Swat Cats by Truro
"Four buckets of paint, for delivery please. Can we get same day delivery too? Great! See you later!" Speedy replaced the receiver.
"Was that the D.I.Y. store?" asked Francine,
"Wow. Good guess. Yeah, the new paint should be here in about an hour."
Francine's face lit up like a pinball machine, "Great! I've been hoping to repaint the kitchen, for months! So when we're done redecorating, try not to get any more blood on the walls."
"Polly's the one you should be telling." Speedy huffed.
At the palace, Big Cheese hatches his latest bird-brained plot.
"This time Jerry, we should walk away with a few handy stocking fillers."
"Indeed. Our hostile take over of the chemical laboratory building, should provide us with what we require for our grand objective."
The Big Cheese flashed out his make-up box, and quickly applied eye shadow, and lipstick faster than you can say 'Dude looks like a lady'.
"Oh Jerry, I love it when you use complicated words!" he leaped onto the old crow and smothered his face with kisses.
As Jerry screamed, Big Al Dente moved away from the door. Eavesdropping was all good, but the things now going on in the Cheese's chamber, were the last thing he wanted to hear.
The rescue team were helping the pizza cats to get the kitchen ready for the new paint work.
"Thanks for all this Catton." said Polly, "Its great to have a man who knows what he's doing with D.I.Y."
"Its nothing." smiled the old warrior, "I actually do interior decorating part time."
Meowsma O'Tool, rescue team underground operations specialist, carried the four paint buckets into the room.
"Is that the paint?" asked Catton,
"That's right." said Meowsma, handing over one of the buckets for inspection. The general inspected the tin, focusing on the yellow symbol, on the label.
"Don't think I've ever seen this brand before." he said, in his gruff voice. Meowsma took a gander,
"I think I've seen that label somewhere before." He rubbed his chin, trying to remember. Speedy, Guido, Spritz, and Bat Cat joined the discussion, dressed in their overalls.
"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll come to you." said Speedy, "Lets just get to work, and then we can get out the cludo. How does that sound?"
"Dibs on Cornal Mustard!" said Catton.
Francine darted into the room, just as the brushes dipped into the paint.
"Al's the one line! Drop what you're doing, and come quick!"
The big boss man explained the situation.
"I don't know what he wants with those chemicals, but it'll no doubt be something nasty."
"Maybe he's just hoping to get someone a chemistry set for Christmas." Speedy offered.
"Perhaps, but it pays to be sure." Al nodded, "Get over there as fast as you can. Over and out."
"Okay guys lets get our gears in gear!" said the leading character (Speedy)
"You guys go." said Catton, "We four can finish painting the kitchen, but remember, we're hear if you need any help."
"Thanks guys. Pizza Cats forever!"
"Meow!"
The trio burst out of the launcher and soared through the afternoon sky.
"The chemical laboratory building's one of the tallest buildings in Little Tokyo. So it's a good job we can shoot out of that launcher, and get straight to the top."
"Oops!" said Francine, "I didn't shoot them at a high enough angle!" her face was a brilliant red.
Speedy Guido and Polly's faces on the other hand, were brilliantly flat. That's what happens when you fly straight into a brick wall.
Sliding a window open, the three amigos toppled into the building, on the middle floor. They hurried into the broom cupboard, as two teams of sentry crows waddled down the corridor.
"Are the employees secure?" asked one,
"Sure are." said another "They're all tied up on the top floor, so we can take it easy for a while."
"Why's it always the top floor?" Speedy grumbled quietly, "Why can't they ever settle for one halfway to the top?"
The ninja crows continued their conference.
"So what does the boss say to do with them?" asked one,
"Well, if anyone tries to arrest us, our orders are to take the cute secretaries hostage."
"Hey that sounds like fun!"
"It will be when we get to take them home!" with a cackling laugh, the crows parted ways, and resumed patrol.
"Great." said Speedy, "As if dangerous chemicals weren't enough, now they have hostages."
"That's bad." Said the others
"Especially since I was never that good at the Virtua Cop games. Time Crisis was more my style. There were no pedestrians, you could just shoot like a Wildman, and you got to rescue a hot girl. What more could you ask from a video game?"
"I think the first thing we should do, is case the joint." Guido offered, "As much as I like racing into problems head on, and getting my suit messed up, I think if we plan our move carefully, we can easily come out on top."
