AN: Again, this has only been read by my eyes. There are probably a lot of mistakes. I'm lazy, what can I say?

Anyway, warning for Jr. using ableist language and some gendered slurs.

Suyin's masterfully crafted plan to keep Kuvira and Bataar Jr. from crossing paths worked beautifully for four days. Four days filled with anxiety and second guessing and sleepless nights. Kuvira met Yunru's parents. Huan had insisted on it, had brought them by her rooms, introducing her as 'my friend, Kuvira' (she had to take a moment to keep herself from being overwhelmed). Yunru was handsome, strong and physically athletic, almost the complete opposite of Huan. He was not a bender, but he was well trained in hand-to-hand fighting. Kuvira immediately liked his jovial personality and kind smile.

None of them seemed concerned with her past, and she thought that this was all more than she deserved.

Kuvira spent her time working on the new guest rooms. She only had a few more left, and she did her best to stretch the work. It was not the time to go wandering about Zaofu trying to find a new project to complete. Not with Jr. about.

She saw him first, walking across the practice yard with his head bent over a stack of papers in his arm. So much like how he used to look back when they had started dating. He had let his hair grow out on the sides, and it was coiffed similarly to the way his father's was. He looked so much like Bataar Sr. She wanted to will her feet into moving, to make herself go before he saw her, but she could not. And when he lifted his head, their eyes locked.

Sozin's comet could have landed in the middle of Zaofu at that moment, and Kuvira still would not have been able to tear her eyes away from the man she almost married.

The emotions that passed across his face where to be expected. Surprise, shock, anger, resentment. And now that he had seen her, she had to decide what to do next. Should she run? Should she pretend like she didn't recognize him? Should she make the first move, or wait for him to decide what he wanted to do?

"Kuvira," he said before she could do anything.

"Bataar." She may have called him Jr. around Suyin, but really, it had been years and years since she had called him that to his face.

He glanced up and down her body, taking in her clothes that were clearly in Suyin's style, clearly not of Kuvira's own choosing, clearly meant to mark her as part of Suyin's family.

"I see you've made yourself comfortable in my home." His lip rose in a sneer, and she briefly wondered what she had ever seen in him. He was not as strong as his mother, and not nearly as companionate as his father. He lacked all the qualities that made his siblings so unique and incredible. He could have been. She often wondered if she had been the one to ruin him, to foster his resentment towards his parents, to push him to a place where he lost himself and turned into a pathetic whiny child. Perhaps that assessment of him was harsh, and perhaps Kuvira needed to work on letting go of her own resentment towards him, but she knew that he had not been tricked into anything with her. He had known what he was getting into, what they would be doing. The spirit weapon had been his idea, his design. He had been the one to tell her exactly what it could do, exactly how to use it. He was her second in command, and she would not treat him like the victim he pretended to be.

He was as much to blame as she was, and he had done it all of his own free will.

"According to my sentencing, it's my home, too," she countered softly. There was no reason to willingly try and escalate the situation. She would not roll over, but neither would she be unnecessarily aggressive.

"What did you say to them to make them let you out?"

"I didn't say anything. I showed what they deemed to be a proper level of remorse and reparations."

"Fooled them, did you?"

She gritted her teeth. It did not matter if he believed her. He did not matter anymore. Not in the long run. Not to her future. What mattered was making sure she kept on track, making sure she progressed appropriately, enough for Korra to monitor and show the Council as proof that she really did deserve this leniency. What mattered was making sure that Suyin trusted her.

"I have been nothing but honest since our defeat."

"Your defeat. Unless you forgot, you tried to kill me."

"I haven't. I never will." She drew herself up, trying desperately to put on her haughty guise that she had used so often as the Great Uniter. "But that doesn't erase your culpability. Don't try and pretend like I acted alone."

He let out a mirthless laugh. "Spirits, you're such a bitch."

She'd heard worse, she really had, but those words hit her squarely in her gut. It wasn't like she cared what Bataar Jr. thought of her, but she thought maybe he had known her best. And if he thought so poorly of her….then perhaps there was truth to it. Because, really, what kind of person destroyed a city? What kind of person created reeducation camps? What kind of person tried to 'cleanse' a nation of all foreigners?

