*I know this chapter is kind of short, but it was really important to write and I hope I did a good job. Please review!
"Miss Ethel may have lost her mind." Telling Paul as I snuggled closer to him.
I had snuck out of my trailer late into the night. I did not want to be alone, especially after the nightmare I had of my senelis. It was nice to have someone to run to when life became too dark. Now it was the early morning and I was nestled in Paul's arms after explaining what happened the last two days.
"Has anyone seen Jimmy yet?" Paul asked.
Shaking my head, "No not since he left last night after dinner to track down Dell. I hope he is okay." Fiddling with the sleeve of my dress. I did not even bother to change out of my clothes.
"Do you think you'll tell the others." Paul's question snapped at my thoughts.
"I do not know if they would understand. I mean there are plenty of people who are perfectly content in thinking what happened in Europe was fake. That something like that...a mass murder of so many people could happen." There was a bitterness to my voice.
Paul was about to say something but I interrupted, "I got two letters yesterday; one from Petras and one from Eliezer. I told them about you and I." Blushing at the last part.
Paul smiled, "Oh really what did they say?"
Reaching up I pulled the letters from my pocket, "Let us find out." Grinning at him as I opened the letter from Petras and settled back into Paul.
The letter was written in Lithuanian so I had to translate for Paul.
Scanning the lines I started laughing, "He asks if I have lost my mind. Also that, I am to young to be in love." Shaking my head at my overprotective cousin.
"Aren't you twenty sweetheart?" His brows furrowed.
"Yes." Giggling, "But to be fair, I believe if I was fifty Petras would still say I am to young." I read more of the letter.
"Ha! I was correct!" Proudly stating.
"What about?" His hands skimmed my arms.
"I had a feeling there would be a vague threat from one of them to say they would come to America and drag me back to Europe." Rolling my eyes.
"He's just being protective, I mean you're the only family he's got left." Feeling Paul kiss my forehead.
Nodding, "I know. I half wish they would come here so they could meet you and see how wonderful you are." Grinning at him. As I opened the letter from Eliezer.
"You are in luck, Elie knows English because of his job." Telling him.
My eyes read over his perfect cursive, "Madalina, as I suspect I am not the only one who is upset with your new found love. You are just lucky I am not as strict as Petras."
"That is not true." Rolling my eyes before I continued.
"But this is where I am in luck." My brow furrowed with confusion, "As fate would have it, at the end pf the month I will be going to New York City for an assignment for my paper. I thought I would take a few extra days and come down to Florida to visit you!" My voice rose with excitement.
"This gives me a chance to visit you in Jupiter, and meet your new friends and 'your Paul', as you call him." Now I was blushing harder as I felt Paul chuckle behind me.
"I will arrive in New York on the 19th, then go down to Jupiter on the 23rd. I cannot wait to see you, much love, your Elie."
"I cannot believe Eliezer is coming to Jupiter to visit me!" Jumping up around on the bed as Paul laughed at my antics, "He will meet you and absolutely love you like I do."
"This is so great love, I'm happy for you." Paul kissed me.
We broke apart when we heard loud shouting from outside.
Paul sighed, "Jesus Christ, what now?" Questioning as we got up and opened the door.
"Oh sweet Lord." Huffing out as I saw Jimmy and Dell stumble into camp signing, arms around each other. Clearly drunk.
"Well...I didn't see that coming." Paul tried to joke but he just sounded tired.
"Hey! You two are drunk." Miss Elsa came out of her tent, pointing out the obvious, "I won't have you wake up the entire camp with your caterwauling."
"Too late for that." Paul, Desiree and I said at the same time.
Desiree was stomping into the clearing, "Jimmy, don't let that man corrupt you with his bad habits. You still got time to be somebody."
"Aw he is somebody, he's my son!" Dell shouted into the air.
We all went still but not before I let out a gasp. I felt is if my eyes would pop out of my head.
"Thought I wouldn't go through with that, did you, Dessi? But I'm proud to admit it. Jimmy's my son!" Dell shouted once more while I was still trying to wrap my head around this.
How could Jimmy be Dell's son? He was the exact opposite of what Dell was. Jimmy was good and pure. Dell was not.
"Yeah." Jimmy yelled in drunken excitement.
"Wow." Miss Elsa began to clap sarcastically, "Congratulations, huh? Must have taken real courage to finally proclaim your progeny after 24 years." For some reason that should have stung Dell and Jimmy but it did not. They were too intoxicated to feel it.
But I did. I felt it for them.
"Why don't you two go to bed and sleep it off." Miss Elsa telling them rather than asking them.
"You know, Jimmy, this is the perfect time for me to tell you something that my father told me." Dell tried not to slur his words.
"What?" Jimmy was swaying from side to side.
"It's the Toledo code. The first minute you let a woman tell you what to do is the first minute you hand your balls to 'em." I rolled my eyes. This was vulgar, stupid advice even for a drunkard.
"I want to keep my balls." Jimmy said like a child whose toy was about to be taken away.
"You hold onto to them son." Dell stated proudly.
Jimmy rattled off, "Things are gonna change around here, Elsa. No more bossing us around, okay? You got two strong bulls here ready to run this whole joint."
This was not the Jimmy I knew.
"Oh for God's sake." Stomping down the steps.
I walked over to Jimmy and slapped across the face.
The air crackled in astonishment at what I had just done.
"Snap out of this Jimmy!" He was still blinking from the slap, "This is not who you are. You are not Dell, you are better than that! Better than him!"
"Right now I see no bull! Just a frustrated drunk!" Shouting as loud as I could to try and get the point across his inebriated brain.
"Hey don't talk to my son like that you stupid European trash!" Dell shoved himself in front of Jimmy and right in my face.
