A/N: Soooooo I'm kind of head over heels for this fic? It was an accident, I swear. I just finally found my angst rhythm, which I've been trying to do for years.

Anyway, here's chapter two. Fair warning: this whole fic is going to be pretty heavy on the angst side, and it's going to get dark very quickly. I hope that appeals to some of you.

By the way, I've decided to include a love poem at the start of every chapter! I've added a great one by Dorothy Parker to the first chapter, if you want to go back and read it :)

Also, some song selections for this chapter: You're On My Mind by The Animals (included), and Lost by Anouk. Currently working with a tech friend to see if I can somehow force you to listen to them while reading. Jkjk;)

This fic includes a weird amount of poetry and song references, because I'm feeling weirdly artsy lately. Sorry not sorry.

Thanks for all of the feedback so far! I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter.

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I do not know where either of us can turn

Just at first, waking from the sleep of each other.

I do not know how we can bear

The river struck by the gold plummet of the moon,

Or many trees shaken together in the darkness.

We shall wish not to be alone

And that love were not dispersed and set free—

Though you defeat me,

And I be heavy upon you.

But like earth heaped over the heart

Is love grown perfect.

Like a shell over the beat of life

Is love perfect to the last.

So let it be the same

Whether we turn to the dark or to the kiss of another;

Let us know this for leavetaking,

That I may not be heavy upon you,

That you may blind me no more.

-Louise Bogan

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It's ironic, Donna reflects, that it should have been Valentine's Day that totally ruined her. Not because Valentine's Day held no significance for her, because it always has - she loves Valentine's Day in the same way that she loves all holidays, and relishes them as a chance for celebration, sentimentality, and reflection. As a child, she loved the way her parents were less careful about displays of affection on February fourteenth than on any other day, and she longed for the day when she, too, would have someone to indulge her feelings for on the same day.

No, it was ironic because of how little he cared about Valentine's Day. He had always shown a disdain for the over saccharine and consumerist tendencies of the holiday, and never bothered to celebrate except for in the most perfunctory of ways. He sent women flowers, he paid for dinner. He did just enough for his relationship to survive the holiday, but not enough to show any true originality or investment.

When their first Valentine's Day rolled around, she expected it to be much the same as all of his previous ones (he had never made it to a second Valentine's Day with anyone). She expected this not because she was the same as any other woman to him, but because that's just who he was. He showed his love in unconventional ways, at unconventional times.

And besides, they'd only been together for less than a month by mid-February, as they'd gotten together on the night of the inauguration. Even later than that, if they were speaking in terms of an actual first date.

On the morning of the fourteenth, he kissed her good morning (they didn't really spend nights apart by that point), he rolled out of bed and he made her coffee. She thought that was sweet. Another one of his little unconventional displays of love, that only she might recognize.

She found flowers on her desk, as she expected. She smiled at them, all the same. The card read, "I hate Valentine's Day, but you love it, so, here."

She thought that was hilarious. Only Josh would send a woman flowers with a card that said "here." She read this in the same tone he might use when slapping down a folder of information to be summarized on her desk, back when she used to work for him.

He couldn't do lunch, but he did leave an apologetic message on her machine that said, "Hey, you can always eat a really expensive meal by yourself, and I'll pay the bill. Just let me know."

She thought that was hilarious too. She faxed him the receipt for her six dollar salad. He thought that was hilarious.

When they met up for dinner that night at his office, he handed her a wrapped present, looking oddly nervous. She opened it. It was a book, Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. She furrowed her brow in confusion, in much the same way she had at The Art and Artistry and Alpine Skiing, and looked up at him. By then, he was halfway out the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go."

"What?"

"Listen. I just have to go."

"We have dinner reservations in twenty minutes."

"I don't mean go go, just, go for two minutes, go."

"What?"

He stepped back inside, looking like it cost him very dearly to do so. He shifted from foot to foot anxiously. "I mean, I have to go, because I wrote something inside, and I can't be here while you read it."

"Why not?"

"Because."

She smiled slightly. "You're not breaking up with me through this book, are you?"

He sighed. "No. Just read it. But let me leave first."

"Josh."

"This is like how I gave you that book for Christmas one year, and I wrote something really emotional in it, and then you got really emotional reading it, and I got uncomfortable."

"You wrote something really emotional in here?" She said eagerly, her eyes sparkling.

"Please let me leave."

"Fine," she agreed, rolling her eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief and stepped into the hallway.

She had expected from him today, at best, a drug-store card in which he'd written an ironic inscription making fun of the card itself. But he'd surprised her. What she held in her hands was nothing short of a love letter.

Donnatella,

I don't really get poetry, but you do, so, here. (She thought this was hilarious.) And even if I don't get poetry, I know this guy writes killer love poems.

