"I n the world I am always a stranger. I do not understand its language. It does not understand my silence." – Bei Dao.

No paracentamol gonna help to numb this pain.

My days and nights consisted of the lights going on and off, whether or not they were timed with the outside world I didn't know; better yet I didn't care. But always the lights turning on signaled the start of my days, and the light going off signaled the end of it.

No light of sunlight gonna help to ease the day.

And the treatment isn't much better, when lights come up food is shoved in, I don't eat it. Not because I'm paranoid it's drugged or anything but I'm not hungry, it's not like the food will numb the pain still throbbing in my chest. And besides they haven't tried force-feeding me yet, but that will probably happen soon.

No wise words are gonna take away the grey,

I don't know any of the 'doctors' names none of them talk to each other when they are in the room. Better yet they don't really talk at all. Though I have been seeing more of Mr. Anger Management. He's the one that I know enjoys it that I don't fight back. And he takes his time when he's taking blood samples, he missed the veins he enjoys it when I wince I wonder what I've done to him but then again I also don't care.

Take away the grey, take away the grey.

"She's not eating sir…" I can hear them sometimes when they are too close to the observation window. But most of the time I just hear mumbles and the typing of keyboards. This must be a good paying job if no one new has shown up.

There's a hole in my heart that's missin' you.

They've put me on an IV drip it has all the yummy ingredients that keep me from dying. After I tried ripping it out they introduced the restraints. I'm impressed they waited this long but then again why did they have the need before hand? I now can only lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. I don't care…I close my eyes and try to fool myself into thinking I'm home.

There's a hole in my heart that's missing you.

Every night I dream I'm home with Oma, sometimes my entire family is there. And we're normal Johann is shoving her oatmeal into Richard's face as he whines and pushes the bowl away. Oma and Mom are laughing about something Dad says, and when I approach they all smile…Even Dad who rushes over scooping me up in his arms.

"There's my sleepy monster!"

I wake up every time after those words, even in my dreams I'm still a monster to him.

We never saw it coming

They've gone to being mindlessly there to trying to get a rise out of me. Anger management even got a smack in. I don't react why should I? They won't let me out, why try fighting back? God I hate this room. I hate the white, I hate the lights that buzz when they're on. How it always feels too cold and the white blanket does nothing to keep me warm.

We never had a clue

Camilla shows up every now and again but she doesn't care either I know she has been shaken by Oma's death too, even though she's the shitty part of me…She still loved Oma like I did.

The trees they lost a winter as the wind came running through

I'm useless, I want Steve—Natasha—hell I want Tony I want one of them to come through the door any day now and save me. But that's stupid thinking that, none of them know I'm here, none of them care.

There's a hole in my heart that's missing you

The restraints have come off I'm now being fed regular meals which I eat now, I don't want ass hat near my veins anymore. I realize my mattress can move so…I pull it and the white fucking sheets to the corner pressing my back against the solid cold wall I feel safe if only for a few seconds.

And this is what it feels like

Camilla's around a lot more her eyes watching the coming and going she's planning something but I don't care to ask, and she doesn't grace me with an answer.

There's a hole in my heart that's missing you

I wake from that same fucking dream to Camilla kneeling beside me, I would jolt away in panic but my reflexes have been…slow as of late. She tilts her head and for a moment she reminds me of a confused dog.

"I want to get out here…"

And this is what it feels like.

I blink and rather then grace her with a reply I lift myself up and turn flopping back onto my side facing the wall. I hear her growl in annoyance and a sharp jerk at my shoulder flops me onto my back. She straddles me to keep me from moving, as well as gripping my chin in her hand.

"I don't think you're taking this as seriously as I am." Her voice is low the light reflecting dangerously in her green eyes. I didn't care.

"No I'm not—"

"And why is that? Because your precious Oma is dead? Because no ones come to rescue you?" Her lip pouts out and her voice is mockingly piteous. I want to slap her but I know she's not really there and I've probably just gone insane at this point.

"You loved her too." I mumble out watching as her smirk drops and her eyes harden.

"She was a useless old hag—"

"Who loved us as best she could, even though she had to endure a life that a lot of people would have died rather then go through." Camilla snarls and slaps me, my vision blurs as pain flares in my cheek and my head snaps to the side. She's panting she held back I know that much.

"You are going to get out of here if I have to lock you up myself."

"Tried that, back fired horri—" Another slap this one has the bite of nails behind it scraping the flesh of my cheek leaving burning marks in their wake. She leans in close her breath washing over my face.

"Listen you—" The sound of the door latch opening she vanishes and once again I am left on my own and with the one person I didn't want to be alone with.

Two years ago…he had been a different man. His name John married with a wife and a beautiful baby girl. He had a promising surgeon career, all of that crumbled when a hole formed in the sky. He had been on a job hunt in California watching in mute horror as news bulletin after bulletin filtered in. New York City over run, New York City under attack…New York City where Amy and Tonya were, and he could only watch. No matter how many times he called her phone she wouldn't answer…Until as if by sheer luck he got through. Seeing their face he cried with joy.

