Summary: "Why?"… "Why?"… "Oh, that's why." Starting after 10.08, "The Brain Bowl Incubation," this is a series of post episode stories to fill in some of the gaps of season 10. Each chapter should be able to stand on its own, but they also go together as parts of a larger story. Future chapters will, in large part, be shaped by whatever happens on the show.

Chapter 3, post-ep for 10.10, "The Property Division Collision": Sheldon and Leonard stop bickering about possessions that don't matter and start focusing on the people who do matter.

Please note that the rating on this story has been changed. I don't know that I'd consider it M rated so far, but this site's guidelines are super prudish, and I would prefer the freedom to write whatever I want as this little series goes on.

—-

I.

Leonard supposes that he should've anticipated how difficult it would be to divide up his and Sheldon's shared stuff. After all, the guy has almost never been reasonable about anything. That was a stunning level of selfishness, though, even for him. At least the worst of it is over now.

Ever since they called a truce, though, Leonard has found himself wondering about the oddness of the entire situation. The strange guy that Sheldon rented his room to was probably right that a lot of the tension was due to them missing one another. Change can be hard, and change when it comes to his former roommate can be all but impossible.

Still, he can't shake the feeling that there is something more to it. When he sees Sheldon emerge from his old bedroom with an empty packing box, he can't resist asking him about it.

"You know that you'll always be welcome to come visit me here, right? Our possessions are not that important."

"I appreciate that, Leonard, and I agree. That's why I'm only planning on taking a few things when all is said and done, and if I end up taking anything you'd like back, let me know. I'm sure we can come up with a solution."

"That's awfully reasonable of you." It's a big enough shift from how things started out that Leonard is all the more intrigued. "So out of curiosity, why did you make all of this so unnecessarily difficult to start with? I didn't think you would even care about a lot of this stuff."

Sheldon walks over to his spot where there is a new pile of their shared possessions to be divided up. He picks and chooses, placing a few items into the empty box one at a time. "That's true. It was more about the principle of the matter."

"Changing the router password and renting out your old room to some random guy off the street are not what I would describe as principled actions."

"That's quite an interesting observation coming from a man who chose to rub his genitals on the apartment flag."

Leonard sighs. That definitely wasn't the most dignified moment of his life. And his loving wife, of course, took pictures, so the moment will forever remain captured in digital form.

Pausing in the act of packing, Sheldon wrinkles his nose and looks askance at the stack of books that remains on the couch. "You didn't defile anything else, right?"

He is surprised to see that Sheldon has only taken about half of their jointly-owned books down off the shelves, and of that half, it looks like he has only put a select few into the box to take with him. He hasn't taken any of the ones that Leonard would miss, either. "No, I didn't."

"Thank goodness. I can dry clean that flag, but I don't know what I would have been able to do for these books." He closes the flaps of the box before turning around to face him again. "But to get back to your original question, I've been making use of our situation to serve as a sort of makeshift lesson on negotiation. You see, I've found compromise to be essential to my relationship with Amy, and we will soon be facing the new challenge of sorting out our living space. I thought it best to practice some strategies on you first."

"What? Ignoring the fact that you thought being one-hundred percent selfish was a good strategy for 'negotiating', I can't believe you put me through all of that like I'm some kind of test subject!"

"That surprises you? Huh. You needn't take offense, though. There are very few people I care about enough to deem them a worthy test case. It's an honor."

It doesn't feel like an honor. "Look, Amy isn't going to give up and let you do whatever you want the way that I tried to. If you take a selfish approach with her, you're going to have a bad time."

"I concur. Part of my plan with you was to see how hard I could push. I won't allow things to go wrong with Amy, and it's now clear that it's best not to go overboard. My initial approach with you was aggressive, I admit, but I've seen what can go wrong if a man's not careful. I'm referring, of course, to the disaster that is your current bedroom decor."

Unable to bring himself to put up a vigorous defense of Penny's decorating choices, Leonard shrugs. He folds his arms across his chest and tries to work up some amount of haughtiness, but his voice comes out more like a mumble. "It's fine. I wanted her to feel at home in our shared space. Compromises are important, remember?"

Sheldon scoffs. "That room does not look like a space that was negotiated. It looks like a girly dictatorship. I haven't seen so much pink in one place since that time Amy dragged me into Victoria's Secret. Seeing your new room gave me flashbacks, Leonard." With a shake of his head he finishes, "Victoria left her 'secrets' on display everywhere in that store."

"It's only one room."

