Bullseye!

Clark and Lois headed up the wooden staircase to the upper level where food was served. It was almost empty and the loud rock music didn't seem to reach up here, being mere background noise. It was a lot easier to converse up here. There was a smaller bar in the corner and a private function room behind the door on the far side, and a set of swinging doors from which waitresses kept bringing out food. She'd mentioned getting another round of shots in.

"You really should pace yourself," advised Clark, noting that Lois was starting to look a little unsteady.

"I'm fine!" she replied. "Us Lanes can handle the hard stuff. Wherever we go in the world, we make sure they know that!"

Clark smirked at her obnoxiousness and detected a very slight slurring in her speech as a waitress came over to take their order.

"Hi," Lois began. "I hear you guys do the bestest cheeseburger in all the mid-west. I would like two of them with the works. Oh, and if you do Cajun fries, I want some of them too!"

Though Lois was holding a menu card showing that her exact order was one of the specials, she hadn't noticed it. The drink was now really kicking in. Clark wasn't bothered that Lois had again ordered for him without asking, because the burger and fries sounded good to him too.

"And would you like anything to drink?"

Clark cut in and requested a couple of club sodas with ice and a slice. If they were going to drink, they should at least break it up with something alcohol free every once in a while. If for no other reason than to give their throats a chance to recover. The waitress left to place their order, telling them it would be around 15 minutes.

There was a bowl of salted peanuts on the table. Spotting them, Lois started tossing them into the air one by one, trying to catch them in her mouth. She missed every single one as they bounced off her nose, off her head or off the wall behind her. Clark took the bowl away, telling Lois that she was decorating the floor with peanuts.

The waitress soon came back with their food and drinks. The burger was held in place by a large skewer and the fries surrounded it like soldiers manning a fort. Little pots of mayonnaise and ranch dressing were placed on the table. The burger bun was more akin to a brioche loaf, and the burger contained a cheese sauce rather than sliced and melted cheese. They sat and ate, and the burgers were indeed delicious, so much so that Clark polished his off in about five big bites.

"You eat so fast, Smallville."

Clark was now polishing off his Cajun fries too. He looked up. "Farm work builds up a big appetite I guess. I like to eat."

Lois had managed about half her burger at this point, having pinched several fries from Clark's plate for whatever reason.

"Yeah, I remember when I was living with you guys. You always had extra helpings."

Clark smiled. "Mom's a great cook."

Lois nodded absent-mindedly, looking into the distance and thinking of something to say. She blurted out the first thought that came to her.

"But now you got Lana. Hey, can she cook? I've never even seen her eat."

"We take turns to cook. She's actually very good, and she can make a mean meatloaf," he replied, amused.

"Tha's nice," Lois sighed. "I can't cook for sh-"

"Lois!" Clark chided her on her language.

"Oh, stop being such a choir boy," she opined, before leaning closer. "It's true though. I once made this cake. It had blue icing and yellow candles on it. They were the only parts you could eat!"

Clark laughed out loud. Lois was talking about the birthday cake she'd made for his 19th birthday. The cake itself was a disaster - lop-sided, with too much icing, and with way too much rum meaning the batter didn't actually bake. He remembered the alcohol fumes when he'd cut into it. He couldn't stomach the cake but was touched by the thoughtful gesture, having come so soon after his father's death. She was nothing if not a trier. He was broken out of his reminiscence by Lois' sudden mood swing.

"Don't matter anyway. I'm never gonna meet anybody to cook for anyhow."

She slapped her hands down onto her thighs before crossing her arms, and was now sporting the most adorable pouty lip to go with the bummed-out frown.

"Hey, c'mon now Lois. You said we were gonna have fun, remember?"

"Wha's fun 'bout goin' home alone all the time? They all wan' fun time with Lois but they all go away again. Nobody wants me because I'm not good enough!"

Well that was a turn up. Lois, whether or not she was aware of it, was again laying bare all her insecurities about herself. Things that obviously churned up inside her were bubbling to the surface.

"Lois, you're belligerent, you talk too much, you listen even less, and you have a tendency to act without thinking that gets you in trouble all the time."

Lois narrowed her eyes at his jibe. "Don't sugar coat it Clark, say what you really feel!"

