back up. Kaz sat down at my bedside.

"Wasn't your father researching the subject of immortality?" She asked. My head pounded. I couldn't quite make out the full details of some of his tapes I had listened to at the moment. I nodded, confident I had heard the word in them somewhere. I felt a light smack on my arm.

"Who do you know that's rotting in a mental ward somewhere, say, possessed by an immortal soul?!" she exclaimed. I could barely keep my eyes open. "Lara, you have to dig up your dad's research. You absolutely have to. You can help Sam. I know you can, and that might be the best place to start." Everything went black. There was a tapping at my cheek that forced me to stay awake and my eyes opened to her looking down at me, my face in her hands.

"I will not watch you suffer like this anymore. What would Sam say If she say you like this?"

I groaned, bringing my hand up to my head. "Where was Jonah with that aspirin?" I thought. "All right, you win." I bared my teeth at the persistent hammering in my head. "I can get to bed on my own." I assured her. I heard a knocking at my door.

"You're all clear!" Kaz yelled. Jonah made his way to my bedside, placing the bucket on the floor by my nightstand before shaking his head in disappointment.

"Little Bird, this isn't good for you."

"I know, I know…" I clenched my teeth, trying to sit upright. "Aspirin." I grabbed the bottle from Jonah's hand and the bottle of water from his opposite hand. I tossed three in my mouth before downing them with a swig of the water. "You guys are good to go, I'll be fine." I droned, laying back down. I could feel my consciousness ebbing away and my thoughts as unclear as they were come to an end, the alcohol helping me drift to sleep. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Get some rest." I tuned in and out of coherence as Jonah spoke softly.

"Remember what I said, Lara." Kaz chimed in before they left, locking the door to my flat behind them.

Alone again. There was that name again, "Trinity". I've heard it somewhere before Yamatai. I just don't know where. Since meeting Kaz, I had had more than a few casual run-ins with them. Who are they? What are they? Why do they sound so familiar?

Remember Lara... remember.

"What's eating you?" Sam asked. I glanced at her, her drink still in her hand.

"I wanted to ask you something before you got too pissed up." The night following our graduation, the graduates celebrated. And by celebrated, I mean threw a gigantic kegger. Sam loved going to these kinds of things, she was a people person where I was a wallflower. I stood there at a table downing shots of liquid courage as I watched her interact with everyone. Waiting for the right moment to pull her outside, away from everyone else. I took her on a short walk to the Euston Square Gardens where we had met Roth after the ceremony. It had still been decorated from before.

"You know, without all the people, it's actually beautiful here." She smiled.

"I'm surprised they haven't torn down all the flower placements and decorations." I ran a hand through my hair.

"I can't believe we're done." I felt her hand squeeze mine as we walked along. "It kind of makes you wonder what's next." "There's opening," I thought. I stopped in my tracks as she followed suit. I grabbed her drink from her hand, closed my eyes and gulped the rest of it down."Lara are you okay?"

"I'm perfect." I walked over to the trash and disposed of the cup,returning to her hesitantly, my eyes not leaving the ground. "Roth always used to tell me that the next thing I do, the next choice I make will define me. Whether it's my career, my life…" I paused, looking up into her eyes, the moonlight making them sparkle. Looking into her eyes, everything changed. All of my worries faded away with the night. I knew that no matter what happened after tonight, I would be okay, regardless. I had her, and nothing else mattered. "You've made this next choice so easy for me." I smiled at her. She wrapped her arms around my waists and pulled me close to her, oblivious to what I was about to do next.

"And that is?" She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. I reached into the pocket of my pullover, to remove the small Italian leather box containing my mother's engagement ring. A small platinum band with a prong setting in which small adjacent diamonds shared prongs with the larger pear cut stone in the middle of it. I took a deep breath as I steadied my hand.

"You can do this, Lara."

"No matter what I uncover as an archaeologist, all the secrets, the history and relics…." My voice quivered as I backed away from her, holding one of her hands as I shakily got down on one knee. My heart about ready to burst.

"You will always be my greatest treasure." I carefully removed the box from my pocket and opened it. Her eyes widened and filled with tears. "There is a million and one reasons we could never work, everyone made bets we wouldn't have lasted a year, let alone four. We proved them wrong. The odds were stacked against us, but together, we beat them. I believe that if we're lucky enough to have found each other in the first place, we're worth betting on for life." I took a deep breath before asking. There's no turning back now.

