Chapter Two – Mending that which Broke

Atlantis – Once the jumpers have been parked up

Back on Atlantis, a med team entered the jumper, but McKay pulled away, trying to hide his face.

"Easy now, lad," Carson said, leaning in to hear Rodney's quiet plea.

"Don't… I don't want people to see… not now…"

Carson gave a heavy sigh.

"Okay, Rodney. How about the Colonel and I help you onto a gurney, and then you can lie on your left hand side?"

McKay nodded his agreement, and Carson ordered everyone but Sheppard out, until they got Rodney sorted.

"Sorry," Rodney whispered. "It's stupid, I know. I just… I just don't want people staring…"

Carson and Sheppard shared a look, and then the Colonel went out of the jumper, to deal with an anxious Elizabeth, amongst other anxious bystanders, whilst Carson and his med team took Rodney down to the infirmary, quickly.

Once there, Carson cleared it of unnecessary personnel.

"Okay, Rodney, there's just Ellen and myself here, no one else."

Ellen was one of Carson's excellent nurses, and one who had always been able to handle Rodney, even in his most difficult and irritating moments.

Rodney slowly uncurled, not looking at Ellen or Carson, but allowing them to start taking his vitals.

"Are you still in pain?"

"Yeah… it's like a burning… in my mind," Rodney was quiet, and subdued. Too subdued for Carson's liking.

"Okay, I'll get you some more pain meds once we've done a scan."

"Can I…" Rodney paused, wincing against the pain. "I'd like to… get out of these clothes. Never liked them."

"Aye, I can imagine. Ellen, love, could you get him some scrubs? Then we'll take him for a scan."

Ellen nodded and left. Rodney removed the Wraith jacket, with some help from Carson, as he was feeling very unsteady, and then the shirt underneath it.

"Oh crap," Carson said quietly, looking at the scars on his friend's chest. "It fed on you."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay? It… it happened… but I'm okay, as you can see. Not aged. Just… leave it, please."

"Okay. But you'll need to talk about it sometime."

"I know, just… not now."

Rodney turned pleading eyes on him, and Carson looked away. The Rodney McKay he knew didn't plead. He snapped, he went defensive and he clammed up, but he didn't plead. Well, except that once, but that had been due to enzyme withdrawal.

Ellen returned with the scrubs at that point, and Carson busied himself helping Rodney finish changing, and then went about getting a scan sorted out. The sooner he knew about any physiological effects, the sooner he could treat any that appeared. As for his friend's psychological state… he feared that was going to take a lot longer to fix.

Atlantis – Elizabeth's office - A little while later

Carson, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon and Radek were with Elizabeth, ranged around her office. Elizabeth had been briefed on the events on P2L-209, as well as everything Rodney had told Carson about the Wraith, and what it had done to him.

"Any lasting physical effects we should be worried about?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, not really. The pain he experienced when the connection was broken is fading now, and I can't find any problems with that. He's exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and, well, I never thought I'd hear myself say this about Rodney, but he could do with putting some pounds on. Something he's already made a good start on," Carson smiled slightly at that. "You should know he has some scars on his chest from a Wraith feeding. And no, I don't know what happened, he doesn't want to talk about it, but he doesn't appear to have aged more than would be expected," he shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe another Wraith did it, and this one undid it, I don't know."

"I could talk to him, if you think it would help," John offered, though clearly uncomfortable with the idea.

"You could try, but I wouldn't push him. He seems very… subdued."

"Not like himself, you mean," Sheppard interpreted.

"No, not like his normal self. It could be a side effect from the psychic connection, or due to his captivity, I don't really know enough to be certain. Either way, I'll be encouraging him to talk to Dr Heightmeyer. Who knows what else the lad's been through this last year and not told us yet."

Worried looks followed this comment. As if the psychic connection had not been bad enough in itself.

"Is he up to visitors?" Elizabeth queried. "I'm sure I'm not the only one anxious to see him."

Carson sighed deeply.

"Well, the one thing he is being difficult about at the moment is with people seeing him. He was extremely grateful to get out of those Wraith clothes, but the tattoo… That's something he's going to have to live with, possibly for the rest of his life."

"Isn't there a treatment for removing tattoos these days, doc?" Sheppard asked.

