Chapter 10: Inner Torment

Xion yawned, got up out of bed, and stretched, scratching her head. "Mmm... what a day yesterday was..."

She smiled softly to herself. "Time for another fun day!"

Fun... right... for you maybe...

"Morning miss Voice," said Xion.

...

Hrm... not even a 'what's so good about it'.

Don't have... the energy to argue... with you...

Xion's eyes furrowed, the Voice sounded even more tired than yesterday, exhausted even. Xion hummed quietly to herself and left her room, going to the Gray Area and walking up to Saix.

"Morning, there any mission's today?" asked Xion.

Saix nodded. "You are to reap Heartless today. Go to whatever world you so choose and proceed for at least three hours. Preferably more."

"Okie dokie," said Xion, turning and walking off.

Any world of her choosing huh? Hmm... there was a world, in the odd memory flashes she saw, that she was curious about. She imagined it in her mind and opened a Dark Corridor, walking through and coming out in a night-lit town full of wooden and brick buildings and street lights.

Traverse Town... but not my... Traverse Town...

She started walking around the area she was in, up a flight of steps, and around a shop. She glanced through windows and peaked through doors. The place was completely empty... kind of spooky.

WARP

Xion paused and turned, sighting Heartless appear and start towards her, she summoned Oathkeeper. "Okay, might as well get the mission done while I explore."

The Heartless here were weak, mostly little shadows. It allowed her to focus on an odd conundrum. This place... it was familiar, and similar to the memory flashes, but not quite right. The streets didn't look quite the same and she couldn't find the bar Xifta worked at when she was a whole person. As much as she didn't like the pain the memory flashes brought on, she had been hoping something might happen. But nothing did, she actually hadn't seen any for awhile, it was like they were locked up tight.

They... are... you're not stealing... anymore...

Xion glanced around, checking for any Heartless, before deciding that enough was enough and that she might as well get started.

Started with... what?

"You," said Xion aloud.

...

"You've been with me ever since I woke up," began Xion, "I wanna know, who are you?"

None of... your damn... business...

Xion narrowed her eyes. "I think it is. You know things. About me, about the Superior, about Nobodies, about the people I meet, and places I go to, and about Kairi too if I had to guess."

...

"Who are you?" demanded Xion, "And why are you always so angry towards me! I've done nothing wrong to you!"

Like hell... you haven't...

"Well? What have I done then?" asked Xion.

You... exist...

Xion flinched at those words, tightening her fists, sniffling. "Why... why are you so mean!"

I have every... right to be!

Xion had about as much as she could take for the moment and stormed down the street, hunting for Heartless to vent on and destroying them. When she calmed down, she leaned against a building, working over in her mind what to do.

"Okay, miss Voice, can you PLEASE answer a question for me?" she asked.

No.

"Please?" she asked.

No.

"I can do this all day," said Xion.

So... can I...

Xion opened and closed her mouth a few times, stumped. The Voice was just as stubborn as she was...

I'm... nothing like... you!

Xion flinched at the pure venom coating the words. "I just... I don't understand... I don't want you to be mad at me..."

Yeah? Well I... don't want... to be leeched on... so tough shit...

Xion's eyebrows furrowed. "Leeched on...? What's that supposed to mean?"

No answer came.

She sighed and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "Please... just talk to me. What's wrong? Why are you always so angry? So tired?"

No answer came... no wait... she focused intently, hearing a faint whisper. There was shame in the whisper, but also raw desperation.

Sora... where are you? Please... I... I need your help... I can't... can't take... much more of this... I feel... more and more drained... each passing day... please... help me...

Sora?

She tilted her head in thought, the faint image of a brown haired boy coming into her head.

N...no! S-stop!

Xion focused on the image and pulled at it, for a second, it felt as if something was trying to pull it back before she yanked it to her. She had barely a second to register it, register a boy with spiky brown hair, blue eyes, and a kind face, before a horrific scream ripped through her head from the Voice.

No.. no no... please... please don't...

She froze, feeling paralyzed and confused. What in the world was going on with the Voice? Where had that pained scream come from?

