Ch. 2: Worth the Fight
Early before the sun even rose, Alex and Maggie lay in bed their bodies completely bare except for the sheets they'd entangled themselves in.
"I'm sorry," Maggie said as her head lay Alex's chest.
"For what?"
"For what you have to see."
"The scars?"
"Yeah."
"I don't understand…I mean you've…. you've been with other women before right?"
"None that truly mattered. Last night I was going to try to forget like I've done before but the way you looked at them, the way you touched them… Alex, for the first time you made them real. It was the first time I've ever felt ashamed of someone seeing them. The first time I've ever wanted to explain."
"Maggie, you don't have to."
"Yes I do. After everything that happened last night, after everything you helped me feel, I owe you an explanation, you deserve that."
"I'm listening."
Maggie took a deep breath. She had never told anyone her secret. The fact that she cut only on her chest made things easier. People didn't see, people didn't think it was a shout out to the world that a person was damaged. At the same time that was also the reason it was dangerous. It was her own secret, even from the women she'd slept with. Her secret cutting place matched the internal struggle in her mind: both hidden from the world and the people who knew her.
"After I came out," Maggie began, "things got dark for a while. A friend I just had a falling out, people talked, and my parents tried but they couldn't really understand, and I didn't feel comfortable with the guidance counselor. I basically had no one to talk to. Cutting, it… it helped. In doing it I felt relief. Even though my problems were still there, the cutting made them real, it somehow made it all easier to deal with. I know it sounds stupid."
Alex wrapped an arm around Maggie, bringing her closer, their bodies touching. "No not stupid. It became your outlet. I get that. I'm just sorry you had to go though it alone. How old were you?"
"Fourteen. It lasted until I was twenty-two. I thought by joining the academy straight out of high school it would help make it stop but sometimes the addiction of it can hold a person so deep that stopping feels impossible. It finally reached a point where I asked myself what I wanted most: being a cop or being a cutter. When I figured that out I was able to think clearly and see I had a problem. I've been clean now for four years. It would have been five but I relapsed."
"Hey you should be proud of those four years. I am."
Maggie looked at Alex and smiled, "I'm glad I'm here."
"Me too. Thank you for telling me and trusting me."
"Thank you, Alex, for not judging me."
Maggie raised herself up as Alex came down to her, their lips meeting in ferocity of eagerness: Maggie for feeling acceptance from her lover and Alex for being worthy enough of Maggie's trust.
They still had several hours before they had to officially get out of bed and get their day started but for now the rest of the early pre-dawn hours were theirs and for once Maggie felt like the cutting, despite how long it had been, no longer controlled her and that was enough to find satisfaction in the pleasure that Alex provided.
[END.]