Chapter 11

Besides my quickening pants, there was no noise. I instinctively closed my eyes as I let his hand creep up my arm, then travel up my neck, and finally stroke my cheek. The warmth emitted from his exposed skin sent a racy sensation throughout my entire body. It was an uncomfortable, yet not foreign desire. It was something I knew I wanted to respond to, but…

No. I need to be more careful when around him. The realization sent a huge shudder down my spine, forcing my eyes open as if wakening from a nightmare.

Abruptly, his hand dropped. And as suddenly as he took away his touch, a hint of panic surged through his usual unwavering stare.

"You don't want this," he stated bluntly, contradicting the fact that it was meant to be a question.

"I don't."

He nodded in assent and wordlessly went about to pack up the rest of his belongings.

"When I do things you don't like…" he paused a long moment before finishing, "…tell me."

I stared at him, unknowing how I should consider his words. It came a little unexpected even at the rate of how things were mending for the past weeks. This was an unfamiliar Akashi. This was an unfamiliar me.

"And… why?" What's this all of a sudden?

"Because, Yuukari Tooru, I want to trust you again."

I stared at him. He stared back. The emperor's gaze—golden and dangerous.

He turned around to throw on a shirt and I didn't fight the smile aching to appear—it'll be different from here on out, I know it.

—

I was taken aback when I realized that there was still a group of girls waiting outside of the gym. The rest of the basketball players left, so I deduced that they were waiting for Akashi. And indeed, I was correct. Wisely, I trailed behind him while we were walking up the stairs, maintaining a good distance as not to be mistaken as walking together.

The minute he was in view, the crowd flocked to him, completely ignoring my presence. That was a good thing on my part. I would hate to have someone question why I walked out from the direction of the boys' locker room. I tiptoed across the gym and managed to make my way to the exit with no obstacles which was a relief. But right before I took the step out, I glanced over my shoulder and found Akashi sending a piercing glare in my direction. I offered a sweet smile, but didn't wait for him to return one. I wasn't too eager to stay.

As I walked, I couldn't help but think about it. The girl next to him. That new freshman. She was standing too close to Akashi. Usually, he doesn't like it when other people are so close. Why didn't he push her away? At least create some distance?

I whipped my head back, but found no one behind me. What was I hoping for anyways? It's not like Akashi' going to be there. But that girl… she's been the talk of the school. Akashi must know her. Are they in the same class? Why haven't I heard him talking about her? But it's none of my business so I shouldn't…

I bit down on my lower lip. Stupid Akashi. Why are you lingering back at the gym. Are you that obsessed with your popularity? Do you like that new girl?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath then resumed walking. It's okay. I'm tired anyways. Don't want to think about anything. I just want to go home and think—no cross that, not think, about it. It's okay. Why am I even thinking so hard? He probably just wants to make friends with that pretty a** freshman…

And plus, he'd probably be creeped out by how territorial I'm being. I stopped in my tracks. Right. Akashi's not the baby Akashi I knew. He's older now. He can make decisions and be around people he wants to be around. He's no longer just mine. How silly of me to think that he's reserved just for me. How can I be such an idiot to even think him accountable to what he said before? Stupid Akashi.

I could hear my footsteps picking up the pace. I thought running could relieve my mind from the burden of thinking about him. That didn't prove to be the case when I conjured up new thoughts. About how good he'd possibly look next to the new girl. Or even next to…Mika.

Mika?!

I stood dumbfounded in front of the Tooru mansion, staring at the doll-like human standing in front of me.

"About time you came home." Mika had one hand on her thin waist, and the other lifted so she could glance at her bracelet watch.

I nodded my head. "I had to go to my freshman's basketball game." I looked up at her, dressed in a tight miniskirt and a gold-buttoned white blouse. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Did the basketball game end?" she asked, completely ignoring my question.

I nodded again. She then gave a triumphant grin and walked to the black car waiting for her. I waved goodbye, but was surprised when the chauffeur rolled down the window to talk to me.

"Miss Yuukari. Would you also be attending the…" before the good man could finish, Mika smacked the side of the driver seat and prompted the drive. The chauffeur looked apologetically to me as he drove away.

Mika is always so busy. I guess being class president of the sophomore class isn't easy. Plus the myriad of events going on at Rakuzan only increases by the day. I wonder if Akashi's always this busy too… but knowing him, he'd have no problem handling it.

And again…stupid Akashi. Why does everything lead back to him. Can I not have a peaceful day without the thought of him slipping into my mind? Seriously, I will not think about him for the rest of today. I can do at least that. Yes, I can.

—

Yes. I can. I did. Up to the time Mika infiltrated my room without knocking again. She has a habit of just entering my room. It still never ceases to surprise me. And again, she was situated comfortably at the dead center of my bed.

"Your bedsheets are so boring," she started the conversation.

"And so are my clothes apparently," I finished for her.

"Glad you noticed." She eyed me up and down and patted the space next to her. "Sit, Yuukari."

I walked slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. It suddenly didn't feel like mine anymore. I made eye contact with my cousin and then she began talking. She usually hates it when people aren't ready to devote their entire attention to what she has to say.

"There's this new transfer in the freshman class. Her name is Katako Umezaki. About my height. Long-haired. Big eyes. Ring a bell?"