"Miss Voice... what's going on?" she pleaded, "Let me help..."

You... you damn... bitch... parasite... you... you... ripped it from me... and say... you want to help?

Xion was so... so sick of this crap. She had been trying to be nice, trying to figure out what was wrong, was more than willing to help, and all she got was this.

She exploded, "What the heck is your problem!?"

Her answer wasn't what she thought it would be.

To Xion's surprise, the voice started sobbing uncontrollably, with pain, fear, and despair.

I'M TIRED! I... I'm so exhausted... I want to sleep... but I can't properly... do so... I lose bits and pieces... of myself when I do... because I'm in use... it doesn't even... matter anymore... so tired... I can't even stop you... from taking them anymore... I don't want to be alone... I don't want to die... I don't... don't... want to fade away... please... please... don't kill me...

Xion was stunned, and then terrified by the outburst, the Voice breaking down like this wasn't right. The Voice was supposed to be strong, uptight, and a little crude. This? This made her feel all sorts of anxious. Something wrong was going on...

She shoved away all her misgivings. "I don't understand, I would never kill someone innocent, why would you say that? What and how am I taking from you? How can I help you? How can I let you sleep? Please, just tell me, just trust me."

Please... just... don't do... anything... just... rest... let me... s...sl...eep... don't... don't... kill... me... pl... plea...se...

Xion felt her chest constrict heavily, far more than normal when the Voice passed out, and then deeply relax. The Voice had passed out again. Only... this time, Xion was deathly afraid the Voice wouldn't wake up if she didn't do what she asked. Screw the mission. She took a corridor directly to her room, sat on her bed, and hugged her knees to herself, wishing she could do something more to comfort the Voice.

She laid down and curled up into a bull under the covers, focusing all of her efforts on trying to keep her mind clear and try to sleep. In that silence, she noticed, she felt something... strange. There was a warmth spreading out from her chest, and into the rest of her body. She... started to feel a little more focused, a little stronger, she could feel memories trying to dance before her eyes...

Yet...

She focused on none of that. She focused on the chilling feeling in her chest. Her body was feeling... good... but her chest, where a heart should be, felt ice cold. It felt wrong. She shoved away the warm sensation, trying to will it back to her chest, and struggled against the conflicting feelings for hours.

Knock knock knock

"Yo, Xion you in there? Up for ice cream?" came in Axel's voice.

Xion clasped her hands over her ears, trying to block out his voice.

"Xion?" came Axel again.

"Go away!" she cried out hoarsely.

There was silence for a second before the door opened and footsteps approached the bed. "Xion? What's wrong?"

She curled up even tighter against herself.

Axel put a hand on her shoulder. "Something go wrong with a mission?"

"Please... leave me alone," she begged, "She needs me..."

"She?" questioned Axel.

She didn't reply.

Axel sighed, and pushed up a pillow against her. "Alright then, I'll check back in later, but you don't know what your missing. It's two for the price of one on ice-cream today!"

Silence.

She swore she could feel unease emanate from Axel at the lack of her reaction to ice cream. She didn't like the idea of upsetting him but he didn't understand. He had to GO!

Thankfully, he didn't push the issue and left a minute later. Xion took a ragged breath, trying to calm her fear and anxiety, and do what the Voice asked...

Axel sat on top of the clock tower, his eyebrows furrowed in thought, nibbling on ice cream.

"So, where's the dopey kid?" came a voice, "Thought this was an everyday thing."

He turned his head to see Larxene coming to sit beside him, he offered her an ice cream and she took it. "In her room curled under her blankets, shes upset about something. I think something went wrong on her mission. Thought she might have failed and Saix yelled at her, but when I asked, he hadn't even seen her since before she left."

"Well, can't blame it on a period and a mood swing," said Larxene, "Nobodies cant get those."

Axel coughed. "I'm trying to eat here."

"Tough it up," said Larxene.

Axel rolled his eyes.

Larxene slowly shook her head. "Of all the emotions she chose to fake, the ones she picks are bizarre."