Picking up his half-filled box, Sheldon says, "For now, yes, and maybe you're right not to let it trouble you. After all, there's a good chance that you might both have your own spaces again someday anyhow."

"What? Why would you go and say something like that?" After years of hearing outrageous things come out of Sheldon's mouth, Leonard still finds himself surprised at the man's audacity. This comment bothers him more than most.

Apparently, even his socially inept friend can tell that his remark was not well-received. Sheldon sets his box on the coffee table and takes a seat in his spot.

"That wasn't an insult, you know. It's a statistical reality that a majority of marriages don't work out. In the case of Penny and yourself, you both know each other very well, but you also have little to nothing in common. Now that I no longer live here to brighten your days, I'm not even sure what the two of you talk about."

"Our world doesn't revolve around you!" Even thinking about his marriage failing is enough to set Leonard's heart to pounding. It doesn't help that there is a touch of truth to his former roommate's words. "The differences between us are an important part of what makes our lives interesting. We expand one another's horizons."

"If you say so," Sheldon concedes, though he both looks and sounds skeptical. "There is still the matter of aging."

"Everyone gets older," Leonard sputters, taking a seat in the chair near the couch. "Even someone as perpetually childish as you."

"Be that as it may, that's not going to cause a problem for me or Amy. I enjoy my time with her now, and I will continue to enjoy our relationship when she is an old lady."

Leonard has to stifle the urge to point out that she already dresses the part, but he supposes that such a comment would only support Sheldon's assertion anyway. Instead he says, "And what makes you think that I don't feel the same way about Penny?"

Sheldon tilts his head. "I have an excellent memory, and to the best of my recollection, you have spent more time admiring Penny for her appearance than you ever have for any other reason. It's a fact of life that physical attractiveness fades as one ages."

"Just because I find my wife gorgeous doesn't mean that I don't appreciate her beyond that."

His objection doesn't slow Sheldon down. "You are fond of bragging about your relationship, but it seems to me that it always centers around her perceived 'hotness'. If you do indeed appreciate the non-superficial facets of her character, perhaps you should refocus some of the things you say. I suppose you can't compliment her on her intelligence—"

"Sheldon!"

His shout is enough to startle his friend. It doesn't stop him from speaking for long, though. Nothing ever does.

Sheldon waves his hand as if to dismiss the interruption. "I will admit that she has certain 'street smarts' or social skills or whatnot. She is also good to her friends and is a very accepting person—even for some of the awkward weirdos we hang out with."

Leonard figures his friend lacks the self-awareness to realize who the biggest weirdo in their circle of friends is. Part of him wants to yell at him for his rudeness, but another part of him is busy wondering how much truth there might be to what he is saying.

After thinking it over for a second, he admits, "I love a great many things about Penny. Maybe you're right that I should be clearer about that, and maybe each of us taking more of an interest in the things the other one likes would make a stronger foundation for our relationship." With his next breath, though, Leonard continues to defend himself. "But you know, there is nothing wrong with me having a healthy attraction to my wife and making it known to her. Everyone likes to know that the person they're in love with finds them attractive. For whatever mysterious reason, Amy somehow finds you good-looking, and you know you love it when she says so."

Sheldon looks taken aback to have the conversation turned on him. Shifting the burden of irritation to the irritating man on the couch calms Leonard's nerves, and he continues, "I can admit that my compliments to Penny are often about her appearance. I'm sure men have done that her whole life, and one of the reasons I think she chose me is that I see beyond that. But I will take your advice to speak of her other qualities more often."

When Sheldon gives a self-satisfied nod and opens his mouth to speak, Leonard beats him to it and says, "However, you might want to consider taking on the opposite advice. You have forever focused on your 'relationship of the mind' and your love of Amy's intelligence, and maybe you should try complimenting other aspects of her as a person, like, for example, her aesthetic appeal."

That earns him a scoff. "That's absurd. She and I are above reveling in such superficial nonsense. Besides, Amy is already aware of her attractiveness. We do own a mirror. It's self-evident, and her choice of conservative dress only proves it. When you've really got it, you don't have to flaunt it or seek validation from anyone."

"Are you saying that you don't enjoy it when Amy tells you how good you look?"

Sheldon squirms in his spot, and Leonard can sense victory in the air. It's not often that he gets to prove his friend wrong, and he is looking forward to it.

After a few more seconds, he does indeed concede. "Of course I do."

Leonard nods and tries to hold back a smirk. It's fun when Sheldon has to admit that someone else is right. He sees no reason not to continue hammering his point home. "I have no doubt that your ego compels you to already think of yourself as a fine physical specimen, yet you enjoy the validation of hearing it spoken aloud. Don't you think your girlfriend might feel the same?"

