My Rapist
Title: My Rapist
Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX
Series: C.S.I
Rating: M
Genre: angst/comfort
Spoilers: none
Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Catherine Willows
Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.
Summary:After her rape Sara is taken to be processed, she needs Grissom there with her. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.
Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.
Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.
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He looked into her eyes, searing her through. He wanted a name, a name that would ruin a career and maybe even theirs. How was she supposed to tell him, that a man she saw every day at the lab was responsible. He'd be straight down there, beating him senseless for her, she didn't want violence, no more violence. There had already been too much of that for one day. The image of her attackers face made her head swim and screaming sobs force their way up her throat like bile. He'd been so threatening, he always had been intimidating at work, but she would never have believed that he would go this far. Sure he'd suggested a few things, but she'd still never had pegged him for a rapist. That's why she had let him in, she'd trusted him, she was stupid. Never let anyone in, that was the golden rule, throughout her adult life and most of her childhood she had isolated herself, closeness meant pain, anyone who can get close enough to touch you can hurt you. Her father had taught her that. She just wanted love and he'd offered it on a plate. Still reeling from Grissom's denial she'd taken him up in his offer of a drink at her place. When he'd got heavy she'd told him no, it was too soon. He didn't listen, the stubborn bastard never had done, Grissom, Catherine he'd gone over their heads whenever they went against him. The only ass he kissed was the D.A's. He'd been all over her, she wanted a shower, she needed to get him off! She was aware of Grissom talking to her, still in that same gentle lulling voice.
'Sara, come on please, please just give me a name. We can go through details later. You know that we can pull this guy in now. You can stop him from hurting anyone else. You want to protect the world Sara, I know you do, so protect the world this way, for them Sara, for every other woman out there. Just a name that's all I need. I swear to you I won't let him hurt you again.' She looked up staring at him, her chapped and split lips part to speak, she speaks so slowly and carefully as if trying out her voice for the first time in years.
'I don't want anyone else to get hurt Grissom. I don't want to loose you. I don't want you to get hurt.'
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I stiffened at her words. Had he threatened me? Why would he do that? I shook off my thoughts and turned my attention back to Sara.
'I need you to giver me a name sweetheart. I can't protect myself if I don't know who to protect myself against. Sara, I'll be o.k. If you tell me who did this to you.' I don't know how but I'd managed to frame her face in my hands, I don't remember even moving. I want to help her so much, but I need that name, I need to know who did this to her, my Sara. Now where did that come from?
'Conrad Ecklie' Sara mumbled under her breath. I think I stopped breathing.
'What?' I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Not Conrad, I know he's a self centered bastard but there has got to be no way in hell that he would do this. I look up at her and I know that he did it. That man if I can call him that did this to Sara, the look on her face in her eyes in even in the way she shakes when she said his name is all the proof I need.
'O.k. Sara. That's all I needed thank you.' I take hold of her hand and stand up coaxing her up off the bed with me. She puts her arms around my waist and cuddles herself into my side. I love feeling her this close, but the sweetness of the embrace is tarnished beyond saving by Conrad. We walk towards the door, I'm striding with a new rage filling me with every step and Sara is leaning against my side barely walking. It's so surreal. I wrench open the door, to face the two startled officers still outside Sara's door. I can't help but shout at them.
'I want Conrad Ecklie in custody when I get back to the lab.' Sara rounds on me, fear flashing through her already troubled eyes. She grabs my shirt with a new found strength, shaking me hard.
'What are you trying to do Grissom!' She's screaming at me, screaming and sobbing beyond all control. It rips my soul in two. I hold her upper arms steadying her, holding her up, letting her scream herself out, letting her get it all out.
'I can't loose you Grissom. I've already lost myself I can't loose you too I can't. You bastard don't let me loose you too. He'll kill you. H-he'll kill you.' She was pummeling my chest, screaming, sobbing with fear for me. I still can't believe this is happening. Her fists slow to a stop and she falls into my chest, letting me hold her like I want to. Now she'd given me a name I could take her to the hospital. I swept her up in my arms, she can't have weighed more than a 12 year old child. She buried her head in my neck as I cautiously made my way out of the apartment to my Tahoe.
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I must have fallen asleep in Grissom's car. I awoke in a cold sweat, more tears staining my cheeks. Smells and flashes of memories I'd rather forget haunted my dreams, as if it's not enough that I went through this hell in the first place. I know where we're going to the hospital, I've always hated them. The smell, the people everything about them scares the hell out of me. To be honest though I'd rather be there than at home waiting for Ecklie to show up again. At least there I'll be safe, I hope. I sneak a look at Grissom he looks terrible, I think he looks as bad as I feel. I can't help but think that maybe I've done this to him, all the stress he's under is because of me. If I was only a stronger person neither of us would be in this situation. God I'm so tired. I just want to sleep, I just want this to be over.
