Man, Dirge of Cerberus is entirely too addicting. I've been playing it for like three days straight. The weather sucks, it just needs to finish raining and let me not have a migraine. Wretched weather. Anywho, this chapter is...interesting. And not in a good way interesting. It makes me wonder about my mind when I write things like this.

I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I also don't own The Full Monty, or David Hasselhoff. (Doesn't it make you wonder when those two things are put in the same sentence?)

-ring-

"Hello?"

"Tseng. Morning. Got a question for you."

"Reno? It's seven-thirty in the morning. I'll wring your neck when I see you."

"Yeah, yeah. The guy in the woods shooting at the helicopter. Which leg did you say was heavier than the other?"

"What? Uh...the right one. Why?"

"Cause there's a guy in front of me and he's limping like his right foot is heavier than his left. And he just bought some dental floss from the drug store."

"You know that he bought dental floss?"

"Followed him in. Wake up and get down here. Rude's already on the way."

"You own us big time for working while we're here."

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry."

Reno hung up the phone and continued to follow the man down several streets. He left his communicator on so the other Turks could follow the signal. He was five blocks from the drug store when Rude called him, letting him know they were in position. At the next intersection, Reno caught up with the man, gently slapping the man on the back as though they were friends.

"Hey there, pal! Been a while, hasn't it?" He sounded cheerful, but the look he gave the man was anything but friendly. It was the 'Try Anything and You'll Find Out What Your Spleen Looks Like' look, patent pending. The man jumped and stared at Reno for a moment before breaking out in a cold sweat and moving a foot to the left. "Wouldn't try that." The man looked to the left and found Rude walking casually toward them. The other two directions were covered by Tseng and Elena. He looked behind him, and found something completely unexpected. Rufus Shinra smiling at him, hands casually held in his pockets.

Reno gave his boss a small wave, surprised as well at seeing Rufus.

"Hey, let's go get breakfast! I know just the place! Or do you want to make a scene? You'd have to explain why your fingerprints were found on that rifle in the woods now, wouldn't you?"

"I-I do-"

"Great! The gang's all here, so let's go!"

"I'm not-"

"Don't you worry, I'm buying." The man was practically dragged down the street, stumbling every so often and sweating bullets. They were on the palace steps when he tried to jerk away, but Reno's grip on his shoulder prevented it. "No, it's this way! Godo'll be SO happy to see us."

-----In Godo's study-----

"What is the meaning of this! How dare you come back in here, Tu-who is that?"

"This?" Reno pushed the man into a chair. He fell into it, hands gripping the armrests hard. "This is the guy that tried to hurt Renji."

"What?" Godo was outraged, leaping to his feet and glaring at Reno. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you know, Lord Godo?" Rufus said, calmly taking the other chair in the room. Reno had his eyes on the sweating man. It made him more nervous than could be accounted for. "This man tried to shoot down the helicopter Renji was riding in the other morning. I would imagine the report has been 'lost' so that you wouldn't know about it." Godo stared in stark disbelief. "Would you like to see the bullet holes in the helicopter? Or would you rather match his fingerprints to that on the gun? We have that, and genetic material from some dental floss found at the scene."

"Floss? He was FLOSSING while shooting?"

"Hey." Reno said, still looking at the man. "Why do you believe the President and not me?"

"Because you are a scoundrel and liar."

"This is true. I'm more interested in interviewing this guy than your views on my personality, though."

"What makes you think I will allow you to do such a thing to a citizen?"

"This man nearly killed your grandson. Do you really think he deserves to be protected?" Rufus asked.

"No." The look Godo gave the man seated before him was chilling, but it was somehow more welcome than the cold smile Reno wore.

---Below the Palace---

The cell was neither small nor large. It was dark and musty from disuse. Shackles hung from the walls, rusted, but holding bitter memories that seemed to haunt the 'dungeon'. This was the place traitors to the Throne feared to go. Most would commit suicide before coming here. It was eerily silent, not even the sound of water dripping or the squeak of a mouse breaking it.

The man was bound to a metal chair, chains in place around his torso, holding his arms rigidly to his sides. Similar chains held his legs and feet in place. He could barely breath without straining against them. He was staring at the floor, and had ignored Tseng and Godo when they tried to get answers out of him. He heard the cell door open and close again, ignoring the new person that had entered until he saw a flash of red hair. His head shot up, fear making his eyes widen.

"See, you get to talk to me if you don't want to talk to them. I'll ask you just once. Who ordered you to hurt my son?" He remained silent and returned to staring at the wall. "Okay, good. I was hoping you'd do that." Reno pulled something out of his jacket pocket. It was a book. He could not read the title on the spine from his angle without turning to look at it. "Let's see. 'Torture for Dummies'. Blah, blah, tie up the person, got that part down. Blah, blah, blah, make sure the person is awake and sane." Reno leaned down to look closely at the man's face. "Got it."

