Rukia found herself woken suddenly by the strange feeling of someone staring at her as she slept. She opened her eyes and found Shiro standing over her, his white face inches from her own. She screamed, completely unable to help it. Shiro grinned, seemingly pleased with himself and stepped back. A second later, Byakuya stuck his head in the room and frowned. Rukia sat, hand pressed to her chest, glaring at Shiro.

"Shiro!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Bored!" he announced, sitting on the bed. "Woke up two hours ago and I'm bored!"

"So why are you hovering over my bed?" she asked, frowning.

He grinned at her. "Where else am I supposed to be?"

She sighed. "Not in my bed," she said with a sour expression.

Shiro moved and sat down on the side. "I'm still bored," he commented.

"Don't tell me you don't have a hangover," she said, sitting up slowly.

Shiro shrugged. "Nope. Hollow, remember?"

Rukia sighed and pulled her robe on over her sleeping clothes and stood up. "You know, if my brother finds you in here, he's going to be upset."

Shiro smiled. "I was kinda hoping he would. I could do with another fight today." His expression didn't last though as he picked at his black nails. "It wasn't supposed to be this way, you know."

Rukia sat beside him. "Oh?"

"Yeah, see, you'd have to understand, Ichigo doesn't…well, he doesn't have a Zanpakutō spirit, well not like the rest of you," he said finally with a sigh.

Rukia frowned. "What's Zangetsu?"

Shiro grinned turning toward her. "Me."

Rukia blinked rapidly. "I don't understand."

He smiled softly. "Yeah, so I was in his mom. But his mom, she was a Quincy, and she was gonna die. I was just doing what I was made to do, turn people into hollows. Well, turn Shinigami into hollows, I guess, but it was supposed to be different."

Rukia crossed her legs and looked at him. "What do you mean, made?"

He smiled. "He called me White. Because I was a collection of Shinigami souls he twisted and manipulated into a form that I was a hollow. A hollow without a hole because I wasn't really a hollow. I had a purpose, and I fulfilled it. How'd I know that Shiba'd decide the Kurosaki bitch was good to be saved?"

"Huh?" Rukia said, eyes going wide.

"Kurosaki, that was her name, the Quincy. She was the last one of them. Boy, it pissed Ishida off when Shiba bonded his soul to her to keep me from killing her, they were supposed to get married, you know. Then boom, I fucked everything up," he said with a smile. "Worked I guess. Masaki loved Isshin. But Isshin, he was more human and they didn't know it would happen, but I was inside Ichigo when he was born. More than that, I…I'm his Zanpakutō spirit. He doesn't even realize it. That's what I was meant to do. Take over and replace the Zanpakutō spirit."

"But, the old man he talks about? Who's that? You talk about Zangetsu like he's someone else," she said, frowning deeply.

"He is, but he's not the Zanpakutō. He's the Quincy powers. See, he's both. The old man is just a manifestation of the powers. And the old man keeps most his power locked up. He couldn't handle it all at once," he said with a sigh, running his hand through the white hair. "So, you see why I really can't ever be in control. He has to be the king. I'm his Zanpakutō."

Rukia stared at him and had no doubt he was telling the truth. There was something in the way he spoke, something in the way he moved, that told a story sad and lonely.

"You miss him," she said finally.

Shiro turned and grinned. "I do. I love to mess with him, tell him stuff when he gets annoying. He gets so mad, and we have some good fights in here. I want to protect him more than anything. I want…I want…" Shiro paused. "One day, he's gonna do something stupid, I know it. Something that tears me away and I can't even think of that. I want to protect him from the world, but I can't do it out here."

Rukia was completely amazed by this creature that was inside one of her dearest friends. She realized that he was Ichigo, really, but a self-serving Ichigo. The only person Shiro wanted to protect and make happy was Ichigo. Ichigo wanted to protect and please everyone else. And they had both failed. Ichigo failed to protect her, and Shiro failed to protect Ichigo. No wonder they were so mixed up. She patted him on the shoulder.

"Come on, you may not need food, but Ichigo's body does," she said, and led him to breakfast.

Byakuya kept a wary eye on him and Rukia was annoyed with her brother. It wasn't like he was going to do something crazy. "Your reiatsu is lower today," Byakuya commented.

Shiro looked up. "Yeah, that's going to continue until it disappears, and I die."

Rukia swallowed. "What can we do?"

Shiro shook his head. "I don't know. I can't reach him. He won't let me. He's perfectly content to sit in there and die."

Rukia realized the comment was intended for Ichigo and nodded. "Maybe if you go walk the grounds like he used to do, he'll surface for us and let us at least talk to him."

Shiro shook his head. "Whatever you wanna try, it's worth a shot. I was gonna suggest finding someone for me to fuck and see if that got his attention."

Rukia smiled. "I imagine it would, but let's try this first."

