It was a bright, beautiful day in Vale. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and citizens had gone to local parks throughout the entire city to have picnics. There must've been no other place as pretty as this city. On a day like this, it would've been remiss for a group of antsy, active teens to not be out and about enjoying the sunshine and good weather. To that end, Teams RWBY, JNPR and JOJO had done just that and insisted that they would have spent the day just relaxing, having a good time and enjoying themselves. It all seemed to be going well, all except for Ruby Rose, who seemed downtrodden and depressed the entire time.

"Yo sis, what's with the bad mood?" Yang asked casually as the group had busted out a picnic blanket and various bits of food with napkins and plastic utensils strewn about. Ruby just sighed melancholically as she shook her head.

"Oh, you know, I just miss Penny. I haven't seen her in weeks and I just know she's got to be feeling pretty lonely. I mean, we're her only friends-" At the slight grimace the rest of Team RWBY gave, the silver eyed young woman just shook her head, "-I'm her only friend, so I have to imagine she's just so lonely right now."

"Come on, she can't be that bad, right?" Josuke asked, curiously, as he chewed a sandwich. "I mean, she made friends with you, right? She can't be that awkward if she managed that. This Penny person's probably managed to get at least one other friend, right?" Josuke asked with a tilt of his head as all four members of Team RWBY, even Ruby herself at that point, just grimaced and shook their heads.

"Yeah no, trust us, you'd know it if you met her. She's…" Weiss tried to think of the nicest way to put it.

"Very, very, very weird." Blake finished as she took a bite out of some tuna she'd brought along. "Like, weirder than any of you guys." Josuke, Okuyasu and Koichi all looked at each other, questioning whether they should be offended at that remark, before they turned back to the rest of the group.

"Well who knows, maybe we'll be able to find her and check in on her." Jaune helpfully suggested as Ruby just shook her head.

"I really doubt it… trust me. It's not like we're just going to stumble across her or anything."

At that moment, Penny ran across the group having been running backwards, arms positioned to catch something out of mid air, before she tripped over Ruby, the pair having collapsed onto the ground. Ruby choked and gasped as the extremely heavy robot girl ended up on top of her, a little white frisbee having fallen behind the rest of the group as everyone else immediately stood up to help the two.

"Penny! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Where have you been, we haven't seen you in such a long time!" Ruby declared excitedly as she wrapped her arms around her robot friend, who just smiled and hugged her back, having nearly broken her spine.

"Sal-u-tations Ruby. I'm sorry that it's been so long since we last spoke; the Dance Arc has just been so far off since the beginning and my character's been kept locked out of the plot because of Ironwood." Everyone coughed a bit into their fists as they all glanced weakly towards the fourth wall, all the while Penny just beamed.

"Well I'm glad to see you here Penny! What are you doing?"

"Oh, I've just been playing toss the frisbee with my new friend." Penny declared quite excitedly as Ruby's face seemingly froze.

"Say what now?" Weiss asked, honestly shocked by the notion that Penny would've made a new friend on her own.

"Yes, I have been playing all sorts of games and doing fun activities with a new friend that I made while with Atlas. We were bunker buddies." Penny exclaimed, to which Pyrrha just tilted her head curiously.

"Don't you mean bunk buddies?" Before Penny could correct Pyrrha Ruby jumped forward and slapped a hand over the red headed robot's mouth.

"Yeah! That's what she meant!" With that, Ruby pulled back and looked behind Penny, only to see no one there. "Where is your new friend, Penny?" With that, Penny put a finger to her lips as she scrunched her face up in thought.

"I'm not sure. He just told me to go long and catch the frisbee, and that he would catch it when I threw it back. I didn't see where he… oh there he is!" Penny pointed back towards the picnic blanket where the frisbee had landed, drawing everyone's attention there. Everyone flinched a bit as they saw a young looking man with long, platinum blond hair, wearing a uniform none too dissimilar to Team JOJO's as he hunched over their blanket and, judging by the sounds he was making, eating some of their food.

"Hey, that's really rude you know, you can't just sneak around people… and… eat their… food…" Ren's voice slowly died down as the young man stood and turned to face them. His eyes were a very bright green color and popped along with his hair and his very light skin tone. His ears, oddly enough, were pointed at the end and extended off several inches at that. His appearance was odd too; for one, he had a nose-ring that included as part of it a chain that looped down and back up to one of the earrings he wore. Along the front of his uniform were various star and alien-themed pins.