'Ensure the victim is reasonably healthy, seeing as the torture process is lengthy and highly lethal for the victim,especially at the hands of a beginner such as yourself. This guide will take you step by step through the most popular tortures of all time. There is the ever popular 'Water Torture', which the Wutainese have perfected. (Keep in mind this is a lengthy process, so those of you with short attention spans should chose another form of torture.) Disembowelment is another popular choice, but requires the use of several implements not readily available to the public. (Your local butcher shop should have the supplies needed for this.) There are four chapters dedicated to psychological torture, some with required time spans of years to a few hours. (A staff favorite is to have the victim subjected to Mr. Hasselhoff performing 'The Full Monty' as a one man play, in person.) Plus a few no one really wants to think about.' The Hoff ISN'T part of the 'don't want to think about it' category? That's just wrong."

"Hey, let's skip to that part! I bet I'm a natural at this shit." Reno lit a cigarette, taking a drag as he flipped through the book. He paused, turning the book to the side and making a disgusted face at it. "Man, that's just nasty. Who wants to swallow their own balls?"

"It won't work." Reno looked at the man, cigarette sitting on his lips . "Torture is no longer used in civilized countries."

"See, here's the thing. You could have talked to them," Reno indicated the men standing outside the cell with a thumb over his shoulder. "But, you didn't, which means I get to try out my new book. I've been dying to use it."

"You wouldn't dare. You have no authority here."

"Think again. Who do you think locked the door after me? Hmm?" Reno was still flipping through the book, scanning the pages. "Let's see...removal of bones by joint, by classification...how to take out bones while leaving most of the skin intact, might be interesting." The page was dog-eared. "Castration...nah, I'm not one for having to touch another man's balls." Reno shuddered slightly at the thought. "Elena might like that one. Um...Angry Cats. I like that one. We'll try that. And one more, for good measure. Hmm...here's a good one! 'How to skin someone alive.' Alright!"

'This is an age old art, first used by hunters to skin prey for their furs. This was valuable knowledge to primitive man, who used it on a weekly basis. It begins with an incision on the abdomen of the animal, opening the body cavity, allowing the entrails to be removed or saved. (Ox hearts, while difficult to come by to primitive man, were much sought after. Dining on the entrails of your victim would of course cause a great deal of psychological damage to them, but they would quickly die of blood loss, thus negating the torture routine. What's the point of torture if they don't live to scream through it?)

It was first used on a daily basis by the Barbarians of the North, who, being war-like and, well, barbaric, decided it would be a great way to subdue the masses. It did indeed work, but they lacked a use for the skins and began using them as kites after they were tanned.'

"That's nasty, body shaped kites."

'For best effect, the victim must be sane and strapped securely to a table. A chair will do in a pinch, but tends to make the skin rip rather than stay in one piece. Now, the tools you will require are: scalpel or other small, sharp knife with a thin blade; waterproof tarp; spray bottle of salt-water, elbow length rubber gloves; butcher's apron; fishing boots; and a strong stomach.'

"Well, shit, all I've got is the knife and the strong stomach. Wonder what the salt-water's for. Any ideas, guy?" Reno nudged the man's foot with one of his own. "Guess you're not so clever, huh? You'd have to be pretty stupid to take orders from someone that picks YOU to do some dirty work. I've seen teenagers do a better job than you."

"You know nothing! There is no way in hell you can do such a thing."

"Then why are you sweating so much?"

"..."

"Cause you know that I know you did it. Alright, let's get started. Damn it, now I've gone and lost my place!" Reno was furiously flipping pages, trying to find his place. "There! Found it." The page was dog-eared, and Reno began fumbling for something in his pocket.

'Ensure the victim is securely held in place, the less mobility the better. Jerky movements, like the ones you will soon witness, make for jagged edges on the removed skin. You should always strive for clean cuts. While partially for aesthetics, this aids in keeping the removed skin intact rather than in several pieces. (On your first try, you will probably remove chunks of flesh along with the skin. It is completely normal. Finesse comes with practice.)'

'Once the victim is secured, take the knife and insert it directly into the flesh.'

"Okay, take knife," Reno removed a knife from his pocket while coming to stand at the man's shoulder. He placed the point on the flesh. "And insert." Reno quickly jabbed the knife into the skin, half way up the hilt. The man screamed in pain and anger.

"What the hell are you doing!"

'Make sure the knife blade is not buried.'

"Whoops." Reno pulled the blade mostly out, keeping the tip in the wound.

