Hey guys, sorry in advance if this is not my best chapter I was in rush to rewrite it after FanFiction crashed on me (which I am still very pissed about!) Anyone I still hope it is to your liking. The next few chapters will have some big happenings!
This one is for TwilightNewMoonEclipseMidnight
Miss Ethel and I went to go find Bette and Dot because they needed to rehearse their act. We found them sitting in an abandoned ferris wheel car. Bette was trying to get tan, Dot was reading a book, and Miss Ethel was not happy.
"What are you two loafers doing out here? Get up! It's time to go work on your act." She commanded them.
"We're not performers." Dot rejected the notion.
"Speak for yourself." Bette replied a bit insulted.
"Around here, we sing for our supper." Chastising Dot.
The sound of tire tracks on dirt made us turn around, my heart sped up thinking the police had come back so quickly.
A car towing a trailer parked near Miss Elsa's tent and a very muscular man stepped out of the car.
"Christ on a wheel." Miss Ethel breathed out upon seeing the man.
"Who's that?" Dot asked curious.
"Somebody I used to know." I could tell by her face that Miss Ethel was not excited for the upcoming reunion. The man opened the trailer door and a African American woman stepped out.
She was vivacious in almost every sense of the word. Together her and the man walked into Miss Elsa's trailer.
The emotions on Miss Ethel's face said it all. This man was to bring trouble. Trouble that we did not need right now.
I was in the main tent cleaning the chairs still recovering from the fact that a strong man and his three-breasted hermaphrodite wife had now joined the troupe. My eyes almost popped out of my head when Miss Elsa told us.
Making clothes for Desiree might prove to be a bit of a challenge... still I could not wait to write Eliezer and tell him, I wish I could see his reaction when he reads that later.
Desiree seemed alright, but Dell... I could tell why Miss Ethel was wary about having him back. There was something in him, something buried deep in his soul that was darkened. Sooner or later it would manifest in many forms and that is when problems would start. Something about him just did not feel right.
Jimmy came into the tent and I inwardly held off a groan when I realized he did not notice me because was not alone.
"Well, it ain't bad, but the kids, they really like those prizes that come in the boxed stuff." He explained to the man, Dandy who was here a few nights ago with his mother. Something also did not feel right about him. Maybe it was because he was a spoiled, rotten brat; but maybe it was because he tried to buy Dot and Bette for his own personal amusement.
"That's because they haven't tasted this!" As Dandy stuffed his face with popcorn. They seemed to be debating the different tastings of caramel corn.
Shaking my head in confusion, 'Men.' Thinking to myself as I watched them.
"Listen, I know that's not why you're got a thing for the twins. Look, I don't judge, okay? I get it, you know? You see a piece of tail, you just got to have it. But us guys, we don't always think with our brains." Explaining to him man to man.
"It's not about the twins! It's about me." He paused, "I'd like to join the show."
"What?" I spoke out loud in bewilderment causing the both of them to notice me for the first time since they came into the tent. Turning red I ducked my head down and continued cleaning the chairs.
I did not raise my head until Dandy started speaking again, "I've had an epiphany. I truly believe this is where I belong. I've been ruminating on my life and what I want. This is the perfect place for me." He spoke with such knowing clarity but I was staring at him like he had three heads.
"Well, unless you got pony legs under those trousers or a double ding dong." Jimmy joked.
"No, but I do know the entire Cole Porter canon." Dandy replied and I sighed into my hands. Good lord.
"Listen. You ain't the first kid who wants to run away and join the circus. You got dreams of the lights. But trust me." Jimmy turned gloomy. "It's nothing like you'd imagine. You wouldn't last one day here." Trying to let Dandy down gently but he just was not having it.
"You don't know me! What you're looking at- that's not who I am inside. I'm one of you. I'll prove it. Please! Just take a chance on me! You'd be saving my life." Dandy was desperately pleading to Jimmy but I knew it was not going to work. I glanced at Jimmy and waited for the verbal outbreak that was going to happen.
