Chucking out time.
Lois squealed as she stumbled while making her way through the bar and back outside, almost crashing into a group of people in front of her. At some point during the evening, it had begun to rain and was pouring down now. Clark stuck close behind to make sure she didn't fall over. Lois hadn't brought a jacket so Clark did the honourable thing and removed his, draping it over Lois' shoulders. He had to help her put the jacket on properly as she was almost incapable of standing upright or manipulating her limbs, and it looked like she would either pass out or fall asleep any minute now.
"Lois, we're gonna head back to the Planet to grab your stuff, then I'll call a cab to take us home. I can't drive and you definitely shouldn't be driving. Got it?"
Lois' eyes were glazed over and she didn't appear to be listening. Judging by her smile, she was in her happy place amongst the pink dancing elephants.
"Lois, did you hear what I said?" he asked, a little louder so as to be heard over the sound of the rain and the music.
Lois blinked and slowly turned to look up at Clark, lifting her hand to pat him drunkenly on the chest.
"Awww, Clarkie Boy wanna take care of lil ol' me," she slurred before putting her finger to her lips and motioning for Clark to lean closer as though she were divulging some big secret on the hush-hush.
"Don't tell him but I think he's really yummy," she whispered before giggling happily.
For his part, Clark played along, grinning and rolling his eyes. If he ever mentioned this to her, she would think he'd taken leave of his senses and say something about being able to hold her liquor. Lois in the alternate universe had been very up front about the fact she really liked him, and her comment here in the real world at least implied that Lois was consistent in what she thought, if not in what she'd be prepared to express. He'd actually had a really good time and it was only when they'd stepped outside into the downpour that Lana's current problems returned to the forefront of his thinking. Lois had delivered in taking his mind off things. He thought she was an absolute blast when drunk and uninhibited, and the funniest person he knew by a long way. He also felt like he needed to take care of her and make sure she got home safely because she was in no fit state to do so herself. As entertaining as the evening had been, she was in for a killer headache in the morning.
"Come on Lois, you can hold onto me. The sooner we get out of this rain, the sooner we can get home."
"Ah, home," sighed Lois, trying to focus her eyes on the scene around her. "Are we in Kansas?"
As Lois tottered in his grasp, the rain continued the pelt down and Clark's shirt was soaked through before they'd crossed the street. Their pace had slowed on account of Lois' diminished faculties but also because she kept stopping every so often to lift her head up and open her mouth to catch some raindrops. It looked ridiculous as her hair clung to her face. He swept it away with his fingers so she could see where she was going, or at least see those pink elephants dancing in front of her.
They entered the Daily Planet building and Clark was in two minds as to whether to use the elevator or take the stairs. On balance - well, his at least - and statistically speaking, the elevator was the safest way to travel but if Lois should suddenly feel the need to puke, he stood a much better chance of getting her to the ladies room or finding a trash can in time if they were out in the open, so that meant using the stairs. By now, Lois had rested her head against his chest and was half-asleep again so Clark carefully manoeuvred the two of them down the staircase and into the empty bullpen. The proximity to her own desk seemed to stir Lois awake. Maybe there was something about the ambience of the place that triggered Lois' familiarity.
"Hey, why am I at work? Didn't I finished for today?" Her grammar had taken a real hit.
"We're just here to pick up your bag and jacket, and then we're out of here, OK?" Clark replied.
He stepped with her to the coat stand and grabbed her jacket - putting back the one she'd grabbed that didn't belong to her - before stepping back over to her desk, reaching down into the bottom drawer to lift out her bag. A quick blast of x-ray vision confirmed she still had her car keys, apartment keys and her phone. If she'd forgotten anything on her desk, it would have to wait until some other time.
"Come on sleepy head, let's go."
"I'm not sleepy, I could stay awake all night," Lois mumbled with an adamance that was betrayed by closing eyes and a massive yawn. The alcohol fumes were strong as she settled her head back into the warm dry-ish spot on Clark's chest. Her feet would now be moving independently of any conscious signals being sent by her half-pickled brain.