Perhaps bitch was too soft a word for what she was. What she had been.

"I've paid for my crimes how society has deemed fit," she said, voice trembling. "And I will continue to pay for them the rest of my life." It had not been his name, his face on all the banners they had erected around the Earth Kingdom. It had not been his image being worn by citizens in the United Republic. His face was not the one recognized by everyone. He was provided the luxury of anonymity when he walked down the street. Kuvira would never have that again.

"Excuse me if I don't shed a tear for that heartbreaking story."

She had forgotten how cruel he could be. It had never been directed at her before.

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"I don't forgive you."

"I'm not asking you to." Forgiveness from Suyin, she desperately craved. Forgiveness from Bataar Jr… that was something she could live without. "I don't need it."

"Of course not," he spat. "Perfect Kuvira doesn't need anyone at all. You have my mother fooled into thinking you've changed, that you're sorry. But I saw you. I saw how cold you could be. She doesn't know you like I do. You're a sociopath, Kuvira. And you're just going to hurt my family again. You don't care who you hurt as long as you get what you want."

It wasn't true. She knew it wasn't true. It had hurt her to turn the spirit weapon on him, on his family. It had been the hardest decision she'd ever made. But at the time, she had thought it was the best course of action. She had thought it was the right thing to do. And she had been prepared to live with the emotional consequences. She knew now that she had been wrong, but that did not mean that she never cared.

She knew all of that, but Bataar Jr.'s words still caused self-doubt to drill into her gut. Maybe she really didn't feel as much as she should. Maybe there was something wrong with her. She knew she never felt love as deeply as he did, as Suyin did. She knew that she could separate herself from her emotions in a way that disturbed most people. She could remove herself from a situation in order to make the best decision. Or so she thought. In hindsight, she may not have been as good at that last thing as she thought.

"I'm sorry that I hurt your family," she said, hoping that she could keep her voice from shaking. "I'm glad that you've moved on and have a family. We don't need to discuss anything further." She turned away from him and began walking briskly towards her rooms. For a few moments, she feared he would follow, that the argument would continue until she lost her temper. But he did not follow, and she slowed as she walked back inside.

When the door closed behind her, Kuvira leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths. Her heart was racing, but not in the way that suggested she was about to lose control. If she could just stay relatively calm, she should be all right.

What she wanted was to find Suyin, but she had no idea where the older woman would be, and she knew that walking outside would mean taking the chance of crossing paths with Bataar Jr again. And Suyin would probably side with her son, anyway. Not that Kuvira could blame her.

With a heavy sigh, Kuvira entered her rooms, planning on just staying there for three more days until Bataar Jr. went back to Republic City. She'd call to make sure Suyin would know where to find her. But her hand hesitated when she reached the phone. What would she say? Sorry, your son said some mean things to me? Things that were mostly true. So instead of calling Suyin, she picked a book at random off her shelves and sat down to read, hoping to distract herself. She wondered how long it would be before Jr. told the entire household about their encounter. She wondered how he would spin it. If he would paint some awful picture of her as an instigator, the aggressor.

The knock on her door that came some ten minutes later was expected, and she knew Suyin would be on the other side. She would have known even if she hadn't sensed the other woman's heartbeat. Familiar to her, and growing more so. So when she opened the door, she did not, could not, hide the distress from her features.

"Why didn't you come find me?" Suyin asked as she stepped into the room. She surveyed Kuvira's face, looking for signs of an oncoming panic attack.

"I didn't know where you were," Kuvira muttered. She didn't bother saying she didn't need Suyin, wasn't some needy girl who couldn't handle problems on her own. Though those were her immediate, instinctive, responses, she knew that she was past them with Suyin. Neither of them would have believed such falsities. Not anymore.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think you would… I thought you would still be in the east wing." She tentatively reached for Kuvira's face, brushing the younger woman's hair back behind her ears. "Are you all right? Are you…you're not about to have an attack, are you?"

"No. I…I'm all right." She resisted the urge to turn her head so that her cheek rested more firmly in Suyin's palm.