"You know what I wouldn't give to have real hands like yours? To be able to touch a girl without scaring her? From where I'm sitting you got the world on a string. So you go home to your mansion on the hill, and you thank God for all you got." My heart felt heavy as Jimmy poured his emotions to Dandy. He, all the performers must have felt like that everyday; thinking they were real monsters.
"Now scram! I got to sweep a tent." He walked away from him and made his way towards the stage.
Dandy stood there for a moment and I thought I could see the steam hissing from his ears. He threw his popcorn on the ground and left the tent in a furious huff.
I looked to the stage and saw Jimmy leaning his arms against the stage, his shoulders rising and falling in short breaths. His words echoed in my head, "You know what I wouldn't give to have real hands like yours? To be able to touch a girl without scaring her?"
Putting my stuff down I slowly made my way to Jimmy.
"Jimmy." Tentatively calling his name as I was standing behind him. He did not turn around right away and I feared he would not turn around at all, or even respond.
But to my surprise he turned around and the emotion on his face was very simple to read.
Pain.
I held out my right hand to him. He stared at me intensely maybe trying to figure out if this was a cruel joke.
Moments passed and I still had my hand out hoping it would prove to him I was being true.
Cautiously he raised his hand, which was shaking, and laid it upon my open palm.
I closed my fingers around his hand and we stayed like that. Hand in hand staring at our hands together. His hands felt soft which I did not expect, but then again I did not know what to expect.
Lifting my eyes I stared into his face, "Do I look scared?" Asking him honestly.
He looked into my eyes but did not answer. He went back to staring at our joined hands.
I felt him squeeze my hand bringing a small smile to my face.
Later I was sitting next to Jimmy and the others in the main tent while Bette and Dot were rehearsing their acts. Miss Elsa was there to watch and it was not going well, poor Bette bless her heart was trying but she could not sing. At all.
"Nein! Stop! Halt! You make my teeth ache." She yelled, "You're flat."
"I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous." Bette was apologizing feeling guilty.
"A little tone deaf." Desiree mused from her spot at the piano.
I caught eyes with Dot and sent her a sympathetic look.
"Come on, we try again, come on." Miss Elsa motioned for Desiree to start playing again but it went about as well as the first try.
"Please, no more. I thought you said you could sing? I'm going to have to find something else for you to do." Bothered that she was going to have to figure something else out for the twins to do.
I glanced at Jimmy and it was obvious we both felt bad for Bette and Dot on having to take this harsh criticism.
"Like what?" Bette asked her.
Miss Elsa waved her hand, "Uh, juggling. Doesn't matter."
Desiree appeared shocked, "What? What do you mean it "doesn't matter"? They're our headliners!"
"Does anybody else notice the evident pun?" I whispered to Jimmy and I saw him smirk causing me to giggle; our argument from before melted away into a happy medium. I think that Jimmy was not going to ask me anymore personal questions
"Hardly that! They are my warm-up act. It doesn't matter that they're good. They have two heads." Simply explaining but it seemed a bit callous to Bette and Dot.
"Please, Miss Elsa. We don't want to just stand here and be stared at. It's embarrassing." Bette implored to her and it made me feel worse for them.
Desiree spoke up, "Me and Dell? Uh, we saw this act down in Mexico. This senorita, could shoot ping pong balls right out of her, 'pop!'" Indicating to a private female part. We all looked at her telling her it was not going to happen.
"What? At least I'm trying to come up with something." She defended herself.
"What about Dot?" Jimmy asked out of the blue.
Bette giggled, "Dot doesn't have any talent."
"That's true. I don't even know that song." Quietly replying.
"So sing something else." Speaking up trying to show my encouragement for Dot.
"Whatever you want. Sing it to me." Jimmy said and I did not know if he was being nice just to be nice to Dot or he was just trying to get her to cooperate.
"No." Dot shook her head.
Jimmy smiled, "Pretend like nobody's here. Just me. Go on. Give it a try." With that charm of his I knew Dot did not stand a chance.