The three activated their x-ray visors, and began scanning for the security cameras. It was nothing short of a miracle (or lousy planning on the writer's part) that they avoided being seen by the camera when they first broke in. X-raying straight up, and zooming in, they were able to see the exact position of the hostages, and Bad Bird. Hmmm… sounds a bit kinky, that line…
The cupboard door opened slightly. Three patrol crows went to investigate. The door fully opened, concealing the crows from the security cameras as paws clamped their beaks shut, and yanked then into the cupboard. Our heroes emerged within a matter of seconds, cleverly disguised as ninja crows.
"Does my butt look big in this?" asked Polly,
"Absolutely enormous." Said Speedy
"Great!" said Polly, bright as a Christmas tree, "Then I really do look like a ninja crow!"
The three amigos went towards the security camera. Next to it, they placed a small video recording device. The device activated, they set about patrolling the floor, greeting the other group of crows, as they passed.
Upon completing a fourth circuit, they hooked the recorder device up to the camera.
"Now all we have to do is set the recorded footage to a continuous loop." Guido explained, "Now, that footage is all the crow in the security centre will be able to see.",
"Hey, you're pretty good with all those high tech gadgets!" said the impressed Speedy. Guido shrugged, "What can I say? I learned from the best.",
"You mean, Guru Lou?"
"No. Tails, from Sonic the Hedgehog."
The other group of ninja crows, were patrolling the floor, the setting sun, gently illuminating their dark feathers, with a warm golden glow. They noticed that the broom cupboard was wide open, and muffled noises were emitting from it. Upon investigation, the saw three nude crows, bound and gagged at their feet. Before they had time to think of anything witty to say in commentary to the situation, they were pounced upon, by Polly Ester.
"All clear!" said Polly, as she finished gagging the last crow.
"Great." said Speedy, tapping his emergency bell, "Now to call in the cavalry."
The bell around Francine's neck began to sound.
"Meowsma! Emergency!" she knew which member of the rescue team was needed, do to knowing morse code.
Frantic Francine blundered into the Kitchen.
"Emergency! Those stupid cats need your help!",
Meowsma looked up from his painting, "I'll get right on it! Can the rest of you manage without me, for a while?"
"Sure. We're just about done anyway." said Catton,
"Hurry Meowsma!" Francine blurted, I'll set the coordinates and…!" Bat Cat put a hand on her shoulder.
"Don't worry yourself honey, I'll handle things here. You just go have a lie down."
"Okay. Thank you Bat Cat." And she went off to catch forty winks.
"You may have just saved my life…" Meowsma sighed.
The sun was going down, as the armoured ground element cat sailed though the air, landing gracefully in the hall, with his three colleagues.
"Good. Now that you're here, we can start the rescue operation." Said Polly
"Bringing in the rescue team, for a rescue mission. How ironic."
The odd trio, who was now an odd quartet, hopped in the elevator, back in the ninja crow costumes. They got off, on the floor, directly under the top.
Speedy reactivated his x-ray visor. "Okay, Meowsma, We'll just pinpoint the exact area, you need to cut away."
While Guido and Polly disposed of the crows patrolling the floor, Speedy marked a circle in the ceiling.
"Now, you need to cut around here. But if you accidentally cut one of the hostages in half, try not to get any blood on the carpet. The last thing we need is the cleaning bill."
The trio went up to the top floor. Bad Bird and a small army of ninjas, stood guard over the hostages.
"Stop drooling over the secretaries, you morons!" snapped Bad Bird.
"Aw come on boss, lets just have a little fun!"
"If you behave yourself, I'll let you take one home with you. But for now, keeps your hands to yourself!"
A volley of shurikens, kunai, and love hearts machine gunned into his back, and flew at the other crows, quickly taking them down.
"What the heck?!" cried the chief ninja, as he got back to his talons.
"Wherever there is injustice, you will find us." Said Guido
"Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there." Said Polly, blowing a kiss
"Wherever liberty is threatened," finished Speedy "You will find…"
"Our third Three Amigos reference!"
"Do you three even have a life outside of me, anymore?"
"I think it's pretty obvious that we don't." said Speedy,
"Do it now Meowsma!" Polly commanded. The floor underneath the hostages gave way, bringing them crashing down to the lower level, and leaving a nice big, neat circle.
"You'll pay for that!" snapped Bad Bird, "Activate the Porky Pig Robot!"
One of the few remaining Ninja crows (Number 53) activated the robot of the week; A huge robotic pig's head.
The boys drew their swords.
"Guido, you take care of the robot, and I'll handle Bad Bird! Poly, help Meowsma get the hostages to safety!"
"Right!" said Guido eagerly, "It's my turn to finish the robot!"
Speedy dived at Bad Bird taking the two of them crashing through the window. As they struggled, their eyes meet, as they came to a devastating realisation-
They were falling from the top floor of a fifty story building.