"Are you really all right?"

"I…well, no, but I'm not about to have a panic attack," Kuvira amended. Her traitorous tongue kept spilling her weaknesses. "Shouldn't you be with Bataar Jr.?"

Suyin's frown was immediate and sharp. "He'll live. I was more concerned about you."

"Why? He's your son."

"And he's been out of prison for five years now. He has a wife to comfort him, and he's adjusted to the real world. He doesn't need me for this. To be okay. But you might." She waited expectantly, but Kuvira didn't answer. "You do want me here?"

Kuvira swallowed and looked away. "Yes."

"I thought…I was hoping you would allow me to help if you needed it."

"I hate…I hate that I feel this way," Kuvira said, turning away from Suyin. "That seeing him has…made me into this emotional wreck."

"It's understandable," Suyin told her, stepping up behind her. Not too close to crowd her, but close enough to provide support. "You were with him for a significant amount of time. You both went through a lot."

"I tried to kill him," Kuvira said humorlessly. She could feel Suyin tense behind her. Could sense it through the stone floor.

"Yes. And if you had, I would never have been able to forgive you." She could feel Suyin shudder. "It would have destroyed me."

"I know." Kuvira swallowed. She did not know what else to say. What else could she say? There was nothing left to say that she had not said before. How many times could she apologize before the words lost all meaning?

Suyin sighed loudly and tentatively placed a hand on Kuvira's shoulder. "We're all right. It's…we're past that."

"I don't know if I'll ever be past it." It was something Kuvira had thought over seriously the past ten years. Could she truly move on from what she had done, who she had become? Could she really start fresh, and did she really want to? Forgetting her past meant the possibility of repeating its mistakes. She had to keep herself honest, had to constantly monitor her thoughts and motivations. She could never allow herself to forget what she had done. "I can't allow myself to forget who I was."

"I understand that, but Kuvira, you won't accomplish anything by dwelling on it. Korra told me how much progress you've made, and I've seen it for myself." Suyin's hand slid down to her waist, turning Kuvira around to face her. "I know that having Jr. here has been difficult. I know that you weren't ready for this, and I wish I could have changed things. But constantly bringing up your past mistakes won't make it any easier." She lowered her head slightly to look Kuvira in the eyes. "What did he say to you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"It wasn't anything I haven't heard before." Kuvira let Suyin grasp her hand.

"But usually it's not from people you care about."

Kuvira shook her head. "It's not…not that I care about him. I do, but it's not…I don't care enough for that to be the reason. It's more…he knew me. Saw me in ways other people didn't. If there are parts of me that he sees…then is that really who I am?"

Suyin contemplated this, her lips pursing. "He doesn't know you anymore. He hasn't known you for ten years."

Kuvira opened her mouth to reply, but her strength seemed to leave her. She shut her mouth again and shook her head helplessly. When the first tear fell, Suyin did not hesitate to gather Kuvira in her arms. Her hands grasped Suyin's shirt tightly, crinkling the fabric. Vaguely, she reflected that it was lucky Suyin wasn't wearing her usual metal necklace, which would have caused her great discomfort as she pressed her face into the older woman's neck. She didn't want to cry, especially over Bataar Jr. Especially not in front of his mother. She wanted to be able to handle this on her own without breaking down.

"It's all right," Suyin murmured into her hair. "It's all right. You're all right."

"Wh-what if he's right?" Kuvira sniffed, trying to take deep, gasping breaths. "What if I am a sociopath? What if I just-just use people and h-hurt them?"

"Spirits, he said that to you?"

"I've hurt you before," Kuvira continued, ignoring Suyin's outrage. "I hurt him. I hurt Bataar Sr. and Huan and Opal and the twins. I hurt every citizen of Zaofu, and I've...I've k-killed people."