She stared to sing acapella and it was magnificent. But I could not help the way she stared at Jimmy throughout singing. It was a little more than friendly. I was pretty sure Dot had a crush on Jimmy.
Oh boy.
"Ha! Not bad. That'll go over real nice tomorrow." Our attention turned to Dell who had entered the tent.
"What, has the curfew been lifted already?" Miss Elsa asked him.
Aw, hell no. But we're not gonna let that stop us, until the curfew's lifted. "Matinee"? That's right, folks can come see the show, be home in time for Uncle Miltie." He explained.
"Nein, nein. No matinees. People don't come to see freaks in the heat of day. They come in the evening. When the darkness moves in and speaks of mystery. The unknown. When logic loosens its vice grip and the imagination comes out to play. The night allows the stars to shine and we come alive." I guess she had a point.
She laughed, "No, daytime is for kiddie shows. Clowns and kewpie dolls, maybe that's what you're used to, but you're in a real freak show now. My freak show!" Laying down her authority.
Dell immediately looked displeased, to put it nicely.
"Dell? Listen to the lady. She's your boss now." Desiree warned her husband.
"No lady is the boss of me." He heatedly replied moving closer to Miss Elsa.
Oh this could get ugly.
Jimmy got up, "Why don't we go outside and calm down, huh?" But Dell immediately torn himself away from Jimmy. Dot and I gasped. The air was filled with a thick tension at what would happen next.
After a moment or two passed Dell exhaled, "The hell with this. I'm gonna go into town. Post some bills. There will be paying asses in these seats tomorrow! Curtain goes up at 3:00." He ordered all of us and left.
Miss Elsa smirked after he had left, "That man is going to be a problem."
"Hello Ma Petite." I smiled to her as I stepped inside the trailer she shared with Eve.
"Hello Lina!" She smiled back.
"I was just giving you back the clothes you asked to be mended." Handing her the garments, "Good as new!"
"Thank you very much Lina!" She beamed and I just wanted to bottle her adorableness.
I glanced around the trailer, "Where is Eve? In fact I have not seen many of the other performers in a while?" Confessing to her.
"Oh Jimmy took them to town to eat at the diner for lunch." She told me.
"He did what?" Stunned he would do such a thing. Did he not know the danger, the risks of bringing the other performers to town? Excusing myself from Ma Petite I left the trailer.
I did not know what to do. The only thing I could do was wait till they all got back and see if everyone was alright. Sitting down outside the main tent I waited all the while a feeling of dread settled into my bones.
Not long after I had settled into the dust with my dread to keep me company, did I see the outline of the group on the horizon.
When the group came into the camp I saw blood on Jimmy's face with a forming black eye.
"Oh my God what happened?" Panicking as I saw Jimmy's face but he did not even appear to hear me. He walked right past me and went over to Miss Elsa's tent.
I turned back toward the group for answers, "Dell happened." Paul told me eliciting a gasp from me.
Jimmy came out of Miss Elsa's tent still looking agitated, "Come to my trailer I will fix you up, and you three can tell me what happened." Speaking to Paul and Eve as well.
Stepping into my trailer I went into my wardrobe pulling out my First Aid kit. I had bought it after the War and always kept it stocked and ready in case I ever needed to use it.
By the time I had finished cleaning up Jimmy's face Eve and Paul had finished telling me everything. I was ready to shoot Dell from the rage forming inside me.
"Jimmy I understand what you did and why you did it but it was incredibly dangerous and a little reckless." Telling him as I started cleaning everything up, "What if things had gotten worse? What if the police had shown up or Dell decided to attack someone else in the group." I bent down to his eye level so he had to look at me.
"I understand what it feels like, when all you want is for people to see you as a person and not some 'thing' and just want to be accepted, I know that all too well. The Jews were pushed out of everyday life and made to feel out of place, different, and weird." Telling him straight in the eyes.
