im supposed to be working on homewor-
2 weeks later
Misaki's POV
I've been doing great! By great I mean crying every night and cutting more. I was laying down on my bed in my new apartment. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. Not Nii-san, not.. well that's the only person I would actually tell. My body is covered with cuts, cuts on my thighs and cuts on my arms. Some on my stomach.. I was a real mess. I have bloodshot eyes and my skin has gotten really pale.
I'm also eating less so I've become really skinny. But I really don't care. It's better if I'm dead anyways. No one needs me, No one loves me. I would know by now if anyone did.
I was a bother to everyone in my life. Also, I was right about Usagi not loving me.. I mean come on! He hasn't tried to call me once. I understand though. Who wants trash right? I softly ran my fingers down my arm filled with battle scars. They're so ugly.. I sat up and got off the bed.
I slowly walked out of the room and entered my living room. I didn't have a huge area to live in like when I was living with Usagi but I'm only going to live here. I never want to date a living soul again. I walked into the kitchen and ripped open the fridge door grabbing another can of beer. Oh did I forget to say this.
I also have a drinking problem now. It's the only way I can prevent from cutting and it makes me forget everything. But after it all comes back. I started chugging down the beer. Sadly, It was the last can. When I finished I shut my fridge and put on my coat. I knew I wouldn't last all day without alcohol, that's mad. I slowly walked to my front door and walked out. Locking my door, I put on my shoes.
Once I got outside I realized it was night time. I didn't even notice. It's not like I've been keeping up with my time anyways. I didn't care, I don't even know what day it is. I started walking down the street to the closest groceries store when I stopped. I saw him. Usagi, but he was with someone else. He was with Senpai. They were close, lover close.
I smiled.
A broken smile.
I understood though, out the old in the new, right? I mean I was just a bother to him. He deserved so much better. He gave me so much for me to just throw it away and be troublesome to him. He's such a good man, I love hi-
He looked at me.
I turned and ran into the store, realizing I was staring at the man for too long. Not like he would go after me though. He probably was disgusted, I probably brought back terrible memories of us to him. Speed-walking into the alcohol aisle I grabbed a bunch of beer. I don't care what it is, I need to forget this moment, now.
"Misaki." He called
I slowly looked at him and saw a sad expression. I need to go. I need to leave. I need to make sure he doesn't find me again.
I started walking away, fast. I paid for everything then ran.
"MISAKI!" He yelled.
Please my love, It's better like this.
I ran to my apartment and got in but I was then followed by Usagi. He held the door open and let himself in closing it behind him.
"M-misaki." He said catching his breath
Don't run after me. I'm not worth it.
He then grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to find a new place. I wanted him to forget me. I wanted him to move on. But, I can't. It's not that I don't want to. I just, can't. My body's too weak. I haven't eaten in so long, I've been running on beer, I've lost so much blood.
He then kissed me
Oh, did I miss his touch.
"Please, come back, I love you."
That's when I snapped out it.
"No, you don't" I said
"Huh?"
Drive him out.
"You don't love me. I know. I already... know." I silently said trying not to cry.
"I do love y-"
"No, you don't. You think you do. But when you really think about it, you never did. You only needed me for backup. That's no love."
"Misaki.."
"However, I do love you. And I always will." I said looking at him.
"Then come back with me!"
"I love you so much to let you go." I replied.
He looked at me shocked. I put the beer on the floor and slowly pushed him out my house.
"Pleas-"
"Have a good life, start new. Find a lover, make sure they treat you right. Take care of yourself. Be good. Remember, I love you." I smiled pushing him out and closing my door.
I needed him.
Once I locked my door, I fell. I fell crying. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the pain of knowing I am the one causing so much pain to the person I love the most. The only person I will ever love on this planet.
Everything started to get dark, I knew this would happen soon.
I'm back! I've been having so much trouble with, everything. I had this a long time ago but I never posted it. Love you guys 3