He had to get her home fast. Checking the coast was clear and making sure he had a good grip on Lois as well as her belongings, he paused briefly to consider what effect travelling at the speed of sound might have on an inebriated Lois. Driving was out of the question and getting a cab at this time would be ridiculously expensive, so super-speeding was the only option. The sooner he got her back, the sooner he could dry her off. In a flash, they were both gone.
They pulled up next to the back door of the Talon, with the sudden stop causing Lois' damp hair to swish wildly, and the jacket she was wearing to billow out as it caught in the breeze. She shivered against Clark. He opened the door and led her inside, knowing she'd have to warm up and dry off lest she catch a cold. Fortunately, she was still well out of it and he had just the thing to fix the problem.
Clark gently placed Lois in a corner of the coffee shop where the wall met the back of one of the seating booths. It was a convenient enough spot to keep Lois upright for the moment. Summoning up his heat vision, Clark proceeded to send waves of very warm air to dry Lois off from head to toe.
"Mmm…that is sooo nice!" mumbled Lois as she smiled and put her arms around herself, basking in the sudden warmth. Her eyes were still closed, but her hair and clothes were now dry.
"C'mon, let's get you up and into bed," suggested Clark as he took hold of Lois' by the waist and led her to the staircase leading up to the apartment.
"Get me drunk then get me into bed…I ain't that kinda girl," Lois whispered sleepily in reply. Evidently, she wasn't totally switched off.
They made their way up the stairs steadily if a little noisily but just before they reached the top, Chloe had opened the door to the apartment. She had a large bag of trash which she was going to toss in the dumpster outside.
"Clark, uh…what happened?" she asked, looking at them quizzically.
"It's a long story Chloe."
"Whoa!" replied Chloe, taking in the sight of a wasted Lois who was about ready to slump on the floor. "Did she go to the mother of all parties and forget to tell me?"
Without thinking, Clark picked Lois up and crossed the threshold, only realising how that might appear to any onlooker. Chloe told him to lay Lois down on the bed while she went and tossed the trash outside. The two were all alone in the apartment for the moment.
"OK Lois, end of the line. Let's get you tucked in huh. I think you're gonna need to sleep this one off."
Clark had set Lois down in order to pull back the covers, and her eyes opened at the same time as he began to do so. His intention was simply to tuck her in before filling Chloe in on the details. Lois in her half-asleep reverie had other ideas.
Clark had momentarily let go of her to sit her down on the end of the bed while he pulled the covers halfway down. She seemed to sense that it was her bedtime so did what she might normally do in her own privacy - kicking off her shoes, she undid the belt buckle on the front of her shirt followed by the buttons remarkably quickly considering her current lack of lucidity and control, pulling it open before unzipping her pants, pulling them down to her knees as she stood back up to figure out how to get her legs out of them. Clark didn't stand a chance.
Turning back to her having felt the mattress move as she stood up, he was greeted by a sight he couldn't possibly forget in a hurry. Blue shirt unbuttoned and fully open, there was the voluptuous chest almost straining out over a black lacy bra, displaying the sort of cleavage that would make an underwear model blush. His eyes began to wander southwards, taking in the wonderfully smooth skin and toned definition of her torso, following a course down to the matching black lacy underwear that covered her promised land. He shouldn't have stared so hard or for so long - or maybe not at all - but now he'd seen it, it was he who was left in a trance-like state. Lois had a camel toe! He quickly shook his head to take charge of the situation. What was seen could not be unseen.
"Lois, you uh…you need to keep your clothes on. You don't wanna catch a cold now do you?"
"Don't…like…cold!" burbled Lois as Clark hurried back over to pull her pants back up. This was very embarrassing for him and if Lois ever found out that she'd got him to try and undress her, he would never hear the end of it. The fallout would be nuclear. She would never see it as her fault.
