Here's another almost six thousand word chapter! I just want to address the way this story is written. I'm trying to write from my characters perspective. She's a seventeen year old girl so there will be slang and immaturity throughout the story. She's also dealing with mental illness and I want to make that clear, so her anxiety disorder and OCD will be frequently and realistically brought up a lot during the story. Thanks for taking the time to read this, guys!

I can't breathe, it's worse than a panic attack, worse than anything I've ever experienced. I can feel my pulse all over my body, fear rolls over me in paralyzing waves. Violated, that's what I feel. Hands all over me, inside of me. Like someone's trying to force something onto me. Like I'm being hunted. And I can't run or hide, my feet are made of sand and there's dust in my eyes. I hear screaming, and chanting. Why am I chanting? How do I know every foreign word, how can I feel them resonate somewhere deep in my subconscious. I can feel every atom, taste every vibration

Then the chanting stops, and I know its hit it's pentacle. And something, me, a part of me, a big chunk has been taken away. A whole is punched in my chest, in my soul.

The pain of it all rockets me into a sitting position as I jerk awake and my eyes try to focus in the dark room.

I put one hand on my chest and the other on my stomach, attempting the yoga breaths that my doctor had been so adamant about.

And they might have worked.

Maybe, had I not turned my head and saw something that caused me to scream so loud, so rough that it I could feel it rip from my throat.

The ghostly, demonic face seemed to float right next to my bed, and it was still before it reached for me opening its mouth, and then blackness engulfed its entire being, leaving a flume of charcoal smoke in its place and the wails I'm releasing are so loud, so violent that they're mute.

My eyes snap open, a second time and I don't know what's real. I don't know if I'm still dreaming. Am I still screaming? I shakily sit up and look over, at Mery's sleeping lump in her bed.

I scan the room for a few minutes, tense and sure that I'm about to be attacked by that ghost, demon thing I had just dreamt about again. That dream inside of my dream.

It takes me reaching over into the dresser and popping a Xanax into my mouth, swallowing it dry, to relax me enough to lay back flat, and try to get back to sleep. My whole body's still on edge though, and I watch the colors of the sunrise turn from purple to bright yellow through the blinds.

I don't get back to sleep, every time I close my eyes I see the darkness that had swallowed that…things face.

"Yes.

No,

Mery's half dead. I think she's been hung over for like, 16 hours,

Her fault, yep. Tequila

Yes, I got her Gatorade

I've been gone for less then week, calm down

Yes, I'm okay. It was just a weird dream, it's fine. I'm not going to have a psychotic break okay?

Mmhmm

I'm going to drive out in a few weekends,

I promise"

As I'm bartering with my aunt over the phone, trying to balance the grocery bags and the Starbucks tray I see none other than Tyler Simms across the court yard, walking away from some other guy on the swim team.

My stomach drops. Am I excited or terrified? I'm not really sure.

I hadn't talked to him since Friday night, after the party at the dells. Those texts, if that really even qualified as talking.

He's alone which is kind of weird because you never see him without one of the other guys. I mean yeah, he's his own person but still...where's the blond pole that's always attached at his hip?

My aunt's squawk through the speaker makes me reenter reality.

"No I'm okay I just dropped my keys" I snap my eyes away from him, not wanting to get caught staring, but willing him to look over, to see me and stare back.

When he finally seems to notice me I look up and our eyes meet, he grins and turns from the path he's on, coming closer to mine.

"Hi" I mouth to him as he approaches the phone still pressed between my shoulder and ear.

"Hey" He whispers as I hold up a finger.

"Okay, I love you but I have to go. And yes, Aunt Gemma, drunk on wine is still drunk. I'll call you later byeee"

He's chuckling at the exchange and I purse my lips to resist smiling.

"I love her to death but she smothers the life out of me" I go in for a hug and he squeezes me around all of the stuff I have in my arms "but how are you?"

"I'm alright, coach is already busting my balls and school hasn't even started yet, but I'll live. You? Stocking up for the next nuclear war?" He jokes "Here, give me some of those" He reaches for the bags and instead of some he takes all. I pretend to protest, you know, feminism and equality and all that? But I'm more then relieved to pawn them off on him.

