AN: well, a nice surprise. the muse did not quit on me completely. i was able to get this chapter done for you guys.
there is quite a lot of talk about sex and masturbation in the chapter, from Kya and Lin and Kuvira, which also leads to some intense mortification for poor Kuvira. and then we also earn out M rating here with some self love for Kuvira. no actual sex yet, though.
As she sat in the passenger seat of Lin's car, looking out the window at the streets of Zaofu, Kuvira started to really regret agreeing to this dinner. She wanted to just avoid any kind of conflict and pretend nothing was wrong. How incredibly different than who she had been ten years ago. Before prison, avoidance had been something she loathed, despised. A sign of weakness in people who did not have the courage or strength or guts to face their problems head on. It was the tactic of cowardice, and she had been disgusted by people who used it. By Suyin and Korra, at the time. People who she thought should have tackled the Earth Kingdom problems instead of hiding and letting everything fall apart.
Now here she was, nervous about a dinner with two people she had known most of her life.
That afternoon, she had almost backed out, almost canceled, but she remembered her promise to Huan that his father wouldn't get hurt. She knew that if she stood them up, she would not be able to keep that promise.
Her nervousness only grew as they got closer to the Beifong compound. She kept fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, which Kya had helped her pick out. Kuvira wasn't sure about it. She felt it made her look too thin, but Kya assured her that the sharp cut really complimented her. Even Lin had remarked that she looked good. The cut of the shirt accentuate her shoulders, nipping in to be belted at her waist, and draping over her hips. It made her look longer and taller than she was, and she had to admit that the dark greens and boldness gave her and air of strength she had not felt in a long time.
Kya had done her hair, too. It was something similar to what she had worn as the Great Uniter, pulled back and twisted and knotted at the base of her neck. Her few grey streaks were twisted in and looked striking instead of old and tired. Kya tried to get her to put on make-up, even just a little bit, but Kuvira hadn't worn any since going to prison, and she felt like putting any on would make her feel like a different person.
Suyin met her at the door, thanking Lin for bringing her. Once Lin left, no doubt to go over even more reports, Suyin gave Kuvira a very long, very slow once over.
"You look…incredible," Suyin said, her voice full of want and need, and Kuvira tried not to blush. This had, after all, been the intention when choosing outfits. She could also tell that Suyin very much wanted to take the outfit off of her. Which was a prospect she was torn over. At this moment, with Suyin looking at her like that, Kuvira almost wanted to throw caution to the wind and tell Lin to go home, that she would be staying the night, staying in Suyin's bed.
Instead, she just tried to ease her anxiousness. "Thank you. Kya did most of it."
"Kya didn't make these cheekbones," Suyin said, running her thumb over one of them. "Or this jaw. Or this perfect nose. Or your lips." Suyin kissed her then, in the vast entrance hall. " Or your incredible eyebrows." She gave Kuvira a soft smile, knowing that Kuvira had been teased about those eyebrows when she was a child. "You don't owe your beauty to her."
Kuvira felt her mouth go dry, and she honestly did not know how to react. Suyin's words were so genuine, so sincere. They made her feel truly desired, but in a way that did not feel forced upon her. A way that did not make her feel like she was obligated to reciprocate. She had often felt that with Baatar Jr. Like she had to return his feelings or his desire for her. He had never pushed, or if he had it had been halfheartedly. But still, something about the way he complimented her made her feel like he expected something in return. The way Suyin spoke, Kuvira felt like she only wanted to say the words, no strings attached.
"Well, she did help with the eyebrows," Kuvira finally said. "She helped take care of any strays."
Suyin's laugh was beautiful and full, loud and sincere, and Kuvira felt warmth spread inside her that she had been the cause. Suyin took her hand and led her through the halls. Kuvira realized they were not going to the formal dining room, but to a smaller one, a more intimate one.
"I'm nervous," Kuvira said softly, making Suyin pause in the hallway.
"It will be all right," Suyin told her. "This is just dinner. You wanted a date, didn't you?"
"Yes, but…this isn't a date if it's the three of us," Kuvira said.
"All right, then. Not a date. But it's just us, Kuvira." She tilted her head, looking at Kuvira with compassion. "You've known Baatar for years. Just try not to over think things. We're just here to talk and to ease any tension."
"I don't know what to say."