"Aye, but I wouldn't recommend it. Not for facial tattoos. The treatment isn't perfect, and tends to leave scars. Especially considering the area the tattoo covers. No, I'm afraid the tattoo is something he's going to have to live with. And I can tell you now, it's not going to be easy. I think he's afraid of how people are going to react to it," he sighed again. "And probably with good reason."

"People will get used to it," Ronon pointed out.

"True, but people are bound to stare or be uncomfortable with it at first. It's only human nature to do so. As it is, I've placed him in a side room and restricted access to him, so that he can rest."

"He can't hide forever," Elizabeth said.

"No, and he knows that. I think he just needs some time. He's having to adjust to being back here, as well as the fact that he safe from that Wraith. He was alone for a year, Elizabeth, alone and trapped. It's going to take time to get used to being around people again."

"Okay. Hopefully he'll agree to see Kate, and maybe she can help him with this."

"We will give him the time he needs," Teyla said, looking to her team-mates for agreement, and receiving it from Radek and Ronon.

"I've already seen him and the tattoo, doc."

"Aye, I know, Colonel. I've already left instructions with my staff to let you visit. I'm hoping you can persuade him to let others visit as well."

"I'll do my best."

The meeting came to an end shortly after that, with both Carson and Sheppard headed to the infirmary.

Atlantis – Infirmary – Forty minutes later

Sheppard was sitting by McKay's bed, playing solitaire on a PC tablet and waiting for him to wake up. He had to admit, McKay looked better in scrubs than in the Wraith clothing… the gothic look not really working for the Canadian.

The tattoo... well, it might take a while to get used to it, but he would. They all would, including McKay himself, eventually. He was just glad McKay was alive and back where he belonged; on Atlantis.

He had just lost the card game again, when he heard a muttering from the bed next to him, and turned to watch his friend. McKay was restless, and as Sheppard watched him, he started to twist and turn, distress on his face. Held in the grip of a nightmare, he pushed at the blankets, trying to free himself of them, but in fact tangling himself further.

Sheppard leaned over, gently taking McKay by the shoulders.

"Easy there. You need to wake up now."

Rodney's eyes flew open and he cried out, pushing away from the person standing over him. Sheppard pulled back quickly.

"Hey, it's okay. It's only me. Sheppard."

Rodney's eyes flicked back to him, and John relaxed as he saw recognition dawning. McKay's harsh breathing started to slow.

"Bad dream?" Sheppard asked him.

"Yeah," the pale scientist whispered, before pulling himself up into a sitting position. John stuffed a couple of extra pillows behind McKay, so that he could lean back, which he did gratefully.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Thought not," John shrugged, settling back into his seat. "Bet it was about that Wraith."

Rodney closed his eyes for a moment, before sighing heavily, but remaining quiet.

"I've decided to call him Jim, hope you don't mind. Too much of a mouthful to say 'that Wraith that captured McKay' all the time. Thought I'd shorten it, you know," Sheppard continued, getting a snort of wry amusement from McKay as his reward.

"I called him Dave, in pure Sheppard-esque style. You're a bad influence on me," Rodney admitted ruefully.

"Dave it is, then. And I'm a wonderful influence on you."

"Oh sure," but the normal sarcasm was half-hearted at best.

"Must be good to be back?"

"Yes," he replied almost inaudibly.

Sheppard sighed. He wasn't good at talking about feelings and such, but he'd hoped McKay might open up to him a bit. He'd found that acting as a sounding board, with the occasional comment here and there, was often a good way to get his stubborn friend to work this sort of thing out.

"You're not making this easy," John said accusingly.

"No."

"McKay!" he ground the name out, frustration getting the better of him briefly.

"Sorry."

"You're not," John shrugged. "Maybe you'll talk to Heightmeyer."

Rodney wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly looking vulnerable and small. It hurt, seeing McKay like this.

"You're not alone anymore, Rodney."

"I know…and it's harder than I thought. I keep…" he didn't finish the sentence.

"What, Rodney? You keep what?"

"I keep expecting to feel his presence in my mind again. I know he's dead, crap, I felt it. It hurt enough, damn it. So I know he's dead, but I keep thinking he's going to invade my mind again. Stupid, I know, but I can't…"

"S'Okay. You're bound to be jumpy for a while. He tortured you, Rodney. Mental torture, and in some ways that's the worse kind. It'll take a while, but the fear will fade. He can't hurt you anymore."