"Thanks" I say, as I start to lead us towards my building "I probably should, you know North Korea's gonna' get sick of our shit soon. But no, I'm just getting everything ready for tomorrow and trying to make sure Mery doesn't die." he shoots me a look "she's been hung over for like two days. But I mean she asked for it. She knows tequila isn't her friend"

"From friday? That sucks. I remember I got alcohol poisoning from downing a half a bottle of Patron the dells in tenth grade. I literally thought I was going to die" I can hear the sympathy and humor twine in his voice.

"Te-KILL-ya" He sniggers at that as we start to take the stairs.

"It was a bummer I only saw you for like ten minutes on Friday" He accuses and the idea of him caring about it at all makes me giddy...giddy in silence.

"Yeah I'm sorry, I was kind of all over the place. But those ten minutes were lit" I snort.

"Always. At least you didn't get any puke on you" I shake my head and laugh, shooting him a face.

"Yeah, highlight of my night, not getting vomited on...it just sucks. We could have had… fun… hasit not gotten crashed" I look up at him; I can feel my eyes go doe shaped and mischievous. He knows exactly what kind of fun I mean. I don't know where the boldness is coming from. I mean we had talked like this through messages but never in person. And for a second I kind of regret it. I'm scared to look at him.

"Damn, I missed out. We could still have fun though" He croaks and feel excitement like electricity through my body.

We've reached the door to my room and I lean against a little, looking up again.

"Oh really? Who says I want to have fun with you anymore, though" I'm playing with him, teasing and testing.

"Don't be like that" His voice is silvery and his eyes are almost too intense to look at. "Come to Nicky's tonight"

"Mmm, I don't know. Who's all going to be there?" I turn away from him and dig through the Michael Kors bag that slung across my chest for my keys, and stick them in the lock. I can't help it, teasing is my main form of flirting. And f*ck was I flirting with Tyler. Or at least trying to.

"Everyone. Me. And you can watch me kick everyone's ass at pool"

I smile and suck my teeth as I open the door.

"I'll think about it" but my attempt to be slick and sexy is cut short by the sound of the groaning and moaning of my roomate. "Did you get me a latte? Because you fucking promised me a latte"

Tyler's blue gray eyes are dancing. And I really don't know how someone can be so attractive.

"I'm going to go before she drowns on her own saliva or something" as I reach for my bags and he transfers them back into my hands.

"Alright. So I'll see you at Nicky's then?"

"No"

"Really?"

"No" but the smile I give him says yes."Bye Ty" And I close the door, and bite my lips together to keep from squealing. Oh my god, oh my gooood.

"Who was that?" Mery's sitting up against her headboard, looking like microwaved shit. Her skins gotten its color back but her eyes are bagged and her fuchsia hair was a rats nest; pointing in all directions. I almost felt bad for her.

But she never got hangovers so I felt like this one was her collective hang over from all the drinking she'd done since we were thirteen.

"Tyler" I hand her the coffee, and the paper bag with a bagel inside of it.

"Like, Simm's Tyler?" She says around a big drink.

"Dude yes, he fucking invited me to Nicky's tonight" I sit on my bed, bouncing a little.

"Like a date?"

And that makes me think...I really don't know. I really hope not. I just wanted to have fun. To play. Not to date.

"No, just to hang out I think. I mean he didn't even say he'd pick me up or anything, just that I should go tonight"

"Okay the fact that you're so happy about it not being a date is so sketch. You're a sociopath" She tells me as she begins to rebury herself in her comforter.

"Take some more Asprin and take a shower. You stink and we're going out tonight" I'm already texting the rest of the girls.

Like I was going to show up at Nicky's alone.

Lilibeth had bugged out because of Jeff, and Cassie hadn't shut up about it since I'd told her back at the dorms.

"It's just really weird, dont you think? Like I swear to god one of these days she's going to just drop off the face of the earth and you know what? It's going to be because Jeff's creepy ass abducted her" Cass rants as from the driver's seat and I bite on a chuckle as I take a long drag from the pipe. That's why she hadn't messaged the brunette back. Cassie had a tendency to…mom.

"That's a little dramatic" Mery chirps from the backseat. I'd forced her wash her ass and brush her hair and she looks pretty much recovered.

"Really? Because I didn't see her all summer did you? And what about her girl, interrupted stunt?"