"I abhor restating the obvious, but yes, I imagine she would."

"Penny has probably heard compliments about her body her whole adult life, and I'm different in that I love and admire her mind and her heart just as much. Have you considered that Amy has probably been appreciated for her intelligence her whole life and that it might, therefore, be extra important for her to hear about some of the other things you like about her, superficial or not?"

"I called her cute yesterday. She did seem to enjoy that."

"See, there you go. You've already got something to build on."

To his surprise, his arrogant buddy is starting to look a bit insecure. "It doesn't usually go that well for me, not when it comes to talking to her about that kind of thing. Believe it or not, I don't excel at everything."

"Oh, I believe it."

Sheldon doesn't acknowledge the interruption. "Compliments are not my strong suit. Even when I find the perfect thing to say, she almost always finds a way to misunderstand."

Leonard attempts to picture Sheldon telling Amy that she is hot and desirable, but the figurative web browser in his brain only returns a 404 error, page not found. It's hard enough to imagine him calling her cute, and apparently that's already happened. He tries to say something supportive anyway. "I'm sure that you can find a way to keep at it. You'll be doing the right thing to take my advice on this."

Instead of expressing gratitude, Sheldon scoffs. "Don't be silly, Leonard. Your advice is a mere corollary of my own advice to you. Of course I would listen to me."

Sometimes he thinks that his friend has changed a great deal over the years, and at other times it seems like he is the same jerk of a man he was when they first met. Having had enough of him for now, Leonard stands and makes his way into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

When he next looks up, he spots Sheldon standing in the open doorway to 4A with his box of books under one arm. Before he steps through the door, he says, "Leonard, you have been an excellent roommate for many years, and I have no doubt that you and I will be fantastic neighbors. Thank you for your assistance in deducing an important truth for me out of my own advice. We really are the best."

—-

II.

Even after all these weeks, Amy continues to find it hard to believe that she is finally living with the love of her life. It's all so wonderful that it feels almost unreal to her. Her friends would no doubt think her crazy, but she likes nothing better than getting to spend so much time with him. She's considers herself a lucky girl.

After chewing and swallowing the last bite of his dinner, Sheldon looks up from his empty plate and gestures at her with his chopsticks. "Is that a new shirt? The bright colors and raucous pattern form a nice contrast to the uniform pallor of your skin."

Lucky girl, indeed. The happy smile on his handsome face makes it hard for Amy to concentrate, as does the fact that she can't figure out if she should be flattered that he noticed her new blouse or insulted that he has pointed out the pasty whiteness of her skin.

Over the years, he has rendered her speechless on more occasions than she can count. Sometimes it's due to his intellectual brilliance, sometimes it's due to his stunning cluelessness, and every once in a while, he catches her off guard with some tidbit of inadvertent sweetness. His most recent comment is either clueless or sweet. She supposes there's no reason to assume the worst. After all, he did call her cute the other day.

"Um, thanks, I think. Yes, it's new. It was a present from my mother." Unable to figure out any further response, she changes the subject. "She mailed the gift out early, but she has been trying to convince me to come visit her this Saturday on the day of my actual birthday."

Setting down his chopsticks in a rush, Sheldon looks at her with wide, concerned eyes. She hopes that the panicky look on his face is because he doesn't want to miss spending her birthday with her, and she really hopes that he has been looking forward to it for the same reasons that she has. Of course, he might just be nervous that she will expect him to accompany her to visit her mom.

"If—if that's what you want to do," he says, his voice sounding careful and measured.

"I already declined. I told her that with Bernadette's baby overdue, I wanted to stay close by so that I could be here for her when the baby is born."

Sheldon blows out a sharp breath. "Oh! Yes, yes, of course. We should all stay put… for Bernadette's sake."

Amy is pleased to see his nervousness dissipate. Not wanting to put any pressure on him when it comes to the matter of her birthday, she decides to stay on the new topic. "It feels like our poor friend has been pregnant forever. Tiny Bernadette has gotten so big! It's completely absurd—like she's about to give birth to a two month old baby or something. But Penny and I have decided it's best not to point that out to her."

"Indeed, that does seem wise," Sheldon agrees with a bob of his head. "And I'm confident that we can have a worthy celebration of your birthday here at home."

Hearing him call their place home already feels like the greatest of gifts to Amy. She smiles and says, "Yes, I'm sure that we can."