"I know. I just want it over, now," Rodney unwrapped his arms from around himself, and started to pick at the blanket, his hands shaking. "I was dreaming of…" again, he couldn't seem to finish the sentence, leaving it to John to prompt him.

"Of what?"

"He fed on me. Took maybe twenty, thirty years, and then left me like that, for hours. I thought… I thought he was going to leave me like that, but he didn't. Did that freaky gift of life thing," he rubbed a hand over his face, before returning to picking at the blanket, keeping his eyes down. "He did it to me again… three times, in total. I think… I think he was exerting his… dominance over me. That he could take or give life, my life, whenever he pleased."

"I'm sorry. Sorry you had to experience that."

"Yeah," a small smile touched his lips briefly, before fading. "I saw him feed on others. He'd go to a planet, grab a few people, and then I'd get to see him feed on them, one by one. He fed once or twice a month… I saw fifteen people die that way… he made me watch," Rodney's eyes were full of the pain it had caused him. "And they all looked at me with hatred. They thought… I'm not sure what they thought. That I was a Wraith worshipper or sympathiser or…something. They all hated me," he paused briefly. "I'm scared that others will. He marked me."

"No one here will hate you, Rodney. If there had been a way for you to save those people, I know you would have taken it, but you couldn't risk it. He would have alerted the Wraith to Earth's location, to the fact Atlantis remained. And with that mind thing of his, you didn't stand much chance of defeating him."

"That 'mind thing'. I've always thought I have the best mind in two galaxies, but to feel the invasion, to not be able to use the one thing…the one thing that I've prided myself on, to have that taken away. All my intelligence did absolutely nothing for me. I should have been able to help those people. I should have been able to get away, I had access to the ship's systems. But that 'mind thing' took that all away from me. I should have been able to do something."

"No one here blames you."

"I don't want pity, either."

"You won't get that, not from the people that count. Just… friendship and… and… understanding," John leaned forward. "It would help if you'd let people visit. I know Teyla, Ronon, Radek and Elizabeth all want to see you, and I don't believe a Wraith tattoo is going to effect them. They've been worried about you, and want to see for themselves how you're doing."

"I can't… not yet. Please, I… don't think I can handle them. Not yet."

"Okay," Sheppard said with another sigh. "Okay, not yet. I won't push you."

"Yes you will. Crap, isn't that what you've been doing since I woke up?"

"Well, maybe a little," John replied, unrepentantly.

"You're a pain," Rodney huffed.

"Takes one to know one."

"Oh, very mature."

But John saw the tentative smile on McKay's face, and started to relax. Yes, McKay was struggling, as evidenced by the man's need to talk, but he'd get through this, somehow.

Atlantis – Infirmary – Two days later

"Elizabeth, I was just about to contact you," Carson said, as Elizabeth entered the infirmary. "I'm assuming you heard about Ronon's little visit to Rodney this morning?"

"Yes, I gather his patience ran out and he barged his way in," Elizabeth said. "But that Rodney didn't throw him out."

"Aye. I don't know what the lad said to Rodney, but he even asked me to let Teyla know she could visit if she wanted. As if she wouldn't," Carson shook his head, and smiled. "She was down here within minutes."

"That's a good sign, then."

"It is. Though I had to chuck them out after an hour or so. He still tires easily. And then Radek visited this afternoon, making it clear he expected Rodney to take his old job back, the sooner the better. And then they argued for a good half hour about some theory or other," he shook his head at the memory.

"Sounds like Rodney's feeling better. Do you think he'd see me?"

"That's why I was about to call you. I won't lie, Elizabeth, he is better than the last couple of days, but he's still…feeling vulnerable. However, I think he's realised he can't put off seeing people forever. I'll let him know you're here."

"Thank you."

A few moments later, and Elizabeth was entering the room Rodney had taken over, to see him sitting with a PC tablet on his lap, busy typing. The sight brought a smile to her face; it was just so Rodney. And then he looked up, and although she had been expecting it, the tattoo caused her to pause for a moment, and she knew he had noticed her hesitation. He looked away quickly, and she cursed herself silently for reacting.

"Hey, Rodney, you're looking good," she said, trying to ignore the fact he looked thin and far too pale.