"That was crazy bullshit, her mom showed up at my house with the cops, like how did she even get my address? Isnt that some kind of HIPPA violation? Giving peoples addresses to the public"

I stop myself from calling her a dumbass and asking her if she even knew what Hippa laws were.

"Okay, you guys were totally cool with him back when he sold us that eightball for 90 bucks" I can't help but throw in sarcastically. We'd been coked out for days and no one had seemed to hate him then.

I pass the Cassie the pipe though, to make the reply less sharp, not in the mood to fight about it.

"Well when we find her dead in a ditch with her drug dealer boyfriend, I'm going to be the first one to tell you guys how much ya'll slacked as friends" She says as I lift the pipe to her lips and light it for her so that she doesn't have to take her hands off the wheel.

Everyone dies, I don't ruin their vibe by saying it out loud though.

Nicky's is packed as hell, blustering and loud. The music blaring, students and townies and teenagers and skeevy looking old dudes.

Breathing deeply, I tell myself not to think about it too hard. To keep cool.

I tell myself that a lot lately, near constantly.

"Fuck me, no way were finding a table" Arlene is scanning the back, restaurant area for an empty table for us, and I'm scanning the congested place for a tall head of dark hair.

Low key-ly as possible though of course, not in the mood for their teasing and battering.

It really is too packed to find a completely vacant table and as we squeeze through the people I kind of regret loading that second bowl back in the parking lot. We should have come in earlier

"All I want are some cheesy tots, Jesus Christ" The curly haired girl whines as she maneuvers around groups of people, glaring up at them.

Life's hard when you're a group of girls under 5'5.

"All I want is a shot of tequila" Cassie adds, as she waves over at a few classmates. Mery makes a gagging sound and a comment about not talking about the devil while she was around.

I see Kate and Sarah sitting at a table, and the table behind them is more than half empty. Perfect and it has nothing to do with the fact that Tylers probably somewhere close.

I'm so pathetic.

"Ew no" Arlene mouths frenzied, but we're already headed in that direction.

"There's like nowhere else, suck it up babe" Cassie swings an arm over the kinky haired girls shoulders.

"Hey" Kate stands up to hug me, and then Mery, and then Cassie...and then a forced Arlene.

I couldn't really remember why she hated Kate. I couldn't really care either though,

I wave to Sarah, shrugging off my jacket and slinging it and my bag onto to a chair.

"It's so packed here tonight it's ridiculous" Kate and I chatter, Arlene and Cass have gone up to the bar to get food.

A few snapchat pictures and me giving her shit about Chase after she told me they'd gone to the movies, just themselves, after Sarah had ran off with Caleb and I'm antsy, wanting to go find the reason I was there in the first place.

"You okay, babycakes?" Because Mery is leaning her head on her arm, taking small drinks of her 7up every now and then.

"I swear I can smell that girl at the bars margarita" I feel her pain, I hadn't been able to be in a ten mile radius of anything grape since I'd guzzled a bottle of grape vodka and blacked out a few years ago.

"I'm going to go and get me self an Iced Tea because those hoes are taking way too long" I was really going to go find Tyler, and pretend I didn't see him until he came and begged for my attention. Well that was the plan at least.

"Uh huh, you have fun with that" the artificially red head says monotony, calling my bluff.

I take the long way around the bar, towards the pool tables. That's where he said he'd be, right? Beating everyone's ass at pool. I spot Caleb and Chase the new kid playing foosball and shoot Caleb a half smile…but look away quick as Chase gives me a cheery, toothy, grin.

For some reason, I start thinking about that dream again…about the feeling. And the chanting and the raping. I'm thinking so much, lost in my head that I'm to the pool tables and almost in front of Tyler, and Reid and Pouge before I even really register it.

Fuck. There goes my plan. They've already seen me and I force a smile as Tyler perks up waves me over.

Maaan, he was the one who was supposed to come to me. I'm making my way towards them begrudgingly, my knee high black boots clacking against the hardwood floor when I hear my name.

Or a variation of my name, that is.

"K Bear" I know who it is instantly because only one person other than my family had ever really called me that. I look for the owner of the voice and my eyes focus on Eric starting to stand from a bar stool, his friendly sorrel eyes and thick eyebrows full of expression and warm, his lanky body language inviting.

