Learning to Love Again

By Serena-chan

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing—applies to all chapters.

Summary: Will, after much soul-searching, decides that Jack is truly the one he loves and leaves Port Royal to join the Black Pearl's crew. Believing that the pirate will never return his affections, he is perfectly content just being near the one he loves. However, one night, while Jack is drunk, he inadvertently reveals to Will how his father, "Bootstrap" Bill Turner, was his old lover and broke his heart. Then, everything changes. (Takes place after Curse of the Black Pearl.)

Warnings: Mentions of past sexual activity.

Chapter 2: Realizations

When Jack awoke it was to a pounding headache. What did I do last night? he thought drowsily. How much rum did I have?

He tried to remember the events of the night, but they all seemed to be one incoherent jumble. He'd been drinking on deck…he remembered Will helping him to his cabin…they'd had more rum…then Bill had been there…

Wait—Bill? That can't be right, Jack thought. That part must've been a dream.

But as he became more awake, he was aware of the warm body under him; the strong arms wrapped around him. Someone had been with him last night…and that someone, whoever it was, was still there.

He opened his eyes a crack, wincing and almost moaning aloud as the light invaded his senses and his head throbbed. Squinting, he caught sight of the vague silhouette of a man's face.

Bill? No, it couldn't be Bill…Bill was dead, and there was only one other person it could be…

Will had finally managed to fall asleep just as the sun was rising and was still cradling the older man securely in his arms. A sudden memory came back to the pirate of him guiding Will's hand to his crotch…Will slowly lowering himself to lie on the bed…

A wave of horrified nausea swept over him as he thought desperately, Oh, God…what did I do? He could vaguely remember Will making some sort of protest and felt sure that he was going to vomit. Did I force him?

"Will?" he ventured softly, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Damn, this blasted hangover!

Will's eyes fluttered open instantly, the deep brown depths sleepy and unreadable. "How are you feeling?"

"Bad headache," Jack groaned, "but nothing I'm not used to…how about yerself?"

"I wasn't drunk last night, Jack," Will said slowly. His voice was as unrevealing as his eyes.

"But I was," Jack reminded him. "Would ye mind fillin' me in on the bits I missed?"

Will was silent for a long moment in which he shifted uncomfortably, and Jack took that as his cue to disentangle himself from Will's arms. "Don't you remember?"

Jack cursed a little louder than he'd intended to and flopped his head back on the pillow, moaning in pain and nausea. "I—I didn't…Will, please, tell me I didn't…force ye, did I?"

The smith's face relaxed somewhat. "No, Jack, you didn't…I chose to stay of my own free will."

"I didn't hurt ye, did I?" Jack winced but knew the question had to be asked.

"No." Will looked confused for a moment, but then his face cleared with understanding. He reddened instantly and mumbled, "It was just sleeping, Jack. Nothing else happened, if that's what you mean."

Jack sighed, the nausea gone. His relief was short-lived however.

"Jack," the younger man began hesitantly, not making eye contact. "Last night, you asked me to stay because you thought I was someone else…"

"Hell," Jack swore. "What did I say?"

The nausea was back, full-force, but whether it was the result of a hangover or his strained nerves he couldn't say—probably a mixture of both. He cut Will off from replying by leaning over the side of the bed and vomiting into his chamber pot.

Will remained by his side, concern written across his face, stroking his captain's back with gentle fingers. Eventually, soothed by the blacksmith's touch, Jack stopped heaving and lay back on the bed.

"Perhaps," the younger man began tentatively, "we should talk later? After you've had a chance to recover…"

"No, lad," was Jack's immediate answer. "I won't be able to rest until I find out how bad I messed things up between us."

"You didn't mess anything up, Jack, but…I do I have some questions that I want answered, and don't try to lie to me either. I want the truth."

"Me head hurts too bad to think up lies," Jack said, although Will highly doubted that was the case. Jack Sparrow could come up with lies in his sleep if he had to. Still, he trusted Jack to be honest with him now.

"Last night, you thought I was my father, Jack. Why?"

The older man suddenly looked much older than his age, whatever that was. He squeezed his eyes shut and moaned, but not from any physical pain this time.

"Knew it would be something like that…but I said I wouldn't lie. Yer father, lad…I was his lover. It was many years ago, when you were just a small child, an' I was but a boy meself."

Will swallowed hard as his stomach clenched painfully. His father had been with the only person in the word that he'd ever loved. That hurt in more ways than he could count.

"Were you his lover, Jack, or just a substitute for my mother while the two of you were away at sea?" he asked at last.

Jack's eyes flashed with pain and anger. "What makes you think—"

"I'm just going by what you said last night," Will cut him off.

"Oh." Jack relaxed and slumped visibly on the bed. "I—well, he regarded me as just a substitute, but…to me, lad, Bill was everything."

He tried to flash Will his characteristic smirk, raising some form of feeble defense from the pain he was feeling. "I was just young and foolish; thought I was in luv when I'd no experience in the matter. And, of course, that was before I discovered all the pleasures that places like Tortuga had to offer. Now I know why Bill was so keen on his wife; women are definitely more pleasurable bedmates."

More pain stabbed at Will's heart like a knife. Jack no longer wanted to be with men…he'd never want to be with him…

"Is that really how you feel, Jack?" he ventured tentatively. "You didn't seem to mind my father as a bedmate last night…do you love him still?" The last was said in barely a whisper. Will wasn't sure if he really wanted an answer.

"I—" Jack's resolve faltered. At last he mumbled, "Aye, lad. I think I do. That's why I've not been with another man since, and I never will. Don't wanna be with anyone else. I know it's wrong for a man to luv another man when there's plenty of women available, but there it is. I can't change the way I feel."

Something inside Will shattered. He had to get out of there; he had to or he would die.

"Thank you for being honest with me," he said roughly.

He kept his head down so Jack wouldn't see his tears. He stood up and all but ran from the room. Jack called after him, but he didn't care. He didn't want to even think about the captain at the moment, although he knew that actually accomplishing that task would be next to impossible.

He hurried down to his quarters below which adjoined the forge, and flung himself on his bunk. He let out all his feelings in several desperate sobs, not caring if anyone heard.