"Katako Umezaki…" So that was her name. It suits her. "I think I know h-"

"Yeah. She's going to be put on the student council. Some student body rep or something. Can't believe our school just promotes anyone who looks a little pretty to be the face of Rakuzan. It's ridiculous. I can't believe she was nominated to be the face of Rakuzan for our next school event. Of course it's not official, but I mean, come on. She looks like a baby. Sure, she looks kind of pretty, and compared to you Yuukari, she may seem like a goddess. But hello people, compared to me, she's nothing. How can anyone just nominate her to be on the next issue of our school magazine? And some stupid rumors were calling her 'Rakuzan's new goddess'. I mean, seriously, she's not even that pretty. Of course all my followers worship me more, but still, to think there were those who'd even consider otherwise. It's pitiful. Why are all the incoming freshmen class of so low quality? It's unsightly. I mean it's not just her face, her personality too. She's so clingy and at the party she wouldn't stop drooling over Akashi. I could just see the hunger in her eyes…

Akashi.

"…Yuukari." Mika snapped her fingers twice in front of me before I looked up.

"Sorry Mika. What about Akashi?"

"So like I was saying… she has a disgusting personality. She thinks she's all that. She even dared to…"

Mika's face got all red. I assumed it wasn't pleasant. Only in the rarest of times, in times of embarrassment when Mika can't talk to the rest of her friends, does she come to me. Strange, but for the first time, I'm taking her side. I, too, already dislike this new freshman.

"Long story short, she humiliated me in front of everyone." Then, I wasn't sure if I liked the grin creeping onto her face. "But of course, there's always karma." My dear cousin let out a cynical laugh. This should be the good part.

"That freshman thought she had all the boys wrapped around her little finger and was trying to show off. She started flirting with Akashi, obviously making so many passes. He only ignored her. If it were me doing it, he'd probably die from a heart attack."

What the…I doubt it.

"And when she confessed. That idiot actually confessed her feelings to Akashi in front of everyone. *sigh* I still can't forget that confident look she had, sure that she'd get what she want."

"Then what happened?!" I shouted at Mika's face. In return, she gave me a look of disgust. I shamefully sat back down and urged her to continue.

"And right in front of her face, Akashi said …" She opened her mouth but then closed it, as if teasing me. "…I hate that guy, but that moment was perhaps the only moment that I didn't hate him." Mika smiled to herself, while my heart was thumping crazily inside my chest. I grabbed onto her arm to guide her back on track. She most likely sensed my impatience and smirked.

"Mika… what did he say?" I hated being so blunt. Mika could probably read my emotions like a book.

"He said, 'I hate it when people don't know their place.'" Mika laughed evilly then. She grabbed her stomach and started rolling while supplying me with the rest of the story.

"You should have seen her face. She started crying and she was going to run away, then she tripped on my foot. I totally didn't put it there on purpose. The table cloth got dragged down and the food spilled on her and some other guy. The waiter also dropped his tray and spilled that on her too. It was hilarious. And then, all eyes were on Akashi. And guess what he did. He just crossed his arms and sat back down. I hate him, but he was pretty cool at that moment. Everyone thought that he was going to give Katako a hand, but he just sat and stared with his repulsive two-colored eye-"

"It's not."

Mika reclined in slight shock but then regained her composure, expecting a thorough explanation of my sudden fit.

"His eyes are beautiful. Take it back. What you said. Take it back." It sounded like I was yelling, though I didn't even intend for that. But somehow, it hurt me when she made that comment.

"Excuse me?" Mika stood up from the bed and looked me straight in the eye. "Yuukari. You do not have any right to raise your voice against m-

"You do not make fun of Akashi."

Taken aback from my out-of-character presence, Mika snorted.

"Just because Akashi is your mentee doesn't mean anything. And just because he rejected that Katako doesn't mean anything either." Mika flashed a smug expression. "Maybe you've been getting a little delusional from spending so much time with him lately, but don't get your hopes up." She eyed me up and down. "You're not particularly appealing."

"I know." I've always known. But it's okay…he'll let me stay by him.

Seeing I was unfazed by her comment, Mika only grew angrier. She threw a few more words, which I responded impassively. this annoyed her, but I wasn't in the mood to fight back nor hide. I held up pretty well, accepting her bitter words, accepting her scowls and all of her finger pointing. She didn't take my listlessness well, because I apparently got her angry enough to reveal her trump card.

"Well, I guess there is one good thing from losing your parents." Mika must've noticed my slight flinch. As if on cue, she continued. "We all get to see the true Yuukari acting all innocent and quiet. Even though my family basically feeds and clothes you, that's not enough. You're sticking with Akashi as a back up. You're a gold digger. I applaud you for your superior acting skills." Mika feigned a princess bow.

I felt hot tears blocking my vision. "I…I…stop Mika," I cried. "There was never anything good that came from losing my parents!" I managed to say. "Nothing…nothing good happened! My life fell apart! I lost my family! And I lost Aka-" I covered my face. I lost everything.

"Akashi?" A new interest was apparent in her voice. "So you are a gold digger." She smirked. "That redhead's a pretty good choice I guess. But Yuukari. Use your head, the only thing you're supposedly good for. What's the chance of him even liking you? You're older than him. You're not even pretty. And even if you manage to seduce him to sleep with you, would there be any chance of anything more?"

"I'm not a gold digger." Somehow that word rang in my head so loud that it blocked out the rest. "I'm not!" I said as I tried to suppress my pitiful sobs. "I'm not!"

I remembered myself screaming those words at Mika. The amuse in her expression was brief. She left when she confirmed she won the fight. I was at a lost of words—she won.

I slowly crawled to my nightstand and reached for my cellphone. My mind was a bit fuzzy and I couldn't really see all too clearly with the tears blocking my vision. But that didn't stop me from dialing Akashi's number. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk to him and hear his voice.

The phone rang once, then a few more times, then a few times more. With each ring, I became more nervous that he'd pick up. And then, I let it go.

—

That night, as I laid on my bed staring at the blank ceiling, my phone rang. I didn't know how many times, since I didn't bother to look. I didn't plan to pick it up either. I just let it ring.

I came to the conclusion that, no doubt, I was insecure.