Another Life

Chapter 8

"Oh my god, I can't believe I cried during sex! Our first time. Your first time! I'm so sorry!" Blaine had been freaking out about it for the past hour, and Kurt had been reassuring him repeatedly. They were still in bed, clothed only by the bunched up ivory sheets.

"Blaine. I've told you a hundred times already. Stop it. If you apologize one more time I will get up and leave."

"Okay, okay."

Kurt loved the way Blaine looked right now. Completely open and vulnerable, the last of his walls stripped down. He stroked his arm lazily.

"We didn't get a chance to sing together," Kurt whispered.

"We will," Blaine assured him. "We have all the time in the world."

Kurt felt like he had been stabbed through the heart. Thoughts he had been pushing down rose up to the surface.

"Blaine, I think I have to go."

Blaine nuzzled further into Kurt's side. "Stay. Stay the night."

Kurt smiled half-heartedly into his hair. "I wish I could. But you said you have a 4:30am call time for your first day of filming tomorrow."

Blaine bit his lip. "Damn. You're right."

"I usually am."

"Can we at least meet for dinner tomorrow after I'm done with work?" Blaine offered.

"You mean like on a date? Color me surprised, Blaine Warbler."

Blaine whipped his head up to look at Kurt with wide eyes. "What did you just call me?"

Kurt nearly hit himself in the forehead, feeling unbelievably stupid. "Umm...it was nothing! A warbler's my favorite kind of bird?"

After a moment, Blaine settled back in, smiling happily. "Yes, I mean like on a date."

"I don't want to push you too far too fast." Kurt shook his head.

Blaine squeezed him. "That part of me has always been in there. It's just been buried deep down. Plus, you've seen me at my most stripped down and we both survived...I don't have much else to lose."

"I'm so glad I could help you find that part of yourself again, Blaine." They kissed briefly before Kurt got up to get dressed, Blaine watching him through heavy-lidded eyes.

"Kurt, on Saturday, the director of my movie is having a dinner party with the cast. Do you want to go with me?"

"I wish I could. I'm actually going home this weekend. To Ohio. My dad has been badgering me for a while now. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." He scrunched up his nose. "I guess I'll just take Sebastian."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt leaned over the bed to kiss him. "Let me know if you change your mind when the sex high wears off."

Kurt didn't go home. He walked the streets of New York aimlessly, fighting with the thoughts flooding his head.

We have all the time in the world, Blaine had said. But did they? Kurt's life could switch back at any moment, as suddenly as the first time. What if the other Kurt didn't like Blaine? He wasn't quite sure how this worked, but he was positive it was his mind controlling the actions of this Kurt. What if the other Kurt didn't remember anything about his time with Blaine?

And part of him couldn't shake the feeling that he had made some grave mistake by sleeping with Blaine. He started to hyperventilate and had to stop, doubled over and clutching at a lamppost. Had he cheated on his fiance? Was that crazy? It was the same person, but...He supposed his Blaine wouldn't blame him. He had no way of knowing if he would ever return to his life. Wouldn't his Blaine want him to find his alternate universe self so that they could be together no matter what? He fought to even out his breathing, forcing himself to resume a standing position.

The worst part was that even though he wanted nothing more than to get back to his normal life and to his normal relationship, he liked this version of Blaine. He wanted to keep him with him somehow. He was happy in some weird way.

Through all of the emotions, one thing was certain: he felt - and he couldn't explain why - that his time in this universe was coming to an end. And as happy as that made him, he had no idea what to do about it.

When Kurt met Blaine in front of the restaurant the next evening, he looked more nervous than Kurt had ever seen. But Kurt's embrace washed away all the feelings of unease.

He let Blaine gush about his first day on the job, and pretended to ignore the cameras trying to capture a moment of their date.

It would have all been so wonderful, had he not had that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that he had to figure something out. Soon.

And it was with an unsettled mind and unresolved issues that he kissed Blaine goodbye and hopped on a plane to take him back to Ohio.

Kurt was looking forward to this trip home. His father always managed to help him when his mind was disquieted. There was also something he had been wanting to do for a while. He wanted to go see Santana. He had to make sure she was doing well. He had no idea what he would do if she wasn't, but he just felt a compulsion to check in on her.

Never in a million years would Kurt have guessed that he would sorely miss Santana, but his heart ached for her. She had, inexplicably, become one of his closest friends, and now that he knew her life was so different than the one he knew her to love, he had to make sure she was okay.

When the plane landed, he switched his phone on and hoped to feel the telltale vibration of a text alert, but no luck. He felt disappointed, and then ashamed that he felt disappointed. Had he expected Blaine to text him some cheesy message like "miss you already?" No. But had he hoped? Sure he had.

