"You can have the upstairs to yourself – those are Joker's rooms and he'll be staying with us while you're here," said Dr. Tetch, showing Dr. Quinzel around.
"Yeah, and you can use the fireman's pole to get down!" exclaimed Dr. Joker, gesturing to the hole in the floor. "Try it – you'll be looking for excuses to slide down it!"
"Maybe later," said Dr. Quinzel, setting down her bag.
"There's the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, and obviously all the doors lock, in case you want some extra privacy," said Dr. Tetch. "But please don't lock them during the night in case there's an emergency."
"What kinda emergency could there be?" asked Dr. Quinzel, looking worried.
"Oh, levitation, sleepwalking, head turning all the way around – there are many possibilities with possession," replied Dr. Tetch, waving his hand. "But it's very unlikely that the entity followed you here – all of this is just a precaution. Better safe than sorry when dealing with the unknown, that's my motto."
Dr. Quinzel managed a nod, looking even more terrified. "I guess I'll get…settled in," she stammered.
"We'll be having dinner at seven, and we'd be honored if you would join us," said Dr. Crane. "It's Chinese takeaway, so if you'd like anything special, please let me know. It'll be my treat."
"That's very sweet, Dr. Crane, thank you," said Dr. Quinzel, smiling at him.
"Please call me Jonathan," he said, smiling back.
"If you don't want Chinese takeaway, I can order you something else special," added Dr. Joker. "Anything you want."
"Chinese takeaway will be fine," said Dr. Quinzel. "Thank you."
Dr. Joker glared at Dr. Crane, who just smiled at him and went to go place the order.
"You can sit here," said Dr. Joker, pulling out a chair next to him as Dr. Quinzel came down for dinner.
"Or here," said Dr. Crane, gesturing to the seat next to him. "As I've ordered egg rolls to share, and you can help yourself."
Dr. Quinzel nodded, taking the seat next to him, which only increased Dr. Joker's glaring. "Have you got any further on that phrase the refrigerator said?" asked Dr. Quinzel, taking an eggroll. "Or any info on the vegetables?"
"Well, this is all experimental technology, so it could take some time," explained Dr. Tetch. "Yours is actually our first…real case."
Dr. Quinzel stared at him. "You mean…you don't have any idea what you're doing?" she asked, slowly.
"We have a very good idea of what we're doing, thank you very much," snapped Dr. Nygma. "We've just never actually done it before. In theory ghostbusting is all very simple, but in practice it's a bit more complicated."
"But you know ways of removing this thing, once you figure out what it is, from my apartment, right?" asked Dr. Quinzel.
"We know theoretical ways, yes," said Dr. Nygma, nodding. "And using that theory, we have created weapons capable of battling and exorcising spirits from a property. For instance, the proton pack, which is an invention of my own design which traps the spirit of negative energy in a lasso of positive energy in which it can be confined. It can also theoretically be used to transport spirits back to their dimension of origin when combined with other proton packs, creating the necessary energy to blast the spirit back to where they came from. Or bring about the destruction of this plane of existence entirely – we won't really know for sure until we test it," he added, tucking into his meal.
"Well, I…really hope that won't be necessary to get rid of whatever's in my apartment," stammered Dr. Quinzel. "I would hate to feel responsible for the destruction of the world."
"The universe," corrected Dr. Nygma. "It would destroy everything in reality, not just the world."
"Right, the universe," agreed Dr. Quinzel, sipping her drink.
"Gotta say, if I knew we had that kinda technology earlier, I'd have been tempted to play around with it," said Dr. Joker.
"You're not touching it," snapped Dr. Nygma. "I don't trust you after you broke my last machine."
"Do you have any idea why this spirit or whatever it is would want to possess me?" asked Dr. Quinzel.
"Well, it can't be blamed for it, can it?" chuckled Dr. Joker. "Just a joke," he added, when everyone just glared at him.
