AUTHOR'S NOTE & TRIGGER WARNING:
CAREFUL READING BEYOND THIS POINT.
IT INVOLVES TALK AS TO WHY I GAVE MAGGIE THE SPECIFIC SCARS I DID
AS WELL AS OTHER DETAILED INFORMATION REGARDING SELF HARM.
The past few weeks I've been dealing with a lot of stress. It got to the point where I relapsed from my own cutting after having been clean for 2 years. I can't tell you how much it pains me for that. How I hate that it happened and how I hate how much guilt I feel despite it being over and done with. Not to mention the fact that I dissociated from it to the point where it became a blackout and I can't remember how or what happened. I only remember what caused it and I only know it happened because of the newly fermented scars. Maybe that's for the best, I'm not sure.
When it came to wanting to write an SI (self injury) story for one of my fandoms, Supergirl was the show that I thought of. I've written an SI story in the past (Once Upon a Time I gave the character Emma Swan the addiction of it). When it came to Supergirl, I felt a kind of satisfaction when I thought of the Supergirl characters that I imagined for possibly suffering through SI behavior and Maggie was the character that kept showing up in my mind even when I would try the scenario out on other characters, it was Maggie who seemed like the perfect fit and who "talked to me" in that sense.
The reason I gave her the SI behavior on her chest was because it's something that is deeply personal to me. My scars range from my arm, which I have since covered up with tattoos, and they also run along my chest. I do have some that are keloid in which the scar tissue has been raised. As a girl I cannot bring myself to wear your average girl shirts which range from low cut to v-neck. I've always been into guy graphic t's but lately it's because of my chest scars that I wear them more frequently because the collars are higher and they don't sag so my scars aren't shown. I haven't exactly dealt with the ones on my chest given that our chest is one of those quote on quote "sacred and very intimate and personal places".
I've come to terms with the scars on my arm but the scars on my chest are ones that I'm still struggling to deal with and accept.
Maggie's experience with the scar solutions and scar removal patches/creams is actually based off an exact experience I had with it. I tried years ago to use them, testing it out a scar cream on just one scar and when I noticed it fading I flipped out. I started to panic and swore I'd never use them again because the idea of them fading into nothing was too much for me to take.
Now when it comes to Maggie's own sexuality and her partner seeing her scars, this idea was based off one of my own fears. As women our most vulnerable part of our bodies is our chest. Because of my scars I have this fear of a future partner seeing them and every bad thing that could happen- asking questions, being freaked out or bothered by them, etc so to me it seemed logical to project those fears onto a character that I adore deeply.
Writing this story was very important to me. And in its own way it became a type of therapy- placing my own experiences onto the page and onto the character where in the fiction world, no burden is too great.