Summary: "Why?"… "Why?"… "Oh, that's why." Starting after 10.08, "The Brain Bowl Incubation," this is a series of post episode stories to fill in some of the gaps of season 10. Each chapter is a stand-alone of sorts, so you don't need to read the earlier ones to understand this.

Chapter 6, post-ep for 10.13, "The Romance Recalibration": Some girl talk, some guy talk, and then Amy gets a Sheldon-style demonstration of Godzilla's unique qualities.

I.

When she sees the grateful smile on Bernadette's face, Penny knows that she and Amy have done the right thing by choosing to visit her during their lunch hour. More than a little nervous around babies, she is pleased to find out that Halley is taking a nap upstairs. While she wants to offer her friend some camaraderie and support, she would prefer to avoid any and all forms of potential baby goo while she's wearing her newest business suit.

The two of them help Bernadette gather beverages and utensils before sitting down and sorting out the takeout from the sandwich shop. "We got you chips and a cookie too," Amy says. "You're breastfeeding, so we figured you could use the additional calories."

"That and we feared post-pregnancy hormones might've made you even scarier than usual," Penny adds.

Bernadette does indeed look placated as Amy hands over the promised items. "Chips never hurt, whether chocolate or potato. Howard has learned that valuable lesson as well."

"So how are you? Is this whole motherhood thing getting any easier yet?" Penny asks.

"Not exactly. I suppose the sleep deprivation is starting to make everything seem like a blur, so I guess at least I've got that going for me."

She's not sure how to respond to that, and Amy's wrinkled brow indicates that she's unsure too. It's Amy that takes a shot at saying something. "I can't say that I know much about babies—"

"Even after close to seven years with Sheldon?" Penny interjects, unable to resist.

Amy frowns, but Bernadette smiles and says, "Having a baby is aggravating in a completely different way. But you know what? I don't want to waste this little chance to feel normal, so if you guys don't mind, I'd love to talk about something other than motherhood, the way that lactating makes me feel uncomfortably like a dairy cow, or the chafed state of my nipples."

The frown on Amy's face grows, and Penny suspects that she's wishing she'd chosen a beverage other than milk to go with her sandwich. Amused and wanting to watch her friend's face contort some more, she suggests, "We could talk about how Amy sang so loudly in the shower this morning that I could hear her from our own bathroom."

Sure enough, Amy's eyebrows rise. "Hey! That new Adele song is catchy."

"It is," Penny agrees. "And your rendition got even more special when Sheldon joined in and made it a duet."

Bernadette chuckles. "That must've been quite something to wake up to on a Monday morning."

"I know, right? Leonard says our bathrooms share a wall because of the way the plumbing runs in the building, so I get how I could hear Amy. But I'm surprised I could hear Sheldon from wherever he must've been."

When Amy starts rubbing her ear and looking anywhere other than at her friends, Penny begins to wonder why her friend is finding that part to be the most embarrassing aspect of the story. Then she has the sudden, uncomfortable thought that maybe Sheldon wasn't in a different room after all.

Before she gets a chance to be nosy about it, Amy's expression shifts into a smirk. "You know, I think Bernadette might be more interested to hear about how you and Leonard decided to take relationship advice from Sheldon this past weekend."

It seems Amy has decided that the best defense is a good offense. Penny sighs, uncomfortable now that it's her personal life on display.

"You mean on purpose?" Bernadette asks, raising an eyebrow in Penny's direction. "Were you drunk?"

"No, it was intentional and clear-headed, believe it or not." She takes a deep breath and explains, "You remember how I told you that Leonard has been sort of not giving a crap? Well that turned into a bit of a fight. Sheldon suggested we try using a Relationship Agreement, and we decided that it couldn't hurt."

"Wow, I'm surprised you guys were interested in trying something like that."

Penny nods. "I know. I guess sometimes I find it difficult to talk about stuff. Leonard gets defensive whenever I do, and an argument can spiral out of control so easily. I've always felt a lot of passion and intensity between us, and while I love that, it's something that can make disagreements so much worse."

Setting down her sandwich, Amy looks at her with sympathy. "I totally understand—you know, seeing as how my relationship with Sheldon is so intense and passionate as well."

Nearly choking on her sip of soda, Penny starts to wonder what brain-altering substance Amy might've been cooking up in her lab this morning. She can't be serious. Unable to think of a way to ask 'what the hell' that isn't rude, she is relieved when Bernadette tips her head and asks, "Are you sure those are the descriptors that best suit you guys?"

