Chapter 3

Edward POV – May 28, 2010

What's the big deal, Edward… we'll all be there with her…

That's who I am… if you don't like it, then leave…

That night you called me Bella and it just… it just brought me back to that night… I keep having nightmares, and it's always the same…

You want me to stay away from him… then give me a fucking reason…

…overdosed… we're still not sure what she took, but we're running tests as we speak… we've pumped her stomach…

She made me promise not to tell anyone… she said she was going to tell you soon…

1:38 am

Edward… I love you…

Come with me… Please, Edward… I need you... Don't you love me…

Kate and your dad, they both think I should go to a treatment facility… Somewhere in Colorado… She thinks I have borderline personality disorder...

It's not your fault, Edward… There was nothing you could have done… This was bound to happen.

There's plenty that I've done for you to be mad about…

Come with me… I can't do this without you…

3:16 am

What's wrong, Cullen… jealous she'd rather spend time with me… obviously you're not keeping her satisfied if she has to come looking for my company….

There's nothing to talk about… Let go of me or I'll scream until you do…

She's acting crazy and you know it…

Maybe I like reckless and dangerous…

You can't save me… I can't be fixed… I'll destroy you, if I haven't already…

4:54 am

I sighed deeply and rolled from my side to my back, reaching my hands up and roughly gripping my hair. There was so much I wished I could have done differently when it came to Isabella. She was wrong. I could have done something, anything to save her from herself.

The incident in the parking lot at school when she got drunk… I should have stopped her from leaving. I should have gone with her to her house. I should have called her dad and told him what happened.

When we found her in the forest behind her house and she was hospitalized from overdosing… I should have shared my opinion of a possible mental illness with my parents. I should have tried to fight to get her to continue seeing Kate.

When she got into a fight with Jessica and later a fight with me at a party that night… I shouldn't have let her go. I should have told my mom the truth – that we weren't going to the movies. I should have kept her by my side at that party.

When she broke up with me and jumped off that cliff… When she ran away from Black's house and got into that car accident… I should have stopped her. I should have told someone.

It was all my fault.

Too many times had I seen Isabella come close to death, and I could have stopped it from getting that far.

It kills me to know how things could have ended. We'd gotten lucky so many times in the past. How many more times would luck have been on our side?

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I sighed again, releasing my hair and reaching over to turn off my alarm clock. I dragged my body out of bed and slowly got ready for school. I felt like I was on autopilot, just going through the motions.

I made it silently down the stairs and into the kitchen where I found my mother, making coffee. I turned, hoping to escape unnoticed, but she happened to catch me.

"Edward?"

"Morning, Mom," I replied, turning back into the kitchen.

"What are you doing up so early?" she questioned, concern burning in her eyes.

"Couldn't sleep," I answered, throwing myself down in a chair at the table. "There's too much going on in my head."

My mom stepping away from the coffee pot and moved towards me, taking a seat as well. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really…"

"I'm concerned, Edward. You haven't been yourself…" she trailed off. She knows why I haven't been myself – my girlfriend tried to kill herself and was sent away for treatment.

"I know. I'm sorry, Mom," I apologized.

"Have you been sleeping?" she questioned, raising her palm to my cheek. I closed my eyes, momentarily basking in the support my mom offered.

"Not really." I shook my head. "Every time I close my eyes, I see her… I see her when we found her almost dead outside her house. I see her jumping off the cliff into the ocean. I see her truck rolling into a tree and her hanging lifelessly in her truck… There was so many times I could have done something that could have prevented all of this."

"Oh, Edward." Her heart was breaking. I just know it was. She pulled me into her arms, wrapping me tightly in her embrace. She needed this just as much as I did. We stayed like this for a few minutes, the silence deafening. She finally pulled back, placing both her hands on the side of my face and looking me straight in the eyes. "This was not your fault."

I shook my head, trying to pull away from her grasp.

"No, listen to me," she said forcefully. "You are not responsible for what happened. Any of it."

"Yes, I am!" I yelled. "I knew about the drugs and the drinking. I knew that something wasn't right, and I didn't stop her. I didn't try to until it was too late."

"You can't change the past, darling. You can't let this guilt and regret feaster or it'll eat you alive. Please, Edward," she pleaded, a tear falling down her cheek.

"I can't help it, Mom." I felt close to tears myself. Saying all this out loud made it that much more real. "I should have done something."

"You loved her. You did what you thought was right at the time."

"I still love her, but I failed her."

"She's still alive, Edward, and she getting treatment. You didn't fail her," my mom reasoned.

I couldn't find it in me to try to argue anymore. I turned away, leaning against the tabletop and dropping my head into my hands. I groaned as she rubbed my back in soothing circles.

"I miss her."

"I know you do. I miss her too," my mom replied quietly. "But sitting here, thinking about the 'what ifs' and wading in regrets, isn't doing anything for her or yourself. It's okay to miss her, but don't forget to keep living your life. Don't lose yourself."