"The reason for possessions can vary, but usually it's because the spirit is looking for a host body to cross over to this plane of existence," replied Dr. Crane. "It begins by controlling the host to do its bidding, and then ultimately destroying the host and replacing it in its own body."
"But why me?" asked Dr. Quinzel. "I've never believed in this stuff, and I've never played with a Ouija board or anything like that."
"I believe you were just unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time," replied Dr. Crane. "And it's a testament to your character how little such a powerful presence has affected you. You must be a very strong-willed person. Which I mean as a compliment – not that you're stubborn or anything…" he added, hastily.
"I know what you meant," replied Dr. Quinzel, smiling at him. "Thank you."
Dr. Joker grew even more annoyed, gripping his chopsticks a little harder than necessary and snapping them.
"If nobody minds, I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna head to bed," said Dr. Quinzel, standing up after she finished her eggrolls.
"I'll guard her," said Dr. Joker, standing up instantly.
"Edward, why don't you accompany Joker on guard duty?" asked Dr. Tetch. "I'll take over working on the vegetable, and Jonathan can continue his search."
Dr. Nygma sighed audibly. "Fine," he muttered, standing up too. "Let's go."
"Don't let him out of your sight for an instant!" hissed Dr. Crane to Dr. Nygma. "I don't trust him as far as I can throw him!"
"Goodnight," said Dr. Quinzel at the door to her apartment.
"We'll be here all night, so don't hesitate to call us if you need anything," said Dr. Joker, smiling at her. "Anything at all…"
"Goodnight," interrupted Dr. Nygma, shutting the door after her. "Honestly, you're pathetic," he muttered, opening the book he had brought with him. "You and Crane are like children fighting over a toy. You're even more annoying than usual, if that's possible."
"Can I see what you're reading?" asked Dr. Joker.
Dr. Nygma held up the book, puzzled. "Let me see it," repeated Dr. Joker, holding out his hands.
Dr. Nygma handed it to him, and Dr. Joker instantly bashed him over the head with it. The blow was heavy enough and the book thick enough that it knocked Dr. Nygma unconscious. Dr. Joker beamed to himself, and knocked on Dr. Quinzel's door, whistling and slicking his hair back.
She opened it, confused. "Did you need something?" she asked.
"Just wanted to make sure you were feeling comfortable staying in a strange place like this," he said. "Thought you might want some company."
"What happened to Dr. Nygma?" she asked, looking at him.
"He had a long day – fell asleep," said Dr. Joker. "And it would be rude to wake him, doncha think?"
Dr. Quinzel nodded slowly. "You can…come in if you want," she said, holding open the door. "I guess it is your place, after all. Is this all your joke stuff?" she asked, gesturing around.
"Yeah, if you see any whoopie cushions, don't touch them," said Dr. Joker. "I'm using them for…research."
"You research jokes?" asked Dr. Quinzel, confused.
"I don't really like to call it research, actually – I play jokes on people and gauge the reaction," replied Dr. Joker, shrugging. "It doesn't have a lot of real world applications, but it amuses me anyway."
"Well, I guess work should be personally rewarding," agreed Dr. Quinzel. "I don't know what I'm going to do about mine – I can't very well call Arkham and tell them if they need to get in touch, to contact me here since ghosts kicked me out of my apartment. They'd lock me up in Arkham for that."
"So don't tell 'em that," replied Dr. Joker. "Just say you're staying with friends for the time being since your apartment's being repaired. Gas leak or water leak or something – they won't look into it too closely."
"I've had patients in Arkham talking about ghosts, and I always just assumed they were hallucinating," sighed Dr. Quinzel. "I feel kinda guilty for not believing them now. I just don't know what to believe anymore," she said, sitting down with her head in her hands.
"Well, I often don't," agreed Dr. Joker, sitting down next to her. "When the world's a madhouse, you'd be crazy to try to see sense in it. I guess ghosts are just another crazy aspect of a crazy world, so totally in keeping with it. I mean, you got psychopathic killers, natural disasters, and mammals that lay eggs, so why not have ghosts? The universe is just about bizarre and random enough for it."