While she finishes the final sip of her drink, she notices that Sheldon has begun staring at her with an inscrutable look on his face. She looks down at her shirt and then dabs at her mouth, but she finds no evidence that she has made a mess of herself. Maybe she has something stuck in her teeth. She turns her head away and runs her tongue over the smooth surface of her teeth. Nothing feels unusual.

It would be unlike him to not simply make her aware of any of those things anyway. It must be something else. A bit unsettled by his ongoing attention, she moves to stack their used plates and gather their utensils.

As she stands up from the table, he finally says something. "You may be getting up there in years, but if I didn't know better, I wouldn't guess your age at a day over 30." His statement is accompanied by a flirty wink, leaving Amy speechless for the second time tonight.

Great. As if she hadn't been feeling old enough already due to her upcoming birthday, now she's got Sheldon to help point out that she's 'getting up there'. It's usually easy to talk to him, but she once again finds herself with nothing to say.

Amy hustles over to the sink and turns on the water to rinse their plates. After plugging the drain to start the water level rising, she squeezes the bottle of dish soap with more aggression than is strictly necessary.

Before she has the chance to take out some of her irritations by scrubbing the dinnerware, she feels Sheldon's arm brush up against her own. A piece of hair has escaped her hair clip, and he reaches up and tucks it behind her ear. "It's remarkable that even with your hair parted to the side so often, it never makes your facial features look off-kilter."

While she is still trying to puzzle that one out, he adds, "And your nose is so distinctive. I bet I could recognize you in a crowd even if I were standing hundreds of feet away."

Amy has had enough of whatever the heck he is up to. She releases the plate from her left hand and the sponge from her right, and she turns away from the sink to face him, drippy hands be damned. He looks both peaceful and proud of himself, but that doesn't make her feel any better.

"What is going on with you?" The question comes out as more of a shout than she intended. But really, what the hell?

His grin fades, and he shrugs. "I don't know what you mean."

She stares at him without saying anything, waiting for a better answer, but after a few seconds of silence, he just sighs and says, "May I help you clean up?"

It's his day to cook and thus hers to tidy up, so it strikes her as a sweet thing to offer. It's starting to feel ridiculous to be grouchy with him, and it's not like she hasn't heard egregious things come out of his mouth before. "That would be nice, thank you."

While Sheldon gets to work wiping the table and countertops, Amy goes back to doing the dishes. Both of them attend to their tasks in silence, and she's grateful for the chance to think things over some more.

He has been acting odd recently. It is rare in the extreme for him to mention anything about her appearance. She was ecstatic when he called her cute yesterday, and she wishes that he would've left it at that. For the most part, she has no real idea of whether he finds her physically appealing, and she's starting to think that it might be better if he goes back to ignoring the subject altogether. Uncertainty is vastly preferable to the risk of finding out anything else that she doesn't want to hear.

Before she met Sheldon, she never gave her appearance much thought. She looked good enough. Years of silence on the matter from her boyfriend, however, have caused a few insecurities to crop up. He did call her pretty once, on the very same night that he confessed his love, and it's one of her favorite memories. Sadly, that was over two years ago, and there have been many occasions since then when she has found herself questioning if he had truly meant it.

From what he has said so far tonight, things once again don't look promising, and she's quite sure she doesn't want to hear anything further. A distraction seems like an excellent plan.

Finished with the dishes, Amy dries her hands and lumbers into their living room. One of those Marvel superhero shows on Netflix that he likes so much should do the job. In a clumsy fashion, her thigh brushes against the remote on the coffee table when she walks by, knocking it onto the floor.

Oh well. That little physical failing should fit right in with the rest of her evening. Sheldon must be used to her lack of gracefulness by now anyway. Having finished his own efforts in the kitchen, she can see him coming closer in her peripheral vision. By the time she bends over to pick up the remote, he is standing right next to her.

Amy leaps up straight from her bent over position when she feels his hands sliding along each of her hips. The startling motion is almost enough to make her drop the remote again. He leans close to her and whispers in her ear, "The breadth of your hindquarters is quite stunning. Even with the bulky fit of your sweater vest, it remains a prominent factor of your physique."

She feels turned on and hurt all at once, and the flood of emotion makes her yank her body away from his. "That's enough! Why do you keep saying these kinds of things?"

"What do you mean? Isn't it obvious?" His shoulders slump, and he looks confused, which only irritates her all the more.

"If your intent has been to hurt my feelings, then yes, I guess it's obvious. Was it really so important for you to tell me that I'm pale and old? That you think my nose is big—but not so huge as my prominent ass, of course!"