"Samantha Nishimura, I love yo-"

"Yes." she sobbed, looking me right in the eye.

"You didn't even let me ask you-"

"Yes, Lara! Yes!." An exuberant amount of joy filled my body as she pulled me up into her arms.

"Babe, I love you so much." She sniffled, pulling me into a deep kiss. And just like that, my happiest moment was not graduating college. Samantha Nishimura, the girl whos free spirit changed my life had agreed to be my wife. With her, I felt as If I was on top of the world.

And nothing could bring me down.

"SALUTE THE SUN, I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE ALL NIGHT LONG HAULING ROCK OVER BUDDHA WITH THE LONGHORN."

My clock radio blasted in my ears, sending me straight up from my bedroom floor. I yawned and rubbed my eyes while I picked myself up. I shuffled across the room over to my nightstand and pressed the reset button. "8:00am" it read.

"I slept?" I thought. I had never woken up on the floor though before.

"Strange." I whispered to myself. I walked outside to the living area. Books upon books, along with many documents and my father's tapes stood scattered about my desk and every surface available.

"You must have been sleepwalking, Lara." I walked over to my desk, stacking each book on top of the other before placing them back in their boxes, blatantly disregarding the full ache in my spine. Papers were placed in folders and put into their boxes. It wasn't long before I heard a knock at the door. My eyes widened and the hairs on my arms raised. "I wasn't expecting anyone, was I?" I rushed over to the side of my door, ready to attack whoever came through it. A sigh of relief escaped me as I heard a familiar voice.

"Lara? It's Ana." I unlocked the door and cautiously opened it. Something was off, Ana didn't look well. Her usually piercing blue eyes were bloodshot and sunken in, her face lacked color apart from the redness around her eyes and nose. "Had she been crying?" I asked myself. "I didn't do this... did I?"

"Ana... you look like hell." I told her as I made a gesture, inviting her in.

"Kaz called me last night. She said you've been drinking." That was a complete understatement, even with seeing Dr. Faulkner once a week, I struggled with the flashbacks. Last night was the first night in many where I had slept over three hours without a nightmare. But then there was the sleepwalking. I couldn't say that had been improving, because truthfully, I wasn't. Realistically, I couldn't within two sessions. "What is this all about, Lara? Sam? Have you tried to go see her?" There it was, her name. As of recent I couldn't hear it without going back to H.M. Prison Holloway, Sam or who I thought was Sam, slamming the phone down and walking away from me as I begged for her to come back. She wasn't herself anymore. Despite everything I did to save her life, Himiko ended up using her as a vessel, regardless. I grimaced and turned away from her so she wouldn't see me wipe away the tears in my eyes.

"Can we please, not talk about her?" I tried to regain my composure and looked over my shoulder at her. I was hurting, bad. The pain of losing Sam that way was like someone had ripped my heart clean from my chest and continued to prod at the wound. "You need to open up to someone, Lara..." Ana observed all the boxes scattered throughout the living room and on my desk.

"Has everything been going well with Steven?" She asked, referring to Dr. Faulkner. I shrugged, ambling over to her. I folded my arms across my chest as I felt a downward shift in the temperature of the room.

"I couldn't really tell you... he's using this technique on me." I bit my bottom lip gently. "He has me think of a bad memory, or something that upsets me. Then he waves two fingers in front of my face, asking me to follow them with just my eyes. And I don't know, i-it works... I can't explain it." I watched her, waiting for a response.

"Have you found any work yet?" It was one question after another. She may have not been my biological mother, but she might as well have been.

"Yeah, I'm doing a few odd jobs here and there." I replied, she looked worried. I couldn't blame her. She watched my father go down a path of destruction, and I doubt she wanted me to do the same. I felt a buzzing in my back pocket.

"Sorry." I apologized to her while pulling the device from my pocket.

"You got another new phone?"

"Yeah, I'm such a klutz Ana, you know that". I powered on my lock screen to see a single text message.

"Hackney in 15? I have what you're looking for."

I glanced back up at Ana.

"Ana, I appreciate you checking up on me, but really, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, okay?" Though I wasn't fine, I didn't want to pile all of my problems on everybody else. It wasn't their burden to carry. It was mine, and mine alone. Although, it became Kaz's burden as well after drunkenly telling her everything.

"Give me twenty minutes. - L." I typed and sent.