"Honey?" Tonya looked like she had run through a war zone a bad gash in her forehead Amy whimpered in her mother's arms and looked at the phone.

"Daddy…" John shushed her trying to comfort when he knew there wasn't much he could do.

"It'll be okay, someone's going to find you guys and—"

"Loki has no use for them…make an example of them." The crowd around them clamored beginning to panic.

"Daddy!" Tonya dropped the phone but before the signal cut out, he saw a woman…in green robes golden wings upon her back. If she hadn't been smiling in manic glee he would have thought her an angel. He heard their screams…he could do nothing.

Arriving back in New York he buried them. And with their deaths he lost his own will to push on. Until, he saw a picture, blurred and on some backwater cite he had found by sheer dumb luck. But there she was the 'angel' that had murdered his family. From the crackpot description under it he found out that there was some huge cover up over this girl. That the main leader had been locked away on another planet…But her she was human she was here so the government—better yet SHEILD had destroyed all evidence of this girl. It wasn't much but it was a spark. So he began the yearlong search. All photos of her were erased and destroyed, but he found them all the same. He found witness testimonies; this woman had helped destroy the city, yet she wasn't on trail. She wasn't on the line for the damages. Hell it seemed like she had gotten away with murder and the world was helping her do it. If the world wasn't going to make her pay, he would. Going onto backdoor cites he found information. Finally he found a break, meeting someone on a forum. Some company was looking for doctors, pay was good. And it was government. With a fake name and background he applied. Got a call a few days later and then an interview. He took the job right away when they asked about his knowledge of the New York attack he lied saying he didn't know much, from the hiring he was placed here and told a special case was on its way. He knew nothing else. Until she was carted in, her shoulder patched up and limbs chained. Apparently apprehending her had been a chore, but here she was his to finally do away with. John bided his time, waiting though taking out what small anger he could on her. The boss had said not to treat her delicately, she could handle the abuse, he happily complied. She knew he had a vendetta against her but, what he hated most was no matter how many times he missed a vein taking her blood. No matter how harsh he was with strapping her down. She never fought back, she looked dead half the time and when she had overheard the conversation about her grandmother, that thing had a family? Her silent agony, he almost felt pity but the dark part of him enjoyed her suffering, and now after so god damn long, months of searching hours of research he was going to finally know he put a murder out of the world. His coworker leaves for lunch…just long enough for him to set the stage to end his pain.

She didn't move when he entered. She sat in her corner her tangled red hair covering her face. His heart hammered, even though his mind was utterly calm.

"I'm sure you've been expecting this." He finally mutters as he steps further into the cell. She finally moves her piercing blue eyes focus on him. He freezes there's a power in those eyes, she's been docile for all these months now something's changed.

"You deserve this you know." Her eyebrow quirks up at this.

"For New York." He flings himself at her then slamming her down onto the floor. She doesn't fight back though her eyes are still trained on him, his chest heaves as he holds her arms above her head. His other gripping the knife.

"For my family…" He whispers a flash of realization dashes through her gaze.

"You should be on death row for what you did, all those people you and your kind killed you killed my daughter…my wife." Tears brim on his eyes as he lowers the knife pressing it into her throat. She doesn't struggle she doesn't move.

"You really don't care do you? Pathetic…But I guess it just makes my job easier—" He allowed himself to be distracted. She had taken her chance her head lashing forward his knife cutting skin but she didn't care as her forehead cracked against his own. He grunted and fell back releasing her wrists, the knife flying from his grip. She is crouched on her feet in an instant.

"No!" He cries out not caring if someone hears, but they both leap for the knife grabbing it at the same time the tumble about. She gets the upper hand though , managing to twist herself to make him slam into the wall. He grunts in pain as his head smacks the concrete, even though he had managed to grab the knife and turn it to face her she turns it with a strength he didn't think she would have, without a second thought she plunges the blade into his chest. The blade slipping between his ribs, probably into his heart, maybe nicking a lung too he's dead. He groans out and turns to look her in the eyes, she should see his life leave him, know that she can add more blood to her hands but what he sees terrifies him. Her left iris seems to shift and melt the blue turning into a disgusting acidic green. Even as blood fills his lung and leaks from his lip he manages out a horrified.

"Your eyes…oh God what's wrong with your eyes?" His world goes dark and cold his heart stops not a few moments later.

I fall back after his comment my hands wet with blood.

"Oh god…" I look down at the red staining the white, my head swims and all I hear is a familiar voice.

I shall take it from here.

Camilla don't…

Don't fret darling, I'll keep it to a minimum.

So I am super sorry for the lack of updates on this story I am going to try and get back to it. The song mentioned is Hole in my heart by Angus powell. Read and enjoy!