You showed me this one poem recently (I don't remember which one, I'm sorry), and told me it reminded you of me (I'm flattered, by the way), and then you told me how annoying it was to have poetry remind you of me.

I should tell you that everything reminds me of you.

Probably the most irritating part of falling in love with you is that love songs have started to make sense, and they're all about you. That certainly complicated things back when you worked for me.

A few years ago, that song The Way I Feel Inside by the Zombies was playing in my car, and you said "You like this song?" and you sounded surprised, and I said, "I like this song."

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Josh, that's a really weird and boring conversation to remember, but what I meant, and what I hoped you'd get, when I said "I like this song," was "This song is about you."

I know. I ask way too much of you.

Which is why I'm going to make this abundantly clear: I love you.

Anyway. All of the poems in here remind me of you, though I'm doubtless reading them wrong, because everything reminds me of you. You're my whole life.

Sorry, I can't write. You're probably wishing at this point that you were with Sam.

I was thinking about giving you a key to my apartment today, but then I remembered you already have one, so I guess I'll just ask you to move in with me. Or we can move somewhere else. I don't know. Basically what I'm saying is you're welcome to my whole life (because you are my whole life).

Alright. That's enough embarassing myself for today. If this is the worst Valentine's Day gift you've ever gotten, there are also earrings.

Love,

Josh

As it turned out, she wouldn't rather be with Sam, or Toby, or Will, or any man who could write beautiful prose at a moment's notice. Men like that could compose gorgeous words for any woman, but Josh only accidentally stumbled onto beauty because of how much he loved her. He couldn't fake that.

"Josh," She called thickly, tears welling in her eyes.

He appeared around the doorframe, sheepish. "I can come in now?"

"Please." She pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek once.

He smiled hesitantly. "Good crying, right?"

"I love you so much."

"Oh, thank god."

That was the moment she knew there was no going back. She gave herself over to him entirely. She knew that no matter what happened, she would never get over him.

Not for lack of trying, she mused bitterly as she stepped over a tree branch.

The man who'd given her that book seemed so different from the one who had traded such vicious remarks with her two months ago. She didn't know which man to believe, the one standing in front of her or the one who'd offered her his entire life. In the weeks since their break-up, he's tried relentlessly to convince her that they're one and the same, but for her the split is too ingrained. Recently, she's starting to reconcile the two, but it's taking time.

It's hour two of the great backpacking extravaganza of 2003, and she and CJ have fallen into an easy rhythm. The first hour was spent chattering excitedly, about their surroundings and their level of preparedness. In hour two, they talked a little bit about superficial goings on their life, but then faded into quietude, admiring the scenic route. The silence allowed Donna a little too much time to muse.

"Donna! Watch out, there's a-" CJ lunges forward to grab her friend's arm, and winces when she hits the ground despite her best efforts. "-tree root."

"Shit." Donna mutters, twisting to sit up as CJ kneels beside her.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." She says through gritted teeth. She rolls up her pant leg to look at her shin, which she'd hit on the offending root. It hadn't broken the skin, but she's sure to have a nasty bruise later.

"You sure? I can carry you the rest of the way."

Donna smiles, almost forgetting her pain. "Sounds good, actually."

CJ laughs. "Okay." She helps Donna to her feet, which is difficult given the heavy packs they both sport.

Donna dusts herself off, mildly embarassed. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"Yeah. That's okay." CJ watches her carefully. Once she's ensured she's really okay, they set off again. "You were humming, back there."

Donna looks back at her, but then immediately returns her gaze to the path, wary. "What?"

"You were humming."

"Oh. I was?"

"Yeah." CJ says in a reserved tone.

Donna's heart sinks in realization. She'd been humming The Way I Feel Inside. "Oh. Sorry about that."

"Don't be."

"Do you want to start talking again?"

That might be for the best. "Okay."

"Okay. Something light?"

CJ smiles softly. She knows her friend's thoughts had been anything but light. "Okay. Have you seen the trailer for that new movie, Love, Actually?"

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CJ's absence on Friday grates on Josh more than he'd care to admit. He finds himself staring into the space where she might be beside him in senior staff, wondering at her current whereabouts. He resents that she now has the privilege he'd lost - spending time with Donna. Being her constant companion.

It's not that Donna necessarily wouldn't have gone camping with CJ while they were together (except, of course she wouldn't have, the egotistical side of him grumbles irritably), but for the most part, what time they could spare on the weekend was reserved for each other. He used to be her adventure companion, whether this meant accidentally getting locked in a museum after hours, or driving late into the night to get to the nearest place where she could watch the sunrise on the ocean.

She made his life so much more interesting.