That hadn't been what caught people off guard. No, what had caught people off guard was the fact that what the young man had been eating was a pile of the napkins they'd brought along for the picnic.

"Uuuuuhhhh…" Everyone looked over to Penny, who just chuckled at the display as she ran over to the young man.

"Friends, this is Mikitaka, a friend I have made very recently as part of my stay with Atlas and Mr. Ironwood." With that, the young man merely waved casually.

"Hello, I am Nu Mikitakazo Nshi and I'm an alien… but my friends call me Mikitaka." With that, Mikitaka lowered his hand, as if he had said the most normal thing in the world, as he looked out at the rest of the gathered teens who just look worriedly at him.

"UUUUUUUUHHHHH…." The group sweat profusely as Penny just chuckled.

"Isn't he just great?"

"Penny Gets Friendzoned By An Alien"

"Hmph!"

Back in their dorm room, Team RWBY sat around relaxing after their… odd picnic encounter. The entire team seemed ready to put the event behind them.

"HMPH!"

All except for Ruby Rose who, with increasing volume, made clear her displeasure as she flopped about the room. At first, the others had tried to ignore her, figuring she'd either tire herself out or find something else to do besides mope if they just didn't pay it any mind.

"HRRRRUMPH!"

Finally, when Ruby had bodily thrown herself on top of Weiss, the white haired girl just sighed as she set her textbook aside.

"Ruby, you sound like something's bothering you. What's wrong?" Her tone was flat and clearly annoyed though Ruby seemed to ignore it as she hopped off of Weiss.

"Oh, it's nothing Weiss…" Ruby attempted to play casual though immediately dropped that guise as Weiss threatened to pick her book back up. "I mean, it's just, you know, Penny and her new friend..."

"Didn't think you'd get jealous over one of your friends making more friends Rubes. I mean, Hell, JoJo's practically friends with everyone we know now and you haven't gotten all possessive with him." Yang commented as she leaned over the side of her bunk as Ruby just shook her head.

"No, it isn't that! I'm glad Penny's making new friends that she can hang out with whenever she can't see us." Ruby bemoaned as she slumped down a bit. "I'm just worried that she's not gonna want to be my friend anymore because I'm just plain compared to Mikitaka."

"... Ruby… trust me, you shouldn't be comparing yourself unfavorably to Mikitaka." Blake commented awkwardly as she closed her own copy of Ninjas of Love. "I mean, the guy wasn't just weird, he was… really creepy." The other three members of team RWBY shuddered as they recalled their encounter with the strange boy. Penny had been awkward, but Mikitaka… had been very, very, uncomfortably weird.

"I watched him try to offer some young kids ice cream he just pulled out of his bag." Weiss shook her head at the thought, as Yang just shuddered a bit.

"You mean the same bag that he pulled the house rat out of?" Yang wasn't exactly the type to be afraid of mice or rats, but the thought of carrying one of those diseased little pets around in your bag next to food did disgust her.

"... The very same." Weiss commented as she shook her head.

"Plus there was all that stuff he was spouting about being an alien…" Blake said with a sigh.

"I know, he's just too cool!" Ruby whined as the rest of her team practically broke their necks to look over at her.

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah! He has a little pet mouse that he takes care of, he has treats and sweets just in his bag to give out and he's an alien! How am I supposed to compete as a cool friend with an alien?! I'm sure Penny would rather hang out with an alien than with some normal, boring human girl." Ruby slumped down onto a nearby desk as she whined, the rest of Team RWBY having quickly gotten up off their seats or beds.

"Ruby, Mikitaka isn't actually an alien, he's just a creep." Blake said with a frown as Ruby just seemed shocked.

"What?!"

"Yeah Rubes, the guy probably just says he's an alien to make up for the fact that he's a total weirdo." Yang folded her arms as she spoke, as Ruby just shook her head.

"Come on, I mean, how likely is it that he's actually just a normal guy who just happens to be super weird and self-conscious about it so he makes up a story about being an alien rather than actually being an alien from outer space that- okay I see your point now."