Axel went silent at that.

Larxene's eyes flickered to him. "Especially since she seems to be so... sincere... in what she fakes."

Axel winced slightly. "So... you've seen it too, huh?"

She scoffed. "How could I not? Go on one mission with her, spend any amount of time with the kid, and it's obvious. She... acts almost like a normal person, aside from the overly nice part, because NO ONE is that nice in real life. Yet she doesn't feel like a Somebody. Hell, she hardly feels like a Nobody either on that topic."

Axel nodded slowly. "There is something strange Xion, I'll give her that."

Larxene gave him a pointed look. "It's way more than just 'something strange'. I didn't act on it yesterday because everyone else was there, but when I was teasing you about strip poker, she BLUSHED. Not a little empty or a faked forced one, she full on turned beat red, and blushed. Nobodies CAN'T blush like that. How the hell do you explain it?"

Axel went silent before offering a quiet, "I can't."

He turned over Larxene's question in his head for a moment before he dismissed it for a different topic, one he'd been meaning to take up with her after seeing Xion with the woman. "Larxene..."

"What?" she asked.

"For Xion's sake, since she likes you for some reason...," he began.

She slugged his shoulder, hard. "The hell is that supposed to mean?!"

He turned to stare at her, a dangerous glint in his eye. "For Xion's sake, you should be careful with whose crazy schemes you choose to follow. You and Marluxia aren't as subtle and sneaky as you think you are."

Larxene froze.

"If you get yourself killed, that's your business, but I'd rather not see Xion hurt because you bit it," he said, "So you had best do some thinking and decide if you want to risk what little existence you have now."

Larxene went silent, saying and betraying nothing, no hint of what she thought.

A none-committal hum sounding to their left. "Perhaps we've come at a poor time."

Axel turned his head, sighting Aqua's Nobody and Olette standing at the other end of the clock-tower. "By all means, have a seat, we just finished our 'heart to heart'."

Aqua didn't seem impressed. "I believe one requires a heart to have one of those."

Axel smirked at that, but didn't say anything. As he had last time, he hid his unease that she was here. He didn't like Xion trying to befriend this woman. She was dangerous, beyond dangerous. She was someone that no Nobody alive dared to cross, not even the Superior wanted anything to do with her. Messing with her was asking to get killed. Though on the other end of the spectrum, getting on her good side wasn't a bad idea. That Olette girl was practically untouchable unless someone wanted Aqua's Nobody to kill them. He wouldn't mind Xion having a safety net to fall back on if something happened.

"So... where's Xion?" asked Olette, "I nagged Aqua into taking me here so I could ask Xion if she wanted to have a sleepover."

Larxene snorted. "Sleepover? Really?"

Olette pouted. "Yeah, why not? They're fun!"

Axel tilted his head back, thinking to the last sleepover he had waaaaaay back when he was a somebody, and a kid. Him and Isa, just relaxing, chilling out, and goofing off. Good and better times...

"I believe Olette asked a question," said Aqua when Axel didn't respond.

"Huh? Oh, uh, Xion's... in her room," he said, "Think she had a rough mission or something and went to sleep it off."

"Oh," said Olette, disappointed, "Well, hopefully she feels better later, or tomorrow."

"I hope so too kid, I hope so too," murmured Axel, staring off into the sunset...

Unfortunately, the next day, that wasn't the case. Axel waited in the Gray Area for Xion to arrive, but she never did.

Saix waited near him, a bit impatient. "Where is Number Thirteen? I have a mission she would be suited for. Go fetch her."

Axel nodded and walked to her room, knocking on the door. "Xion?"

Nothing.

He frowned and opened the door. He was 'somewhat' pleased to see Xion was there, and wasn't curled up in the fetal position anymore. Yet... why was she still laying around? He took a few steps closer and noted something... odd... several things actually.