"Hey! Don't you talk to her like that!" Paul yelled coming down the stairs, "She's three-times the person you'll ever be." Standing protectively beside me.
Moving past Dell I grabbed Jimmy and made him look at him, "It is just like Desiree said, you still have time to be somebody. Do not be like Dell!" Forcing him to understand, "Everything you have done in life, you have done without him!"
My force of gravity shifted as someone pushed me roughly into the dirt. I hit the ground sharply and winced from the pain shooting up my side. Dell was standing above me as mad as a bull.
"Listen here, no filthy Jew is going to tell my son what is and what anit." His words hit me like a wave of anger and ignorance. I had to breathe through my nose and claw at the dirt to keep from screaming.
Desiree ran over and her and Paul helped me up. My eyes formed into slits as I stared at Dell.
"Have you lost your mind you stupid son of a bitch!" Desiree screeched as she wrapped an arm around me.
The ruckus caused more people to appear from their trailers and tents to see what was happening.
"Don't you ever touch her again or I will kill you.." Paul seethed, deadly serious.
Even Jimmy spoke some rational sense in his drunk state, "Dell, buddy that wasn't cool." Though his words came out in a odd mumble.
Getting up I silently brushed the dirt from my dress not looking at Dell till I was done.
"I may be a filthy Jew." Spitting out at him, "But I will be more than you ever will be. As I told you before, all you are is a scared little boy hiding in the shadows. Hiding from your demons and your past." With that I turned around.
"You bitch!" He tried attacking me. I dodged him but he was still able to grab onto my arm. I tried tugging but he would not let me go.
"You are nothing." Dell shouted.
"Let go of me you insane, ignorant šunsnukis!" Suddenly there was a loud rip and I jolted forward almost falling to the ground again but Paul managed to steady me.
"Hey Lina what's on your arm?" Jimmy slurred.
My heart stopped beating. Literally stopped beating. There was no sound in my chest.
Slowly I looked down and it was there for everyone to see.
Staring at me. Mocking me. Laughing at me.
Exposed. Too exposed.
Swinging my head up everyone was still and staring at me.
Disappear! Disappear! Disappear!
That was all I wanted.
"Oh God, I didn't want it to be true." Miss Elsa breathed. My eyes snapped to hers. She looked she like was going to cry. How? How? How did she know.
"Hey Lina I didn't know you had a tattoo! That's so cool!" Jimmy joyfully shouted.
The sound of a sob and a shrill cry escaped my body.
"Jimmy shut the hell up!" Paul screamed at him.
Paul went to touch me but I flinched away.
I grabbed my head in my hands and began to rock back and forth.
Disappear. Disappear.
"Madalina..." Paul tried to touch me again but I moved away.
"No!" Screeching at him.
Crushing my head harder into my hands willing my brain to stop, "No! I do not want your pity! Screw your pity!" Screeching at all of them. Everyone stared in disbelief. Eyes wild, jaws open.
I was a wild animal for everyone to gawk at. I dug my nails into my scalp so hard I felt blood. A sharp spasm shot into my skull.
Stop. Stop.
Breaking out into a sprint I headed for my trailer as I heard concerned calls behind me. But I did not stop until I was inside my trailer.
Running inside I locked the door and jammed one of the chairs under the handle.
I started to pace, running my hands through my hair.
They knew. Everyone knew now. Or would know. Everything would be different.
Because I was different. Because I was marked. Because I was weak.
The voices of the dead flooded into my head. The dead never leave. They never leave you alone.
All the screams I ever heard. All the dead bodied I ever saw. All the cries for lost ones. All of it rushed into my skull!
I heard gun shots. I heard the blows of beatings. I heard dogs tearing flesh. I heard electric fences.
The constant smell of burning flesh flooded my nose, making me gag. The ashes of the dead floating all around me. Never to escape. The ovens never leave you. The chimney's are always looming behind you.
Iron door. Iron door. Gas.
"Make it stop!" Screaming into the trailer. I began to pull at my hair, "Stop! Stop! Make it stop!" Pulling more of my hair into my hands.
There was knocking and pounding at my door, "Leave me be!" Shrieking at my door.
Looking down I saw my tattoo. Forever there to ruin my life!
I started yelling in Lithuanian, "I hate you! You have ruined everything!" Screwing my eyes shut I clasped my head and screamed and screamed, as I rocked my body back and forth.
All this rage surged into my body. I turned over a chair.
It was not enough.
I turned over another one.
Still not enough.
Before I could think I was turning over the table. I took the bowl at my vanity and threw it against the wall watching it smash into a million pieces. I did the same with my glass vase, scattering the flowers in it everywhere.
I pushed the the vanity to the ground. All I heard was the glass crash against the floor. "How much will you take from me!" Howling out in Lithuanian, "Have I not given enough!" Crying until my throat felt raw, as I flipped over my bedside table.
The picture of my mama and papa shattered to the floor.
I stopped. All my anger left my body.
"Mama...papa." Whispering as I dropped to my knees picking up the broken frame, cutting my hands on the glass.
"I am sorry." The tears spilled from my eyes, "I am sorry."
Clutching the frame to my chest I felt the glass stabbing me but I did not care. I curled myself into a ball, tucking my feet completely under my legs as I tried to make myself as small as possible.
As small as I felt.
"I am sorry." Sobbing onto the floor.
"Papa, mama I am sorry." Wailing into my chest. Crushing the photo to me as the sobs split me in two pieces, making me hollow.
Good I wanted to be hollow. If you hollow then you cannot feel anything. Nothing can hurt you. The darkness will come and claim you.
Sobbing I waited for the darkness to swallow me until there was nothing left.