Dis-clama-llama-lamer: Be warned you may die of massive first time fanfiction-writing cringines or by the fact that I might misspell A LOT of things. If you cannot handle such treacheries then you are allowed to leave or look away at any time. Oh, also I do not own Sailor Moon or any characters mentioned.
Chapter 3: A Thought in Process
The blondes and bluenette were back in Rei's room. While Usagi and Minako talked about their own things Ami quietly thought back to the kiss. She closed her eyes feeling Makoto's lips against her own, the thought alone made her shiver. Ami felt her cheeks burn then opened her eyes slowly only to be met with two other pair of blue ones.
"Now, what oh what could Ami-chan be thinking of that is making her blush?" Usagi teasingly asked. She tilted her head to observe Ami's eyes, as if looking in them hard enough will tell her what the smaller girl was thinking.
"Ah-nothing!" Luckily, she was saved by Makoto and Rei who entered the room.
"About time!" Minako pouted. "We were supposed to study together you know! And Rei you were supposed to help me with my homework!"
Rei sat next to Minako keeping her eyes on her own book. "Ami is more than capable of helping you with your homework, It doesn't always have to be me."
Minako pouted again and let herself fall onto Rei's lap and wiggle around. "But Reeeiiii!"
Rei fought back the blush trying to overtake her calm features. "Quit being weird!" Mina stopped moving around and looked into Rei's eyes pleading "please Rei-chan."
She sighed. "Makoto can you please get her off of me?"
A small smile formed on the brunettes face. "I don't see the problem Rei, she looks very comfortable too." An image of herself lying on Rei's lap popped in her head. The ravenette stroking her brown hair as they stared into eachothers eyes. "Son of a-" She stopped herself then hastily grabbed her things, shoving them in her binder. "Sorry everyone, I gotta go. Have fun on Rei's lap Mina." Without another word she ran off.
Rei shook her head. Wonder what she was thinking about? It wasn't about me was it? Her thoughts were cut off when she felt Minako's head rub against her abdomen. "Minako! What are you doing?!"
"What?" She responded innocently. "Mako-chan told me to have fun! Plus you're very comfortable Rei-chan, you'd make a great bean bag!" The blonde laughed.
Usagi grinned from ear to ear and moved closer to the girls. "You guys are so cute together!" She giggled seeing their faces go red. "Don't they look cute Ami-chan?" Usagi patiently waited for Ami's response but when she heard nothing turned to face the other girl. "Ami-chan?"
Ami had not taken her eyes off the door Makoto had left from. "I think I should go home now, it's getting late."
Usagi looked outside. "It's not that late."
Either way Ami packed up her things. She picked up her binder then turned to the other girls. "Sorry for leaving so soon, I'll see you all tomorrow, bye everyone." She rushed out and quickly made her way down the steps. She looked around hoping she was fast enough to catch up to Makoto. After scanning around she saw her some distance away. Ami ran towards her but stopped when she heard Makoto talking.
"...so stupid!" Makoto shouted in frustration. "You can't keep thinking of them like that! They're your friends, Mako!" She sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. "Why am I even talking to myself? People are gonna think I'm crazy...god. I can't get her out of my head…" Makoto stopped walking and turned to a nearby wall. "I wonder if I slam my head hard enough against that I'll forget about everything that happened…? Heh I'm actually really tempted to do it." She sighed again and continued to walk only to stop. "Maybe I should?"
"Don't!" Ami accidentally shouted. She covered her mouth when Makoto looked back at her.
Immediately Makoto's face lost all color. "Ami-chan?" Her eyes widened in realization. "H-how long have you been there?!"
Ami didn't respond instead looked at the ground. "I'm really sorry about the accident earlier Makoto." She mumbled. "This is just...all my fault."
"N-no! It's not...your fault." Makoto paused. "Don't worry about the kiss, it didn't matter to me anyways." She gasped at herself. Crap why did I say that!? "I mean! I didn't mean that in a bad way or anything but if you're worried about that then don't be! I'm not upset about it at all!" She quickly replied hoping Ami wasn't insulted.
