As soon as I got home, I looked up Chaitanya name meaning, frowning when I saw it did not mean firefly. Instead, it meant something more like life and knowledge. Even typing "Chaitanya firefly" for alternative spellings and meanings came up with nothing.

Then I got this funny feeling that all my half-baked storytelling wasn't completely out of line. That maybe his real name wasn't Chaitanya.

I looked up Harsul firefly. Nothing matched.

Then I looked up names that mean firefly. I found a handful of them, including names from old scriptures and dead languages, but none in particular stood out to me. None of them fit Chaitanya.

While I was closer to finding out something extremely personal about him, I didn't know the spelling or pronunciation of his name.

Should I use my question to ask him? Did he think that I was using my question when I asked him his name's meaning?

No... I didn't mean to use it like that. I had never planned to ask him something that personal. I really, truly did just want to use my question on something like "What's something you want to tell me?" And today, I just wanted to know what Chaitanya meant. But he told me "firefly" of his own will, and I suppose I should be… No, I was really happy about that.

Should I sign his name as life or firefly? I knew what "life" was in sign language (I looked up a video just to confirm it). Would he be embarrassed if I used it? I should probably just stick with firefly then…

(Line Break)

A few more weeks had passed since I started meeting with Chaitanya again, and I was learning that I was getting much better at tempering myself from asking rude things. He was the leader, and he taught me so many things I wouldn't even think to ask.

My thesis was due in a couple months, but I had been spending more time learning sign language than writing up my report. I was falling in love with the beauty of it, and I was learning that it helped keep me from "speaking" before I thought.

Chaitanya had put a lot of effort into my lessons as well. He had started sharing with me some of his old journals he used to learn and practice sign language, and I would spend my nights admiring his handwriting, running my fingers over his pictographs, and mimicking the movements before showing my progress to the librarian the next day.

There would be some days where I would come in and there'd be a line at the front counter with Chaitanya forced to manage it. Since he was the only one with keys, I would take his journals with me to a nook in the back of the library, sitting against a row of shelves that housed forgotten old tapes that no one cared about anymore and hunched over the notebooks, practicing in small movements to himself.

If he wanted to know how good he was getting, he would practice whatever sentences came to his mind and see if he could sign them.

Would you like to eat?Are we finished?My exam is coming up soon.What is your favorite color?

I would, of course, practice more challenging things as well. I memorized the name meanings of all of the generals for my thesis and practiced signing every sentence I would write. If I didn't know a word, I'd look it up online then write it down and show Chaitanya the next day -- partially to impress him and partially to make sure that I was doing it right. And just a small part of me wanted to test how much sign language he really knew. He had probably only been mute for a small portion of his life.

Chaitanya tapped my knee, and I gasped when I realized he was sitting over me. I put my hand over my chest and sighed. "You are like a ninja," I whispered.

He grinned proudly and plopped down next to me, bumping shoulders and looking over my arm at the page I had open on places: valleys, hills, mountains, courtyards, palaces, castles…

Learning anything exciting? he signed.

I leaned back and scooted his journal so that it was half in both our laps. I practiced the gesture for castle, but he reached an arm up and modified the position of my fingers ever so subtly. Then he showed me the movement with his own hand, and I replicated it.

Then he asked, Can you tell me a story about a castle?

I grinned, welcoming the challenge. "How do you sign 'once upon a time'?" I asked aloud.

Chaitanya turned his body more directly toward me and placed the journal back in my lap. I turned towards him as well, watching intently as he made the fluid movements for me a couple of times. I mimicked him, and he nodded excitedly when I perfected it on my first try.

Once upon a time… I repeated. There was a princess that lived in the highest room in the highest tower.

I was fibbing it a little because I wasn't that good at sign language, but Chaitanya was beaming and didn't stop to correct me.

No one had ever seen her except for a prince when she was a child. The king and queen placed her in the tower as a sacrifice to the dragon that blessed their kingdom.

Chaitanya's smile softened as he watched my hands move, taken away by the story I wove. I felt like a magician or even a bender performing impossible magic. It was a remarkable feeling.

Many years passed until the prince returned. He was able to get into her room and told her that if she- I hesitated then touched my lips, making up the word along with a dozen others. -kissed her true love, the dragon would let her free, but only under the promise that she commit to her love for the rest of her life.

The princess looked out the window to confirm that this was true, and the dragon nodded. She looked back at the prince, paused, then realized the only one who had already been with her for her entire life had been the dragon.

And so she kissed the dragon and was granted her freedom in exchange for her devotion. "And they lived happily ever after," I whispered.