"Those might be your bad points Lois, but on the flip side, you care about things more than just about anybody I know. You want to make your mark on the world by making it a better place."

He hesitated briefly to gauge how Lois might take that little snippet, and also for the next bit. She could be alarmed or she could laugh in his face.

"Look, I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but you are beautiful. Of course guys are going to be interested. The right guy is out there for you. You either haven't met him yet or you've already met him and just don't know it."

"Tha's really sweet!" she gushed mockingly.

"He doesn't know what he's letting him in for, but he could do a whole lot worse than to have you in his life. Don't give up on it just yet."

He was surprised at how easily the words came to him. Lois was not normally one to require reassurance but he sensed that this was one of those times where it was necessary. She'd obviously been feeling down in the dumps recently just as he had, albeit for different reasons.

"I hope Lana realises how lucky she is to have someone like you, Smallville." This time Lois was being sincere.

Having finished and paid for their meal, Lois wanted to go back downstairs. She remembered there was a dartboard near the pool tables. The bar had slowly been emptying of punters during the evening, and there were now probably half as many people there as there had been when Lois and Clark first walked in. It was also noticeable that the music had changed from general rock tunes to more mainstream pop/R&B. Holding onto the railing, Lois slowly made her way back down as Clark once again followed.

"OK, so what's next on the itinerary?" he asked her.

"Ever played darts?"

"Lois, I have a dartboard in the barn. You've played on it!"

Lois stopped walking, almost causing Clark to walk into her. She was now babbling away about how she used to play against army cadets back at the base.

"I'd hustle those guys…top up my allowance," she started. "Imagine that, a 14 year old handing out ass whuppings to a bunch of trained soldiers!"

Clark could only shake his head. No matter how much Lois might brag about her darts throwing prowess, he had his doubts. She was finding it difficult to walk in a straight line already. To him, right in front of the dartboard was probably the safest place to stand when Lois had dart in hand.

Lois grabbed the darts off the board before sauntering back down to the mark on the oche. Clark watched her totter unsteadily as she looked up in his direction, no doubt spotting several other punters behind him somewhere. Any second now, she would issue a challenge to Clark or anybody in the vicinity to take her on in a game of darts. Another drinking game was in the offing. He went and stood beside her.

"C'mon Lois, don't you think this is a bit much?"

"What are you talking 'bout? I feel…fleel fine!" she snapped back.

"Well, can't you at least face the dartboard?" argued Clark.

"Oopsie!" laughed Lois, swivelling back. Her eyes were looking very glassy but she still kept the huge grin on her face.

Lois picked up the first dart, eyed up the board - hopefully the middle one - and lifted the dart up by her left eye to take aim. Pulling back and releasing, she watched as the dart arced its way just wide of the scoring area, piercing the number 16 to the left. She stared at the board in bafflement, wondering how she'd failed to hit the target.

"That was jus' a warm-up," she declared, causing Clark to roll his eyes. "This time, I'm-a get me a treble 20."

As with the first attempt, she began to take aim. Deciding to correct her stance mid-throw, she again released her dart. Yet again, it fell wide of the scoring area, landing about an inch to the left of her first dart. Even more bamboozled and now a tad annoyed, she narrowed her eyes at the board and stood hands on hips. She was being made to look like an idiot and was not happy about it. She huffed in indignation, gritting her teeth and scowling at the board.

"You know what?" she began to explain away the problem to nobody in particular. "It's not my aim tha's off. I'm jus' not releasing the dart with enough power!"

"Oh yeah," said Clark, laying on the sarcasm thick, "that's the problem."

"Watch and learn, Smallville," she retorted smugly.

Clark stood beside her and motioned for the master to teach the student before folding his arms. He was clearly enjoying the entertainment. She'd convinced herself on where she'd gone wrong and was adamant that now she understood the issue, dealing with it would be a breeze. Taking her third dart, she stepped up to the oche once more. She stood remarkably still, squinting at the dartboard like an old West gunslinger sizing up his foe. Dart between her fingers, she raised it up to eye level and took a deep breath. Pulling back, Lois released the dart. The power behind the release forced her to stumble. Instead of a gentle arc, the dart whistled through the air before its progress was halted by a solid surface. The trouble was, the throw was even more wayward than the ones before. She was getting worse, not better.