"I guess that's a good way to look at it," replied Dr. Quinzel, smiling at him. "But all of this is still a little unreal for me to believe. And I hate having to impose on you guys…"
"It's not an imposition at all," interrupted Dr. Joker. "It's an absolute pleasure. I'm really glad you're here, Doc – you make a wonderful change from the nerds, and it gives me a chance to get to know you better. And I'm really, really glad you walked through our door. I've never met anyone like you before."
"I don't know how you can say that," replied Dr. Quinzel. "You don't know me very well…"
"Well, it has only been a day…but I feel something around you I've never felt before around anyone," said Dr. Joker. "You're in trouble, and dealing with something beyond anyone's imagination, and you're holding yourself together. I just really admire that strength and determination. The people we've got in here, faced with imaginary ghosts, they lose their heads, but you're facing a real one, a real one which the nerds think is trying to possess you and replace you, and you're nothing but calm and resilient."
"I think it's because it just hasn't fully hit me yet," replied Dr. Quinzel, with a smile. "Because I can't really believe it…"
"Well, denying reality doesn't take away from your ability to deal with reality," retorted Dr. Joker. "Frankly, it's one of my favorite things to do. I want you to know though that if you ever have to deal with that reality of ghosts and spirits and whatever else, I'm gonna have your back. I'm gonna be right there with you. I know you don't need me, but I want to help you all the same. And hey, maybe I'm just crazy enough to do some good."
"You're sweet," said Dr. Quinzel, smiling at him. "Really sweet. Just promise me if you see me getting possessed, you'll hit me or shake me or something."
"It's a deal," he said, holding out his hand. She took it, and was instantly shocked.
"Is that a joy buzzer?" she demanded, rubbing her hand.
"Nope," he replied. "It was a spark between us."
"Kinda a lame joke," retorted Dr. Quinzel, but she smiled.
"Well, even a lame joke has a kernel of truth," replied Dr. Joker, smiling back. He saw her blush slightly, and decided to make his move, leaning into her. He felt her draw closer to him, saw her lips part for his, her blue eyes shut, and then…
She suddenly shoved him away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" she demanded, suddenly furious.
Dr. Joker stared at her, stunned. "Sorry, I thought we…had a spark…"
"Are you actually trying to make a move on me?!" demanded Dr. Quinzel, her green eyes blazing fury. "I'm a vulnerable woman who has come to you for help, and you're actually trying to take advantage of that?! What kinda pig are you?!"
"Uh…well…I kinda thought we were…flirting…" stammered Dr. Joker.
"Your idea of flirting is as stupid as you are!" shrieked Dr. Quinzel. "Now get the hell out of my room, and don't let me catch you in here again, you despicable man! Jesus, I have to deal with pests both dead and alive – it's unbelievable that a woman has to put up from this by an entitled man who thinks he has the right to prey on her! Just disgusting!"
She shoved him outside and slammed the door in his face. A second later, Dr. Crane raced up the stairs. "What on earth was Dr. Quinzel shouting about?" he demanded. "And what did you do to Edward?" he asked, noticing him.
"Oh, I knocked him out," muttered Dr. Joker, settling himself down by the door. "And it was nothing – just Dr. Quinzel telling me what she really thought of me. It wasn't complimentary."
"Oh. Well, that is good news," said Dr. Crane, beaming.
"It's weird though – I coulda sworn we were flirting a little, and that she was into it," said Dr. Joker, thoughtfully. "I don't normally misread people like that – I wouldn't have made a move if I wasn't pretty sure she wanted me to…"
"You did what?!" demanded Dr. Crane.
"I told you – she rejected it," snapped Dr. Joker. "So don't worry. Still, it was odd. Like there was some switch flipped that turned her into…a completely different person. Someone who doesn't like me at all."