Chaitanya continued to stare down at my hands in my lap before folding his fingers around mine. I studied the scars and roughness of his skin as he rose my hand to my face, straightened my fingers, and showed me a gesture by moving my fingertips along my cheekbone.

Then he released me but didn't sit back, watching me as I repeated the movement. Then I lowered my arm, moving my gaze to his lips as I noticed him do the same for me. He was so close and watching me so intently, but he didn't correct me as if I were wrong.

"What does that mean?" I muttered, watching as his eyes lowered and his lips parted ever so slightly. He kept his hand at my cheek, cupping it as he brought his face close to me and placing his lips on my own.

I felt my face flash hot and red. I was so embarrassed. I've barely kissed anyone before and never a boy. I hadn't even thought of it, but I didn't hate Chaitanya for it. I didn't want to embarrass him by pushing him away, and frankly, I enjoyed kissing, but I didn't want to take advantage of him. He was too pure…

I had to think fast. To kiss him back or do nothing. Was I against dating Chaitanya…? Intimacy was… the difficult part. But Chaitanya was sweet and pure. He wouldn't push anything on me. I didn't think he was capable.

I opened my mouth and invited him to kiss deeper. He ran his fingers along my cheek and brushed the edge of my ear as his tongue slid into my mouth. I tasted his bitter pine scent when I pushed my tongue around his and tasted his saliva on my lips.

Then I felt his tongue curl up against the roof of my mouth, and a shiver ran down my spine. I didn't expect him to nibble my top lip with his teeth and tongue either, and all of it just felt good.

The only witty thought that came to mind beneath the pretension of trying to impress him was This is a funny way of teaching sign language.

He retrieved his tongue, and I kissed his lips one last time before he pulled away, biting his bottom lip and hooking his hair behind his ear. He blushed and fought a smile, staring down at his lap and trying not to see my reaction. I, on the other hand, was trying to get a feel for what his game was. It was completely unexpected, and I don't know if it should have been. Had he been giving me hints I ignored?

"This is a funny way of teaching sign language," I repeated aloud, my dumb brain faltering to think of anything else to say. It was the only way I could think to be neutral on the topic.

He quickly looked up and met my eyes, and for the first time, I really looked at him. He had sharp, narrow eyes that was often times at contrast with his personality. His eyebrows were usually curved upwards in a sympathetic manner, making him seem smaller and weaker than he might have been as a soldier. But now they held no expression, surprisingly thin and well-groomed for a man.

And honestly- Chaitanya's expression. He was staring at me with some unfathomable, seductive longing that made him look like a completely different person. Mature. Seductive, even.

I'm sorry, he signed fluidly. I forget that most people kiss-

I couldn't understand the last word he was trying to communicate and nothing I could piece together in my head made sense. I frowned, and he picked up his journal and wrote the word romantically in a blank space on the corner.

I forget that most people kiss romantically.

I blinked in surprise. "That wasn't a romantic kiss?" What was the difference between any other kiss?

He blew air out of his nose in a sort of laugh, his face suddenly pure and innocent again as he tried to hide it behind his hand, covering his mouth. Did you want it to be? he asked with his free hand.

The crease in my forehead deepened. I was trying to figure out how this wasn't offensive when I knew it shouldn't be.

"No, I- uh, I just don't understand, I guess."

He shrugged and leaned away. I just like kissing people.

"Really?" He kissed a lot of people just like that?

Chaitanya had another cocky, victorious smirk fixed to his face. Does that surprise you?

"No!" I answered way too quickly. But, yes, it did. Sweet Chaitanya, the flirtatious type? He was always so reserved, but maybe I only got that impression because he didn't speak? No, even his sign language and emotions were regularly mild mannered. If he was ever cocky, it was because he was comfortable around me.

Chaitanya blew more air through his nose as a silent laugh before apologizing again. It's been a long time since I've kissed someone. And you reminded me how much I missed it.

"So… That wasn't your way of asking me out…?" I spoke very slowly and apprehensively. I didn't want to step on any toes, especially since I wasn't entirely sure how I felt.

It was a good kiss.

Chaitanya shook his head. But that doesn't mean that I won't do it again… Unless you didn't like it?

I only felt myself turn more red. Remembering it had me more aroused than when it happened -- when my head was full of nonsense. I did like it, but it was very hard to admit that.

I couldn't answer him.

Chaitanya took his notebook back and closed it before hopping up to his feet and helping me up. I followed him to the meeting room where he continued on his lesson like nothing had happened, and it was only the monotony of our sessions that made it possible for me to do the same.