"You see Ruby, you really need to get proof of these sorts of things before you go believing whatever anyone tells you. It's not safe to be that gullible." Weiss chided the silver eyed young woman as Ruby just nodded.

"You mean like when Penny showed me the metal under her hands to prove she was a robot?"

"Wait what?"

"NOTHING, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

At that, Penny opened the door to their dorm and walked right on in, a slightly concerned look on her face. "Am I interrupting an argument? If need be, I'll come by later."

"No Penny, you weren't interrupting anything!" Ruby immediately leapt over to her robot friend, desperate for a change in conversation, as she smiled at the red headed android. "What are you doing here Penny, I figured you'd be… you know… back?" Ruby tried to keep Atlas 'collecting' her quiet, to which Penny just shrugged.

"I have no idea. I would have figured that they'd be searching for me too, but perhaps they're busy with something else at the moment?"

"Sir! We can't find the android either! She must've gotten out during the big break!" Ironwood just sighed as he shook his head, running his prosthetic hand through his increasingly grey hair.

"We can worry about finding Penny later. Right now, we got to find the man-made Stands and bring them back in! If Jotaro finds out about them, he's going to kick our asses in Stopped Time!"

"Not that I'm too broken up about it, it gives me more time to spend with my friends." Penny said with a bright smile, one that Ruby readily returned… before she frowned slightly.

"Speaking of… Penny, are you sure Mikitaka's an alien?" Ruby asked, clearly concerned, as Penny just nodded firmly.

"Abs-o-lutely! He's shown me proof and everything!" At that, the rest of Team RWBY perked up in interest as Ruby's silver eyes went wide.

"What, really?" They all asked in unison as Penny just nodded.

"Indeed! He showed me this very strange watch that he used to call his spaceship back to Remnant! He says it'll be arriving tonight!" At that, Weiss, Blake and Yang's interest immediately dropped, it having been clear to them that this was some trick or ploy to stall for time on behalf of Mikitaka. Ruby, on the other hand…

"No way! He really is an alien! I can't believe it!" At this point, the three older members of Team RWBY had just about had it for the day and started to wander back to their comfort spots across the room. Penny, ignoring this, just nodded vigorously.

"Indeed. Mikitaka seemed very excited about it too. He said that come tonight, he'd even let me ride on his rocket."

…

Weiss, Blake and Yang paused as Penny said this, their faces scrunched up for a moment as they let the phrasing go through their head. Nah, it couldn't be. Their minds were all in the gutter for various reasons. There was no way that-

"What, no way!" Ruby exclaimed, jealously clear on her face, as Penny just nodded.

"Indeed. The only thing he wanted to make sure of before he let me ride it was whether or not I'd ever been probed before. It seemed like an odd question to ask, but I told him no and he seemed rather pleased."

"Oh man, I wanna ride on his rocket!"

"RUBY!" At that, Ruby and Penny turned to see the other three members of the silver eyed girl's team, red faced with embarrassment, as Yang quickly reached around Blake's bunk and pulled out a ball of yarn. "Go get the yarn ball!" With a powerful toss, Yang hurled the yarn ball out of the dorm room, as Ruby just scoffed.

"Please Yang, I've grown up now. I'm not going to chase after that ball of yarn like before. I'm a different, more mature Ruby Rose now…" Ruby crossed her arms and made an attempt for what she had hoped looked like a mature, wise face. However, as the seconds passed Ruby's body jittered with excitement, energy having palpably built up in her until, finally- "YARN BALL!" With a burst of her semblance, Ruby ran out of the room and Weiss immediately closed the door behind her.

"Uh, was that needed?" Penny asked, genuinely confused, as Yang just nodded.

"Absolutely! No way I'm going to let Ruby's innocent ears be part of this conversation!" Yang resisted the urge to tear her hair out as she and the other members of the team walked over to Penny. "Penny, what the Hell are you thinking?"

"What do you mean Yang?" Penny asked, green eyes blinking away in confusion as the other three members of the team just groaned.

"What do you mean what does she mean? You can't go just saying that kind of stuff in front of polite company!" Weiss shouted as Penny just tilted her head to the side.

"What? I was just stating how Mikitaka offered to give me a ride on his rocket. I don't see how that could be considered impolite." Blake had been the first one to cool down after that, her eyes narrowing in slight suspicion.