'Once the blade is inserted properly, tilt it to a forty-five degree angle.'

The man screamed as Reno moved the knife inside his flesh. He tried vainly to pull away from the knife and from the man that held it. Reno made an annoyed face at him, smacking him on the head with his book.

"Quiet, I'm trying to make sure I do this right."

"YOU'RE INSANE! LET ME OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT! LORD GODO WILL NEVER STAND FOR THIS!"

"Godo's outside the door right now, fuck-tard. All you had to do was talk to Tseng there, but you didn't, so this is what you get for messing with my kid. Now shut up and take it like a man."

'Keeping your knife at this angel, make a long cut, at least twelve inches.' Reno had to raise his voice to be heard over the man's screams. He heard a set of feet shifting outside the cell. He hoped Godo would keep playing along with this for a little longer. 'Now, remove your knife and re-insert it in the incision, this time at a ninety-degree angle. (It gets a little messy here, so if you have an assistant, make sure they sop up all the blood pouring out of the wound.)' Reno did so, but paused half way down the incision.

"Wait, how am I supposed to start peeling skin back from one cut?" He held the book closer to his face, letting out a jubilant cry. "I have to make two more cuts like the first one! Duh, I'm not good enough to do it with just a single cut. Okay, so, let's make two more..."

"NO, YOU SICK BASTARD! NO!"

"I'll make them going toward your face, so that you can see the skin I'm peeling off." The knife point was set at the top of the original cut, poised to make another one.

"SAKUYA! SAKUYA HAWATARI!"

"Huh? Oh, he's the guy that hired you? What a pansy sounding name. Is he gay?" Reno said, once again inserting the knife point into the man's flesh.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL TALK, JUST GET THIS PSYCHO AWAY FROM ME!"

"Aw, man. Here I was just getting into it..." Reno was almost pouting as Tseng walked into the cell. Tseng only raised an eyebrow at him before turning his attention to the now bleeding man in the chair.

"Why?"

"He was the one favored by Godo for marriage into the Kisaragi Clan before she got pregnant. But Yuffie can't marry with that kid around."

"I don't like liars, Mr. Siun. Reno, have at it."

"Great! Where were we..." The man started to sweat again and nearly hyperventilated when the knife was against his skin. "Stop squirming. You're making the cuts all jagged, and the book says that makes the skin come off in pieces instead of-"

"I DON'T CARE! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Nope." Reno made the second and third incisions while the man screamed, ignoring him. "Okay, hold the knife at a ninety-degree angle...make a tiny cut along the line of the first incision...repeat several times to begin the process. Man, this is taking longer than I thought it would."

"Stop. I'll...tell the truth. I swear it...just stop." The man was trembling, but he was telling the truth finally.

"Out with it, then." Tseng once again stepped forward, temporarily obscuring the man's view of Reno.

"Revenge. He wants revenge."

"Revenge for what, Mr. Siun?"

"He was slighted by Yuffie when he put forth a marriage proposal four years ago. She said she'd rather marry a Turk." Reno snickered at that. "He takes honor seriously, and he thinks she tainted his. He hired me to get rid of the kid, then shame her."

"Why you?"

"I don't care one way or another what happens to them, but he offered me a great deal of money."

"And?"

"And, he offered to let me have her, when it was over."

"Anything else?"

"He provided anything I needed, the gun, the chocobo, a year's worth of dental floss."

"What will he do to Ms. Kisaragi?"

"I don't know. I don't care. Just so long as I get her when he's done as I was promised."

"Thank you, Mr. Siun. Have a good day." Tseng walked out of the room, Reno leaving with him. They ignored the yells from inside the cell, demanding he be healed and set free. "Lord Godo, do you know this Sakuya Hawatari's location?"

"Know it? He's the man in charge of the city's patrol system and police, not to mention security."

"Explains why you never got a report on the park and the helicopter." Reno said, lighting another cigarette. "You got a problem with me taking care of him, Godo?"

"You can't go around killing citizens like it's nothing! Were you raised by wolves?"

"Who said I'd kill the bastard?" Reno grinned, and it made Godo glance at the book he still held.

"Where in the world did you find a book like that?"

"This?" Reno held it up for Godo to see. "This is a translation of the Scriptures of the Ancients. What? You act like I can't read or something." He shook his head and walked to the stairs leading up to the ground floor, reading aloud from the book.

'...the Dark God's arrow shot from the heavens and buried in the earth. The Shadow which wears Darkness as it's cloak. It shall be both savior and destructor, flooding the world with chaos and hope...'

The rest of the Turks and Godo stood stock still, staring after Reno. Elena was the first to move, making her own way up the stairs. Tseng turned to Rude before following the other's upstairs.

"Was he really making that up?"

"No idea."