He thinks about her forging through the Virginian wildlife, swearing at twigs catching her hair and whining for him to carry her pack or possibly even carry her. Except he isn't there. The thought makes him ache, even though he knows she can manage it alone.

He hadn't impressed upon her enough that he thought her capable of doing anything, single-handedly.

Today, the closest he'd come to an adventure was leaning into Toby's office and asking him if he wanted to get drunk tonight. Toby had looked up at him with his signature frown.

"You've got to promise me you won't talk about your feelings."

Josh shrugged. "Couldn't if I wanted to."

"Okay. It's a deal."

But come four o'clock, Toby had walked into his office, looking panicked. "Hey, I'm taking off for the day, and I can't do anything tonight."

"Why, what's up?"

"Huck has appendicitis. It's perfectly treatable, of course, but he has to go through surgery, and he's so small, and-"

Josh held up a hand. "What are you doing standing here talking to me? Go, man."

Toby had flashed him a grateful look and disappeared.

Now, Josh sits alone in his car, headed home despite the fact that it's only six o'clock. The President had dismissed them for the night, claiming it was a slow day and there wasn't much they were going to get done without two of their senior staffers, anyway.

Josh wishes Leo hadn't walked him out to the parking lot. He could've stayed in his office. Bur then, maybe Leo had been onto him.

He takes his time in leaving the parking lot. He does not put in his Zombies CD, which Donna would probably claim is her Zombies CD, but instead the Animals' Animalisms and finds the fifth track, the song that's been on his mind, You're On My Mind.

Monday Friday
Weekday Holiday Yeah
Every single empty day
You're on my mind
Yeah, you are my mind
Ireland Germany
When I'm away you, I say
Every lonely place I go
You're on my mind
Oh yeah, you're on my mind
I tried forgettin' you
Tried to maintain my cool
But the existence of you affects my life
If you would forget the past
And maybe someday take me back
I'd rest easy in my bed tonight
You know I'd say now
Daytime nighttime
Good times bad times...

He feels bad for CJ, he muses as he pulls out of the parking lot. She's caught in the crossfire, and has tried so hard to toe the line of neutrality that's it's almost painful to watch. She's made it abundantly clear that she loves them both, and in so doing has had to take care of them both more than a few times over the past two months.

He remembers when she'd found him on her office couch one morning.

"Agh!"

He opened his eyes blearily, to find CJ in the doorway, one hand on her heart. "Oh, hey, CJ."

"Jesus Christ, idiot boy!"

"Sorry." He muttered sheepishly, slowly sitting up. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She frowned, likely at the sorry state he was in. "What are you doing in here?"

"Well, Toby forbid me from sleeping on his couch, so..."

"What are you doing sleeping in the office at all?"

His eyes darkened. "I had work to do."

"Josh."

"I don't want to go home."

"Josh," she repeated, her voice more sympathetic this time. "It's been a week."

He looked away from her. "CJ, I just... Hate being there. Everything reminds me of her."

"She got her stuff two days ago." CJ pointed out.

Ah. What she'd heard was everything in my apartment reminds me of her. But that's not what he'd said, nor what he meant. Everything reminds me of her. "Still."

She sat down beside him. "Josh..."

"I know. I'll go home."

"At least take a shower, okay?"

He smiled wryly. He didn't know how to tell her that that was one of the hardest parts.

He remembered Donna climbing into the shower with him, even on mornings when she didn't have to be up until hours after him. He remembered the way the apartment smelled when she showered, a mix of those countless bath products that he couldn't identify a purpose for if he tried. He remembered the way she sang in the shower when she was happy. He remembered watching her rub lotion into her long legs while still in her towel, only for her to look up and smile, having caught him staring.

He didn't know how to tell CJ that fucking warmth reminded him of Donna.

"Okay. I will."

He stops at a stoplight, wondering what he could possibly do tonight. He thinks about how she had once told him that she wouldn't stop for red lights. He thinks about not stopping for this red light.

He thinks about taking his foot off the brake, and rolling into the oncoming traffic. He wonders how many lights she'd stop for on the way to the hospital. He wonders if she'd even come this time.

His train of thought is interrupted by a chorus of honking. He looks up to see the light has changed. He sighs and idles into the intersection. He turns off his car's heating. It's too warm in here.

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As you might be able to tell, I really like the song The Way I Feel Inside for J/D because I've now included it in two fics haha.

Anyway, everything is sad now and everything will probably be sad next chapter and the next one but hey I'm going to start explaining their breakup soon so uhh stay tuned for more sadness! And some slight humor because, hey, it's CJ and Donna in the woods so some funny things are bound to happen.

Sorry for the depressing Monday update! Let me know what you think.