"Eric" I draw out excited as he embraces me with long, flannel coved arms.

Fuck I missed him.

"Finally, I was starting to think I'd never see you again" I chastise as we pull away, and it comes out a little less soft then I'd meant for it too. I'd missed him. I'd missed my best friend.

Yes, I had the girls, and yes they were also my best friends. But it had always been different with Eric. He was my brother, my platonic soul mate. He accepted, no he dug for the darkness and bad in me and made me feel like it had never really been all so bad in the first place.

"I know, I'm sorry, I really did just get here earlier"

"You've been here for hours?"

"I was unpacking"

"I hate you"

"I missed you too"

"What are you doing here? I love the way you didn't even invite me" I take one of the fries off his plate.

"I was about to message you, and I don't even really know why I'm here" I notice the red in his retinas "It was spur of the moment"

"How high are you?" And the grin he gives in response is all the answer I need.

I'm trying to focus on Eric, I really am, but I can't stop my eyes from drifting.

Tyler's lining up the pool stick to sink a ball. His body curves and angles in such a hypnotizing way. His smile and eyes are so care free, yet focused. The green army jacket he has on contrasts nice with the paleness of his skin and the dark of his hai-

"You still talking to him?" Eric teases as he shoots me a look. "Or just staring at him like a creep"

"No, jerk, I'm talking to him. Kinda. He's the one who told me to come tonight" And Eric's smart enough to not ask if it was a date or not. He knew my boy policy, my view on relationships.

"Then stop being so fucking creepy and staring at him and go over there"

"I'm not staring at him, Eric"

"He's staring at you too so it's okay"

"Oh yes, shut up"

But I know he is or at least I hope he is. I steal a few more fries off of Eric's plate and warn him that if he leaves without saying goodbye I'm going to kill him and then I'm back towards the pool tables.

Tyler's really not as intimidating as I make him out to be in my head. I mean yeah he's way too hot for me to be totally comfortable with him, especially when I think back on some of the texts he's sent me, but he's friendly. Open.

"Kayleigh, you down to play winner?" His toothy smile is inviting and if I knew I wouldn't make a total fool of myself I'd go for it.

"Yeah, fuck no. I suck at pool"

"Come on, it's easy. It's kind of like physics. I'll teach you" he offers, as he sinks another ball and Reid bitches about him taking easy shots.

"It's a skills game, you know confidence" Reid adds "You've got to know you're going to win"

He's got to know he sounds like a total tool most of the time.

"If you say so. I wasn't blessed with any hand eye coordination though so I suck at games like this. Except for when I'm drunk" And since Nicky had a policy on not getting arrested for selling liquor to minors, there was no liquid courage around.

Tyler reaches across the table and offers me a glass mug of what looks like coke. I shake my head, telling him I don't drink soda, but he persists.

"It's mostly Jack Daniels so you're good" I take it then, taking a small sip and wincing. He wasn't kidding.

"How did you guys-"Reid flashes me a small shot bottle in his pocket and I take another sip. Idiots.

When I'm buzzed, the loudness of the bar doesn't affect me so much and I'm laughing harder then I should be. The way that Tyler and Reid talk to each other, and other people, would make any sober, sane person a little uncomfortable but just makes it easier for me to be around them. They've long moved on from playing each other and have been going head to head with Aaron and a few of his lackeys for more than a few games.

Winning them all.

"You're such a little bitch, get your elbow off the table" Reid shoots at Aaron and I shake my head. Eventually, with the way their all talking to each other, it's going to be round two of the fight from Friday night.

Why are all men such little boys?

Tyler and I have shared almost the entire mug of secret alcohol and when he tries to hand it to me again I shake my head.

"I'm really not trying to be hungover on our first day back" speaking of, it's close to ten pm and I know my friends will be wanting to leave soon. I just kind of wanted to drag Tyler away from the game of pool, to be alone for a while. He had been the one who invited me here and he hadn't paid any real attention to me since I'd gotten here. It's whiny and girly but I can't help but feel it.

"One more game and then we'll go see what the guys are doing? You suck at foosball too?" it's like he read my mind.

"No, that I can whoop your ass at" I tease and he shakes his head and takes his turn. The ball sinks and he blows a kissy face at an already seething Aaron.