Ami smiled sadly, Of course...why would it matter? "But I am the reason you got hurt. Back at the shrine you didn't look good."
"It's not what you think!" She shouted back without thinking."I'm just tired, really!" Ami didn't say anything else after that. Mako fumbled over what to say next. Goddamit this is getting awkward. If I slam into that wall I might pass out and be spared of this tension! She turned towards the stone wall.
As if reading her thoughts Ami ran to stop Makoto. She grabbed onto her arm as she was about to sprint into the wall. "No! Please don't hurt yourself anymore!"
Makoto stopped breathing when she felt Ami's hand on her chest. Noooo Ami why!? She stared down at her. Just don't make eye contact! Look away! She shouted this to herself but her gaze still stayed on the ice senshi. "Ami."
"Huh?" She didn't look away but felt her cheeks flush when Makoto didn't move her eyes away. She felt a strong urge to kiss her but stopped herself from leaning in when she realized the terrified look in Makoto's eyes. Is she afraid that I'm going to kiss her?
In reality Makoto was thinking about how incredibly good looking Ami was up close. Of course from a distance she was still very pretty but up close she was just gorgeous, the blush across her face made her even more attractive. Makoto didn't want to think of Ami that way but the thoughts were overwhelming her. It took all of her willpower to not just make out with the bluenette right then and there. She backed away from Ami terrified of what she might do if she stayed looking into her thinking she ran away not looking back and definitely not slowing down when Ami called after her.
"I can't think about her like that!" She cursed to herself and turned the corner to her apartment. Once she reached the confinement of her apartment room she dropped down behind the door breathing heavily. "If this keeps up, I'll never be able to face Ami or any other goddamn female in existence!" She felt herself blush and slammed the back of her head against the door, rekindling the throbbing pain that had finally gone away.
Ami wasn't faring any better. In fact she didn't even notice the tears streaming down her face until after her collar was completely soaked. "I...should've known." She felt her knees buckle in her weight and fell down. She stared at the direction Makoto had ran from, a new habit of hers.
The next day Makoto wasn't in class and Usagi went into Ami's classroom. "Heey Ami-chan! Have you seen Mako-chan at all? She isn't here today, maybe she's sick?" She asked oblivious to the bluenettes pained expression. "We should go visit her!"
Ami shook her head no. "I have a lot of homework to do, sorry." The bell rang and she stood up. "Could you tell her to get better soon for me?"
Usagi watched her guardian walk out of the classroom. "Ami-chan?" Was she crying? The blonde searched for her twin only to find her also talking to Ami.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Minako asked holding Ami's shoulder gently.
"Yes. I didn't mean to worry you." She said still hanging her head low. "Please excuse me."
Usagi ran to Minako. "Ami-chan looked very depressed."
Minako nodded at her look-alike. "Why do you think shes like that?"
"I have no idea. I thought she would've been excited to go see Mako-chan but...you don't think they got in a fight, do you?"
The love goddess shook her head. "I hope not, those two are really close." Minako didn't say anything else then smiled at her princess. "We should go see Mako-chan, maybe she knows what's wrong with Ami-chan."
Her fellow blonde nodded. "Yep! If anyone knows what's bugging Ami-chan it has to be Mako-chan!" She tugged at Minako's sleeve excitedly. "Let's go!" They went to Rei's school and together dragged the girl, who protested and shouted at them the whole time, all the way to Makoto's apartment. Usagi knocked rapidly on the door. "Maaaako-chan! We're here to see you!"
After hearing a loud crash and rapid footsteps Makoto finally appeared looking worse than they even imagined. Her hair was a complete mess barely being held up by her green hair tie, which happened to be upside down. Her eyes had dark rings underneath as if she'd stayed up all night doing homework. She smiled weakly. "Hey gu-" She was cut off by violent coughing.
"Mako-chan! Are you okay?!"
