Chapter 10
I make chicken Alfred for supper and we sit around the table listening to Natalie talk about her favorite parts of the day. Everyone one of them includes something Edward or I did with her. I thought she'd talk about the zoo but nope, all of her favorite parts of the day are from lunch or the drive over to the zoo. We make plans to do something else the following weekend. Edward tells her that he knows lots of fun places to go.
After dinner we watch Despicable Me 2 and Natalie spends the last ten minutes of it watching Edward and I. I can see her out of the corner of my eye. Edward is sitting with his arm over the back of the couch playing with my hair.
When the movie is over Natalie says, "Will you guys get married and adopt me so we can be a family?"
I almost choke on the drink of soda I had just taken. Edward didn't miss a beat though, "I sure hope so."
"What?" I squeak out, quickly snapping my head in his direction.
He just smiles and shrugs his shoulders.
"Awesome!" Natalie squeals. I have to pull my focus back to her before I freak out.
"Well little girl, you need to go to bed. Go get cleaned up and get your jammies on."
She groans and stands up. Before she leaves the room she hugs Edward and whispers something in his ear. He kisses the top of her head and nods.
Once she is out of the room I smack his shoulder. "Why would you say that? I have no idea if I even can adopt her or if we will be stuck in limbo for ever because her mom is so bad," I snap angrily.
"Oh thank God that's what you are upset about. I didn't think about that part I could just picture us married and raising her as our own. I spoke before I thought. I'm sorry," he says looking embarrassed.
"Oh my gosh, I didn't even think about that part either. We just met how can you even be thinking of marriage?"
"How can you not? When I pictured us as a family today, it included wedding bands on both our hands. Isn't that the goal of every relationship?" he asks obviously puzzled by my contradicting declarations today.
"Look I don't have a lot of good examples of happy marriages so I am a little skittish about the whole institution of marriage."
"Well that's a story I definitely need to hear."
"Not tonight but I promise I'll tell you soon. Right now I need to get that little girl into bed."
"Do you want me to go?" he asks.
"Not really. But if you have to…"
"I don't."
"Good."
I leave the room to go help Natalie. When I come in the bedroom she is sitting in the big bed with the blankets pulled up to her waist. "Did I say something wrong?" she asks.
"No honey, you didn't. I'm sorry I freaked out."
"Don't you want to marry Edward? He's like perfect."
"It's not that simple, honey. We just met and it takes time to make that kind of decision not to mention getting to know each other well enough to make a commitment like that. Does that make sense?" I ask.
"Yeah I guess so. It's just that today was so amazing and it feels like we are a family. I didn't even think about my mom today, is that bad?" she says as she looks up with scared eyes.
"No baby it's not wrong. You had a great day with people who made you feel special. I don't think that's happened a lot for you so I'm glad you didn't think about anything sad today."
"But she's my mom and she's so sick. I feel bad for being so happy."
I don't know what to say to her so I just hug her tight and kiss her hair. After a moment I pull away and look into her eyes.
"Honey, I'd like for you to talk to a therapist. Do you think you could do that this week?"
"What's a therapist?"
"It's a doctor, like Dr. Walsh. You tell them how you are feeling and they listen and help you make sense of it," I explain.
"Oh, yeah that would be nice. I have so many things floating around in my head and I don't know how I feel about any of it."
"Okay then, I will call and set up a time for you to meet with someone. In the meantime you can tell me anything, you know that right?"
"Yeah, I know. I love you Bella," she says as she hugs me.
Hearing those words from her opens the flood gates and the tears just start flowing.
"Oh honey, I love you too. You are one special little girl," I say through my tears.
I read her a story and tuck her in before going to the bathroom to wash my face. While in there I take a moment to analyze my day and the crazy turn my life has taken in just one month.
I am starting a relationship with a great guy. I have a beautiful little girl that loves me and that I love more than I ever thought I could love another person. I have a book being released in a few days. My life is almost perfect.
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. "Thank you God, for saving her and giving her to me. I hate to push my luck but if you could please find a way for us to be a family and for her to recover from this mess with as few scars as possible that would be wonderful. Oh and thank you for Edward, he's about perfect. Amen," I pray quickly.
I smile at myself and open the door heading back to the little sitting area where Edward waits for me. When I come in the room he is reading something on his phone. "Do you have to leave?" I ask nodding towards his phone.
"Oh. No. This is just a text from Jasper," he says smiling.
"And what does he have to say?" I pry.
"Not much. He sent me a picture."
"Of." I realize I am practically begging to see it but he is being so coy.
He just smiles and turns his phone around. On the screen is a picture of a rose with the words "Don't just be what she needs, be her everything" in a pretty script.
I thought for a second. "Why did he send that? Were you talking about me?" I ask.
"Yeah, he asked how our day went and I told him that we were going to start dating and see how it goes. He said that was awesome and then I got this."
"Wow, Jasper is kind of girly," I say without thinking.
"I have a feeling that Alice had a little something to do with it. Jasper is very intuitive but not quite that sappy."
"Yeah that's probably more like it. I'd love to meet Alice. She sounds like a fun person," I say changing the subject.
"She is and she really wants to meet you as well. Maybe we can plan something for next week."
"Sounds good to me. So Natalie is ready to see a therapist," I say, abruptly changing the subject. I did want to make plans but right now I need to talk about Natalie.
"Oh, did you get a referral from Dr. Walsh?"
"Yeah, a Dr. McCarty."