"Well maybe not when we first started dating, but things are different now." Turning to address an unconvinced Penny, Amy adds, "Anyway, even though a Relationship Agreement can help smooth out certain communication issues, I think you'll find that unforeseen or spontaneous matters will continue to come up. So don't worry, you'll still get the chance to feel like your impulsive selves."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd be able to appreciate the impulsiveness or passionate aspects of a relationship, much less be able to relate to them," Penny says, still skeptical.

Amy frowns. "Have you forgotten the goodbye kiss he and I shared before we left for the spa? Was that not a passionate delight?"

As far as Penny is concerned, it was not. She decides to be more tactful and instead says, "I don't know that 'passionate' is the word I would choose, but maybe that kind of thing is in the eye of the beholder. And I guess it could count as spontaneous." She narrows her eyes, reconsidering, and adds, "You know, it also wouldn't surprise me if you guys had goodbye kisses in your weird little agreement."

Amy shrugs, taking a big bite of her sandwich. It doesn't look like she intends to offer any additional relationship wisdom.

Bernadette takes a break from munching on a potato chip. "I think what's most important for you and Leonard is that you both want to make each other happy."

Penny can't disagree with that. Amy nods too.

Bernadette continues, "And if it takes having your own weird little agreement written out, then so be it. In fact, I think your willingness to try out a contract crafted by Sheldon is a good sign. It shows that you're both willing to do frakkin' anything to make it work."

Amy squints and looks puzzled. "Frakkin'?"

"Howard binge-watched a bunch of Battlestar Galactica reruns during his paternity leave."

Having been subjected to the occasional sci-fi marathon, Penny completely understands, and she knows that Amy has faced the same fate.

"Oh, of course," says Amy.

"That sounds pretty frakkin' familiar," Penny agrees.

—

II.

Despite the lackluster offerings of the Caltech cafeteria, Leonard almost always enjoys eating lunch with his friends at work. Their conversations tend to be both unpredictable and interesting. Just the other day, for example, a fierce debate had ensued when they discussed whether it would be better to fight one-hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck.

Today's conversation is not looking so promising. First they had to listen to Sheldon talk at length about his most recent trip to the train store, and now he has gone and brought up Leonard's marital troubles.

"Dude, a Relationship Agreement?" says Raj, after his former roommate finishes spilling the news. "I thought only odd couples like Sheldon and Amy were suitable for that kind of thing."

Sheldon stops poking at the remainder of his mashed potatoes and glares at Raj. "Considering the state of your love life, do you really think you ought to be name-calling or otherwise judging anyone else's boy-girl relationship?"

Raj looks chastened, but Howard perks up and says, "I don't know. I think it might be reasonable to judge a man in his thirties who still uses the phrase 'boy-girl relationship'."

Deciding it's best to get back to Raj's original question, Leonard says, "I used to find the entire concept of a written agreement like that to be crazy, but that was back before those two started to resemble a real couple. Though it took many, many years, Sheldon now actually makes a woman happy." He pauses, trying to let the idea sink in. "Sheldon Cooper, of all people. It's like this impossible feat, and if a relationship contract helped get someone like him into a good relationship, I think it makes sense to reevaluate my previous opposition to it."

While both Howard and Raj shrug, Sheldon objects, "Good? You need a better superlative."

Getting back to eating his lunch, Leonard sees the other guys doing the same thing. They must be able to recognize the tone of voice and the mannerisms that precede a Sheldon-style soliloquy just as well as he can.

"My relationship with Amy is exceptional, thank you very much, and it is improving all the time. For instance, I have recently been attempting to better myself by showing interest in other people's lives, and—"

"Wait, seriously?" says Howard, speaking with his mouth half-full of food. "Did Amy hack into your mainframe and upload some new code this past weekend?"

Raj looks equally perplexed. Leonard can't blame either of them. He's not sure if it's more surprising that Sheldon is willing to admit he needs to improve at something or that the thing he is trying to improve at might benefit others.

Sheldon scoffs. "Of course not. I'm not a robot, and this was my own decision. I will admit that showing interest in others is something Amy has suggested I work on, but she's often right about this kind of interpersonal nonsense."

That sounds more like the Sheldon they're all used to. Though he knows he may regret it, Leonard can't stop himself from asking, "Why are you suddenly so interested in being not only a passable human, but also a considerate one?"

"It's part of my larger effort to be superior in all things. Having experienced a breakup with Amy in the past, I have no intention of going through any sort of similar failure in the future. To this end, studying various aspects of interpersonal dynamics has seemed like the best course of action. And as it turns out, people do seem happier when someone is willing to listen to them jabber on about themselves."