"That's all right. I'll keep the conversation going." Suyin gently pulled her into the small dining room where Baatar was waiting. He stood as they entered and kissed his wife on the cheek. He gave Kuvira a tentative smile, which she was unable to return.
"Thank you for coming," he said, and Kuvira could feel his nervousness radiating through him and into the stone floor. "I've…I've missed you."
"I want things to go back to normal," Kuvira said. "I don't want to feel weird and unsettled around you anymore."
"I know." Baatar looked to Suyin, who gave him a small nod. "We've got a nice meal prepared. Nothing too heavy."
"I still don't understand why you insisted on something so light and boring," Suyin complained, and Kuvira realized she had never told Suyin of her aversion to the chef's food.
"Because Kuvira doesn't like that heavy stuff," Baatar said. "It's hard on her stomach."
Suyin looked at her, frowning. "Is that true?"
"It's getting better," Kuvira protested. "But…I'm just not used to it. Ten years of prison food."
"You should have told me."
"It didn't really matter," Kuvira shrugged, self-conscious.
"You told Baatar." The hurt and jealousy in Suyin's voice were evident, and Kuvira wondered if that wasn't just a little hypocritical.
"No. I told Kaori, and Baatar was there. It's not important," she huffed, feeling annoyed. She wanted to avoid awkwardness, not focus on it. "Let's just sit and eat, all right?"
"Okay." Suyin kept watching her, concerned, as Kuvira lowered herself into one of the chairs. The table was square, and she silently pleased for Suyin to take the chair next to her with Baatar across from her. She wanted that distance between them.
Luckily, they both seemed to realize this. Suyin sat at the end of the table next to Kuvira, and Baatar took the last seat, next to his wife. The food was already on the table, and Baatar began filling a plate.
"How are things with Lin and Kya?" he asked, handing the plate to Suyin.
"Different," Kuvira said, stiffly. "A lot quieter at times. But then sometimes Kya likes to sing. The evenings are…" She tilted her head, searching for the right word. "Boring."
"Well, of course," Suyin snorted. "Lin has the ability to suck the fun out of any situation. She's really made Kya rather dull."
"They read a lot," Kuvira said. "I think that they would do more if not for me. They don't really know what to do with me."
"Neither of them ever had children," Baatar. "They're not used to sharing a space with anyone anymore. Things will get better as they get to know you."
"I hope so." She wondered if Baatar would fill a plate for her, too, but once he had prepared one for Suyin and himself, he replaced the server and allowed Kuvira to get her own. She took a deep breath and said, "I miss talking about architecture with you."
Baatar froze for a moment, and Kuvira feared he would become overly emotional. He closed his eyes for a moment then gave her a small smile. "I miss it, too."
"I don't want…I don't want to lose the friendship we'd formed," she said. "I don't know how to deal with this. I've never been very good with…emotions. I mostly ignore them, and when I can't I just…try to eliminate the problem. It was different with Su because I…Because I returned those feelings. I honestly had been planning on never revealing them. It was an accident that she found out."
"That's my greatest fear, Kuvira," Baatar said. "That this will ruin what we have already. I want you to feel comfortable here, and I want this to be a safe place for you. I do love you, Kuvira. But I know that Suyin is who you want. I'm never going to press you for anything at all. Nothing more than friendship. I do think that if we are with the same woman, we do need to be on good terms."
Kuvira looked at him, studying his face. He had strong features, still handsome despite his age. He was a few years older than Suyin, but he was strong and healthy. He did look so much like his son, like Baatar Jr. Kuvira knew that every word that ever came out of his mouth was incredibly and completely sincere. He was perhaps the kindest man she had ever known. She could do worse than be loved by him, even if it was one-sided. Even if she worried it would make things more complicated.
"I promised Huan I wouldn't let you get hurt," she eventually said. "I want to make sure that stays true."
"Can we start over?" he asked, reaching across the table.
With a moment's hesitation, she slipped her own hand into his grasp, letting their fingers twine together. "Yes. I'd like that."
"Good." He grinned, eyes sliding over to Suyin. "Because I know you're going to have a lot of questions and complaints about my lovely wife. You'll need someone to talk to about her."
"Hey!" Suyin scowled at him, and Kuvira would not help her smile, which seemed to be Baatar's plan.
"She can be extremely difficult," he continued, nodding sagely. "You'll probably want to vent about her pretty regularly."