Walking over to my nightstand I picked up my parents wedding photo, "My papa was a wonderful professor at a University in Lithuania studying in a period from the Renaissance to the reign of Queen Elizabeth the first, everybody loved him."
Smiling remembering the memories, "I would pour over my papas books for hours learning everything I could. I learned about the inventions and works of Leonardo Da Vinci. I would stare at this picture of the Mona Lisa in one of my papa's books for hours completely memorized. I read the works of Shakespeare and fell in love with his plays, I would tell my papa I wanted to be like Queen Elizabeth, to be brave and strong." Handing them the picture frame as I sat down at the vanity table.
"What happened?" Paul gently asked.
"By the time I was old enough to read the books my papa had already been forced out of his job at the University after the Nuremburg Laws were passed in 1935. Jews were not allowed to 'corrupt' the minds of innocent Germans no longer. My papa worked at that University for eight years and he was pushed out along with thousands of other Government and Federal employees, like he was nothing." Bitterly speaking.
"That's terrible!" Eve exclaimed.
Shrugging my shoulders, "That was not the worst of it. Many laws came into power after Hitler was elected in 1933. Jews were not allowed mixed marriages or sexual relations with anyone of German or 'German-related blood'. Jews could not vote or hold positions in public office. Jews could no longer be admitted into German hospitals. Jewish authors were banned and their books burned. The laws and rules go on and on." Explaining to them, counting off some of the laws.
'And the star. Do not ever forget the star.' The voice in my mind echoed.
"And you didn't ever fight back." Jimmy questioned perplexed.
"I was just a child when the Nazi's came. I thought if we kept our heads down, kept our mouths shut, did and said as little as possible we would be okay." Shaking my head, "But that was not the case, I just did not know it then. But my cousin Petras knew it. When the Gestapo came to force us into the Ghetto's he tried fighting back." My voice strained at remembering it.
I picked up the family picture and stared at him, "The Gestapo beat him right there in the street, right in front of me. I was almost nine at the time. I watched the men drag his body into a police car and I started crying thinking I would never see him again. Luckily for us the police Captains son studied under my father for a year at the University and knew him well. We had to pay an enormous fee to get him out of jail but...he was labeled as political radical. His name was put on a list and now he had two targets on his instead of just one." Telling Jimmy.
"Sometimes there is a time to fight. Sometimes you just have to wait till you can bide your time until you can fight."
After the group had left I paced around my trailer. Livid at what Dell had done to Jimmy.
Before I knew what I was doing I was pounding on his and Desiree's trailer door.
The door swung open, "What?" Dell questioned annoyed but I pushed past him into the trailer.
"What the hell are you doing?" Get the hell out of my trailer!" He barked.
"How could you do that to Jimmy! He may have been wrong but his heart was in the right place." Fuming at him, "You had no right to hurt him like that!"
"What Jimmy did was stupid, he did not think. Those freaks don't belong out in the real world. Listen I'll do whatever the hell I want to whoever I want. You would take care to remember that yourself." Warning me as if it was supposed to scare me.
"Do not call them freaks you kvailas asilas! Everyone here is a person just like you or me and they deserve to be treated with respect!" Yelling at him.
Dell became enraged and trapped me in his arms. For a moment I became frightened, but only for a moment.
I had known far, far worse than him.
"Little girl, you best shut your damn mouth before you have yourself a little accident." Hissing his threat at me.
Smirking at him, "You do not scare me. I have stared into the faces of pure evil hundreds of time since I was child. No you do not frighten me, you do not even come close. You are just a scared man sitting in the darkest parts of your soul trying to hide from your fears, your past, your demons; and when they come out they will not only tear you apart but this camp will be affected." I seethed at him showing no fear. Which must have taken him aback because he slowly let me go as he absorbed my words.
I walked towards the door, "You touch me again, you touch anyone of those good people again and I will make sure you will regret it. I have seen murder happen hundreds of time before my eyes and I have learned a thing or two." Wrathfully telling him before I let the trailer door slam shut behind me.