They all barged in quickly taking Makoto into her bed. Rei looked around her apartment room. "Sheesh, what have you been doing? It's a complete mess!" She went to open the blinds but after hearing a hiss from the exposure of sunlight from Makoto she reluctantly closed them again. Instead she turned on a nearby lamp. "What the hell happened yesterday?"
This time Makoto faked her cough, avoiding the question. It wasn't too hard to fake anyways, after spending the whole night screaming out of frustration all she simply had to do was try to talk.
"You look awful Mako-chan!" Minako said, stating the obvious. "Are you sick? What happened yesterday?" She asked repeating Rei's question after feeling Mako's forehead.
She shrugged and laid back into her bed. She didn't sleep a wink the night before, after all she was preoccupied with the whole screaming thing, also the whole rage thing that caused her room look like the aftermath of a Youma attack. She instead smiled at everyone noticing Ami wasn't there. She took out her phone and typed frantically into it. "Where is Ami?" A robotic voice said.
Usagi and Minako glanced at each other.
"We actually wanted to talk about her." Minako said. "She didn't look too happy earlier at school."
Makoto's eyes widened. She typed into her phone then stopped and erased everything she typed. It wasn't about yesterday was it? She looked at Rei for support.
Rei frowned then shoved the other two girls away, saying they needed to talk about homework. Once they were gone she turned towards the brunette. "What happened?"
"I messed up."
"What. Happened." Makoto retold Rei what had happened. The priestess furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. "Makoto why did you tell her that!? No, better yet WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY?!"
She winced at Rei's words and sighed. "I told you I messed up. Now what am I supposed to do?"
Rei walked around Mako's bed in deep thought. After a moment of silence she sighed. "I have no idea." She saw guilt spread all over Makoto's expression. "Makoto?"
She attempted to respond, forgetting that she had lost her voice, but instead coughed. She typed in her phone again. "Yeah?"
"...you said you ran away because you started thinking about how...attractive she was right?" Makoto felt herself blush but Rei didn't stop there. "This is just a random question but do you feel anything when you're with her?"
"I don't get what you're asking."
"Did you ever think that maybe, juuuust maybe you think of Ami as something other than a friend?" Rei suggested.
Makoto kept an emotionless face. Something other than a friend? What does she mean? She looked down at her phone. "I don't understand."
Rei face palmed. "What don't you understand!?"
Wait does she...no...no, no, no. I don't feel that way. It's just because of the accident.
"Mako-chan. Listen to me." She waited for Makoto to look up into her eyes. "Think of Ami-chan what is the first thing you think of?"
"Eyes." She typed.
"You mean her eyes?"
Makoto nodded. "I love her eyes."
"Okay. Anything else you like about her?" She asked hoping to accomplish more.
She typed quickly. "Thats a hard question. I like a lot of things about her." Before she could type other stuff Rei cut her off.
"Mako-chan do you really need me to spell it out?" Makoto tilted her head. "You might not've realize this yet but I'm almost 100% sure you li-"
"Ami-chan is here!" Minako called out from behind the door. She opened it slowly and smiled at the girls. "She wanted to talk to Mako-chan soooo!" She skipped towards Rei, grabbing her hand. Mina pulled her out of the room. Rei smiled at Makoto before she was fully out of the room and mouthed 'you got this'.
The door closed then leaving both girls in silence. Ami took a deep breath. "I know you have been saying it wasn't my fault but...I am still very sorry. And especially about yesterday I probably made you uncomfortable."
Ami waited for Makoto to respond but instead heard her type on her phone. What is she doing?
"My voice is basically shattered right now so I have to use this. Don't ask why, it's a long story." She paused and smiled. "You should already know that I'm not gonna accept that apology. It was not your fault it was something that just happened. And about yesterday? That is something completely different. I would tell you why I ran away but it's kinda embarrassing." She quickly added, "That was definitely not your fault, that was all me."
Ami nodded. "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you ran away?" Makoto looked down at the bed sheets looking ashamed. "I won't be upset about it."
"I want to Ami-chan. I really do but I don't know if I can. It's just too much, I'm having trouble figuring out what it is too."
