Heartbreak and Regret
"That was beautiful Ienzy" Myde whispered and it was Ienzo singing was the best thing he had ever heard, it sound like a dream to him but it was real
Ienzo smiled when seeing the look on Myde's face. But the sun had fully risen and Ienzo knew that he couldn't avoid checking on those reports back at the lab any longer. "Myde, I have to get back to the lab. I really enjoyed spending time with you though." Ienzo kissed him softly before standing to leave.
"Okay Ienzy meet me in Mells Bells later okay" Myde said waving Ienzo good bye then going to the cafe
Evan stared at a tank that was creating a heartless. "Interesting..." He noted the way they formed was quite chaotic at best, no real substantial form until an artificial heart was added. He jotted his findings down hurriedly and pushed his hair back. "Ansem will be interested in this I bet!" He started laughing happily as one of his experiments finally started working as planned.
Ienzo quickly hurried back to the lab. He expected it to be empty like the day before, so when he rushed in and saw Evan's tall form lurking in the corner, he nearly screamed like a girl. "God, Evan... When did you get here?" Ienzo sighed trying to catch his breath.
Evan turned and smiled at Ienzo. "A few minutes ago...come look at this!" He said as he grabbed Ienzo's hand and pulled him to the artificial Heartless. "It's amazing.." He squeezed his co-worker's hand before letting it go. "They have never formed like this before receiving a heart..."
Ienzo looked at the creature, normally he would have been comfortable around them, but just the sight of this one scared him a bit. He had been around Myde for too long that he was no longer in an experimental frame of mind. He tried to look about it logically and understand what excited Evan so much about it's growth. "Yes, Evan... That's interesting." He replied awkwardly.
Evan watched Ienzo and smiled to himself before returning to his studies and writing down notes as the heartless formed in front of him. After several minutes he added an artificial heart and started jotting down what was going on with it, and how the heartless reacted.
Ienzo decided not to delay any further and check the reports he had rushed back to do. He sat there silently for awhile, Evan in the background studying and observing the heartless. But he couldn't take it anymore, he needed someone to talk to, someone to give him their opinion on the problems in his mind. He stood up and turned to Evan, a bit scared of what his answer would be to the problem, but the bottom line was that he still needed an answer
Evan saw Ienzo stand up and looked over at him curiously. He wondered what the matter was. He lowered his hand that held the pen and smiled. "Is something the matter Ienzo? If I am bothering you, I can leave.." He pointed his pen toward the door behind him.
"No, it's just that..." Ienzo paused, taking a deep breath. "A day or two before you got here, I left the lab to go outside... and I met someone there. His name is Myde, a sitar player. I'm just not sure if what I feel for him is right." Ienzo sighed. He wasn't sure if he should be ashamed that he put aside his old ways to be with the carefree sitar player, or if he should be ashamed that he was still putting his old ways over Myde.
Evan nodded. "Well, you would need to look into yourself and decide what's best for YOU. Don't worry what other people think." He laughed and crossed his arms. "I mean, if everyone did that no one would make any advancements in life, or science." He looked back at the Heartless tank before his eyes wandered back to Ienzo.
"I suppose you're right." Ienzo agreed. He felt good being around Myde, but it didn't seem right for him to completely abandon his work for him. Besides, he wasn't even too sure what love was to begin with, he had only assumed things out of desperation. "But, Evan... Have you ever felt confused about the way you felt for someone? Like you thought you knew what the feeling was, but weren't too sure?" He questioned.
He nodded quietly. "Yeah all the time...I never know if people I'm around I care for as a friend, or if I want more from them...And never know if they want the same. Its always confusing…Very confusing." He scratched his head. "And emotions are the one thing you can't study to learn about...Which makes them all the more unpredictable."
Ienzo was brought down when hearing this. "But isn't Ansem the Wise trying to study the heart? If emotions are a part of what make our hearts whole, then wouldn't we have to understand emotions before truly ever understand the heart?" Ienzo asked almost as if he were a curious child
Evan nodded. "Yeah emotions are a part of the heart, but more importantly, the soul...and that's something Science will never comprehend, therefore I think its impossible to fully grasp a full understanding of our emotions...we just have to make the best choice with what we learn through experiences."
"But, I've never loved someone before..." Ienzo thought to himself, but he wasn't about to ask Evan if he had ever loved anyone before. He sighed and decided that it didn't matter. Maybe he would ask Myde about it later, but he knew it would just end up making him feel bad if he were to even mention being confused about their relationship. "Well, I guess all we CAN do is choose what feels right to us at the time. But the thing I'm truly afraid of... is regret." Ienzo told Evan, looking down at the floor with a forlorn expression.