"I'm definitely familiar with someone who likes to talk about himself and his own interests a lot," says Raj, no doubt referring to Sheldon's earlier spiel about trains. "In fact, I've experienced it very recently."

"Well now that's a bit rude," says Sheldon. He glances over at Leonard, and then leans towards Raj. With a half-whisper that anyone could still easily hear, he continues, "You shouldn't say that about Leonard and his relationship woes. He's sitting right there." Back to speaking at a normal volume, he finishes, "While I understand the theoretical benefits, it's not always easy to act interested when someone is going on and on about something boring or self-centered."

Annoyed but not surprised by his friend's level of cluelessness, Leonard says, "You know, I've noticed that too."

Howard smirks. "Yeah, I think we're all quite used to that."

"I suppose some people are simply oblivious in social situations," Sheldon admits, shaking his head as if pitying whoever those poor folks might be. "Anyhow, I'm hoping that Amy will appreciate my various efforts at self-improvement. I don't want to end up with any relationship disasters such as the ones Leonard often experiences."

"Some people are socially oblivious; you've got that part right," Leonard mumbles.

Apparently unfazed by the interruption, Sheldon continues, "For example, being impulsive when it comes to something as important as marriage seems unwise. I intend to prove to Amy that I will make a good husband before I even broach that topic."

"It's not like there's any chance she'd turn down a proposal," says Howard. "After what, 6 or 7 years? I think the girl knows what she's in for, and she's been all aboard your crazy train pretty much the whole time."

Back to poking at his mashed potatoes, Sheldon looks uncertain. "Sometimes my brilliance is a curse. I remember exactly what Amy said when she first found out about the ring from Meemaw." Doing a terrible impression of a high-pitched girly voice, he squeaks, "'Who said I even want to be engaged to him?'"

Sympathy for his friend begins to creep in, replacing most of Leonard's previous feelings of annoyance. "I didn't know she'd said that. But I bet she was probably just hurt by the fact that your Meemaw didn't like her. That kind of thing can make someone lash out in ways they don't really mean. She has seemed very happy living with you, and I think she'd be happy to marry you."

"Perhaps, but her initial lack of enthusiasm at the idea still seems like cause for concern, and there's no reason to rush and leave anything to chance."

"Being spontaneous and impulsive can be romantic," says Raj. "You might not want to plan things too much."

Sheldon looks confused. "Who said anything about romance? Marriage is a restrictive contract, a delight far surpassing the whimsical notion of romance."

"She's such a lucky girl," Howard jokes.

As ever, the sarcasm flies over Sheldon's head. He nods and says, "Indeed. I'm a great catch. At this point I simply want to make sure Amy is fully aware of that before I let her finish reeling me in."

—

III.

Doing laundry on a Monday night feels completely unnatural to Sheldon. His impromptu weekend away at the spa has thrown his normal schedule off-kilter, forcing him to deal with his dirty duds a full two days late.

He carefully folds his t-shirts while Amy makes a tidy stack of finished towels on the table next to him. She works with brisk, efficient movements, appropriately respectful of proper laundry protocol.

"Amy, this chore is the final item on our catch-up list, and I must say, that thought is far more relaxing than anything that spa could have ever offered me."

"Well you did at least seem to enjoy writing up that contract for Leonard and Penny while we were there. How did that turn out, anyhow? Did you find it awkward to work on an agreement for another couple's relationship?"

"I found whipping up a contract to be a simple enough task. Their priorities struck me as a bit odd, though. For instance, why would Penny ever say she's fine when she's not? I always let people know when I'm not fine."

For some reason, that makes her smile. "Yes, I've noticed that about you."

"And then there was the matter of Leonard slouching around in his underwear, apparently making a mess of himself and putting my spot at risk of crumbs. How does one need to be told that such behavior is unattractive?"

She shrugs. "I suppose every couple has their own unique challenges."

Finished with their respective items, they each tuck things back into the two baskets they brought down. As they begin to make their way up five flights of stairs, Amy continues their previous conversation.

"I'm surprised they asked you to write things out instead of doing it themselves. I don't think I'd want any of our friends to be so involved in our relationship like that. It's too personal."

Sheldon wrinkles his nose at the thought. "I wouldn't want that either. I'm sure they just wanted to take advantage of my expertise in contractual matters, but I hope they will be able to handle future updates on their own. I don't want to have to describe or otherwise bring to mind Leonard's pasty little thighs ever again."