Sheldon perks up at her outburst, his posture straightening out. But his face looks paler than ever, and his blue eyes are opened wide with apparent surprise. "What? No, that's not what I meant at all!" Shaking his head, he narrows his eyes and adds, "I told Leonard that this wouldn't go well for me."

"Leonard? What does he have to do with all of this?"

—-

III.

Penny never would've thought that she would enjoy chess so much. At Leonard's suggestion, they have added yoga to the game. Instead of being timed by a chess clock, the active player is limited in their thinking time by how long they can hold a yoga pose. If the move is not made before the pose is broken, that player loses their chance to move for that turn.

Leonard is a more experienced chess player, but he has been losing a lot of turns, so their game remains quite close. In all fairness, though, she has been doing her best to distract him from both the exercise and the chess. It's not her fault. He's too cute all squeezed into a pair of her tight yoga pants, and it's tough to resist grabbing his butt from time to time.

It's not going to take much for him to lose out on this particular turn. He's already wobbling in his shoulderstand, and it's going to be hard for him to reach the board from his upside down position. Gravity has caused his shirt to slip down, revealing his sensitive belly. She stays strong and manages to keep herself from running a finger across one of the ticklish areas near his waistband. Well, she manages to resist for a good ten seconds or so. That's got to count for something.

He reaches for a piece at the same time as she pokes him. The tickle happens faster than his move, and he flails when he tips over. Fortunately or unfortunately, he clips the chessboard on the way by, scattering the little black and white figures everywhere.

"Checkmate!" she announces. It's impossible to keep herself from giggling. She sits down on the floor next to his sprawled out body and then scooches over to straddle his hips. As she does so, her chest continues to heave with her laughter.

Once she regains some semblance of control, she leans over to kiss his cheek and says, "Sorry about our little game."

Leonard smiles at her and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a little hug. "I don't think I was going to win that one anyway."

Her giggles are finally under full control, and she smirks. "Yeah, you were beat pretty bad. But you know, I can think of another game where we can both win—"

The front door swings open so hard that it ricochets off the inside wall with a thud. A pink-faced Amy and Sheldon storm through it, and though Penny never would've thought it possible, she finds herself missing Sheldon's annoying triple knock.

Amy's arms are folded across her chest, and Penny recognizes the 'my boyfriend is a jerk' expression on her face. She can see the exact moment when her friend realizes what she has intruded on. "I'm sorry to interrupt your… whatever this is," she says with a wave of her hand.

"It's yoga chess," Penny answers. She and Leonard stand up, and she has to be careful not to impale her feet on any of the pieces. Looking over at Sheldon, she says, "What did you do now?"

"Me? I didn't do anything other than to follow your husband's advice."

Amy frowns. "Really? Leonard suggested that you tell me I'm 'getting up there' in years and that the 'breadth of my hindquarters is stunning'?"

Penny gasps at Sheldon. "You. Did. Not."

Her husband looks annoyed, probably for a whole host of reasons. "I have no doubt that he did. But hey, Sheldon, It's just a corollary of your own advice, remember? It's not my fault that you don't know how to compliment your own girlfriend."

"What advice?" Amy snaps.

"Well, it all started with me," Sheldon says.

Leonard snorts. "It always does."

"I provided some helpful relationship suggestions to him earlier today. Well, it wasn't entirely altruistic on my part as there was a bit of a selfish motivation involved."

This time Penny can't help but interrupt. "You don't say."

"I do say. It's important that the two of you have a successful marriage. If things don't work out, Leonard might want to move back in with me—with me and Amy."

Folding his arms across his chest, Leonard says, "And some guy insisting on living with a new couple would be downright awkward and strange, right?"

It's no great surprise to Penny when Sheldon can't divine the irony. "Exactly." He steps closer to Amy and explains, "I pointed out that Leonard's strong focus on Penny's aesthetic appeal might be unwise if he's in it for the long haul. He, in turn, pointed out that it can also be important for a person to be made aware that she is appreciated for not only her mental acuity, but also for her physical attributes."

"And your words were supposed to somehow be interpreted as appreciation?" she squeaks, sounding incredulous.

"Yes, of course. With a doctorate in the biological sciences, I assume that you are aware of what are considered to be important traits when it comes to human mating selection?"

Amy nods, and Penny supposes it's good that at least someone knows what he's talking about.

"This evening I have spoken of several of them. I brought up the clear uniformity of your skin, your youthfulness in the sense of appearing to be well within childbearing years, your excellent facial symmetry, and your healthy waist-to-hip ratio. These are all attractive qualities and markers of genetic health."