Ami nodded. "I see." She shuffled her feet then added. "Then we can just forget about the kiss right? It's...just like you said, it doesn't matter."
Makoto looked into Ami's eyes. She nodded feeling her heart race. Why is it beating so fast? Maybe what Rei said is true...no there's no way. She gulped and sat up from the bed meeting Ami's eyes. Makoto stared at her with a tired expression. Shaking her head she tried to find her voice. "N...n-" She coughed instead.
Alarmed, Ami ran to Mako. "Don't talk, you'll make it worse." She placed a hand on her shoulder only to have it slapped away. "Mako-" Ami gasped feeling herself in the taller girl's embrace.
"I'm an idiot." Makoto typed. "I've been blaming the accident for this but I don't even know what to blame now." She didn't type anything for a while still thinking of what she should say. "The truth is Ami-chan, I ran away because I've been having weird thoughts. Weird thoughts that I would usually have for boys."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know what I mean. But Rei has been saying things that are...just now making a lot of sense." She put her phone down then let go of Ami. They didn't say anything instead the two girls sat in silence. Makoto grabbed her phone again. "This is gonna sound weird but don't forget about the kiss. I'm guessing it was your first?" Makoto assumed she was right when the smaller girl blushed. "It was mine too. So that makes it kinda special right?" Makoto kept gaze on her phone she was too nervous and embarrassed to make eye contact with Ami. "Never mind! I'm just stupid, sorry."
"No you're right, it is...special…" Ami was surprised she was still conscious. Her face was so red, a normal person would've most likely died from the intense heat that was emitting from Ami's face. Although she was feeling dizzy from that mass amount of blood rushing to her head.
Makoto felt her heart race then looked up only to feel it fall. "Am-" Dammit! I don't have time to cough! She looks like she is going to pass out! She put a hand on her shoulder. "Ami! Are you okay?"
She nodded slightly. "I-I'm fine."
Maybe that was too much? Makoto looked away feeling her ears thump in the same rhythm as her heart. "I guess it was weird, sorry."
Rei knocked on the door. "You two done in there?! I was going to help Mako-chan with her homework...unless you want to Ami-chan."
Makoto could almost feel Rei's smirk. She smiled looking to Ami who blushed and nodded.
"Remember I can't see if you're nodding!"
"Oh, yes of course! I'll stay and help Mako." She replied
"Ohhh already dropping the 'chan' hmm? You must've made up!" Behind the door Rei held her stomach trying her hardest to not burst out laughing.
Ami fumbled over her words trying to respond. Makoto instead grabbed her phone and began to type once more. "So what? You don't always use the suffix either."
Rei grinned giving an audible laugh. "Quiet Mako! Or else Ami-chan might get jealous!"
Mako scratched the back of her head, a sweat drop appearing. Ami slammed a textbook on Makoto's table. "Anyways! We should get started on your homework, Mako-chan."
The ravenette sighed in amusement. "Ah, back to square one Mako. Sorry!" Rei jumped when something was thrown at the door. "Alright, alright! I'll leave now! Have fun you two!" She grabbed both the arms of the two blondes throwing them out of the house.
"Rei-chan! You are sooo mean!"
"Shut up Usagi. Is it even possible for you to be quiet for even a second?" Rei retorted.
Minako pulled on Rei's arm. "No fighting you two!" She scolded pulling Rei's arm with more force.
"What? Why are you holding onto me?" Rei asked.
"The day is still young and I need help with my homework. You can't use Ami as an excuse so now you're stuck with me!" Minako grinned evilly scaring Rei a bit. "Don't worry I'm not planning anything!"
"You better not. All I am gonna be doing is helping you with your homework, nothing else!"
Usagi watched the two walk away tilting her head at the two as they disappeared out of sight. "We had homework?"
A/N Sorry for the delay in updating! I was having trouble on how to continue with the story, after all I don't really have an exact plan for I hope this somewhat longer chapter will make up for it? Anyways, I might update again next week, still not sure.