"Kuvira-"

"I just…I know that I…that…it's still there, inside me." She pressed herself against Suyin, needing the physical contact and comfort for once. "That person who…who was going to sacrifice people she loved for power and order and control. And I'm so…so afraid that I haven't changed. That I've just fooled myself into thinking I have." She squeezed her eyes shut breathing in deeply, letting it out in shuddering breaths. "He saw me at my worst. He knows what I…what I can do, what I have done. He knows-"

"He doesn't know anything," Suyin interrupted fiercely. "He hasn't spent time with you for a decade. He only knows who you used to be, not who you are. You can't listen to what he says in anger. He may have moved on with his life, but he will never be able to just let go of what happened between you. I'm afraid he gets his ability to hold grudges from my side of the family, but that doesn't mean he's right about you." Suyin gently cupped her jaw and pulled back to look at her. "I think I know you, Kuvira. I knew you before, and I think I'm getting to know who you are now."

Besides Korra, it was probably true that Suyin knew her best. Kuvira wasn't sure what that meant, seeing as she no longer let anyone see all of herself. Suyin knew her better than other people did, but that may not have meant much.

"Look at me. Look at me, Kuvira." Suyin waited until Kuvira met her eyes. "You're not the Great Uniter anymore. You're not that person. The fact that you are here, letting me hold you as you cry about this proves that you aren't her anymore. She would never have allowed this. She would never have let me see past her walls, let me hold her like this. But you will. Because you've changed. You've been working for ten years to become someone else, to leave her behind. Are you telling me that the work you put in was for nothing? That you're exactly the same?"

"I don't know."

"Kuvira-"

"I don't know!" She bit her lip and looked away. "I thought I was, but now I just…"

"He wanted to hurt you," Suyin said. "I love my son, but I am not blind to his faults. He hasn't forgiven you the way I have, and he still wants you to hurt like he did. Like he still is. He chose those words because he knew they would make you question yourself."

"No. he chose those words because he believes them." Kuvira extracted herself from Suyin's embrace. "You didn't see his face when he said them. He truly believes that I don't care who I hurt as long as I get what I want. And he may not be wrong."

Suyin pressed a kiss to her forehead. "He is wrong. You are not the same."

"How have you been able to forgive me?"

"The same way I was able to forgive him." Suyin tilted her head, her eyes so full of affection that Kuvira felt she would suffocate under it. "I love you. You know it wasn't easy for me. You know it's still not easy. There are days where I wonder if I've done the right thing in bringing you back here. I wonder if it's good for you. If it's good for me. I've spent ten years working through my anger at you, working through all of these issues. And I know we aren't there yet. I know you're not ready for displays of affection. I know it takes you longer to…to work through new situations than me. It only took me a few days of having you here to know that I was not going to hold the past against you anymore. To know that I was ready to move on with a new chapter. I know it takes you longer, I know that. And I'm not asking you to move on more quickly than you're comfortable with." She brushed her lips against Kuvira's temple, so tenderly that it actually startled Kuvira. "I just want you to know that I have forgiven you. If you ever doubt that, remember this. Remember that I am here with you, comforting you, instead of my son.

"What's in the past is in the past. We are not the same people we were then. You aren't, and neither am I. Jr. doesn't know you. Not anymore. He doesn't know how hard you try to make Kaori feel like her presence isn't a constant reminder to you of how I failed you. He doesn't know how you give bending pointers to the younger guards. He hasn't seen you put your best effort into every possible maintenance project you can dig up. And he hasn't seen you apologize nearly every other word for things you've already apologized for a hundred times."

"Su-"

"He hasn't seen that, but I have."

"Su, I just…" She looked away again, wiping her eyes, hating that she had lost control in front of Suyin. "I'm afraid I'll never…"

"Never what?"

"It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Kuvira." Suyin's voice was very firm. "Please."

"I just don't know what I'm doing."

"You're barely two weeks out of prison. I don't think you're supposed to know what you're doing yet."

"I…that's not exactly what I meant."

Suyin raised a brow. "Okay. Then clarify for me."

Kuvira sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. She couldn't tell Suyin what she had been feeling. That she had started having a...what was probably an inappropriate attraction to the older woman. That she was struggling so much with her own emotions, with what she wanted, with what she could have.

She chided herself for being so dramatic. A small attraction should not have thrown her so much. It was nothing that she could not ignore and move past. She just had to figure out what to say to Suyin.