First, her hair... it seemed... off. Those who didn't spend time with her probably wouldn't notice it. It took him a moment of careful inspection to note a slight red tint near the roots of her hair. It wasn't blood, she wasn't injured... yet... it almost seemed like her hair was starting to change colors? The heck? Her face seemed... slightly hardened, a little more rough around the edges. These were changes that shouldn't just happen overnight. It almost seemed like... bizarre as the thought was, like she was starting to change to look like someone else.

He refocused. Her half opened eyes had an almost glazed look to them, she was still, and was barely breathing. He might have been concerned, except, the even pace of her breathing made him wonder if this was some kind of... trance or meditation or something. He knelt down next to her bed and waved a hand in front of her eyes. No reaction.

"Xion?" he asked.

Nothing.

He put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a shake. "Xion?"

She flinched slightly. "Ngh..."

"Wake up sleepyhead, it's almost noon," he scolded lightly.

"A...xel?" she murmured, blinking a few times.

"Yo, you missed ice cream yesterday, we ate it all without you," he teased, "If your late, you miss ice cream, got it memorized?"

She stared at him, in a daze for a moment, before she fully came to and froze. "No... I... I... you need to leave!"

He blinked a few times. "Xion? What's up with you?"

He grew still as she rolled away and curled up, pulling the covers up over her head. "No... go away... she needs to sleep..."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Who needs to sleep? Xion, what's going on with you...?"

"GO AWAY!" she screamed at him, making him jump a little.

He stared down at her, at a loss. What in the world...

"Please... please go away," she begged, sounding like she was about to start crying.

"Alright Xion...," he whispered, backing out of the room and closing the door.

He leaned against the door, deep in thought. Something was going on with her, something wrong. He hesitated and put a hand to his chest, feeling a tightness he hadn't felt in years. It... almost 'felt' like concern, fear, for the girl. Ever since he had started getting to know her and hanging around her, he had started 'feeling' off. It was easier to try and replicate emotions. He didn't understand what was happening, and he was fairly certain he wasn't the only one that 'felt' this way. The day she had dragged him and Larxene along to meet all her friends in Nothing's Watch...

Anyone she connected with, and connected with her back, seemed more... alive. More whole. More complete. Someone would have to be blind, or drinking kool-aid and intentionally looking the other way, to not notice it. It was like... her innocence touched the wound that was their missing hearts, and tried to mend it. He smirked at the corny thought and slowly shook his head. Her innocent naive nature was what had first drawn him to her, and stopped him from just treating her like any normal member of the Organization, because he sure hadn't taken anyone else but her to that perfect sunset spot to share ice cream with, even Saix...

Which brought him back to reality. How was he going to get Saix to just let Xion go without doing a mission?

"Ho boy...," he muttered, scratching the back of his head, and starting to walk back to the Gray Area...

By the third day, his nerves were starting to get fried, and he wanted to start pulling his hair out. The others were starting to get on his case, three days of Xion just not showing up was a unmissable change. He wouldn't be able to keep covering or calling in favors for long. The moment the Superior caught wind, it was going to stop. People who did not pull their weight in the Organization didn't last long, they were either cast out to the lower branches, turned into a dusk, or destroyed... and he would not let that happen to Xion, even if he had to drag her out of bed himself.

Speaking of which...

Larxene had teased him about it, called him a creeper and a perv, hopefully jokingly, but he had found himself quietly standing inside Xion's room, leaning against the wall, watching her 'sleep', when he wasn't on duty. That empty meditative state... what was she trying to do? How did this 'help' someone? He didn't get it... sure, being lazy was a good way to help one's self when they didn't feel like doing anything, he personally agreed with that motto, but others? Yet... she seemed to desperately believe it would help someone. He hadn't tried to 'wake' her up again, he didn't like seeing her upset with him, seeing her... scared like that. She acted like it was life or death for someone...

Knock

"Axel," came Saix's cold voice, "The Superior requests your presence."

Ah crap, already? He'd hope he could at least stall for a day or two more...

He walked out of Xion's room and passed Saix without a word. He silently moved to the Round Room. He had expected the Superior to be there, of course, but why was Vexen also there? He stood in the center, arms, crossed, staring up at the old geezer and the crazy scientist.