Amy braces one arm against the back of the couch and cups her forehead in her free hand, making her look both stunned and confused. "You said that you could spot my nose from a great distance away. That doesn't sound like a desirable trait to me."

"Jeez, Sheldon," Leonard mumbles under his breath. Penny holds back a similar comment, but she can't hold back a snort.

"Your nose is not large. I said that it is distinctive, and that I would recognize your profile accordingly. It's part of what makes you look like you. That's a good thing, and it's rather important to me."

For someone who couldn't seem to string together a compliment to save his life, Penny has to admit that his explanations seem to be going over a lot better.

"Were you really trying to say nice things? I didn't know that you thought about any of that stuff at all," Amy says.

"Guys," Leonard interrupts. "Could the two of you please take your weird little foreplay back across the hall?"

Sheldon's head jerks up. Penny gets the impression that he had forgotten she and Leonard were still in the room. Amy looks embarrassed in a similar way.

"Sorry," she says.

"Yes, we should go," Sheldon agrees. "I'm sure the two of you would like to get back to your chess game."

Penny smirks at Leonard, and he grins right back at her. Yeah, chess. That's what they're going to get back to.

—-

IV.

Once he's back home across the hall, Sheldon takes a seat on the couch. He figures that it's probably a good sign when Amy chooses to sit next to him, but he can't decipher what the expression on her face means. With their previous conversation interrupted, it's hard to think of what to say to her now.

It pains him that she has somehow had doubts about him when it comes to all of this superficial mumbo jumbo. Sometimes he wishes that there was a way for her to read all of these feelings and emotions straight out of his brain. Unfortunately, he supposes they will have to talk about it instead. Ugh.

He still isn't quite sure why this is all coming as such a surprise to her, so he decides he might as well begin with that. "Amy, you have known for some time now that I consider you the best of what the human gene pool has to offer, right?"

Her voice sounds shaky when she answers, "Yes, but that has always been about our combined potential for superior intelligence. You've never spoken much, if at all, about physical appearance or—or sexual desirability."

"I suppose I haven't," he admits. "I was raised not to focus on aesthetic appeal. My father had a tendency to openly gawk at any attractive woman who crossed his path. My mother always made it clear to me that such behavior is not only inappropriate, but also disrespectful, because women, like men, deserve to be assessed by their more important qualities." Sheldon squirms in his seat and looks away form her as he finishes, "I have never wanted you to feel disrespected. But I have also never been unaware that your superior mind is attached to a superior body."

Finished with his admission, he feels brave enough to look back at her and see her reaction. Amy's mouth opens and closes, but he doesn't hear any words coming out. He's not sure if that's good or bad.

He decides that he might as well keep explaining. "That's a part of why the conversations we have when we are being intimate are so important to me. I like to keep communing with your mind as opposed to fixating solely on your body. To do otherwise… I think I would feel like some kind of heathen."

She stares at him for a few seconds, still not saying anything. But before he gets a chance to embarrass himself and start babbling again, she finally clears her throat and says, "I appreciate what you're saying. It means more to me than I can say. But Sheldon, I am far from being some ideal version of the female form. You must know that."

"I do not know that. Amy, I view the world through the lens of scientific logic as much as possible, and I know that you do the same. Feelings and emotions such as love and desire, however, are not always amenable to that kind of analysis. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the right approach to compliment you based on the theoretical science of sexual selection."

"No, it wasn't."

That short response doesn't tell him very much. Her voice isn't loud, though, and she's not making her scrunchy face of anger, so he figures it's safe to continue. "You do well by those standards whether you are willing to admit to it or not, and I'd be happy to go over that at length, if need be. But even so, a theoretical scientific ideal is not meaningful, not when it comes to something as subjective as desire. What matters is on the individual level—finding a suitable, agreeable mate who matches to a person's specific tastes. In my case, that's you."

He spots some moisture in her eyes and then hears her sniffle. By the time her chin starts to quiver, he wonders what he's said wrong this time. Instead of crying, though, her face breaks into a wobbly smile, and she wraps her arms around his upper body, squeezing him in a tight hug. It takes a few seconds for him to wiggle his arms out to hug her back, and a few seconds more than that to realize that she isn't sad, she's happy.

"You're not so bad yourself," she says, and he can feel her hot breath on his neck.

Finally, she has said something that has an easy answer. "I know."

Sheldon glances over her shoulder to check the time on his watch. Amy's birthday is a mere 28 hours from this very moment. She took coitus off the table when they moved in together, and he's been doing his best to wait for her to bring the subject up again. In 28 hours, however, he figures it ought to be safe to approach the matter himself. They did have a verbal agreement, after all.