By the fourth flight of stairs, the heavy basket of clothes is slowing him down. Ahead of him by a few steps, Amy is beginning to slow down too. "It was kind of you to help them," she says. "They may find that having a written agreement is too restrictive, but for the time being it might help them communicate a bit better."

"They're good friends to both of us. I want them to be happy, and I can't deny that I have a special fondness for a well-written contract. It gave me something fun to do at the spa."

Balancing her basket on her left hip, Amy uses her free hand to unlock and push open their door. "You know, most people opt for facials, pedicures, or massages to enjoy themselves when they're at a nice resort like that one."

Sheldon follows her inside their apartment and closes the door behind him. "Who needs a muddy face pack or to be kneaded like bread dough by a scary stranger when there is a contract to be made? And don't even get me started on pedicures. No one's touching my feet, not a chance."

"I've touched your feet."

"Yes, but that doesn't count. You have special privileges. Anyone else will receive a prompt kicking."

He enters their bedroom and sets his basket on the bed. Amy follows suit, plopping her basket on her dresser instead. "You know, all of that time spent writing out an agreement for our friends meant that you never did get a chance to show me your Godzilla impression. I'm sad to say that I remain ignorant about how that giant lizard would go about taking a shower."

Even though they share the bathroom to get ready in the morning almost every day, other than an incidental glimpse upon entering and exiting the shower, bathing has remained a largely private activity. At this point in their relationship, though, he's not at all bothered by the idea of her watching him.

"Well this must be your lucky day, because I took the liberty of bringing several of those mini shampoo bottles home with me."

"Oh," she whispers. After a slow flip of her hair, she bites her lip. "Well, um… I will be looking forward to that."

The idea of a shower is appealing to him and so is the thought of playing a little game. "Godzilla isn't really the patient sort, Amy. It wouldn't be appropriate to wait."

Her eyebrows rise in unison, and he wonders why she seems surprised.

Sheldon continues to explain, "He's not so much a hero or a villain as he is a destructive and chaotic force all his own. As such, he'd never bow to our silly human whims and shower at a time of our convenience."

"I see. So you're, um… suggesting that this might happen right now?"

The temptation to put away the laundry first is strong, but he doesn't think that Godzilla would be concerned about tidiness either. He shakes off the twitchy feeling that comes from procrastinating that task.

"Chaos waits for no man." Opening the top drawer of his dresser, Sheldon retrieves a piece of candy he has stashed away there. He shows it to her and says, "This is an atomic fireball. From the very beginning, Godzilla's signature weapon has always been his atomic breath. We don't want any permanent destruction, so this will have to suffice."

"Ok, sure."

He pops it out of the wrapper and into his mouth. Moving up close to Amy, he breathes his fire-breath near her ear and warns, "You may want to step back for this next bit."

Her cheeks are turning a bright shade of pink, and he sees a wide-eyed Amy heed his advice and step away from his path to the bathroom. Tipping his head back, Sheldon does his best impression of the classic Godzilla roar. Hunching his shoulders to mimic a beast-like posture, he stomps his way into the bathroom, kicking off his shoes and yanking both of his shirts off as he goes. He leaves a sloppy trail of clothes and shoes in his wake.

Inside the bathroom, he claws aside the shower curtain and jabs at the taps to get the water flowing. In his peripheral vision, he can see a cautious Amy peeking around the doorframe. There's only one thing to do.

He roars at her and starts pulling off his pants. Neither the roar nor the dropping of pants scares her away. In fact rather than being deterred, she steps closer and crosses the threshold into the room.

Once he's fully unclothed, he stomps over the edge of the tub wall, trying to balance the need for authentic destruction with the need for proper shower safety. Adhesive ducks provide traction, so Godzilla-Sheldon feels free to get back to causing mayhem. He flails and knocks over their everyday toiletries, causing containers of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash to go flying. Since the shower curtain remains open, his wild movements spray water out into the room, and Amy has moved up close enough that he can see some of the splashes land on her shirt as well as her glasses.

A brave observer, she holds out one of the tiny bottles of shampoo that he had left on the bathroom countertop, and Godzilla-Sheldon swipes it out of her hand. He roars his thanks.

Too strong of a squeeze leaves a large puddle of shampoo in his hand, but he throws the bottle aside and slaps his hand to his head anyway. No monster would ever care about using too much shampoo. Gobs of white foam start raining down as he lathers up, and he has to close his eyes to keep the suds from blinding him.