Byakuya fixed her with a confused look at her reaction to his vulgarity. She shrugged at him, and took him by the hand, leading him out to the grounds. They spent the morning walking the grounds and eventually sat down by the koi pond where Ichigo had spent so much of his time.

"I thought you'd be here," came a voice behind them. Shiro and Rukia looked to see it was Yumichika standing behind them.

"Hey, princess," Shiro said with a sigh. "Decide you wanted a real man to fuck ya?"

Yumichika smiled. "I actually wanted to talk to Ichigo."

Shiro shook his head. "Good luck."

Yumichika sat down beside him and stared over the water. Rukia nodded to him and excused herself so they could have privacy.

"I'm thinking I should at least try to talk to him. Would that be okay?" Yumichika said without looking at him.

Shiro shrugged. "I guess. I mean, who knows, maybe he'll listen to you. He doesn't listen to me."

Yumichika turned to him and looked at him for a long moment. "You love him, don't you?"

Shiro looked at him and shrugged. "It's stupid to even think such a thing. I live inside him. Nothing to be done even if I did…you know…care for him."

Yumichika sighed and squeezed his shoulder. "Well, the least I can do is see if I can't help."

Then, to Shiro surprise, he was lying flat of his back with Yumichika straddling his hips. Yumichika's hands were pressing his shoulders down into the ground and despite himself he winced as a wave of arousal hit him. Yumichika grinned at his confused face. "Don't get too excited. This isn't for you, Shiro-chan."

Shiro rolled his black and gold eyes. "Yeah, well try to tell that to my cock."

Yumichika shook his head and looked around, and seeing no one pulled out his Zanpakutō, calling the true name and letting the vines wrap around the white form below him. He groaned. "Holy shit, what is that…" Shiro moaned.

"Don't tell anyone about this, especially not Ikkaku. I'm not going to drain it all, just enough to hopefully lower your reiatsu and force Ichigo's to come closer to the surface," he said with a smile. He, of course, was feeling quite good.

When Shiro's eyes were half closed, he stopped and reached for the second reiatsu and felt Ichigo's rising to fill the void.

"Now, if I have your attention, I wanted to talk to you. It has come to my attention that you may be having a bit of trouble with self-acceptance, and that you are running away rather than deal with it. I understand, it isn't easy. You are such a beautiful creature, and you need to accept that. There are many who will love and adore you for what you are. I found Ikkaku, and for a long time, I didn't think he would ever reciprocate my love of him. But one kiss told him the answer, and we've been together since then. You are alone and cold and you're scared. Hiding, though, won't help. I want to help you, if I can. I've been through a lot, and believe it or not, I do know what you're feeling.

"I was young still and it was before I met Ikkaku. I was struggling with my own self. I knew I wasn't like the other boys, I knew that beyond a doubt. And other people noticed, including someone that didn't care. He didn't like that I was more of a girl than a boy, and he wanted to show me what it was like to be a girl. It took a long time for me to get over what he did to me. I spent years avoiding people, and in the end, it was meeting Ikkaku that changed things for me. He didn't care about my past, even when I told him. He didn't care that I was the way I was. And that acceptance, it changed everything. Now, please, I want to talk to you, and Shiro wants to go back, he's getting very tired."

Yumichika pulled back his Zanpakutō and moved off Shiro. He blinked bleary eyes at him. "What a power," he muttered.

"I can't use it in the eleventh. We only use combat Zanpakutō. He gets mad because I say his name wrong, that's why he doesn't come into true Shikai. He pouts," Yumichika said with a smile.

After a few long minutes, Shiro sat up. "I don't feel any different."

Yumichika smiled at him. "Give it time. I just hope he listened, and I hope he'll come and talk to me."

He stood and walked out, calling for Rukia as he went. She came back and sat down beside Shiro's prone form. "Well?"

Shiro shook his head. "No idea. Still nothing."

She nodded. "How about a walk outside the grounds, then? See some other people, maybe encourage him to come out."

"Can't hurt. Maybe another bottle of Sake would help," he said standing up and stumbling a bit.

"Are you okay?" Rukia asked, steadying him.

"Fine, just getting to my feet. All the blood rushed to my fuckin' cock. Damn Yumichika…" he muttered, adjusting himself unabashedly in front of Rukia.

She sighed and they headed out to walk around. Along the way they ran into a few people, but Shiro seemed somewhat distracted and didn't seem able to focus on a conversation. They headed toward the ramen place for an early dinner and saw that Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Kira and Hisagi were all there doing the same. Rukia smiled and went over to the tables they were at, pulling Shiro along.

Yumichika smiled. "Anything from our hidden boy?"

Shiro sighed and shook his head. "No, but I could kick your ass. Leaving me high and dry like that…fuckin' tease."

Yumichika giggled and then saw the glare he was getting from Ikkaku. "Don't fret, love. I just had to get Ichigo's attention. It appears Shiro didn't appreciate it."

Ikkaku arched brow. "I might need more details than that, Yumi."