"You're… serious? You don't get what he was actually angling for?" At Penny's confused expression, all three of them just gaped, mouths wide open, as they tilted their heads to the side.

"... Wow, I never thought I'd see the day where I'd meet someone as naive as Ruby." An excited call of 'YARN BALL' could be heard through the door and waaaay down the hall as Yang spoke, the blonde having rubbed the bridge of her nose as she sighed. "Alright, look, Penny… Mikitaka isn't trying to give you a ride on an actual rocket ship. He's not actually an alien."

"Then what else could he have possibly meant?" At this, Yang and Weiss blushed as they stammered for a proper response.

"He wants to have sex with you." Blake, however, just flat out stated it as she surreptitiously slipped her book back underneath her bed.

"What?" Penny asked, almost sounding amused, as she tilted her head to the side. "What about taking a ride on his rocket could've possibly given you that… oooooh. I see now. The rocket is a metaphor for his penis." Green eyes quirked curiously as she looked at the other three. "Why wouldn't he have just stated it plainly if that was the case though?"

"Penny, guys speak in metaphor when it comes to this stuff all the time. They're never upfront about it." Blake stated with slight annoyance as the door creaked open behind them.

"Yo Blake, you want a banana?" The black haired faunus sighed in annoyance as she and the others turned to the voice of Sun Wukong, ready to slap him upside the head. That is, until they noticed that Sun, indeed, had a bundle of bananas in his arms.

"Oh… well, thank you Sun, sure." With that, Blake plucked one of the fruit off from the bunch while Weiss just quirked an eyebrow.

"Sun, aren't you worried about confirming stereotypes by carrying that around?" Sun looked appalled as Weiss spoke, shaking his head as he clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Tut tut, Weiss. I don't like bananas just because I'm a monkey faunus. They're an excellent source of protein that are easy to eat and delicious." With that, Sun procured one of the bananas from the bunch with his tail. "The fact that I'm a monkey faunus is only coincidental." With that, he sauntered on off. Yang had been about ready to make one of her jokes when her foot scrunched against something that sounded like paper. Bending down to pick up the slip of paper, Yang read over it quickly.

"'I want to molest Koichi'... this isn't even a pun! Who the Hell wrote this?" Unbeknownst to the other occupants of the room, a silent figure slowly snuck around, a few mute 'Ku ku ku's accompanying the gesture.

"Point is, he's probably just a little… completely socially inept." Weiss finished her sentence with a shake of her head. "He probably doesn't have the confidence to say it in the first place." Penny nodded.

"It'd be impossible anyway." The android commented as the three girls nodded in ready agreement.

"Yeah, you two only met, what, today? This isn't exactly appropriate conversation this early in a friendship, much less a relationship." Blake commented as Penny just blinked.

"Oh, is that so? I'm not familiar with meat person relationships myself. I was more commenting that the act of mating with another person is physically impossible for me. I don't have the parts for it." With that, the three members of Team RWBY just stared disbelievingly at Penny.

"Okay, maybe you're a better match for Mikitaka than we thought if you're going to try passing yourself off as some kind of-" At that moment, Penny quickly readjusted some of her clothes, which promptly caused Weiss, Blake and Yang to freak out, -"HOLY FUCK YOU'RE BUILT LIKE A DOLL!" Penny put her clothes back in order as she nodded.

"Indeed. Even if I may have been inclined to respond positively to Mikitaka, I wouldn't have the necessary components. Furthermore, this is rather… embarrassing. I think I may have given Mikitaka the wrong idea about all this in my ignorance."

"What do you mean?" Yang asked, tilting her head to the side, as Penny grimaced.

"After we discussed the probing and rocket, I asked Mikitaka if his rocket would be big enough for all of this, to which he responded that it was more than big enough for it all. I was quite ecstatic at the time..."

"Yeah that's what all guys say…" Blake muttered slightly as Weiss and Yang blushed with embarrassment.

"I need to tell Mikitaka the truth. That this was a misunderstanding. I do not want to lose a friend over something like this."

"Even if he's a complete weirdo?" Weiss asked, tilting her head, as Penny just shrugged.

"Oh come now Weiss, Mikitaka isn't that weird."

"... Of course you wouldn't think he is." Weiss muttered as she palmed her face in her hands. "Anyway. I suppose we can't just leave you alone with this just in case he does anything… untoward in response." With that, Penny smiled widely.