"I'm sorry. You're right. She wouldn't want me to be like this."

"It's okay to be sad. I love you, Edward. I just don't want to see you hurting so much."

"I love you too, Mom."

"I'm always here for you. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Mom." I hugged her once more.

"Why don't you go see if Alice is up and finish getting ready for school while I make breakfast," my mom suggested.

"Okay."

"Come on, Edward. We're gonna be late to school," Alice said.

"Go ahead without me," I replied. "I'll catch up in a minute. I wanna talk to Dad real quick."

"Are you sure? I can wait for you."

"Yeah. I'll see you at school soon."

I waited until I heard the garage door close before I walked to my dad's home office. He was getting ready to leave for work, but I needed to talk to him. I needed to know if he had any news about Isabella. I went up to the door, pushing it open slightly as I knocked on the doorframe.

"Dad? You got a minute?"

"Sure. Come on in. What can I do for you, son?"

"Have you heard anything new about Isabella?" I asked.

He sighed, pausing to look at me. "I haven't. I know she made it safely to the treatment facility, but she's under their care now, Edward. There's a patient confidentiality law that prevents them from sharing information about Isabella with me, as I am no longer her doctor."

I nodded, feeling disappointed. It's been two weeks and I haven't heard any real news about her. I've asked everyday and it's always the same answer.

"When she's allowed to, she'll call you if she wants to talk," my dad offered. "Just relax. She's in good hands, and is getting the help she needs."

I nodded again.

"Was there anything else you needed?"

"No. That was it," I replied, turning to walk away. I was going to be late for school.

"Edward?" I stopped, looking back. "Your mother filled me in on your conversation this morning. You know that we're always here for you if you need us, but if you want to talk to someone professionally, someone like Kate, we can do that too. It might help with everything going on in your head."

"I'll think about it, and let you know," I offered in return.

School hadn't been the same since Isabella was sent to Colorado two weeks ago. The Monday after she left, rumors began spreading like wild fire and had yet to slow down. Each rumor was more outrageous than the last, and I didn't know if I could continue to listen to the whispers flying around the halls.

I was glad I was late today. I was able to avoid my friends until lunch.

"Edward, where've you been, man?" Emmett called out, waving me over to our table. "We didn't see you this morning."

"Hey guys," I said, sinking down into a chair at the table. I tried not to notice the empty chair beside mine, where my girl should have been sitting. "I needed to talk to my dad this morning, and ended up being late."

"Everything okay?" Emmett asked, quietly,

"Yeah," I replied just as quietly. "I was just checking in with him to see if he had any news about Isabella."

"What'd he say?" Alice questioned.

"Same as last time," I sighed.

Each of my friends muttered that they were sorry, but I just shrugged. I know they were worried about me and about Isabella, and they wanted me to talk about it. They could see the effect this situation was leaving on me, but there was nothing they could do to ease my guilt. After the conversation I'd had with my mom this morning, I just wanted to move past this. And I told them this.

Biology class was probably the most difficult part of my days lately. It was the only class Isabella and I had shared, and every time I realized she wouldn't be there anymore, was like a punch to the gut. I missed her so much.

After school ended, I made my way to my locker to grab the books I would need and deposit the books I didn't need. As I shut my locker door, I spotted Chief Swan cleaning out Isabella's locker – another punch to the gut.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. She was really gone… and she wasn't coming back.

Drawing in a deep breath, I made my way over, stopping just a foot away.

"How is she, Chief?" I questioned in place of a greeting.

He paused, glancing up toward me. "Edward," he said with a slight nod. "How're you?"

"Please, Chief. I need to know how she's doing."

"She's doing… okay. Still learning to adjust to the facility," he responded, turning away from me to focus again on clearing out her locker. He tried to discretely clear his throat. I knew this was difficult for him.

"When can I talk to her?"

"She'll give you a call when she's ready, son."

"Will you keep me updated?" I requested. "I miss her."

He closed the now empty locker and turned back to me. He had a sad smile on his face and placed his hand on my shoulder in support. "I miss her too."

I didn't miss the fact that he avoided giving me an answer to my question. But before I could address this, he was on his way. I watched him walk away with the answers I needed about my girl. Just as he went out of my view, Alice appeared.

"Edward," she said, grabbing ahold of my hand. "What'd he say?"

"Nothing Dad hasn't already said. Why can't they just tell me how she's doing? Why is it such a big secret?"

Alice didn't know how to respond, so she just continued to hold my hand and leaned into my shoulder. She missed Isabella, too.

"It's just not fair, Alice," I complained.

"I know. But it'll be okay, Edward. We'll hear from Isabella again soon."

I was thankful that Alice had enough hope for the both of us, because I had lost mine the moment Isabella left.