"I guess…it's like you said. I don't…process changes like this quickly. I could, at one time. I was…it was so easy when it was decisions about the Earth Empire." She saw Suyin frown at the phrase 'Earth Empire,' but she could not dwell on it. "I was able to make decisions quickly and efficiently. But now…Now I overanalyze everything I do. Everything I feel, everything I say. I feel like I'm moving in slow motion sometimes. I have to, or I'll frighten people. I've seen them flinch if I make sudden movements."

"Who? Who flinches?"

"Guards. Random citizens."

"People who don't know you."

"Yes."

"Have I?"

"What? No, of course not." Kuvira's brows furrowed as she tried to understand what Suyin was saying.

"Has Bataar? Bataar Sr., I mean."

"No."

"Has Kaori or Hua? Or Huan?"

"No."

"What about Yunru or his parents? They've just met you this week, and they know what your past is." Suyin pushed back an errant strand of hair from Kuvira's face. She could not even keep control over her own hair these days. "Have they flinched away from you?"

"No. But it's different. It's not…it's not the same thing. With strangers, it's like…I can't ever escape who I was."

"I thought you wanted to remember."

Frustrated, Kuvira blew out a sigh through her nose. "I do. But under my own terms. Not because everyone else has decided it for me."

"I see. I can't make people trust you."

"I know. That's not what…that's not what I meant."

"But I can have you with me more. Then people would see you and get used to you," Suyin suggested hopefully.

"I don't want to be your captain again," Kuvira said.

"I know. I had hoped that…that it could go back to that, but I know now that it's best if that doesn't happen. Best for you, at least." She gave Kuvira a small smile. "I don't mean as my captain. I have one of those already. I just meant as a…I don't know. Maybe as an advisor, or simply an observer."

"I'm enjoying the work I'm doing."

"And I wouldn't want to take you away from that. It wouldn't be all day. Perhaps just a couple of hours in the afternoon. Just enough to get people accustomed to seeing you."

Kuvira thought on this. She knew that if she agreed to this, she would need more time to herself later, more time to decompress and process her day. She would have to work harder on her projects to get more done in a shorter amount of time. It would mean more time with Suyin, which she still was unsure if she wanted. Well, she wanted it, but she didn't know if she should have it. Too much time around Suyin could lead to more attraction than Kuvira wanted to deal with.

"I'll have to think about it."

Suyin seemed amused, her eyes crinkling at the corner. "All right. You think about it. You have all the time in the world to decide."

"I just don't want to make people uncomfortable."

"I know. And I think that proves that you have changed." Suyin ran her thumb across Kuvira's cheek, picking up tears the younger woman had missed. "The Great Uniter wouldn't have been so concerned about people she didn't know."

"I just feel like I've caused enough…pain."

"You're not alone in that," Suyin said quietly. "I do understand…what I could have done differently." She sighed, leaning her head forward so that their foreheads touched. "I know I've told you this before, but it wasn't all on you. I should have…I should have done more in the beginning. I should have taken more responsibility in helping the Earth Kingdom."

"You were worried you'd end up like I did," Kuvira remembered. It had been one of their more…unpleasant conversations. In hindsight, though, Kuvira knew it had been necessary for them to hash that out. Suyin admitting her fears, her reasons, taking responsibility for the mistakes she made. At the time it had stung Kuvira intensely to know that Suyin had known what would happen.

"Yes, and I knew it would happen to you, and I should have done more to prevent that."

"I don't know if anyone could have…could have stopped me," Kuvira said. She thought she was introspective enough now to know. As easy as it would have been to blame her mistakes, her actions, on failings of Suyin, she knew that she had to take responsibility. At least as much as she deserved.

"I could have tried harder." Suyin let her hand slide down to the back of Kuvira's neck. It was so intimate, so touching. Kuvira didn't know what it meant, and she felt like her chest was going to burst from the emotions blooming inside her. Everything about Suyin was so much. She was so intense, so compelling. She was a force of nature, someone who could easily overwhelm anyone in her way. Or overwhelm someone emotionally, whether she was trying to or not. And Kuvira seemed to be the one in her sights. Kuvira was the one who had Suyin's focus, whose personal space Suyin kept invading.