After a quick rinse of his face it's safe to open his eyes again, and he notices that Amy is closer than ever. He leans his head near hers and breathes hot, cinnamon-scented 'atomic' breath at her. She smiles.

Sheldon straightens his shoulders from his monstrous posture and smiles back at her. "Well, what did you think?"

She looks him over from half-rinsed head to soapy toes and says, "Very nice. That was… quite a display."

"This was hot," he says, referring to the the burning cinnamon candy in his mouth. He removes what's left of it from off of his tongue, setting it on the edge of the tub to throw away later. Godzilla may be a reckless slob, but Sheldon is not.

"Oh, it was definitely hot," Amy agrees.

Even though he's no longer Godzilla at the moment, he notices that she continues to stare at him while he rinses the rest of the shampoo off. When he's finished, she says, "As much as I enjoyed the sight, don't you think that a creature of the sea like Godzilla would just take a bath in the ocean instead of using a shower?"

Sheldon frowns. "I don't think Godzilla would care for that level of pedantic nitpicking, Dr. Fowler." He reaches out a wet hand and pokes her nose. "Fortunately for you, I enjoy that kind of thing very much, so a bath it shall be."

He turns off the shower head and plugs the drain, allowing the tub to start filling up with warm water.

"I, um, guess I should go now," Amy says, pointing her thumb at the door.

"But why would you do that? I just showed you how it's done. Don't you want a turn to play in the water like a monster?" He sits down in the shallow water of the tub and flicks some of it at her with his fingertips. "Besides, you're already wet."

She hesitates and then says, "Okay, but you're—you're staying there too?"

"Of course," he says, thinking that it should be obvious. "I'm still going to be Godzilla. You'll need to play another role."

"I'm not sure how I would fit into a Godzilla narrative, much less that tub. I know you don't want to be anything less than accurate and authentic to a sci-fi franchise. Are you sure you want me to join you?"

He's surprised that she would worry about him rejecting her in this—or in anything, for that matter. "Of course I want you to. Don't be absurd. You clipped your toenails before bed last week when I was in the same room. If I were ever going to reject you for anything, it would've been then."

"How romantic…" she murmurs. Her eyebrows are furrowed, but he can't read the expression on her face.

By his estimate, there's about a fifty percent chance that was sarcasm, so Sheldon opts to ignore it. "Anyway, there have been many additional monsters associated with the Godzilla franchise over the years. Join me and I'll tell you all about one of them."

She gives him a slow nod and begins to undress. He decides not to make her wait to enjoy the pleasure of his explanation of the backstory. "In addition to all the films that were made, there have been others that were planned but unmade for various reasons. One of these happened in 1956, and it contained a character with the unofficial name of Robomusume."

A topless Amy pauses in the act of removing her skirt and raises an eyebrow. "I'm a robot?"

He nods and turns off the water. "Since she was a character who never made it onscreen, you won't have to worry about playing the part incorrectly. From the movie's plan, though, we do know a few things. She was a giant, human-looking robot that was modeled after her creator's daughter. This creator made her to protect Japan from a group of of giant monsters."

Amy sits on the edge of the tub and finishes removing her tights. "Ok."

"After defeating several of them, she finds herself doing battle with the last one—Godzilla." He traces a wet finger down the soft skin on the back of her upper arm, an action that causes her to shiver. "Despite the seemingly impossible odds, Godzilla falls in love with her."

The name of the unmade movie was Bride of Godzilla, but Sheldon decides not to share that part. Though he fully intends for Amy to be his human bride someday, it's not a topic he wants to bring up just yet. He also decides not to explain the rest of the plot, the part where Robomusume lures Godzilla back to his ecosystem and destroys them both with the hydrogen bomb she contains. That doesn't seem applicable to their situation.

Instead of adding any further details, he scoots to one end of the tub to make a tiny, Amy-sized space. She carefully takes a seat in front of him, and he wraps an arm around her, enjoying the feeling of her warm back pressing up against his chest. She twists her body and contorts her neck far enough to look him in the eye and says, "This doesn't quite represent the vast open space of the sea. I'm not so sure that we have room to play at any sort of battle in here. "

"That's okay. Robomusume is immune to Godzilla's atomic breath, leaving him relatively helpless. I would just lose anyway."

"Well that's good to know." She twists a bit farther and places a quick kiss on his lips. "You're right. Your atomic breath just smells like cinnamon to me. But whatever shall we do if we can't have a monstrous fight?"

He hugs her tighter and roars a softer, gentler Godzilla sound against her neck. "However unusual it may be, I guess we're left with no choice but to fall in love."

—