"I knew that you also considered me a friend!"

"Don't push it…"

"Ah Penny, there you are. I am glad that you came." The slightly stilted way Mikitaka spoke echoed out as he arrived at the pre-planned meeting spot with Penny, the platinum blond approaching slowly as Penny stood nearby, slightly anxious as Weiss, Blake and Yang watched from a nearby bush.

"Sal-u-tations Mikitaka." The greeting had a little bit less oomph to it this time, immediately noticeable to everyone as Penny just sighed softly. "Mikitaka, can we talk? There is something I need to tell you as a friend and… no, not a fellow meat person. Just a friend." The professed alien stared for a moment as he tilted his head to the side in clear confusion. "You see Mikitaka… I know you're interested in those activities we spoke about before but… I cannot go through with them. I am not a meat person. I'm a machine."

Mikitaka just stared for a moment, his mind clearly a whir before he tilted his head. "I thought it was odd that in our entire time spent together you didn't eat, drink or relieve yourself. I suppose that answers that curiosity." Penny nodded as the three members of Team RWBY barely contained their sputtering from the bush.

"Indeed. I know that you had been excited about tonight's activities, and I do sincerely apologize for perhaps having given you the wrong impression. I am not fully versed in meat person speech and metaphors myself. I'm sorry, but I am physically unable to partake in these activities. I hope that we can still continue to be friends."

There was a long moment of silence as Mikitaka seemed to stand perfectly still and think this over. After a moment, the professed alien just nodded. "Of course. I am sorry to hear that, but I would also still like to be friends with you, Penny." Penny smiled nice and bright as Mikitaka spoke in his stilted manner.

"Wonderful! I am very glad to hear you say that Mikitaka." Penny nodded vigorously, before she looked off to the side with her green eyes. "You know… I am not physically able to partake in meat person relations Mikitaka. And I am told that it is early in our friendship to discuss this. But perhaps if we continue to find enjoyment in each other's company, we could partake in a purely mental relationship. Would that sound appealing to you, Mikitaka?" Penny asked, head quirked slightly as Mikitaka blinked a few times.

"No." The response was flat and quick, which caused Penny to droop slightly.

"I see… it is because I am a robot, yes?"

"Indeed. I'm afraid my people are quite advanced in robotics, so experimenting with you in such a way would not provide any new data or information to us. I require a human subject." Penny frowned slightly as Mikitaka spoke, before she nodded in understanding.

"Oh, these are more of those meat person metaphors Weiss and the others were speaking of, correct?" Penny asked as she tilted her head to the side, a gesture that Mikitaka mirrored almost perfectly.

"Metaphors?"

At that moment, four sets of jaws nearly fell onto the floor as an alien craft flew on by, hovering over Mikitaka as a beam of light shined down onto him.

"I'll see you later Penny" With that, Mikitaka disappeared in the blink of an eye as his ship flew off. Weiss, Blake and Yang stumbled out of the bush that they had been hiding in as they all gawked up to the sky right along with Penny.

"... Well holy shit, he was an alien." Yang muttered as the rest of the group nodded.

"Penny, I think you need to be more selective with who you make friends with from now on. You found yourself a… really weird one there." Blake offered as Penny just nodded.

"Indeed, I shall attempt to do so in the future. I shall attempt to find friends more like the normal girl that I came across before I arrived at your dorm room earlier." Penny smiled as Weiss turned her head towards the android slowly, a very cautious look on her face.

"Oh? Your new friend's name?" She asked, slowly and cautiously, as Penny just grinned.

"Oh don't worry Weiss, I know for sure she's a meat thing and a perfectly normal one at that. Her name is Foo Fighters."

So remember kids; we're all still secretly thirteen years old no matter how grown up we think we are. I know I still am, or at least, that's the only excuse I have for writing this particular short.

Fin

And there we go, another short down and another nice little break for good old gorilla_fingers. Yeah, I basically wrote this one because the idea of Ruby Rose screaming 'I wanna ride on his rocket' in that squeaky voice of hers just tickled me to no end. Underneath all the sophistication and the Author's Notes about writing techniques and ideals, I really am a fucking thirteen year old laughing at dick metaphors. It's funny and sad at the same time.