In the meantime, he decides that he can make himself stick within the confines of 'making out'. She's squished up tightly to his chest, so he has to bend his neck at an awkward angle in order to kiss her lips. When he runs his hand over her bottom, Amy pulls away form his mouth with a little gasp.

Sheldon clears his throat. "I didn't think we should end our discussion without going over some more of the physical evidence." While he explains, he starts unbuttoning her sweater vest.

"E-evidence?"

"Right. I wasn't finished telling you all about your aesthetically pleasing attributes, like how short you are and how so much of your body is soft and rounded."

Amy puts her hand over his, keeping him from finishing the last button. "Sheldon, I'm not sure how many of your particular brand of compliments I can handle in one evening." Before he gets a chance to explain what he meant, she tilts her head to the side and figures it out all on her own. "You're talking about sexual dimorphism, aren't you?"

"Of course. The ways in which your body differs from mine are attractive. You're smaller than me and curved in an appropriately feminine way." He encourages her to stand up so that he can finally free her from that vest.

To avoid any nosy neighbors who might be rude enough to barge in, Sheldon takes her hand and tugs her towards their bedroom. Once they are safely ensconced within the confines of their room, he sees no reason not to continue with her blouse. "I can point out a number of things more accurately if we can unbury you from these layers of clothing. We can't have a proper waist-to-hip ratio appreciation session otherwise."

"Oh, I see. So this is in the interest of science, hmm?" She raises an eyebrow and reaches up to pull off his t-shirt.

"I may have more than one motivation," he admits, once his head is free from the fabric. "Some are rather prurient in nature, but others are altruistic. For example, it's important to me that you understand how right I am about your attractiveness."

Amy chuffs out a short laugh and uses her fingers to straighten out his hair. It must've gotten messed up during his shirt removal. "I know very well how much joy you take in being right, so I'm not sure that's going to count as altruism."

Their height difference appeals to him, but it is in no way convenient for kissing. Sheldon decides to remove his pants before he lies down, and he gestures for Amy to do the same with her skirt. She seems happy to oblige, and neither one of them waste any time getting into bed in nothing but their undergarments.

She rolls him over and presses several kisses to his bare chest. Once she starts running her hands over his shoulders, she stops kissing him and says, "I can appreciate some sexual dimorphism myself. I could swear your shoulders have gotten broader over the years."

Sheldon would love to hear her talk about him, but he doesn't want to get too distracted from his original mission. He rolls them back over and shifts his weight such that he can see her better. "I believe we were discussing your greatness at the moment, not mine, though I'd be happy to hear all about me later."

Not wanting things to get out of hand right away, he opts to start with her face. He traces over her brow, her cheeks, and her lips with his finger while he says, "It's not symmetry or youthfulness that matters to me. Someday we'll both be wrinkled old geezers, but I'll be just as fond of you then. It's all of the things that make you look like you that I enjoy, like your mossy green eyes, your muddy brown hair, and your wiggly caterpillar eyebrows."

Amy squints at him. "Sheldon, I love you, and I think you're the most brilliant, beautiful man on Earth. Don't take this the wrong way, but you give the most bizarre compliments I've ever heard."

"Should I stop?" She's caressing his own face and giving him a gentle smile, so she's probably not mad, but women can be kind of insane.

"No, definitely not."

That sounds promising enough, so Sheldon kisses her lips and her neck before moving on. He looks up at her when he reaches the edge of her brassiere, and he runs his hand down along the curve of her waist and across her rounded hip to her rear end. There is, by his estimate, precisely zero percent chance that he will manage to say the correct thing to her right now. She smiles at him while he continues to run his hands over various parts of her body, and she reciprocates his attentions by touching him wherever she can reach.

He freezes his movements in the instant that he realizes what his problem has been, the reason that he has been having so much trouble finding the words to talk about all of this. "Amy, I know that I have not given you many compliments over the years, and even though I'm trying, it's still not coming out right. I think the reason I find it so difficult is that I don't tend to think of you one tiny piece at a time. It's all of you put together that I find so compelling. I like your voice and the way that you smell. I enjoy looking at your body, and I love hearing what goes on inside your mind. But you are never one single thing at a time. You're everything all the time."

Amy pulls him closer to her, squeezing him in a strong hug, and he can feel the warmth of her body along all of the places that they are touching. Her voice is muffled a bit from where her mouth is pressed up against his neck, but he can still make out her words. "That's—that's a surprisingly beautiful explanation for an evening of such… unique compliments."