Burt was there waiting to pick him up. He had left Carole behind to make dinner, which Kurt was looking forward to. Friday night dinners were still a tradition in both his old life and his new one, but nothing beat a Friday night dinner in the Hummel household.

"There's a surprise waiting for you inside," Burt told his son with a smile. "You've seemed pretty down lately, and I thought you could use a it…"

Normally, Kurt was not a fan of surprises. He was a master at foiling other people's surprise plans, and much preferred it that way. But this surprise was so worth it.

"Mr. Schuester!" Kurt ran into the open arms of his former teacher. He was suddenly overcome with emotion and had to force back the lump in his throat.

It was so good to see Mr. Schue again. This is what Friday night dinners were all about. Bringing family together. After dinner, Kurt and Mr. Schue excused themselves to the back patio.

Mr. Schue put a hand on Kurt's shoulder. "How are you, Kurt? You look...different."

"I feel different. I'm feeling a little lost lately. Very conflicted."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I...I don't know if I can. It's like my world was turned upside down and I thought I was on the right track doing the right thing, but it all just feels so confusing."

"You know what you should do, then, to give you clarity?"

They made eye contact and said in unison, "Sing about it."

And just like old times, they broke into a duet.

Singing with Mr. Schue actually did make Kurt feel better. He should have known it would. And a good Burt Hummel pep talk made it even better. Burt convinced him that if it was in his heart, it couldn't be wrong. And being with Blaine is what was in his heart. He still had no idea what to do about the fact that his life could switch back at any time, though. There was only one person who could help him out with that, and he wasn't sure he wanted to put that responsibility in that person's hands, lest it get entirely screwed up.

More than ever, he wanted to be home, in his own life, wrapped up in Blaine's arms on the couch and watching Flea Market Flip like they did every Saturday.

Instead, a trickier prospect was at hand. He was pulled up in front of the house just outside of Lima Heights where he would supposedly find Santana and David Karofsky. His heart was pounding, but he knew if he didn't try, he would never forgive himself.

He put one foot in front of the other until he was standing on the doorstep, knocking softly. He quickly wondered if he should be worried about Karofsky offering to rearrange his face, but he didn't have time to dwell on it. Santana opened the door with a surprised expression.

"Lady Hummel. What an unpleasant surprise. Let me guess. The morgue ran out of dead people's clothes for you to borrow, so you need fashion advice."

"It's really good to see you, too, Santana. Thanks for inviting me in. I'd love a drink."

Without saying another word, she turned around and led him through the house to the kitchen. She poured him some lemonade and turned back, expectantly, patting her tiny baby bump.

"Come to give me your congratulations on my soon-to-be bundle of joy? I have to admit, you were the last person I was expecting, Tee-oh. Shit. Can't call you Teen Gay anymore, can I?"

He took a sip of the lemonade and coughed, spewing it back into the glass.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you there's vodka in there too…since I can't drink in my current situation, I've been spiking everything that everyone else drinks. Maybe not the best habit to get into. We'll see."

"Where's Dave?" Kurt asked, glancing around the room a little nervously.

"Away on one of his weekend trips." She looked down upon saying this.

"Oh, so he goes away for the weekend to get his gay on, and you're stuck here, growing his child and pretending to be someone you're not?" Kurt found it hard not to raise his voice.

"That escalated quickly. At least if I'm miserable, I'm not miserable alone, like your sad ass!"

"I'd rather be alone than hide who I am because I'm too scared of what other people will think!"

They stared each other down for a moment. Finally, Santana spoke.

"I always knew we were kindred bitches."

Kurt laughed, feeling the anger and tension dissolve.

"So why are you here, anyway?"

"Just wanted to see how you are doing."

"You've never cared about my well-being before. Why now?"

"Let's just say I have a new perspective now…are you sure this is what you want?"

Santana rested her hands on her belly again. "It doesn't matter. It's too late now."

Kurt shook his head. "It's never too late."

"I'm at peace with my decision to live this way."

"God, Santana. There's a place out there where we're both happy, and we both have everything we could ever want. I might even be your best gay."

"Nope. That's where I draw the line. It's time for you to go back to your sad life, Lady Face."

She walked him to the door, but was smiling the whole way.

"If you ever change your mind, I'm only a phone call away." He pressed a slip of paper with his number into her hand. Her fingers grasped his for a second before pulling back.

"Thank you," she uttered, barely above a whisper.

"Bye for now, Satan."

"Laters, Butt Sex."

