Past and Present
Title: Past and Present
Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX
Series: C.S.I
Rating: T
Genre: angst/comfort
Spoilers: none
Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Conrad Ecklie
Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer. Also a bit of the song, Do you believe in love is used. This belongs to Craig David and Windswept Music Ltd.
Summary: Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.
Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.
Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.
NOTE: fed-up-reader: thanks for your latest review. I'm glad that my standard of spelling has improved. I am very serious about my writing and I would hope I don't come across as incompetent. A lot of people over the duration of my life have told me I am, such as the people who put me in special needs when I was younger. I don't believe I needed to be in that class. I am trying really hard to rectify my spelling because I know it bothers some people immensely and I want my work to be the best it can. I am curious though as to what you think about the story line. Please let me know. Thanks again.
Csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi
'She was my sister, just five years old when she was taken from our home. I tired so many times to go look for her but there's only so much a ten year old can do. We kept her room for her, checked hospitals and care homes every month. After six years Mom
said we had to stop looking. It was tearing the family apart, the same disappointment month after month. I ran away from home, I didn't plan it, just took my stuff and went. I had to find her, I searched everywhere in Vegas, New York, the furthest I got was Texas. Eventually I ran out of money and hitch hiked my way back home. I'd been gone about a year, when I got home only Mom was there, she told me Dad had gone looking for me about a month after I left and never come home. We waited for him for so long, now instead of looking for one person we were hunting down two. We never found either of them, me and Mom still look, every month as usual.'
Gentle tears fell down his face, I held onto him tight I wanted to be there for him, he'd given me so much. He leaned over and took a picture off the nightstand, a man was giving a small girl a piggy back ride around a small back garden. Both their faces lit up with happiness. It was amazing how alike they both were to Grissom. His father was the spitting image of a younger Grissom, the one I knew in San Francisco. Alice had the same eyes that shone love and affection. Her curly blond hair caught the light of the sun making it shimmer, it was such a beautiful picture then held so much grief for this man's family. I looked up as more tears fell onto the picture frame, Grissom looked like he was falling apart at the seams. I reached up and gently wiped away his tears and kissed his cheek gently. He looked down on me, holding me closer to him. I wanted so much to give him back what he had lost, but all I can give him is my heart. I wish I'd never asked him about his family, I just wanted to know that there was some people who loved their children, mine never did.
'After I got back, Mom got ill. I looked after her. Now Dad was gone I had to look after what was left of the family. Mom needed me. I got back on track with school and retook all the exams I missed, got a college place and a job. Everything was going well, but Mom never got over loosing Alice and Dad. She loved us all so much, it was like someone had stolen her heart. I didn't want to leave her to come here but she told me it was all she wanted, to see her son successful. I want to be successful for her.'
I had to say something.
'Honey, your good at what you do. I'm sure your Mom is so proud of you.' I hope I said the right thing, he's looking at me in that weird way he has, like when he's looking at a piece of evidence.
'What about you? Tell me about your family. I'm curious.' Oh my God where am I going to start? My family is such a mess I don't really know if he should be told. He trusted me with his family secrets, it's my turn now.
Csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi
'I never had the best family in the world but we were o.k. Until Dad started his new job, it stressed him out, made him tired and angry. He used to read me stories with Mom. We all got cuddled up in their big bed altogether like those fairy tale families you see on T.V. He'd read all the masculine parts in these funny deep voices and Mom would read the women in these smooth, well spoken voices. It all changed though. He'd come to me at night and do things to me. I hated him, that Daddy I loved so much during my childhood had turned into a monster in front of my eyes. When I was 15 Mom lost it. I came home with her from the doctor's, Dad knew something was wrong. My eyes were red and Mom's face was so pale. She clasped my hand in two of her's and squeezed gently. I ran to my room, avoiding Dad's accusing glares. I only had a tummy bug, at least I thought I had. I was pregnant with my father's child. The idea made me sick to my stomach. The abortion was scheduled for next week. we didn't have much money but Mom insisted on having the abortion as soon as possible, it wouldn't be as hard for me to let go that way. Mom swore to me she'd never let him touch me again, she'd sort him out. He beat her pretty well and I knew she was terrified of him herself. I fell asleep that night, hungry, I couldn't bring myself to eat in case I threw up again. I awoke from a less than pleasant dream, to shouting and screaming moving closer and closer down the hall. I didn't have any time to be scared, my door flew open my Mom stood there her mouth open, her pale face framed by the light in the hall. A shining knife in her hand, red liquid dripping meticulously off the end, staining my carpet. Dad lay slumped against my chest of draws, very dead. I passed out, next thing I remember I was in the nearest child home and my Mom was in custody.'
She was so sad. Still traumatised by the memory of her father. Pregnant at 15? My poor Sara. There we go again what is with that? She cuddles further into my side, I pull her closer. She's shaking like hell. I look down at her pale face. I up my hand under her chin and make her look at me.
'Hey it's o.k. I won't let anything happen to you.' She looks at me the cutest puzzled expression on her face.
'You don't mind that I was pregnant, that I'm totally insecure?' Now I look puzzled why is she thinking like this.
'Of course I don't mind honey. Why should I? It's in the past, and your NOT insecure. Even if you were I wouldn't mind.' I kiss her forehead gently, and sneak a look at the bedside clock over her shoulder, 3am. I need some sleep after the day I've had, I catch Sara mid yawn and chuckle, I guess she is too.
'Come on Sara, bed. You need to sleep. I'll be here if you wake up.' I lay myself and her down, pulling her to me and resting our foreheads together. I feel her breathing even out against my cheek. Her arms are folded up against my chest still clutching my nightshirt. My arms are around her small waist, holding her to me where no one can hurt her. Before I give in to sleep, I think of Ecklie and wonder how he could do this to her, I wonder what he's thinking.
Csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi
They found the condom like I'd hoped. Finally I can get back at him, revenge is tasting so very sweet. She was sweet, her skin sickly sweet and smooth under my teeth, the taste of her bitter blood setting the perfect flavour. I loved every minute. Every time I think about it I can't help but smile. I'd do it all again if I could.
Catherine is looking at me like she can't stand the sight of me. Good, I hope I repulse them all. She wants my statement. It's time to tell my story now, I'll give them a story they'll never forget.
Csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi
There we go new chapter up and running. This will be my last chapter for about two weeks, less if I have anything to do with it. I'm really sorry guys, I got to decorate the room the computer is in. I'll try and get on another computer and update but I don't think that will be very likely. I'll have at least two chapters done when I get back online. Please keep a look out. Sorry! Please review.