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Keeping my temper now has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Watching Sara sleeping fitfully in my passenger seat knowing she's dreaming of him and I can't do anything for her. As we pull up in front of the A and E she woke up, scaring the hell out of me when she sat bolt up right in her seat, breathing heavily. I couldn't just sit there.
'Hey, hey it's o.k. Just gotta get you checked out. Come on.' Before I even knew what I was doing I was at her side pulling her to her feet. I didn't want to start carrying her again unless she couldn't walk. She's such a strong woman i wouldn't dream of trying to make her weaker than she really is, I wouldn't dare try.
We got her logged in and found a cubicle. I sat with her, holding her hand in silence. She drifted in and out of sleep, she must be so tired.
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High heels clicked down the hall and stopped just outside the drawn curtain that was cubical number four. Catherine Willows took a deep breath and tightened her grip on her rape kit. This wasn't going to be an easy night. Pulling the curtain aside, Catherine's eyes filled with tears at what she saw. Gil's head was laying across Sara's lap, fast asleep, so was Sara, still fitfully dreaming of the worst day of her life. She walked over to Gil crouching down in front of his sleeping form in the chair, pausing a moment before gently shaking his shoulder.
'Hey Gil, come on wake up.' He stirred, mumbling in his half awake state.
'Cath?'
'Hey there. Gil, I need to process the erm victim. I'm sorry. Y-you can come straight back in when I'm done. I promise.' He just sat there for a moment, watching Sara breath in and out, before standing and making for the curtain. As he reached it he stopped, turned and looked Catherine in the eye.
'Be gentle with her.'
'You know I will.' She reassured him, smiling slightly. He smiled back, that tired smile he always saved for those cases that got to him. He turned and left waking Sara with the sounds of his footstep on the hard, concrete floor.
'Hey Sara. You know why I'm here don't you honey? It'll only take a minuet I promise, then I'll get Grissom back in for you o.k? It's o.k. Sara it'll all be over soon.' Catherine's words comforted her but Sara couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.
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I never thought I'd be processing Sara. I always thought she was too strong to let something like this happen to her. Now I'm looking at her I realize that this can happen to the strongest of people. I get out my kit, and ask her to strip down for the photographs of her assault. I can see in her eyes how much she's hurting, I know now why Grissom is so protective of her. I don't get on with her as well as I should but I want to comfort her now. This is going to rip the team apart especially when I tell them who did this. I can't say I'm to thrilled about taking this case but Griss wanted the time off, to be honest who can blame him. I may not be happy, but I'm damn well going to solve this damn case for the both of them.
O.k. I've taken nail scrapes, clothes, swabbed her cuts and taken her D.N.A. That's everything. I gotta go get all this stuff back to the lab. God she looks like a mess, totally disheveled.
'Hang in there girl o.k?' I say patting her arm in what I hope is an encouraging and supportive way. She doesn't even respond to my touch. I feel like I've taken the last part of herself she had left away from her. What choice did I have? I leave her, almost running straight into Grissom who is still poised outside the curtain.
'You better get in there Gil if she didn't have you there I think she'd break down.' I give him a smile, knowing he needs a little support himself.
'You call me if either of you need anything o.k? Me and the guys will get this sorted. You two take all the time you need.' I hope I said the right thing. Jesus this is so hard.
'Thanks Cath. This means a lot, to both of us.' I reach out a hug him hard, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
'You take care now, give Sara my love.' I practically run down the hall back to my Tahoe. I want to get this evidence processed as quick as I can. For both their sakes.
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We're going to my apartment. There's no way she's going back to hers, not the way it is right now. I doubt the teams finished processing anyway. She refused the sleeping pills they offered her at the hospital, but took the abortion pills. I hadn't even thought of that, to say it hit home is not even close to the way I feel. I told Catherine to keep me posted on the case hopefully she'll come up with something soon.
I had to carry her in, she doesn't seem interested in anything after Cath processed her. This is a nightmare. I put her medication on my kitchen counter. I know she didn't want it but the doctor's insisted I take it. She won't take it but it got those doctors off my back. I lay her on the sofa not to sure where else to put her, I smoothed her hair out of her face, just as my cell phone rang. It was Catherine.
'Griss? We got a hit off the semen that we found on Sara's pants.' Moment of truth as they say. Now we'll know if it was really Ecklie. If it was I hope for his sakes I'm not there when they bring him in.
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O.k. This one is getting a lot of my attention. I hope all of you that reviewed my 1st chapter will be satisfied with this one. I tried to make it as good as the last. Please review.