Learning to Love Again

By Serena-chan

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing—applies to all chapters.

Summary: Will, after much soul-searching, decides that Jack is truly the one he loves and leaves Port Royal to join the Black Pearl's crew. Believing that the pirate will never return his affections, he is perfectly content just being near the one he loves. However, one night, while Jack is drunk, he inadvertently reveals to Will how his father, "Bootstrap" Bill Turner, was his old lover and broke his heart. Then, everything changes. (Takes place after Curse of the Black Pearl.)

Chapter 3: The Same Mistake

Will stayed in his bed for the remainder of the day. No one came down to the smithy, and no one seemed to notice that he wasn't on deck. He suspected Jack must have told the crew that he was unwell and not to disturb him.

The room was dark and bathed in moonlight when Jack finally opened the door of Will's room without knocking. Will was lying on his stomach with his face buried in his arms, but Jack could tell from the way he was breathing that he wasn't asleep.

"What do want?" Will's muffled voice asked. He didn't even need to look up to see who it was. He knew it would be Jack.

Jack was silent for a long moment. He closed the door and slowly moved to sit cross-legged on the floor next to Will's bed, eyeing the blacksmith intently.

"I want me mate back," he said at last. "Ye've been a good friend to me, Will. I don't have many, and I don't wanna lose that."

Will didn't say anything; he couldn't. He was practically trembling from the pain of having Jack so near him, wanting him as a friend, but knowing he would never be anything more than that.

"Will," Jack sighed. "I know what ye must be feelin'. I know how disgusted ye probably are with me for bein' a sodomite, but—"

"You think that's what this is about?!" Will's head snapped up to look at Jack angrily. "You think I mind the fact that you're capable of loving other men?"

Jack furrowed his brow in confusion and muttered, "Well, that's what I did think. Why don't ye tell me what it is that's wrong? Is it because it was yer father? Lad, as much as it pains me to admit it, his feelings for me were no more than friendly. He never luved me…luved yer mother, he did, until the day he died. Don't hate him. If…if ye have to hate someone, hate me. I'm the one who broke the rules…"

"I don't hate you, Jack," Will said softly. "I could never hate you."

"Then how about sayin' ye'll forgive me for my behavior last night."

Will sighed deeply. "Last night, Jack, you said something that I want a straight answer on." He paused, trying to remember the exact wording. "You said, 'I'm sorry about William. Didn't mean to fall in love with him, Bill.'"

Jack's eyes opened wide. He stared down at his hands and swallowed thickly, refusing to meet Will's gaze or answer him.

"Jack, what did that mean? If there's any hope of salvaging our friendship, I have to have a truthful answer about that." Will could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he waited for Jack to answer.

"I—didn't mean nothin', lad. I won't touch ye again. I promise," Jack still didn't quite meet Will's gaze.

The blacksmith sighed, sitting up on his bed to gaze at his captain's form, still sitting beside his bed. He could tell that Jack wasn't telling him the complete truth, that there had been something to those words, but in order to get Jack to open up to him, he'd have to be honest with him first.

"You still don't understand why I'm upset, do you?" he asked softly. When Jack said nothing, Will changed tactics. "Jack, why do think I left Port Royal?"

"Dunno," Jack said truthfully. "Ye never offered much of an explanation, and I never pressed ye for one—always figured ye'd tell me when ye were ready."

"Well, I'm ready to tell you now," Will said slowly. "Upon our return to Port Royal, Elizabeth and I got engaged, which should have made me happy…but I was miserable. I'd fallen out of love with her, you see, and in love with someone else."

"And who might that be?" Jack asked, curiosity in his voice along with a tinge of fear and something Will couldn't quite place.

"You, Jack," the reply was merely a whisper. "I've fallen in love with you."

Jack drew in a sharp breath and let his gaze wander around the room, looking everywhere but at the man on the bed. "Ye can't luv me, Will," he said at last. "It'd never work…although I do care for ye…"

Will bit his bottom lip to keep his despair at bay. "Tell me," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Do you really care for me? Or do I just look too much like my father?"

"I—" Jack faltered. "That was what attracted me to ye at first," he admitted, "but once I really got to know ye…ye look like yer father, lad, but ye don't act like him. What I feel for ye has nothin' to do with him."

"Then why wouldn't it work?" Will choked out, no longer able to keep the tremors from his voice. "If you really care for me, then why can't we be together?"

There were tears in Jack's eyes as he said, "I've only ever trusted me heart to one person, and he broke it. I won't be makin' the same mistake again." Will turned to bury his face in his pillow as Jack quietly left the room.

Will spent the whole next day in his forge taking out his anger and confusion by throwing himself into his work. He didn't even leave to eat and crawled into bed the next night too tired to make his way to the kitchens.

As he was drifting off to sleep, he thought he heard his door open and someone walk across the room to his bed. He kept his eyes closed, not sure if he was dreaming or not.

There was silence for a long while, and Will was just beginning to think that he had dreamed the footsteps, when a gentle kiss was placed on his forehead. Will opened his eyes just in time to see Jack shutting the door on his way out.

Will was on deck early the next morning. That simple kiss from the night before had awakened in him a new hope, as well as a better understanding of the man he loved.

Jack had been hurt—badly—by a man that Will had once called 'father,' and while it stung that his father and Jack had once been intimate, it only made him more determined to show Jack that love was possible. He would prove it to him, even if it meant staying by his side forever, just loving him and getting nothing back in return.

After finishing his chores on deck, he began to make his way down to the forge. Jack was emerging from his cabin later than usual and nearly collided with the blacksmith.

"Watch it, whelp!" he said automatically, before his faced changed, and he remembered that he and Will weren't exactly on the best of terms.

To his surprise, Will just said pleasantly, "Good morning, Jack," before heading down to the forge.

"'Morning," Jack said, stunned, as he watched the blacksmith's retreating back. Pulling himself together, he shouted after him, "And that's 'Captain Jack' to you!"

Will chuckled to himself as he heard Jack's remark. He went about with his work in an unusually good mood.

In the evening, Will closed down his forge and went up on deck like he did every night. The crew evidently knew nothing of Will and Jack's confrontation, so everything went much as usual with jokes, storytelling (and more than a little bragging), rum, and card games. The only difference was that Will noticed his captain keeping a wary eye on him throughout most of the evening.

As the night stretched on, most of the crew dispersed or went off to another deck. Will stayed behind with Jack at the helm, just as always. He was silent, however, waiting for Jack to make the first move.

"Are ye just goin' to pretend nothin' happened?" Jack asked quietly, not taking his eyes off the horizon.

"No," Will stated simply. "I'm just not going to let it bother me."

"Well, it's been botherin' me," Jack confessed, finally turning his gaze to the young man beside him. "I was afraid ye'd be leavin' us at the next port."

Will gazed at Jack with sincere eyes. "I'll never leave you, Jack," he said quietly.

"Don't talk like that." Jack turned away from Will to focus on the darkened horizon once more.

"It's true," Will insisted. "I can't undo what's been done, nor can I convince you to change your mind. All I can do is stand by you for as long as you'll let me."

"Ye'll always have a place on me crew," Jack said. "But if yer waitin' around for somethin' else..."

"I'm not, and I don't expect anything of you, Jack. You know how I feel. That's enough."

The older man swallowed hard past a sudden lump in his throat. He clutched the wheel of his beloved Pearl with white knuckles.

They passed the rest of the night in silence before making their way to their respective chambers.