I'm checking my phone when it all seems to escalate, just like I knew it would. I'd only looked away for two seconds.

"Get over yourself, I made the shot. Pay up" Reid's arrogant voice demands.

"I'm not paying you shit, there's no way you could have made that shot clean. This is why I don't play with snakes" Aaron sounds like a sore loser.

"Or you just can't play pool. A bet's a bet. Take the L and get over it" Tyler's a jovial prick. The way he talks to Aaron like he's his superior, that smile never fading off his face shows that side of him that I think a lot of people didn't see.

Baby boy could be just as much of an asshole as his friends.

Aaron again decides to throw around his weight and shoves himself hard into Reid's chest. I'm really hoping Reid will knock him one so the Aaron will stop thinking its okay to try and get physical with people every time he has a temper tantrum.

Tyler has maneuvered himself in front of me and I'm glaring at the whole scene from behind his shoulder.

"God can you guys just pay each other and stop being little pussies about it" alcohol always did take away my filter.

"Stay in your lane, Kayleigh" Bordy warns me.

"Fuck you" "Fuck off, Bordy" Me and Tyler say over each other at the guy and its getting way too heated. My adrenaline is starting to spike. Reid shoves Aaron back and a pitcher falls on the hardwood and shatters, seeming to spark the intensity even more.

When Aaron retaliates, launching himself at Reid it knocks both me and Tyler over and I the air is knocked out of me as I struggle to keep my footing. Tyler's arm swings out to push me to the side, away from the flailing limbs and hustling bodies.

Fights are always fast, and its being broken up and pushed outside before it's even really started. Caleb and Pouge approaching out of nowhere, backing up the situation.

"You good?" Pouge looks back at me and I nod, pushing sandy blond locks away from my face and taking a deep breath. My collar bone throbbed a little from the elbow it had caught.

I feel hands on my shoulders and realize their Eric's, he's seen the whole thing from his spot at the bar. I can vaguely hear him asking me if I'm okay, pulling me in the opposite direction. It's all so dramatic.

"Kayleigh!" It's Tyler, his head bobbing up high above the others in an attempt to see me. We'd been separated in the rush of it all. It's sick but I get off on the worry in his tone.

"I'm fine" I yell back to him, but I'm being pulled back towards the tables and he's being forced out of the back door. I'm smart enough not to follow him.

"Eric I'm fine, it's fine" I'm getting sick of saying it. Jesus, everyone's acting like I, or anyone had just gotten socked. It was a bitch fight, they'd done nothing but push each other. I'm more worried about what's going on out back, and about the fact that Nicky's probably going to be calling the cops soon.

I grab Tyler and Reid's abandoned things from the pool tables; both of their jackets, Reid's phone and Tyler's keys.

"Nothing even happened, Aaron was just being a bitch about losing, I swear" I'm explaining to him, my arms full, and I can see my girlfriends rushing over. Great.

After five minutes of being asked 160 questions and pretty much replying 'it's fine' to all of them, the boys start coming back into the bar. My eyes are peeled.

It's Aaron and Bordy and the rest of that group of assholes first and I glare icily at them, wanting to cuss them out but not wanting to re-escalate things. They're kicked out of the bar as soon as they're in.

A couple minutes later Reid storms in, Tyler quick after him. The blond looks pissed and he scans the pool table, and then looks over as I call their names. I hold up his jacket and he comes to me, snatching it and holding out his hand for his phone.

He's covered in glass shards. Had they fought back there? No one else looked like there had been a scrap.

"You're welcome" I slap the phone into his palm and he gives me a haughty thanks before rushes out of the door. I notice the limp.

Tyler doesn't have any glass on him, and no scratches. I look him over as he comes close to me.

"Are you okay?" He sounds genuinely worried. Kate's screeching about Pouges where about and Sarah goes out back to find the other missing two.

"Yeah I'm fine" His eye brow cocks "you elbowed me in the chest a little but I'm good. What happened back there? Is he okay"

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to" He's grabbed me right below my shoulder and is angling me to better see my bare upper chest. I'm happy I decided to wear an off the shoulder top, I like his stare on my cleavage.

"Tyler are you okay? And Reid? He looked really upset" I still have Tyler's stuff in my hands and I'm fiddling with the lining of his jacket.