Despite verbally agreeing with Clark, Lois squirmed as he battled to get her re-dressed. Chloe would be back any second. Unfortunately, Lois didn't seem willing to cooperate so what followed was a battle of wills as Clark attempted to lift her pants back up and she fought to keep them in place. The net result was that Clark inadvertently ended up touching Lois' thighs, hips, the sides of her waist and even her boobs, making her squirm and giggle as it tickled her. He could not help but notice the softness of her skin and the faint trace of vanilla from whatever body lotion she used. His face slowly turned beetroot as he realised the situation he was in as for the second time in one night, he'd ended up putting his hands on her ass. Lois in her drunken state was the very definition of 'hot mess' with her bedraggled hair, her spaced out expression and her now half-nakedness. Underneath it all was something approaching physical perfection though.
You have a girlfriend bonehead, what the hell are you doing?
Clark was so focussed on the current problem, he failed to notice that the bed was now behind him. Lois stumbled forward into him, causing him to collapse on the bed as she landed on top of him, straddling him just below his waist. He still had his one hand on her waistband and the other just below one of her boobs, and her free hand was on the belt of his jeans. She giggled once more - her face only about six inches from his.
Of course, this was the moment Chloe just had to come back into the apartment. An audible gasp and the sound of her voice caused his eyebrows to shoot up and his head to swivel round. He looked like a red-faced teenager who'd been busted by his parents, while Chloe was stood there saucer-eyed and jaw to the floor.
"Oh my!" she'd uttered, unusually loudly but totally in keeping with her shock level.
Clark was mortified. This was so not what he'd planned, and he could only utter what a guy who'd been caught cheating on his wife or girlfriend might utter in this situation as he raised a hand, eyes pleading for understanding. His other hand was still beneath Lois' boob before he moved it away at blur speed, making her collapse onto him completely, squealing.
"It's not what it looks like!"
He shifted his weight to roll away, making Lois roll the other way towards the head of the bed. Plopping down onto the bed as her cousin and her partner-in-crime continued to stare at each other, she shivered and reached over to pull the covers about halfway up her face. A bit of fidgeting beneath the covers and she'd whipped her pants off, throwing them at the back of Clark's head before sinking down onto her plush pillow and feeling the state of bliss one feels after they hit the sack when extremely tired and in need of a good night's sleep. She was totally oblivious to the nervous atmosphere in the rest of the apartment but it didn't matter because her cosy comforter was doing its job. She let out a relaxed sigh.
It felt as though neither Clark nor Chloe had moved for several minutes when in fact it had merely been a few seconds. It was funny how things like this made time stand still. Clark broke out of his stupor first, throwing Lois' pants onto her chair - grateful that at least it wasn't her underwear - and stepping away from the bed, taking Chloe gently by the arm to talk quietly in the living room.
"She was trying to undress while I was still here. I got her to keep her clothes on, that's all," he began to explain.
"Alright. Clark, what the hell happened?"
"It's a long story and one I'd rather not discuss in front of her."
Chloe thought for a moment. "We can talk quietly can't we?"
Clark looked at her. The take-care-of-Lois mindset hadn't quite left the building and maybe she might still need something. Plus, he didn't know if she'd actually fallen asleep or not. "What if she can hear us?"
The sound of snoring coming from the bed caused them both to turn and look. Lois was out for the count. They decided to head downstairs into the Talon so they wouldn't have to talk in hushed tones.
"Alright, since that wasn't a descent into the Twilight Zone, do you mind explaining how you ended up bringing my cuz back home?"
Clark sighed. "I was at the Planet looking at research on comas. Jimmy helped set me up but I was using Lois' desk. When she came back, she saw what I was reading and wanted to cheer me up to return a favour."
Chloe looked confused by what he meant so he carried on.
"When Lois and Oliver broke up, I stopped by to see how she was doing. She was really upset and for once, she didn't hide it from me. She was grateful that I'd given her a shoulder to cry on. So when she saw how down I was over the whole Lana thing, she wanted to do something to help take my mind off it. It was her idea for us to go to a bar and drink our troubles away. It's fair to say she had more than enough for the two of us."
Chloe hadn't expected this turn of events. She'd hardly seen Lois and Clark together for a long time yet it was apparent that they were closer than before - even closer than when they lived under the same roof. They might argue and banter all the time but it was clear that they had one another's back. Clark was always somebody you could count on to have your back, but Lois being one of the few to have his was a good thing. Her unique outlook on life would certainly make him think about his own life.