"I don't find this funny," Suyin said, and her pout was completely adorable to Kuvira.
"Don't you want us to bond?" Baatar asked.
"Not like this." She continued to scowl, and Kuvira leaned over to gently kiss her cheek. When she pulled back, she looked up at Baatar to see his reaction. He was watching them contemplatively, but she could not see any hurt on his face. It seemed that his claims of being all right with Kuvira dating his wife were true.
Suyin sighed and let her shoulders sag dramatically. "It's not fair for you to do that. I have a weakness for kisses from people I love."
Kuvira blushed, then cleared her throat. "This has become exceedingly…mushy."
Both her dinner companions laughed, and the atmosphere relaxed significantly. It was still not how it had been before, but Kuvira was starting to realize that it would most likely be impossible to achieve that. Before, she hadn't officially been with Suyin. Before, she hadn't been having dreams about Suyin. Before…this relationship had been a hypothetical. Things would change, they would have to. For this to work, they would have to grow together, learn together, trust each other. She could not keep wanting these emotions to go away. That was not productive, and it helped nothing. Instead, she had to learn how to process everything.
As dinner continued, she began to believe, though, that she and Baatar could return to a normalized relationship. By the end, she thought that they had gotten to a good place, a place of understanding. Suyin kissed her goodbye, and she allowed Baatar to hug her. She had forgotten how nice it felt to be confined in his arms, to have someone taller and broader than her wrapped around her.
And both lingered with her in bed that night.
She tossed and turned for what felt like hours, trying to shake her somewhat uncomfortable feelings of desire. When she finally did get to sleep, she was once again plagued by increasingly graphic dreams. This was, Kya would likely say, a sign of sexual frustration. Kuvira decided that she very much hated how distracted it made her.
She woke, sweating and panting before the sun was up, the last dream lingering with her. Kuvira was no expert on these types of dreams, but she assumed hers were actually rather tame. Most of the time, she was on her back with Suyin between her legs, touching her. She never actually…finished in her dreams. Partly, she assumed that was due to the scant few number of times she had actually orgasmed in her life, most of those as a teenager or young woman. When she had been most curious about sex. Those few times, she had brought herself to completion, though she had not done so in many years. She had not felt the urge, the need…but now.
Growling in frustration, Kuvira swung her legs out of bed and lowered herself to the floor. Trying to keep herself focused, she began doing pushups, as many as her arms could take. She had to use up the pent energy. Her body was thrumming with need, and she could only hope that tiring herself out would help. If not, then perhaps she would test the cold shower theory.
After a hundred pushups and as many crunches, and a lengthy run through of bending forms, she knew she would have to try the shower. To clean the sweat from her body as well as quell the heat still left from her dreams.
It barely helped, and as she stood under the cold spray, she looked down at her body, wondering if Suyin had these kinds of dreams about her. She wondered if Suyin found her desirable enough to need cold showers to calm her down. Kuvira sighed and tilted her head back, letting the water cascade down her throat and chest. Suyin had a husband to take care of that. And if not, she certainly would not be as awkward as Kuvira when she felt the need to touch herself. Sometimes Kuvira wished she could be as free as Suyin or Kya were about sex. Spirits, she wasn't even as free as Lin. Just the other morning, Lin had walked into breakfast wearing only a short robe and no fewer than three hickeys on her neck and collarbone. When Kuvira's eyes slid over the exposed skin, Lin had smirked and said something about Kya's enthusiasm.
Kuvira had tried to think of a more mortifying experience, and she was sure there had been, but in that moment, her mind drew a blank.
She was not sure how long she had been in the shower, not feeling any better, when a knock on the bathroom door startled her. Quickly, she shut off the water.
"Yes?"
"Just checking on you," Kya said. "The water's been running for nearly forty minutes."
"Spirits, I'm sorry," she called back. "I exercised this morning and I suppose I lost track of time."
"It's all right. Just making sure nothing happened. Breakfast is ready when you're done."
"Thank you." She leaned against the shower wall, wondering vaguely if she could realistically stay in there indefinitely. Knowing that wasn't an option, she dried herself off and returned to her room to get dressed before joining Lin and Kya in the dining room.
Thankfully, both the older women were fully dressed this time, and Kuvira took her seat next to Kya. The waterbender looked at her with concern.
"Are you sure everything is all right? Lin said you were up at four this morning."
