Lia stood in the Hogwarts courtyard, her hands on her hips, as she watched a first-year boy, Colin Creevey, fawn over her brother, as if he were some famous movie star. She didn't know whether to be amused or to vomit.
"D'you think – would it be all right if … could I have a picture?" Creevey asked, pulling out a camera, "A signed picture? Just to prove that I've met you."
Lia stared at the boy with a deadpan expression ... Vomit it was then. Creevey was petite, and had large innocent looking eyes, that made him look very young and very naïve. He was obviously relatively new to the wizarding world – a muggle born he'd said – so she could excuse his temporary bad taste. Harry wasn't really worth such ass-kissing.
"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?" Malfoy's displeasingly noisy, stinging voice echoed around the courtyard. People were stopping to look at them now.
"Come on, everyone line up!" He continued, his voice booming to the crowd. "Harry Potter. The Harry Potter, is giving out signed photos!"
"No, I'm not," Harry said, with clenched fists, as Lia said, "Shut up, Malfoy. No one likes you."
He swung his face around to pierce Lia with a sullen leer. He was probably remembering that time during the summer holidays, when she'd given his father a black eye.
"Hello again, Agorios," he said, not looking friendly at all. "I like your hair." Lia looked at him with intense distrust. "How did you get it to come curling out of your nostrils like that?"
"The same way you managed to get that stick up your arse," said Lia.
"You're just jealous!" Colin shrilled. Lia thought it was rather brave of him to stand up for Harry, considering that Crabbe and Goyle looked like they could break him into two pieces, just as easily as you would a twig.
"Jealous?" Malfoy didn't even have to shout anymore to get the students' attention – half the court was already listening intently. "What? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself."
"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron. It was a bit of a weird insult to think up, but it did manage to stop Crabbe and Goyle from snickering. They were trying to attempt to look menacing now, banging a closed fist into their palm. Crabbe kind of reminded her of that troll she'd stunned in first grade, when they'd saved Hermione in the girl's bathrooms.
"You should watch yourself Weasley," Malfoy jeered. "You don't want to start any trouble or your Mommy'll have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice, a horrid imitation of Ron's mother. "If you put another toe out of line' - "
Some fifth-year Slytherins had started laughing loudly. Lia sent them a very expressive, dark look, and they shut up.
"Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," smirked Malfoy. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house -"
Multiple things happened then - Ron whipped out his wand, which looked worryingly volatile as it was still wrapped up with tape; Lia asked with mockery, "And what's your autograph worth Mopefoy? Shit?"; and Hermione closed the book she was reading and said, "Look out!"
Lockhart strode towards them. "What's all ... what's all this?" He saw Harry and swung an arm around his shoulders, like they were old pals already. "Oh! I needn't have asked. So, we meet again, Harry! Come, Mr. Creevey, we'll take a group photo. Two stars in one, can't get much better than that! And we can both sign it for you!"
Lia would have laughed at the humiliation on Harry's face, had she not wanted to give the smirking Malfoy any more satisfaction than he already had. The school bell rung, Lockhart said, "Move along now," and walked off with Harry.
She heard short snippets of their conservation, as she trailed after them. Gryffindor had been paired with Slytherin, so she had Defense Against the Dark Arts too. "Covered up for you … looks a tad bigheaded … setting yourself up too much … too early in your career … maybe someday like me … I just don't think you're quite there yet." Lia thought that Lockhart honestly made it sound like Harry was actually a superstar, and he was taking on the role of publicity manager or something.
"You could've fried an egg on your face," said Ron to Harry, when they were all seated in the classroom.
Lia grinned. "Maybe I'll introduce Creevey to Ginny, and we can start a Harry Potter fan club."
"Shut up."
Their quarrelling died down, as Lockhart cleared his throat and launched into an egotistical introduction about himself.
"...I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!" Lia was pleased when no one laughed.
She couldn't hold in a snort of disbelief when she looked at the test Lockhart had set them:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart 's favorite color? ("Poo-brown," Lia thought)
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition? (To become the next Narcissus)
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date? (The fact that Lia hadn't slapped him yet)
The questions droned on and on, the paper having three sides, until it finally finished with:
6. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be? (No one cares, and an oversized gold statue of himself)
Well, she was going to fail.
Lia wasn't surprised when Lockhart said that Hermione Granger had received full marks on the test, it was in Granger's nature to excel at everything. But she scoffed at Lockhart's secret ambition – ridding the world of evil and marketing his own hair-care potions? Maybe he could mix those two goals together and make enchanted shampoos that zapped away all your sinful thoughts!
"At least the lesson can't get any worse!" Lia thought, optimistically.
She was wrong.
Lockhart had brought in a cage full of Cornish pixies. Lia knew that they couldn't be considered dangerous, but they were annoying mischief-makers. These Cornish ones were an eye-catching shade of cobalt blue, and had jagged faces, with voices so high-pitched, they could almost break glass.
"Right, then," Lockhart said. "Let's see what you make of them!" Lia opened her mouth to tell the professor that it might be a tad more befitting if they learned the correct spell to repel them before facing the pixies, when he flicked the lock and the cage door swung out.
Chaos ensued.
A pixie flew straight at Lia and tugged hard at her hair. "Ow. Quit it," she said, swatting at it with her hand. She soon lost her patience and sent a stunning spell at the pixie, causing it to fall to the ground.