"Oh shit!" they howled, as they disappeared through the night sky.
Polly and Meowsma tore through the ninja crows guarding the lower floors, as they headed towards the ground level.
"Out of my way, you stupid birds!" Polly screeched slashing away with her claws.
As they passed one laboratory, Meowsma, noticed something very interesting.
'That's the same symbol as the one on the paint!' and what's more, he remembered where he'd seen the symbol. His face bleached a terrified white. "We're in trouble, when we get home!"
The pig robot shot two pig shaped balloons. Guido instinctively leapt out of the way, with the catlike agility that's perfectly suited to the way of the ninja and samurai.
The balloons exploded in a burst of liquid. The liquid began to melt the wall, that interrupted the balloons flight path.
"Acid! That's all I need! Couldn't it at least have been citric? This place stinks, and a hint of lemon would really freshen threw place up."
The robot fired more balloons, and Guido began to feel his muscles ache. Though, despite the pain, he was actually enjoying it. It was a feeling that he had felt before. A feeling that comes over almost every male, at least once in his life.
Guido was feeling sporty!
"Okay! Play ball!" he cheered, pulling his umbrella from its sheath, and swinging it round, ready for action. This time, when the robot shot its acid balloon pigs, from its nostrils, our hero knew EXACTLY what to do. He smacked the balloons, gently, and sent them gliding back at the robot. The lethal water bombs whistled back into the robot pigs nostrils, and blew its nose the smithereens.
"Bless you." said Guido, his sword now drawn, and ready to end the battle.
The shining blade roared into life, in an explosion of dazzling blue flames.
"Crispy bacon time!" he yelled, swinging the mighty weapon down, sending a straight wave of fire roaring through the air, and rendering to robot to roast pork.
"Time for the victory pose!" he said, resting the parasol on his back, and making the 'peace' sign with his free hand. A very stunning pose. There was one problem though-
"Why are the others never around, when its my turn to be the centre of attention?"
Polly and Meowsma had seen the last of the lab employees safely off the premises. By now, the stars were out, beautifully illuminating the night sky, like emergency lights, in an unfortunate aircraft, guiding the passengers to safety.
"Look up there!" said Polly, pointing towards a strange siluette, eclipsing the moon. Speedy had survived his fall by holding onto the leg of his avian nemesis, and using his deceptively massive weight to drag him down, as the crow flapped like mad. With a violent shake of the foot, Bad Bird was finally able to drop his unwanted passenger.
"You've ruined this for me pizza cats! But I'll be back!" he soared away, the moonlight veiling him a silver glow.
"Well, that takes care of that." said Speedy, "Now we head home, for dinner!"
"Speedy, wait!" called Meowsma. Too late. Speedy had already rocked off towards the pizza parlour.
When he got in, the smell of paint still hung in the air. Meowsma, Polly, and Guido (who somehow managed to get to the bottom of the building at super speed) burst in after him.
"Speedy, there's trouble afoot!" said Meowsma, "I remembered where I'd seen the paint symbol before!"
"Oh yeah? Where was it?"
"SPEEEEEDY!!!" Francine's scream rang into their eardrums, as the outraged businesswoman, violently clutching a frying pan, emerged from the kitchen. If not for the different size and hair colour, Speedy could have sworn Francine was a dead ringer for Polly. The small feline grabbed Speedy's ear, like an old fashioned teacher, dragging a brat off to the demon headmaster.
"Where did you see the symbol?" Guido gulped.
"It's the same brand of paint, I used to use for working in tunnels."
Guido and Polly's faces were now as pale as Meowsma's, and Meowsma's was whiter than bleached flour, mixed with snowflakes, and extra milky chocolate.
The light from the glow in the dark paint stung Speedy's eyes. He covered them as completely as possible.
"What the hell is this?!" Fran screeched, "Now we won't be able to make any bloody pizza's without bloody sunglasses! What the HELL were you thinking?!"
A thousand thoughts race through ones head at a time like this. How to blame it on someone else, what evidence proves it was me, any excuses- the list goes on. Speedy didn't have much time to think. He blurted the first thing that came to mind.
"I thought it would save money on the electric bill..."
The others were at a table, with a cup of coffee to calm their nerves.
"Poor Speedy." said Polly, "This is the first time we'll have done a post-mortem in the series."
"So what SHOULD we charge for the memorial salad?" asked Guido.
Speedy came out of the kitchen. He was a bit more relaxed than before, but his face was still quite pale.
"You're alive!" gasped Polly, "How'd you survive?"
"Francine want's us to paint the rest of the lobby with the same paint."