Not that she minded. And each day, she minded less and less.

Kuvira broke away, firmly stepping out of Suyin's space. "Then I would have just resented you."

"You make it sound like this was some tragic destiny." The older woman lowered herself into a chair, leaning back and crossing her legs. She looked so comfortable, so at ease in Kuvira's rooms. Like she belonged there. Like this was the most natural thing to do. And because it did feel so natural, Kuvira walked over to the small kitchenette and put on a pot of tea.

"I don't know it destiny is the right word," she said. "But I…sometimes I think there was no way I wasn't going to do it. If you had gone, I would have gone with you. If you had decided to step down, I would have continued without you. I just…I don't know if there was ever a world where this wasn't going to happen."

"That sounds very fatalistic. Don't you believe our choices could have been different?"

"Of course." She glanced back at Suyin, remembering the times they'd had deep, philosophical conversations late at night after a long day. Those had always been some of Kuvira's dearest memories. Times when she'd felt loved and wanted, like Suyin had spent time with her just because of Kuvira, because of who she was. Not because she was obligated to. "I just don't think I ever would have made a different choice." Carefully, she poured the tea into two cups, adding sugar to Suyin's. She handed it to the other woman, letting her fingers linger as their hands brushed. She then sat across from Suyin. "I've spent years trying to understand…trying to figure out if I could have done something to prevent this. And I could have. There are so many decisions I could have made differently, but I never would have. I was a product of my upbringing. There was only one course of action I was ever going to take."

"And that's on me."

"Not entirely. You didn't abandon me."

"In a way, I did. I should have…I should have tried harder with you." Suyin's brows contracted painfully.

"That argument is starting to sound tired," Kuvira told her, quirking her mouth to soften the words. "You've already apologized for that. We can't change it." And, she thought, her growing attraction for Suyin would have been exceptionally problematic if she had been a true part of the Beifong family.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to keep Jr. away from you." Suyin stared at her tea.

"I'm amazed we managed four days without an incident. It's not your fault. Really, it's no one's fault." Kuvira was too tired to be angry, even at Bataar Jr. for showing up unannounced.

"He's not going to leave for another three days."

"I know. I can handle it." She felt more prepared now. The first meeting was over. Anything after this would be…easier.

"I want to prevent a blowout," Suyin said.

"Well, yes, I think we'd all like to avoid that."

"Yunru's parents are leaving tomorrow. I can ask Jr. to lea-"

"No," Kuvira interrupted. "No. I won't…I won't be the reason for a rift between you. Not again." She had vowed to herself that she would never hurt a Beifong again. Not if she could help it.

"Kuvira…"

"It's only three days. I will confine myself to this wing, and we won't have to worry about it anymore." She nodded resolutely, sipping her tea. It was the best option. Suyin looked displeased, but Kuvira could see that she was going to relent.

"I don't like it."

"I don't either, but it's the best I can do right now." She tried to offer Suyin a reassuring smile. "He's your son. You should enjoy the time you have with him without having to worry about me."

"I'll always worry about you, Kuvira." She drained her tea and stood. "I have to get back to him. He was…upset. Anyway. I'll come back later."

"That's not necessary."

"No, it's not. But I want to." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I've missed you these past few days. Kaori misses you, too."

"Well, tell Kaori it's just a few more days."

"Would it be all right if I brought her by this evening?"

"Oh. I…well…I suppose so." Kuvira bit her bottom lip, swallowing her immediate refusal. She may have, maybe, possibly, missed the young girl. But she would never admit that.

"It's just that…well…" Suyin's face actually flushed, with anger and shame, Kuvira thought. "Jr. is a bit…cold towards her. I think she reminds him of you and what happened, and well…It's been…difficult."

"I see. Yes. Bring her."

"All right." Suyin leaned over Kuvira to place a kiss on the top of her head. "I'll be back later."

Once she had left the room, Kuvira gingerly placed her hand where Suyin's lips had been. The older woman had not been restrained in her affection, and Kuvira had let her take that initiative. And she found that…that she didn't hate it.

She may have wanted more.