Neville was now being tugged up into the sky by a group of them, so that he dangled in midair. Multiple had jetted through the window like bullets, so that an explosion of broken glass lay everywhere. Others were now running amok through the classroom, everywhere they touched ended up looking as if a hurricane had passed through – books were torn, chairs thrown about, tables pushed over, hung paintings thrown down. Lia saw with a small amount of glee that a pixie hung off Malfoy's ear. He looked like he'd been bitten on the face too.
"Come on now - round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted, which was rich considering that he had told them how dangerous these creatures were mere minutes beforehand.
Seeing that no one in the class was having any luck with the small yet enormously aggravating imps, he drew out his wand and yelled, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" Nothing happened – it probably had been something Lockhart had made up on the spot. Her professor ended up with no wand, a pixie having thrown it out of the window. He swallowed in fear and hid under a desk.
Lia saw with wide eyes that Neville was falling perilously down as the pixies let go of his shoulders. "Aresto momentum," she cried, pointing her wand at Neville. To her relief, he immediately slowed down, and somewhat glided gracefully to the floor. At least now she knew that she could perform that charm.
Scanning her eyes around, Lia saw that the chandelier had been lifted off its hooks, and was plummeting as well. Hermione saw this too, and yelled, "Wingardium Leviosa." The ceiling light halted in its movement, slowly hovered up and reattached to the clasp.
Lia had had enough of this. She aimed at the ceiling and chanted, "Petrificus Totalus." The curse did its job, and the pixies, now paralysed, dropped down. Lia realised too late that since she had immobilised the creatures, their wings could no longer beat, meaning that they were all going to get concussions from pixies falling on them. Her thoughts flew about rapidly.
"Spongify," she said. They immediately turned elastic, soft and bouncy. One pixie bounced, benign, off her head. There was a sudden echo of multiple thumps.
"Oh dear," Lia whispered. Although her augmented spells had taken care of all the pixies, she had forgotten that amplifying the incantations would mean that the professor and other students would be affected as well. Lockhart was collapsed on the ground, unable to move, in a position that made him look as if he were a puddle of slime.
She gasped, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry! Uh … I'll just get these pixies into the cage. And then I'll say the countercurse."
Lia felt considerably awkward shoving the creatures back into the enclosure. She imagined everyone's eyes glaring holes into her back, which inspired her to try to work as fast as she could, but the pixies were numerous, and she was only one person. Finally, she was able to swing shut the lock on the door. She swiftly said the countercharm and then the countercurse for her two spells. Thankfully, it worked. She would die of embarrassment if she had to explain what had happened to another professor and ask them for help. The pixies started banging against the cage again, trying to escape.
Lia apologized persistently to Professor Lockhart straightaway – she did not want a detention - but he'd waved away her words with a casual flick of his hand. "No worries at all, Lia. Of course, I was just giving the class … a little test. Obviously, I knew all along how to deal with those pixies, so you didn't have to panic. But, a remarkable display of skill, quite beyond that of a Second Year student. Five points to Slytherin."
"Lia," Harry complained for the hundredth time, as Lockhart dismissed the class. "My bones are all liquidy. I think my muscles disintegrated."
"That would be the side effects of the softening charm," said Hermione, rubbing at her neck.
"Why couldn't you use some other spell?" grumbled Ron. "Arrastoe momantum would have worked just fine on the pixies."
"Well I'm sorry," Lia said in a sarcastic voice. "I'd like to see you do better under pressure. Besides, it's Aresto Momentum. And anyway, unless you have a time turner on you, I can't change anything can I?"
"You wouldn't have to change anything if you'd just thought before you-"
"At least I helped. All you did was scream like a little girl."
"I wasn't screaming! I was just going to-"
"Ron," snapped Hermione, cutting him off. "Don't be so rude. You should thank Lia. What she did was quite impressive."
Ron opened his mouth to throw back another retort, when Lia glanced at the clock. "Don't you three have to get to your History of Magic class?"
"What about you?" asked Harry.
"Free period," Lia said smugly.
She was passing through the corridors, heading back to the Slytherin common room, when the same body-binding curse she had used in class, hit her on the back. She fell, nose-first, onto the ground. For a minute, all she could see were the marble tiles paved along the floor. She could feel a bump forming on her head, and she was just contemplating whether or not her nose was broken, when a hand reached out and turned her over.
She was now facing the ceiling, staring into Goyle's ugly face, Crabbe following just behind him. She cursed mentally when she spotted pale blonde hair in their midst. She'd been so scatterbrained and drained after the spectacle in Defense Against the Dark Arts (which Lockhart had turned into Defense Against the Pixies), that she'd forgotten to cast her usual shield charm.
"Don't touch her!" yelled Malfoy. "She'll send a jinx at you." Lia groaned mentally. So Malfoy was smarted than he looked. And with her hands bound to her sides, she had no way of aiming any spell at the three of them.
"How do we move her then?" Crabbe grunted.
"For god's sake. Here let me." Lia felt herself lift up and hover in the air – Malfoy was using a levitating spell on her. "In here," he said, gesturing towards an abandoned classroom. He hastily said a sound-proofing spell, and locked the door.
"Tie her to that chair," he ordered. "No, Goyle! You idiot. Don't use ropes, she'll burn through them. Take those chains over there. Tightly. Make sure she won't be able to move." The cool metal dug itself into Lia's skin, as Malfoy's sidekicks looped it again and again over her body.
Mopefoy checked the chains, and when he was satisfied, he smirked at her, and said the countercurse.
Lia's entire body was shackled and immobilized, so she did the best she could with what she had. Gathering up a big wad of saliva, she opened her mouth and spat in Malfoy's face.
"What now Malfoy?" she hissed. "Are you going to rape me?""