"So they defeated an ancient plant goddess, but they're calling themselves the Batbusters?" asked Tetch, when the story was over.
"Well, Plantbusters doesn't sound as cool," replied Joker. "Sounds more like a weed killing service."
"Batbusters sounds like a pest control service," commented Crane. "A grammatically incorrect pest control service which I, for one, would never use."
"Well, that's basically what we all are," agreed Joker, nodding. "Trying to control the pest that is Batman, with limited success. Still, I'm sure he has better things to do than bother us on Halloween."
Crane suddenly stood up, glancing at his watch. "Good heavens, look at the time!" he exclaimed. "That story took much longer than I thought! The guests are going to arrive any second now, and I still haven't finished carving the pumpkins!"
"Hey, I can help," said Joker. "I'm pretty handy with a knife, or so my victims tell me. Well, they would if I left them in a state where they could talk, of course."
"No, I'll handle it," snapped Crane. "You just stay here and let the guests in. And stop eating the candy – there'll be none left for the trick or treaters!" he exclaimed, noticing the almost empty bowl in the Joker's hand.
"They shoulda got here earlier," retorted Joker. "Anyway, I don't approve of kids going around begging for candy, even if they are dressed in costumes. We should teach them self-reliance at a young age, not to depend on strangers for handouts. In fact, we should poison this candy just to teach them a lesson about not trusting strangers."
"You're not poisoning candy I'm giving to children," retorted Tetch. "That's monstrous."
"Yeah, I draw the line at hurting kids," agreed Harley, nodding. "A lotta times, grown-ups ask for it, but kids are too young to know any better."
"Maybe some children are," sniffed Nygma. "I was an exceptionally brilliant child who knew about ten times more than your average adult."
"And you grew into an adult with no social skills to speak of, and no friends," said Joker, nodding. "Kinda a step backwards, if you ask me."
"I didn't have friends as a child either – I didn't need them then, and I don't need them now," retorted Nygma.
"So what are you doing at our party?" asked Tetch.
"I was chastising you for this silly ghost hunting idea," retorted Nygma. "Of which I will be having no part of, and will loudly mock all who indulge you."
"In that case, perhaps you had better leave," said Tetch. "Anyway, Jonathan wants to do this as a psychological experiment rather than an actual ghost hunt."
"That's even worse!" exclaimed Harley. "That's always how these things start in the horror movies – skeptics are trying to disprove something, and then they inadvertently invite it in, and it kills everyone! Well, I ain't sticking around here for that to happen! C'mon, puddin' – we'll have our own Halloween party at home, safe from vengeful ghosts and demons and whatever else this is gonna summon!"
The doorbell rang at that moment, and Joker went to answer it. "Looks like it just summoned the Weed Lady," he commented. "Which I suppose is in keeping with the story."
"What story?" asked Poison Ivy, entering the apartment also dressed as a Ghostbuster. She and Joker just looked at each other. "Well…this is awkward," she said at last.
"More than you know," agreed Joker, nodding. "I just told a variation on Ghostbusters where you were the thing that got busted."
"That's typical of you," sighed Ivy. "Anyway, I thought the costume would be in keeping with the ghost hunting theme. I was never really into Ghostbusters before, but then they did the remake last year with the all female cast, and for some reason, that one really spoke to me."
"Probably because it wasn't funny, and you have no sense of humor," said Joker, nodding.
"Actually, I think you'll find the original one wasn't funny, since Bill Murray's character was a sexual harasser," snapped Ivy. "The only women in that movie were either being unwantedly hit on or shot with ray guns."
"And yet, it's hilarious, so maybe that has something to do with it," retorted Joker.
"Violence against women isn't funny!" snapped Ivy.
"Oh, sure it is! I'll show you," he said, raising a fist to hit her. Ivy slammed her gun across his face before he could, and in response, Joker hit her with his proton pack.
"Stop, stop, stop!" shouted Crane, racing back into the room clutching a half-carved pumpkin. "You'll knock over the decorations!"
"What the hell are you doing?!" shrieked Ivy suddenly, glaring at him in fury.
"What?" asked Crane, puzzled.
"You're mutilating my baby?!" shrieked Ivy, throwing a finger at the pumpkin. "Isn't it enough that you pluck it off its stem, wrenching it from its bed in the warm earth and into an early grave, without taking a knife to its remains for some gaudy decoration?!"
"Hey, maybe Pammie will be communicating with a pumpkin ghost later!" chuckled Joker. He was hit across the face again.
"I will not have any part of this barbarity!" screamed Ivy, storming toward the door. "And I'm texting the other guests telling them not to come to this disgusting celebration of plant murder under pain of death! Maybe then you'll learn to respect Mother Nature, you creep!"
She slammed the door shut. "I gotta hand it to Pammie, she does know how to kill a party," commented Joker.
"We're gonna go home too, Johnny," said Harley, heading for the door and dragging Joker after her. "Nothing personal – I just don't wanna be messing around with all that occult stuff. And if you turn up mysteriously dead tomorrow, I promise I won't rest until the cops believe it was a supernatural entity that did it. Happy Halloween," she said, shutting the door behind her.
"I'm going too," said Nygma, following them. "Enjoy your…party," he said, smirking as he shut the door.
"Well, it looks like it's just us," commented Tetch. "On the bright side, there's still some candy left over for the trick or treaters."
"No, I need it," snapped Crane, grabbing the bowl from him. "It'll make me feel better after my ruined party. And on top of that, I had to endure a Joker story. It's been a hell of a Halloween."
"Well, there's always next year," said Tetch, cheerfully. "And we've learned that we simply have to avoid mentioning ghost hunting, or carving pumpkins. That shouldn't be too difficult."
"How can you have Halloween without carved pumpkins?" demanded Crane. "That's essential to any respectable Halloween party!"
"Well then, perhaps we just shouldn't invite Ivy next year," said Tetch.
"Yes. I don't agree with Joker much, but making her some pushy plant goddess bent on destroying everything is certainly in character," muttered Crane, shoving a bar of chocolate into his mouth. "And unlike in the Joker's fiction, in reality, sometimes the bad people win."
"Yes, like Batman," agreed Tetch, nodding.
"At least I can still ruin his Halloween," said Crane, heading back to his study. "I think Gotham needs an extra little jolt of fear tonight – I'm going to plant a fear gas bomb in Ace Chemicals which I'll amplify to cover the entire East Coast of America. And hopefully poison lots of plants too. That'll teach her to ruin my Halloween party," he muttered.
The End