"No, I'm not, but thanks for the try," he said without bite, looking her in the eyes again.

"Okay," she said wryly. "I've been told my bedside manner sucks. No point in trying to deny it. How are you feeling?"

Rodney shrugged.

"Alive. Free. It's a start. I've agreed to see Heightmeyer."

"That's good."

"Does this…" he paused, pointing to the tattoo. "Does it bother you?"

Elizabeth's first instinct was to say no, but she had a feeling he'd know she wasn't being entirely truthful, and he deserved for her to be honest with him.

"Not bother, as such. It's just," she sighed, gathering her thoughts. "It's strange, to see you with it. But I'll get used to it, as will everyone else here."

He nodded.

"That's honest, at least."

"I will get used to it," she repeated. "Everyone will."

"Not sure I will, but hopefully I'll learn to live with it. Ronon," he snorted. "Ronon, the big lug that he is, told me to get over it. That there were worse things that could happen, and I should be grateful to be free."

"I wondered what he had said."

"Huh. He also told me to stop pushing away the people who have been worried about me, to stop being selfish and wallowing in self pity. Well, not in those exact words, but that was the gist of it. He's right, you know. I need to deal with all of this, it's just…" he sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. "I don't know, it's just hard. I know what I need to do, but all I can think of is how people are going to react to this," he pointed to the tattoo again. "It's stupid, but I can't seem to get past it."

"It will get easier," Elizabeth said gently, realising just how fragile Rodney was.

"Maybe. But all I see are obstacles. I can't go off world easily now, certainly not on a first contact team. A lot of people in this galaxy would take one look at the Wraith tattoo and instantly distrust us, me in particular. Maybe I can go off world once friendly relations have been made, but even then there could be problems. Not to mention that I can't go back to Earth."

"Why not?" Elizabeth was puzzled.

"Because I don't think I could cope with strangers looking at me like I'm some kind of weirdo. Some freak who thought tattooing his face would be a good idea. Or the people who'd ask stupid questions, like, is it some new age thing, or a tribal tattoo, or some other rubbish like that," he grimaced. "Which is doubly irritating as I've never cared what anyone, certainly not strangers, thought of me before."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad."

"And I'm sure it will be. Elizabeth, what would you think about some stranger who, for instance, got a seat next to you on an airplane, looking like me? If you didn't know me, didn't know what this was?" he asked her earnestly.

"I…" she closed her eyes for a moment, and nodded. "Okay, I see your point. As for the off world thing, I'll talk to John, see what we can do about it. But whatever the outcome, your job as Chief Scientist is still here for you," she grinned. "Radek will be relieved to hand the reins back to you, the sooner the better probably. He never wanted the job in the first place really, but I persuaded him into it. Of course, Dr Simpson and Dr Kusanagi have taken over some of the job. Seems it takes more than one person to fill your spot."

"Of course it does," he said with a trace of the old McKay ego, and Elizabeth found herself smiling even more. He was still there, the Rodney they all knew and loved, just hidden.

"There's a couple more things I'd like to talk to you about," Elizabeth started. "One is about helping people to get used to your new look, and therefore hopefully making things easier for yourself as well. I was thinking, maybe a photograph, to be distributed to everyone here? Give people time to adjust, so that you don't have to deal with people's initial reactions, like mine."

"Yours wasn't so bad."

"True, but I'm still sorry about it."

"You think it would help?" he asked.

"I do. Look, people here are glad that you're back, and that you're alive and reasonably well. The tattoo is…strange, yes, but no one's going to make an issue of it, and eventually people won't even notice it. This will help speed that process up for you."

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly. "We'll try it."

"Good. I'll get Radek to take a photo and get it distributed. Now the second thing is more personal. Jeannie wants to see you. I've made arrangements for her to come here, tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" he asked, looking anxious.

"Yes, but if you want me to ask her to wait, I will."

"No, no, it's okay. I'll see her. Just, how much does she know?"

"That you're alive, nothing else as yet."

"Could you brief her, warn her about my new look? Maybe show her that photo?"

"Of course."

"Good. That's good. Thank you."

A call came over Elizabeth's radio for her.

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes," she said into her comm, and then turned her attention back to Rodney. "Duty calls. I'll see you in a bit."

Rodney nodded, and returned to his typing as Elizabeth headed to her office to deal with a minor staff problem.