Evan sighed and put a hand on Ienzo's shoulder. "If you do what's right for you...you wont regret." He whispered before smiling at the man. "I wish you luck...with Myde." He gave Ienzo's shoulder a gentle squeeze before moving away from him again.
Ienzo stood there silently, thinking of what Evan had just told him. He wasn't sure if the advice he was given made him even sadder or made it easier on him. Either way, he knew what he had to do... express his feelings to Myde. The one thing he had been afraid of doing from the very beginning, and he now had to do it.
Ienzo remembered that Myde told him to meet at Mells Bells, so he left the lab and went there to find Myde.
Evan watched Ienzo leave without a goodbye and sighed. He sat down at his desk and laid his head on his arms, closing his eyes. It had been days since he slept last and it was taking its toll on him now.
Myde was sitting at the bar in Mells Bells eating some cheesecake as he happily hummed the Ienzo song to him self
Ienzo walked in to hear Myde humming the Ienzo song, this made him even more nervous, and it reminded him of the time they spent together when they first made that song. He knew Myde cared for him deeply, but he wasn't sure if he felt the same. "Myde..." He whispered as he walked up behind him.
Myde stopped humming and turned around to see Ienzo standing
"Hey Ienzy, glad you could come take a seat" Myde said patting the stool next to him
"I... o-okay." Ienzo took the seat next to him, despite the fact that he was about ready to run away and never say a thing to Myde. He had to get it off his chest though, so he decided to tell him, even when feeling that he could possibly regret it deep down inside. "Myde, there are some things that have been on my mind lately... I kind of needed to ask you a few things. I'm not sure you'll like it though." Ienzo told him.
Myde patted Ienzo on the back
"Ienzy you know you can always talk to be, so just asked away" Myde said in his care free voice
Ienzo sighed, knowing all to well how easily that carefree attitude could change to sadness. He remembered when Myde woke up crying over a nightmare he had about him leaving... maybe it was trying to tell him something. The more he thought about it all, the more he feels torn up inside. "Myde, I care about you, I really do. I thank you for all the special moments we shared together. And I'm sorry if the logical side of me is interfering with our relationship but, I just can't understand if I really love you as much as you love me. We've only just met and I can't figure out what it is exactly that I'm feeling for you." Ienzo said, trying to get it out as quickly as possible before breaking down.
Myde pulled Ienzo face to his
"Ienzy do you have this funny feeling where you heart is when you look at me?" Myde asked sounding a little sad about that Ienzo has just told him
"Y-yes..." Ienzo replied, feeling as if he was about to cry. "B-but I just can't... understand. I'm sorry, Myde. I've been in this frame of mind for so long that I just can't stop even if I wanted to."
Myde smiled, Ienzo looked so cute even though he looked sad
"Then that Ienzy is love, even though this is my first time feeling it as well i know its love"
"I just... It would make me feel more comfortable if we took our time with this, just so we could be sure we aren't making any mistakes before it's too late. I like to be safe when it comes to thing like this, and you'll have to get used to that, Myde." Ienzo replied truthfully. "I can only think of you in my mind as a friend right now. Even if what you're saying is true, and in my heart I do love you, I still can't be sure of that until my mind believes it too." The truth hurt in one way, but in another way, it was satisfying.
All the care freeness had now gone out of Mydes eye, true he wanted to be less carefree but not like this, he didn't want to be just good friends with Ienzo, he wanted to take the risk, Myde got up and walked out of Mells Bells he wanted to pretended he didn't hear what Ienzo had just said but he knew he couldn't never eases them word out of his mind
Ienzo sat there, too shocked and torn apart to say anything... he couldn't even bring himself to cry at that moment. He just slowly rose from his seat and walked back to the lab, the whole time thinking of regret in his head. "What have I done...?" Ienzo whispered sadly. He looked over at a desk and saw Evan had fallen asleep. He went to his room and returned with a blanket, dropping it over his sleeping co-worker's shoulders.
Myde ran home trying to hold back his tears, for the first time in his life had he ever felt this bad
"I should have never of met him" those words where the only ones going around in his mind but he felt like they was nothing but a lie, when he got home dropped his sitar so hard the strings shock and made an out of tune noise, he went up to his room and fell on his bed, he wished Ienzo was there with him there too tell him he loved him and to hold him
Ienzo walked back to his own bedroom this time, standing at the edge of his bed for a few minutes before just throwing himself down onto it. He grabbed a pillow and squeezed it tightly to himself, muffling his screams as he cried. He now knew what regret felt like, and it hurt. But it was what he expected and he was prepared to face it... even if he had to face it alone now.
Aww poor Myde this chapter is really sad but I'm not saying if it works out or not