Sunday morning dawned, and Kurt was starting to feel like an addict. He checked his phone for notifications every few seconds to make sure he hadn't missed a text or call from Blaine. He even imagined phantom vibrations or text tones, causing him to frantically dig for his phone, but each time, there was nothing.

Kurt pushed his grocery cart up to the checkout at the local market. Right in front of him, on a paper on the newsstand, was a large, black and white photograph of Blaine and some guy Kurt had never seen before with their arms around each other. The caption read "Newcomer Blaine Anderson and his date at the cast kickoff party."

Was this why Blaine hadn't contacted him all weekend? He goes out of town for less than three days, and Blaine was already back to his old ways! How had he been to stupid to think he could change him? Kurt took a steadying breath and checked out.

Strange. It was a word he had used more in the past few weeks than he had in his entire life. But it was the single best word to describe what he was going through.

It was so strange not knowing what to think about the picture in the paper. Back in his real life, he trusted Blaine with his entire being. After their breakup, Blaine had proved to be nothing but true to him, and at this point in their relationship, he would never for a second believe that Blaine would do anything, intentionally or otherwise, to hurt him.

But this wasn't the Blaine he knew like the back of his hand. And he didn't know if he could trust him. He agonized over it as he made breakfast for his dad and Carole.

"Hey buddy. What's on your mind?" Burt asked, coming into the kitchen.

Kurt sighed. "Dad. I know I've been pretty vague about what's going on lately. There-there's a guy I've been sort of seeing for the past couple of weeks."

If his dad was surprised, he did a great job of hiding it.

"I thought it was going great, but I haven't heard from him at all this weekend. Then I heard from someone else that he took another guy to a party. We never said we were dating exclusively or anything, but I didn't think he'd ditch me the moment I left town…"

"Is he a good guy, Kurt?"

"The best." He wished he could tell Burt just how much he would love Blaine, how much he would treat him like his own son.

"Then give him a chance. I don't want you to get hurt, though, so if you feel uncomfortable at all, don't let him jerk you around."

"I won't, dad. Thank you. I love you."

"Love you too, kid."

Kurt: Boarding the plane to head back to NYC. See each other soon?

Kurt stared at the text he had sent hours ago to Blaine. He was waiting to be able to get off the plane now, and Blaine still hadn't responded. Maybe I'm being ghosted, he thought, remembering the term he had heard Tina use about her most recent crush.

This must have been what he was supposed to make out of all of this misery. Blaine didn't need him after all. He wanted to tear out his hair in frustration.

He was finally allowed to leave the plane. He walked through the airport, avoiding looking at any of the newsstands, and trying to remember his father's words. Give him a chance. Give him a chance. Give him a chance.

"Kurt!" The ever-familiar voice called out to him. Well, here was his chance.

"Blaine? What are you doing here?" He couldn't stop his feet as they increased their speed to run over to Blaine.

"I came to pick you up, silly." Blaine reached out and hugged Kurt, lifting him off the ground, like they had been separated for months instead of days.

Kurt backed away slightly, removing himself from the immediate vicinity of Blaine's intoxicating smell and presence to give himself a clear head. "I wasn't sure you missed me. I thought you might be too busy with your date from the party last night." Give him a chance.

Blaine wrinkled his nose. "You saw that, huh?" Give him a chance. The words started falling out of Blaine's mouth like he couldn't stop them from coming out. "I'm sorry Kurt. That reporter had no idea what she was talking about. I brought Sebastian to the party like I said I would. The guy in the picture was trying to hit on me, and he caught the photographer for a picture before I could say no. That's all. I went home with Sebastian at the end of the night." He paused, then scrambled to correct himself. "That sounds awful! I just mean because he's my roommate. Nothing happened between us."

Kurt allowed his apology. "But you didn't text me all weekend."

"I didn't want to seem desperate! I was waiting for you! And when you texted me to say you were flying back, I took that as my green light. I'm sorry if the whole thing got a little messy. I'm new to this dating thing, remember?"

Kurt felt himself smile for the first time since he saw the newspaper that morning. "I'm sorry I freaked out a little bit."

"Can I freak you out a little bit more?" Blaine took Kurt's hand. "I spent the entire weekend thinking about you and wishing you were here. I didn't want to go to that party because you weren't with me. You've broken down my walls, Kurt, and I don't want to go back to the way it was before. I want you by my side all the time. I feel crazy when you're not around. I know it's way too early, and I might be insane, but I think…" Don't say it. Please say it. Don't say it. "I think I love you."

Author's Note: Hope you're enjoying the read! We're winding down. Just a couple more chapters plus an alternate ending. Drop me a note to let me know what you think about it!