Sam decided to come over early. Not that I minded; I barely slept. Either I had dreams of Silver -that abruptly turned into nightmares- or had night terrors of Edward. He came around 9 in the morning. Before then, I knew that today was going to be different. I knew I had to change. I didn't know why, but after months of wallowing, I needed to become different. For me, for Charlie, and for Sam. For some reason, Sam always made me feel safe. Every time he would come over and talk to me, I felt better. He was like a little sun in my great darkness.

He knocked lightly and I rushed to open the door. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and blue jeans, what he pretty much wears when he comes to see me. He already had a smile on his face and I couldn't help but smile back at me. When he walked through the door, he hugged me immediately. I hugged him as tight as I could. He kissed my forehead and walked into the kitchen. I followed after him, heading to the counter t lean on.

He told me once he could always eat a cow.

"You hungry?" I softly asked.

He looked at me so fast, I bet he pulled a muscle in his neck.

"Uh... yeah, Bells, sure." he stuttered.

I gave a soft chuckle and turned back to the oven to bend down and grab a pan.

"How was your day?" I turned to see his reaction.

He grinned.

"Pretty good. Even though it just started, you talking to me made my day already," he winked.

I chuckled again and headed to the fridge to get eggs.

"So.." he started, "what's the special occasion?"

I turned to give him a confused look.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean, you just started talking to me. Usually, I'm the one coming over and rambling. To say I'm shocked is an understatement." I could feel his gaze on the back of my head as I continued to make his eggs.

"Oh. well, uh.." I didn't really know how to talk about it. "Sam, i.." I trailed off.

"You what, Bella?"

I turned around to see him raise an eyebrow.

"I need to change, Sam. this morning... I woke up feeling different. I don't want to be a zombie. I want to give it my all to fix myself." I turned away and grabbed some toast to put into the toaster for didn't say anything. I scrambled his eggs and went to the kitchen to take a plate and glass out for him.

"You should go out. With friends, I mean. Have a girls night."

"Wow. you sound like my dad, you know," I giggled as he groaned.

"Please don't compare me to a dad. I'm way too young for that, you know." I laughed again.

I thought about what he said. Did I have any friends left? There was Angela. And Jessica kinda hates me, kinda doesn't. He gave me some time to think in silence for a bit. Even if Angela didn't want to go, I would still try to call Jessica. Although she's always around Lauren. Lauren hates me. That'll be a problem.

But it's not my fault she hates me, right? I don't remember doing anything to her at all. I'll just have to suck it up and stand up for me.

"You know what, you're right Sam," I decided.

He smiled at me as I started to put his cutlery and juice on the table in front of him.

"Always am, B," he replied.

I sent him a confused look over my shoulder.

"B?" I questioned.

"Yeah." he didn't explain at all.

I continued to watch him and when he looked at me for my absence of movement I lifted an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes playfully and finally replied.

"I'm calling you B, obviously. Everyone either calls you Bells or Bella."

I chuckled. "Alright. B it is."

He laughed a bit and watched me put his eggs on his plate with hungry eyes.

"What do you want on your toast, Sam?"

For the rest of the day, I and Sam talked a lot about ourselves. Although I knew lots about him before, I was still interested in learning more about his life. I rarely talked. Even though I had a conversation while cooking for him I still wasn't up for talking that much. When I did talk I told him about school and we talked about my 'friends' at school, too. I told him who I would be calling tonight. It was 5 o'clock when Sam went home, and it was 6 o'clock when I stood up from the couch and paced while thinking about calling Angela and Jessica.

I never really talk to them at all at school. Ever since Edward decided to leave, having all the self-hatred and weird tightness in my chest kept me from talking that much and I usually keep myself from everyone besides Charlie or Sam.

What would they think? Would they think I'm using them? Would they even want to speak to me?

Before I could think about it any longer, I half-jogged into the kitchen, pick up the phone, and dialed Jessica first.

"Hello?" she answered on the fourth ring.

"Uh, hey, Jess. It's Bella."

Silence came through from the other end.

"Oh.. Bella! I, uh, I haven't talked to you in awhile. What's up?"

I already regret this.

"Nothing much I suppose. How're things with you?"

"Oh, you know, same old drama filled life." she chuckled half-heartedly.

Awkward silence again.

"So, what did you need?" Jessica asked.

"Oh, I was just wondering if maybe, um. That uh me, you, and Angela have a girls night? I know I haven't spoken to you guys and I'm sorry for not and I want to make it up to you." That was true.

"Oh, Bella. We both understand I know how hard it was for you to get Edward off your mind. I could tell you have been a bit sad about it." Jessica answered.

A bit sad? You mean full of depressed zombie state sad?

"Yeah. well, ill go call Angela," I said quickly.

We said our goodbyes and I hung up first. I gave a sigh of relief and sat down. That was pretty weird. While I sit I relax for a moment to prepare myself for another awkward conversation. With another sigh, I stand up again and grab the phone once more. I hesitate to dial the number, but I just give in and phone Angela.

"Hey, Bella!"

The call with Angela went much better. The only thing that sucks is that she won't be able to hang out with me and Jessica. She's going to Seattle. I called Jess back and told her that Ang couldn't come.

"Where she going again?" it sounded like she didn't listen to me earlier.

"Seattle. You still want to hang out?"

"Yeah, of course!" she shared her fake enthusiasm. "I'll talk to you at school tomorrow. Bye!"

"Oh, okay-" she hung up before I could finish.

I once again hung up and turned to make dinner. I knew that Charlie wouldn't be getting home until way later but at least he'll have some leftovers, especially since I don't eat much. I decided to make an easy and quick dinner; spaghetti and meatballs. It only took half and hour and soon I was lying in bed, doors and windows locked, food cooked and dishes cleaned, showered and ready for sleep.

If it would come to me.