Lois looked up at the board, trying to see where her dart had landed. Had she hit that treble 20?

"Uh, Lois?" Clark stepped over to her and pointed at where the dart had ended up. Lois saw his finger pointing up at the wall and followed its path, now seeing what he'd spotted. The dart had been thrown about 10 feet too high and about 10 feet wide of the board. It had embedded itself in the canvas painting of the Sharks' most famous player - right in the family jewels. He now looked like he was screaming in agony.

"Well that's gonna hurt in the mornin'!" she shrugged.

They heard an eruption of laughter behind them.

Lois was really starting to feel the effects of her binge now as her world began to spin. She ambled over to the couches beside the oche, slumping down. She closed her eyes to take away the room spin.

"Think I'll jus' close my eyes for a minute."

Clark moved over to sit down beside her. He was now thinking about how to get them home. It was a fair way to Smallville and neither of them would be driving. It looked as though many other people had had the same idea as the bar began to empty. It was nowhere near closing time yet, but O'Malley's on a Friday night was often an early stop off as people headed on towards where all the clubs were. Most of the people still here looked like they'd come straight from work to unwind a little.

Wendy was walking around, collecting empty glasses and wiping down tables. Spotting Clark and Lois, she came over.

"I think she's out for the count," said Wendy, looking at Lois slumped on the couch with her eyes closed.

"Yeah," Clark replied. "I think we're gonna head back soon."

"Need me to call you a cab?"

"No, I'll figure something out. Cabs will be too expensive, and we need to head back to Smallville."

"Smallville? That's pretty far. Are you sure?"

Clark had to think of a quick reply. Making his excuses, he answered. "Yeah, I know somebody who's heading there really late. We'll get a ride back from him."

"Smallville is right here," sounded a sleepy mumble from beside him. It was Lois partaking in this conversation even while half asleep. Just to emphasise the fact, she reached her hand out and patted his knee.

"We'd better go," Clark nodded to Wendy as he got back up. "How much do we owe you?"

"It's all on Lois' tab. I think she claims expenses," replied Wendy. "Well, goodnight."

With that, Wendy walked away and continued to clear up the empties from around the bar. She was a bit baffled by how Clark looked totally unaffected by the booze while Lois was totally floored, even though they'd both been drinking. He must have a very high tolerance threshold.

"C'mon Lois, we'd better be heading back. We still have to get your stuff."

Lois began to stand up, still sleepy. All of a sudden, a huge grin started to form on her face and her eyes opened, lit up. Clark didn't understand. She moved out from beside him, stepping carefully towards a pillar just to the side of the oche. Was she going to try and play darts again? Was she going to order another round of shots? Placing a hand around the pillar, her eyes locked onto Clark's.

It was now that he realised what song was playing. The lyrics were tormenting him now just as they had all those years ago.

# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?

Don't cha? #

Flowing blonde locks. Skin delightfully tanned from a European summer. The skimpiest of skimpy bikinis decked out like the Stars 'N' Stripes. And that body. Oh god, that body!

# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

Don't cha? #

Clark would never again be able to listen to this song without visualising Lois and her raw sexuality. It had come to him in a number of dreams for weeks afterwards, always jolting him awake as he considered the implications of such thoughts. The rest of the Windgate club and its patrons vanishing into a black void as if nothing else mattered as their eyes locked on one another. He had tried in vain to replace Lois with Lana in these dreams but it never worked. Lana was far too much of a girl-next-door whereas Lois was every bit the wild child to tease, tantalise and torment him like the girl in the song.

Right now though, it was a drunk girl in a blue shirt and black pants soft-stepping sensually around the 'pole', raising her left calf around the bottom and leaning back while holding on. Even while totally hammered and fully clothed, the raw sexuality was still there in abundance. Or was it? Lois' hand slipped from the pillar, eliciting a yelp as she tumbled onto her back in comical fashion.

"Alright Sailor, let's go before our ship heads back out to sea without us."

"Sailor!" Lois repeated, giggling as if he'd said the funniest thing she'd ever heard as he stooped to help her back up.

At least the song would now bring on another image in his mind. One that he could deal with.