"Yeah he's just pissy. It's his own fault though; he needs to stop starting crap"

"And you?" I look up at him, he still has my arm in his hand and it's as intimate as we'd been all night.

"I'm fine. I feel like a piece of shit for elbowing you but other than that" we meet eyes and I can't help but laugh, a little earnestly, it makes him laugh too. Like were laughing at the irony of it. About how far this was from the 'fun' we'd been talking about earlier. I was starting to think maybe the closest we'd get to sex, or anything relatively near that was in texts messages.

But I've never been this close to him before. He smells strong and spicy, the product of some fancy cologne no doubt. I fantasize about leaning my head just a little bit forward, resting it on his sternum.

"Kayleigh, I'm ready to go. We have to wake up at like seven tomorrow" Cassie's voice breaks me out of the my mind and I pull my lips tight as the two of us break apart, his hand leaving my skin.

I try not seem so disappointed.

My friends walk on ahead of me, leaving the two of us as alone as you could be in a crowded bar and I'm quietly grateful.

"Yeah, yeah okay. I'll be there in a second" I call after them, offering up Tyler his jacket and keys. He looks a little awkward and takes them.

"Thanks for grabbing that for me. Little life saver"

"You're welcome, sir" I'm shrugging back into my leather and olive green coat, flicking my shoulder length out of the back and he's looking at me. And I mean really staring. His cat like eyes following every move.

It makes me feel hot all over.

"What, creep?" I grab my over sized black purse, holding it at the crook of my elbow.

"Nothing, I just…we didn't really get to have any fun tonight" I bite my lip.

"Nope we didn't, but that's kind of your loss. Again" He starts to walk me out of the bar, following behind me as we push our way towards the front door. It's prime time at Nicky's.

"It really is…were going to have to do something alone one of these days" His head is bent toward my ear and I can feel the outline of his body behind mine.

"Maybe" I choke. Fuck, this…electricity building between us. It's been building for so long and I'm hoping it won't fizzle out. I mean I'd only seen him twice since getting back to Ipswich but still!

You don't sext someone for two months and then just be…friends when you see them. It was like the worst, torturous foreplay ever.

"I know you want to" He says and his words and the chilly air sends my body into shivers, goosebumps rising all over.

He's walking beside me now, smiling shit-eatingly at the fact that I can't seem to form words. He's really not the 'baby boy' everyone makes him out to be.

"Hmm, I'll think about it" is all I manage.

"Tease" He's amused though, not pissed like other guys seem to be when I pull this on them.

"Kayleigh!" It's Arlene screaming from across the parking lot, inside Cassie's Lexus already.

"Give me a minute!" I yell back. Oh my god, this is so mortifying.

"Let's fucking gooooo"

"I'm sorry I have the most annoying friends in the world" I apologize.

"No, It's fine. I completely understand. Message me when you're back at the dorms okay?" Tyler leans in and I'm scared he's going to kiss me. I want him to though. I reeeeally, really want him too.

When it turns out to be just a hug, a tight one, but a hug none the less I kind of feel jipped. I walk away without giving him another look.

I knew it. I knew we were going to fizzle out before we even started. It feels a little bit like rejection.

I get in the car and slam the door behind me. Eric's in the back seat too, catching a ride with us back to school.

"Finally" Cassie starts to drive off as soon as the door is shut. "What's wrong with you?"

"He didn't kiss me" I pout, looking out of the window, not wanting to look at anyone or talk about anything.

"What a pussy" Arlene chimes from the front seat.

"I knew he was going to be like this. You guys are shit friends for telling me he was staring at me and stuff" I sound like a child. Well I am a child but whatever.

"Kayleigh, he sent you a picture of his dick, I'm pretty sure he likes you a little bit" Mery reassures and it's completely quiet for a minute, all of us contemplating.

"Was it hard?" Eric asks and the silence is deafening before we all break down into hysterics. Even the spindly boy in the middle laughs at himself a little. I can barely breathe.

"What…the…fuck…is..wrong..with..you" I gasp in between laughs.

"I'm serious okay, I only send limp dick pictures to girls I don't like"

And I feel a little less bad for myself during the ride back to Spencer.

I love writing these long chapters. Tell me how you like them? The pace? How I'm laying out the characters? I just want to hear you guy's input.