The carnal demands of his body are becoming stronger the longer he stays pressed up against her, and he has to close his eyes to reduce some of the stimuli when they continue to touch and kiss. Considering their discussion about desire, he supposes that his insistent penile tumescence is to be expected. It has no doubt been adding some tangible truth to back up his words this whole time. Still, keeping his eyes closed is not going to help for much longer. He needs to stop now. The privacy of the bathroom beckons.

As soon as he starts to pull away, Amy holds on tighter. "You don't need to leave," she whispers. "Do it here."

He knows how smart she is, and it shouldn't come as a surprise to him that she knows what he has been up to after their make-out sessions, but he feels twinges of mortification anyway. She rubs circles on his back while he thinks it over. It's difficult to think while he is fighting the instinctive urge to grind his lower body against hers. Doing what she is suggesting in front of her would be so embarrassing and personal, intimate and awkward. It's Amy, though, and he wants to. He wants a lot of things with her.

"Sheldon, what do you think I do each time you vanish after we make out?"

Her confession instantly ratchets up his sense of urgency, and his eyes snap open for the first time in several minutes. It had never occurred to him before that she would have been doing a similar thing all those times.

"You don't have to," she whispers, raising an eyebrow, "but I will if you will. And I won't peek unless you do."

As what she is proposing sinks fully into his brain, his decision becomes very simple. He's glad that he has been able to open his eyes. Now that he is looking at her, he doesn't want to look away again. "I'll stay."

Intense moments like this with her are so much easier when he has something else to think about at the same time. Amy, brilliant and ever-resourceful Amy, knows this about him. With her eyes still locked on his, she begins to share her mind with him.

"People often use the word 'aesthetics' to refer to physical appearances, implying a connotation of superficiality or shallowness. But aesthetics is actually a Greek term for an entire branch of philosophy."

Amy pulls one of her hands away from his body, and he can sense her moving it downward and towards her own body, but she doesn't break eye contact with him. Sheldon reclaims one of his hands too. He swallows hard before adding to the conversation, "A philosophy, yes, but it revolves around concepts of beauty nonetheless."

"Beauty, in the aesthetic philosophical sense, is about more than what is visually appealing, and instead involves all forms of sensory perception—everything that makes us feel." Her breathing catches for a second when she gasps, but she quickly clears her throat and continues. "Um, and it's worth remembering that sensory perception is the only way that we as humans ever experience anything."

"I see. It sounds like it is complex beyond something as simplistic and shallow as evolutionary sexual selection." Sheldon rests his forehead against Amy's and enjoys the feeling of her panting little breaths against his lips. The feelings being generated by his own hand blend seamlessly into the moment, his former reservations a distant memory already.

"Right. We can find beauty in the sounds of music or in the smell of a flower, and we can find beauty in what we discover and create, like in the fields of math and science, or in the world of a good book." Her voice starts to tremble as she continues, "What matters is if the thing that is being perceived brings, um, positive feelings to the observer. There is even a, um, field of neuroscience called neuroaesthetics, which studies the effects of perceived beauty on the brain."

When he speaks, he realizes that his voice sounds shaky and deeper than normal too. "So I shouldn't assume that beauty is a superficial quality. It sounds like it's a blend of many things, exactly like the way I think of you."

"Yeah." The hand that Amy still has wrapped around his back clenches at the deltoid muscle of his shoulder. "Yes, um, our sense perception forms the basis of even our highest thought processes, and there can be beauty in all of that."

There's plenty of aesthetic beauty right in front of him, and instead of risking another botched attempt at a verbal compliment, he presses kisses to her lips, her cheek, and the area under her ear.

Her words are coming out in slow, choppy fragments, but Amy continues to talk to him. "So, um, visual input still matters… of course. But, um, so do all the other ways we interact with the world…"

She pauses and blows out a sharp breath before continuing, "There's what we can smell and what we can hear…" The volume of her voice is fading with every word, and he can barely make out her whisper, "There's what we can taste, and, um…"

She seems unable to finish her sentence, and he can feel the sharp little indentations of her fingernails on his back. He's finding it close to impossible to form words as well, but his desire for closure compels him to sputter out the end of her sentence. "And what we can touch."

—-

Note: Thanks for reading, and thanks to those of you who have posted encouragement! I hope this one wasn't too long. Addressing the issues of attraction and desire in such a direct way while trying to stay true to Sheldon's character proved to be a big challenge. I'm not sure what anyone will think of it, so I'd love to know how you think it turned out.