Here's the next chapter! A big thanks to Lamanth and wolf's lament for reviewing this, and for telling me how I could improve! Very much appreciated!
Hope you enjoy it!
Well, I'm back. Don't know why. Just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up. But no, I'm here, scribbling down this strange, rambling rubbish. I must be a complete masochist. Where was I? Oh yes, Kai had a temperature. Well, it came down pretty quickly, thank goodness, and I was quite disappointed at not having an excuse to go and see him anymore. So I started popping in after or before my shifts. Sometimes we'd talk, and sometimes he would just sit there silently with a closed-off expression on his face. It took me a long time to realise that meant he was in pain. He never complained, never even dropped a vague hint.
He was quite a good conversationalist normally, and it took me completely by surprise when one day he casually dropped the bombshell that he was gay. Now, I won't lie, I did feel a bit...taken aback, you know? I mean, it's not every day that guys tell you they like other guys in that way. He just looked at me, as if to say; go on, say it, I've heard it all before. And I...couldn't. I couldn't say a thing. So I just nodded and said something inane like; "That must upset the fangirls." To my utmost surprise (make that shock, I can't be bothered to cross it out) he laughed. He always did have a great laugh.
That was, what...two days before his operation? Yeah, something like that.
I saw him off into theatre, and was there when he came out again, drowsy from the anaesthetic. But then, the consultant came in, and asked if he was fit to be told something very important. I'll tell you something; my blood ran cold. Icy-cold. You see, consultants are arrogant bastards (excuse my language) who would never tell a patient anything in person unless it was damn serious. I had opened my mouth to say no, when Kai agreed to listen. Idiot. I really could have hit him. Medical-speak followed, blah, blah, using ten thousand complicated words when five would do.
"cartilage in between the the head of the right femur and the acetabelum has been eroded due to the length of time you waited before being checked in, and the process has been complicated further by surgery, rendering mobility in that leg as little or none-"
"In English?" he snapped. Looking back at it now, I can see that he must have understood at least some of it; why else would there have been that wary look in his eyes? The consultant hesitated. My only guess was that something had gone wrong during the operation. I would never have guessed just how wrong.
Plain English it was.
"You have lost almost all mobility in your right leg due to the bones rubbing against each other." I gasped and clapped both hands over my mouth. I thought Kai was either going to vomit, or pass out. He did too, because he put a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes.
"You mean I'm not going to be able to walk?" he whispered. His face was beyond white; it was grey tinged with lighter grey.
"Not without a crutch, no."
"No..." He gagged, swallowed, waved me away as I snapped out of my daze and hurried forwards with a bowl. "No...god, no..." He lay back down heavily.
"I'm so, so sorry, Kai. Believe me, everything we could do was done to try and prevent this."
"Didn't try hard enough, then." I mumbled under my breath. Thankfully, he didn't hear me. The second he had gone, Kai sat up. His eyes were unnaturally bright, even more so in his ashen face. He stretched out a hand towards me.
"Help me up." he ordered tightly.
"Kai, what are you doing-"
"He said I need a crutch, you can be my crutch. Come on!" Hesitantly, I took his hand and helped him upright. His whole body was rigid and trembling, his words tumbling out much faster than usual. "At first I thought I couldn't walk again, but I can - yes, this is good, I can walk still - it only hurts a little, stupid, stupid doctors, can't they do anything right?"
"Kai, calm down, remember your blood pre-"
"I don't give a damn about my blood pressure!" His voice had risen to a hysterical yell, and he stumbled as he stopped talking. Nursing training took over, and I grabbed him by the upper arms (it would have been shoulders, but he was too tall) and shook him violently.
"Calm down!" I ordered sharply. He stared at me, panting slightly, eyes wild. "Let's get you back to bed."
"I don't-"
"Now." Whether it was me (doubtful) or the fact that he was simply too tired to resist, (much more likely) he nodded and meekly allowed me to help him limp back to bed. As he sat back down slowly, he suddenly bent forwards, pulled his gown up and stared at the offending limb. Ugly zigzag stitches marred his skin, the area red and swollen.
That's when it really sunk in, just then. And I've never seen anyone look more devastated.
"You can go now." His voice was no more than a whisper.
I left. I know when I'm not wanted, and boy oh boy, Kai didn't want anybody near him.
He stayed like that for a good three or four days, pretty much mute. I was the only person he would let in the room, and even then he didn't talk, barely even looked at me. Everyone else was confused by his reaction. He was behaving like a person who had just had his leg amputated. He could still walk, albeit with some difficulty and mild pain, they said, so what was the problem?
I knew. No doubt the Bladebreakers would have known, too. You needed to know what Kai was like, and when you did it was blatantly obvious. He craved perfection like an alcoholic might crave a drink, and now he had been stopped from achieving it. Permanently.
Eventually, my patience ran out. I walked into his room and stood in front of him, tapping my foot impatiently.
"What is it?" he demanded at last.
"Kai, you've got to snap out of it! It's not the end of the world!" He didn't say anything, just gave me a glare that could have frozen magma. I sighed and sat down, trying to get him to make eye contact. "If you don't stop this, Kai, I've heard them talking, they're going to refer you to a psychiatrist!"
"Been there, done that, got the file to prove it." he muttered. I raised an inquiring eyebrow. "None of your business."
Time to try a different tactic.
"Who shot you, anyway?" Startled, he made his first proper eye contact in four days.
"Nothing. A game of Russian Roulette that went wrong." My eyes practically fell out my head.
"You were playing Russian Roulette with bullets?" I shrieked.
"One bullet." he corrected me testily. "Keep it down, would you?"
"That's as good as saying "hello, I'm suicidal and stupid with it!" I can't believe you'd gamble your life away like that-"
"Not my life, just my leg." He smiled then, a bitter, twisted expression that had nothing to do with conventional humour. I sucked in a deep breath. Forget his, my blood pressure had just about gone through the roof! "Maybe I am stupid and suicidal with it, as you so aptly put it."
"You'd better not be!" Lame, I know, but I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Unbelievably, he started laughing. Real laughter, not bitter, not hysterical. Amused. "What's so funny?" I demanded, blushing. He shook his head, still laughing.
"You're one of a kind, Salima." he said eventually.
"Thanks, I supppose..." I said cautiously.
To this day, I've never worked out why he said that, or what he meant.I mean, clichéd or what?He never told me, either. Typical.Got to go, stomach calls. (God, I sound like Tyson...)
Well? How was it? If anyone doesn't know what Russian Roulette is, I can't explain properly, so go find someone who can! It involves a revolver, a single bullet and is basically a game of "when is the gun going to go off and who's going to get shot" Like I said,I can't explain! Please review!