"Really? She's the wife of a friend of mine. She's damn good at what she does. We send a lot of kids her way from the station," Edward raves.
"Do you think she'll take Natalie even though you and I are dating and you are friends with her husband? That seems like a conflict of interests or something."
"I don't know but the other doctor in her practice, Dr. Weber, is also pretty good so I wouldn't worry about it. If Rosalie sees a problem she'll have Angela take the case."
"Ok good. I hate that she is so mixed up. I just wish I could make it all better for her," I say through the tears welling up in my eyes. Edward wraps his arms around me and pulls me in to his shoulder. "She's so young and she's dealing with so much. It's too much for me to deal with and she just seems to be taking it in stride. I guess it is part of how she was raised but she's just a little girl. It's so not fair."
When I'm finished ranting, Edward puts his hands on either side of my face and holds me so he can look right into my eyes. "You need to stop this. She is a tough little girl and it sucks that she is dealing with all this but she is dealing very well. You will help her get the help she needs and you will be there for her in a way no one has ever been. You are helping her already. You've given her a chance at a real childhood. It's not fair but here you are raising her as if you gave birth to her." His thumbs wipe the tears from my cheeks while I sniffle. I try to nod and pull away from his intense gaze but he shakes his head. "Nope, I'm not letting go until you promise to stop feeling sorry for Natalie."
"I promise to stop feeling sorry for her. I just can't stand that she is dealing with all this. I feel like it's partly my fault."
"You are kidding, right?" Edward says while rolling his eyes.
"No. If I hadn't left her alone with Heidi this wouldn't have even happened. If I hadn't ever started keeping her overnight, Heidi wouldn't have started bringing johns home and this wouldn't have ever been an issue."
Edward interrupts me by dropping his hands and standing up, causing me to nearly fall into the couch. "This line of thought stops right now. You did nothing wrong. Heidi promised you that she wouldn't bring them home while Natalie was there. You had a commitment that you had to attend that evening. You are not responsible for Heidi's terrible judgment. You are not responsible for that sick bastard's idea of fun. You are not responsible for any of this!" he emphatically states without ever raising his voice.
I stand up, "I know, logically, that I'm not responsible for this but that doesn't change the guilt that I feel for Natalie or for Heidi. I understand that it could have been much worse had I not been there but that doesn't change the fact that it happened or that I feel responsible. I don't expect you to understand but please don't tell me to stop feeling how I feel. With time I'm sure those feelings will go away, just don't expect me to change how I feel simply because you said to."
"I don't expect you to. I'm sorry if that's how I made you feel," he says with a shocked look on his face. "I certainly didn't mean to discredit your feelings."
"I'm sorry, I know. You are correct. I should stop feeling like this; it isn't good for me or Natalie. I know that I need to stop the thoughts that are trying to take root but it's just so hard not to feel guilty."
Edward wraps me in his arms and rocks us back and forth. After a minute he chuckles quietly. Without lifting my face from his chest I say, "What's so funny?"
"Did we just have our first fight?"
I pull away and smile. "I wouldn't say it was a fight. A disagreement or a discussion maybe, but not a fight," I say.
"Well can we still make up?" he says leaning in close.
I can feel his lips before they ever touch mine. "Of course."
He presses his lips to mine and all feelings of guilt are gone. I wrap my arms around his neck and try to get as close as I possibly can. He holds me tightly. I can feel his fingers as they tickle my spine. The kiss is soft and slow but filled with a longing that I can't even explain. When we finally pull away we are both out of breath and smiling stupidly.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" Edward asks.
"Don't you have to work?"
"Yes I do, but not till tomorrow night. I have all day."
"Okay but don't you need to sleep or something before work?"
"Yeah but if I go to bed around five I can get plenty of sleep before my shift at eleven. So how about I call you in the morning and we figure it out."
I smile and nod. "That would be great. I have to call the therapist and the hospital to check on Heidi. We'll probably sleep in a bit too. At least I hope so; I could use a good night's rest."
"I could stay and get up with Natalie if that would help," he offers with a smirk.
"I'm sure you'd love to stay the night but I'm not sure that's such a good idea." I have to cross my arms to cover the evidence of my arousal that is plainly showing through my dress.
"As much as I love that I have that effect on you," he says, moving his hands to my sides and giving me chills. "That's not my intention. I can see how tired you are and I'm sure Natalie will be up a few times so I can stay to help with her so you can rest."
"What if she freaks that you are here?" I say, although I really don't know that she would.
"She loves me. I think it will be fine. Go get changed for bed and I'll pull out the sofa bed."
I run off and get into a pair of blue fitted shorts and a pink tank top. I brush my teeth and wash my face. As I walk back to the sitting room, I catch Edward removing his belt and adjusting his jeans. "Are you going to be comfortable like that?" I ask, nodding to his jeans.
"I'll be fine."
"That's not what I asked."
"Why Miss Swan, are you trying to get me out of my jeans?" he teases.
I can feel the immediate blush on my entire face and neck. "No, of course not. I just think you are going to be uncomfortable in them."
"I probably will be but I don't think it would be wise for me to take them off and be in only my boxer briefs. As much as I'd love to crawl into this bed with you without denim between us, we are not ready for that and it would not be a good thing for Natalie to see me like that either."
So we went to bed, in the same bed, with him in a t-shirt and jeans and me in my jammies. He held me till I fell asleep and I didn't wake up one time all night. However, when I woke up the next morning there was a beautiful blonde in bed with us.