"Axel," began the Superior, "I've received word that our newest member has not been performing her duties, and has not left her room for several days. I have also heard that you have been watching over her. What exactly appears to be the problem?"

He figured their would be no bullshitting the Superior, eventually when Xion came out of her room, so he decided to be half-honest. "She's been stressed the last few days. Not exactly sure why. She's been sleeping, or in some kind of trance. Screams at me to get out if I wake her up."

The Superior frowned. "And you have no clue why?"

He'd give away the hair, it would be obvious anyway, but not what Xion said about 'she needs me' or 'she needs to sleep'. Not until he figured it out for himself.

"Not exactly, no, but, there was something odd I noticed, her hair seems... I dunno, like it's turning red? Kind of strange," said Axel.

The hair on the back of Axel's neck stood straight up as the Superior and Vexen exchanged glances and smirked. Oh man, old creeper vibes were going haywire right now...

"Very well, as you said, perhaps she is simply stressed. She is still a very new Nobody, not to mention young regardless of her lack of a heart. We will give her another... four days to rest, a week of recovery should be more than sufficient. Afterwords, she is to resume her duties," said the Superior.

It took everything Axel had to not just let his jaw drop and gape at the Superior. What the heck?

"You may go," said the Superior with a flap of his hand.

Axel turned and strode out, his mind working furiously. The Superior did NOT just give people vacation and time off to rest like that, not unless he was repeadently nagged. There was no chance of it being born out of concern. That smile... when he had told them about her hair...

There was no surprise, no curiosity, nor was their disbelief and doubt. They accepted it and smirked, gave her the rest of a week off, and called it at that.

They knew something about what was going on with Xion. In fact, both the Superior, Vexen, and even Marluxia, had shown abnormal interest in the girl when she first arrived. Drawing such interest was never a good thing for anyone, but... Xion...

Was... Xion safe here?

Under normal circumstance, he'd have thought being in the Organization was the safest place for a Nobody. Yet... that knowing smirk of theirs... it was to easy for him to tell, they had some sort of scheme or plan involving his friend...

He did not trust Xion with them. Not to mention the whole Marluxia betrayal thing going on, he knew THAT was going to crash and burn spectacularly at some point, and Xion had thrust herself right into the middle of it.

He needed something for Xion to fall back on, incase things here ever went south. He formed a Dark Corridor, and did something he had told himself never to do. He came out in front of the Twilight Town Mansion, and knocked on the door. He waited, uneasily, at the powerful presence of Aqua's Nobody approached the door and then opened it. She stood there, staring at him silently. Neither of them really interacted with one another, outside of a few words on the clocktower. Him all of the sudden showing up here was unusual, to say the least.

"I got a favor to ask you," said Axel with a careful tone.

She frowned briefly. "Is that so? And what, exactly, is it?"

"Something's going on in the Organization, rubs me wrong. I'm not sure if it will, but, if things go south, and I brought Xion to you, would you look after her? Like you do with Olette?" he asked.

Aqua blinked once, her face betraying nothing. "I will consider it."

Good enough for him. "Alright, thanks."

He turned to go, only to pause as Aqua asked, "Speaking of her, has Xion stirred yet? Olette has been asking about her, frequently."

"Not really," he answered, "She's got another four days, then the Superior is gonna make her get up and resume her duties."

"I see, I will pass that on. As a note, Olette has been distressed over her, and that displeases me, greatly. I fully expect Xion to show up for ice cream in four days, and I will not be pleased if she does not," said Aqua before she closed the door without further word.

Axel let out a breath. "Ho boy... she makes ice cream seem like life or death."

He took a Dark Corridor back to Xion's room and leaned against the wall, watching her rest. "Xion... what am I going to do with you?"

Author's Notes:

Only so much a weakened heart can take. Giving up so much to weaken Aqua's Heartless, being ripped out of Sora's chest, and then being slowly (but unknowingly to Xion) drained by her nearly does Kairi in. Fortunately for her, she's dead wrong about what kind of person Xion is. Still... this can't go on forever, for even a week of rest can only do so much...