He shrugged. "Later."

Shiro flopped his head onto the table. "This fucking sucks. I'm tired. I just want to be a Zanpakutō again."

Everyone turned to him and then Rukia sighed. "You really have to tell everyone? Ichigo doesn't even know, Shiro."

"Like I care who knows what, fuck, I'm gonna die in a few days unless his stupid ass gets a clue. Maybe if I fuckin advertise to everyone that he has a hollow for his Zanpakutō spirit and he has fuckin' epic level freaking Quincy powers too, and he's a goddamned coward and can't face shit and is hiding out in the goddamned dark and won't do shit about the fact we're slowly dying…"

He stopped suddenly. "Oh, I think I pissed him off."

Shiro sat up and gave the group a sideways grin. "So, what else can I tell everyone that you don't want them to know?" he said softly, eyes narrowing. "Oh yeah, he's in there, I've got his attention."

Shiro pursed his lips for a second. "Get your ass up here and let me back into our inner world and I'll keep my mouth shut. Otherwise…"

There was a long pause. Everyone was watching with rapt attention. "Fine. So, yeah, Orihime totally annoys the shit out of him. He thinks girl parts are 'icky' and wants nothing to do with them. He finds breasts to be bothersome. Shut up, Ichigo, I told you what I was going to do. He's got the hots for several guys he knows, including sixty-nine, old hat'n'clogs, and the caped Quincy. Let's see, I'm a hollow, but I'm really Zangetsu, and Zangetsu is really his Quincy powers, and he's got this cool thing that he can use to stop bleeding, which is how he survived Kenpachi impaling him, the old man let him have some of his power, and yeah, he doesn't have half his power yet, and if he did, he couldn't handle it yet. He cares more about others than himself, and he'll do anything to save them, but he can't save his own goddamned self because he's a fucking coward son of a whore."

Shiro winced. "Yes, I said that, goddammit. His mother was gonna marry Quincy boy's daddy, but couldn't because Isshin got in the way. The whole soul bonding to save her life from me kinda sealed the deal. His daddy is Isshin Shiba, and his mommy was Misaki Kurosaki, the last of a line of powerful Quincies, that's why she was supposed to marry an Ishida. I was made outta a buncha Shinigami souls and…I was supposed…to make…more like…and Aizen fucker…made…me…"

Shiro's eyes were flickering between brown and black and gold. He smiled. "Told you I was…gonna do this…unless…"

Ichigo's body went ridged and he slumped backward, falling out of the chair hard. Everyone stared for a moment but he didn't move. Rukia kneeled beside him and turned him over. She pulled open an eyelid but there was nothing but white to be seen. She looked up at the others. "We should take him to the fourth."

Hisagi nodded and kneeled and scooped him up easily. He was certainly lighter than he should be, he thought to himself as they headed to the fourth with him. He didn't move one bit the entire trip but when Hisagi put him down on the bed he nearly dropped him.

"Rukia!" he gasped.

She turned and looked. His skin was turning darker and the color was slowly leeching back into his hair. She smiled at Hisagi. "Stay with him, I'll go get Urahara."

She was gone in a moment and Hisagi sat down beside him, brushing his hair out of his face and trailing a finger across his now tanned cheek. He swallowed thickly and made up his mind. Fine, if a kiss was what did it for Ikkaku, then it might do it for him. He looked around and grabbed the curtain, shutting out the rest of the world as he pulled his seat up to beside Ichigo's head.

"Look," he said with a sigh. "I don't know if you can hear me. I know you're probably mortified at knowing what Shiro told us all. I would be too. But, it doesn't matter, you know. I mean, you're different, but that's a good thing. I…I miss our walks and time by the koi pond, you know, as strange as that sounds. I know you didn't speak, but you were more there for me than anyone has been since Tōsen-taichou defected. They talk about me behind my back, wondering if I was aware of what he was planning, betting that I knew all along. No one really trusts me. But you trusted me to be near you at a time that you had no reason to do so. I would like to think that means something," he said, running a hand over his dark hair.

"And you know, things like sex and love are kinda fluid around here. I mean, who cares when you live if we do. And my guess is, since you're all sorts of mixed up, you might just be around a while too. I just…I think there might be something drawing me to you. I found you fascinating, of course, we all did. You just came in here and blasted through the place. You had such single-minded determination, you know, to rescue your friend. Not many people here or in the world of the living would do such a thing. You're the exception to a lot of rules, and well, I have to know if you are the exception to my rules."

He nodded, a little bolstered by his own self talk and leaned over and pressed his lips against the now pink ones. They were softer than any woman he'd ever kissed, he thought and he opened his eyes to realize that a pair of wide, brown ones were staring at him. Hisagi smiled and pressed a little more and felt him respond to the touch. He stood up and looked down at him and shook his head.

"Dammit Ichigo, are you the exception to every goddamned rule in the book?" he asked, his own heart beating a rhythm in his ears.