Kuvira shot Lin a questioning look.
"She's sensitive to disturbances through the floor," Kya explained when Lin did not answer. "It's not quite as extreme as her mother's ability, but it has its advantages."
"Oh." Kuvira was glad to know that before she let herself try anything…inappropriate.
"Oh, don't worry," Kya said with a small laugh. "She's not that good at it. Can't tell what you're doing, just that you were up."
Blushing furiously, Kuvira stared down at her dumplings. "I wasn't doing anything. Just some sit-ups," she said.
"Okay." Kya did not sound like she believed her, but she didn't push. Lin was too busy reading the paper to listen to either of them. Kuvira had come to realize that Lin was quite singularly focused in the mornings before her coffee had time to kick in. She always responded to any inquiries with grunts or one-word answers. And usually a mumbled 'I love you' to Kya as she left for work.
"I wasn't!" Kuvira insisted. "I just got lost in thought in the shower. That's all."
"That's fine," Kya said, raising her hand in surrender. "But no judgement if you did want to masturbate."
The casual way she said it caused Kuvira tense. There were very few things that Kya wouldn't talk about, and almost none of those things had to do with sex and the body.
"In fact, I would encourage it," Kya continued, taking a bite of a dumpling. Kuvira looked at Lin, but the older woman was still ignoring them. "You should know your own body before you embark on a sexual relationship with Su. Have you ever done it before? Do we need to go over-"
"I know what to do," Kuvira ground out. "Please, can we not talk about this at breakfast?"
"Fine, fine." Kya rolled her eyes. "I'm only trying to help."
"It's fine," Kuvira said. She ate the rest of her meal in silence, with Kya apparently carrying on a one-sided conversation with Lin. Kuvira knew, however, that Lin would recall everything Kya said to her, even if she did not show it in the moment.
Her embarrassing morning continued as she rode with Lin to the Beifong complex. She had assumed that Lin had not heard or registered the conversation between Kuvira and Kya at breakfast, but as they drove through the streets, she realized she was wrong.
"You know, sex with Kya is really good," Lin said, and Kuvira wondered if this was her true punishment because surely this was worse than ten years in prison.
"Spirits," she groaned, resting her head against the window.
"No, listen. This is important. Sex with Kya is good. The best I've had." She kept her eyes on the road, and Kuvira knew that wishing they would get hit by a bus was just a tad overdramatic. "Because we communicate. And part of me learning what I liked was masturbation."
"I would like this conversation to stop."
"Too bad. Look, I don't like thinking about you and my sister, all right. It's gross. But I think of you as a friend, and I'm just going to tell you this once and then we never have to have this conversation ever again."
Kuvira grimaced. "Fine."
"You should know yourself and what you like. It makes it easier when you're with a new partner." Lin glanced at her side long. "And for spirits' sake, Kuvira. You're wound tighter than two bit watch. You need to rub one out."
"Just take me back to prison, please. This is cruel and unusual punishment."
"I'm serious. Tomorrow night I'm going out with Su. Some sort of sisterly bonding or some shit like that." Lin looked annoyed by the prospect. "I'll be out really late, and it will just be you and Kya. So no one there besides you will have any kind of sensing abilities. You know, just in case."
"Are we there yet?" Kuvira felt confined and flighty. How was it that everyone around her found this so easy to talk about? How was it that she had conquered a kingdom on the brink of civil war and yet she found herself overwhelmed by talk of sex? It was irritating and vexing and aggravating, and she hated that it had taken over her life. Her work projects had slowed down, and she had little to occupy her free time now besides thoughts of Suyin and of having sex with Suyin. How did other people balance all of that? She had never cared before. It had never been an issue before, and now…She just wanted this to not be a big deal.
"Yeah, we're almost there," Lin said, shaking her head. "And don't worry, that was equally as awful for me as it was for you."
"Somehow I doubt that," Kuvira grumbled.
"We're discussing my sister's possible sex life. Yeah, it's pretty fucking awful for me." Lin made a face and shuddered, and Kuvira almost laughed.
Incidentally, the following night, Kuvira went to bed early after a hard day of training. She had convinced Suyin and Lin to help her spar. She tried fighting the two of them, and went down within minutes every time. However, she knew this would help hone and sharpen her abilities faster than one on one sparring. She hoped that with all the physical exertion she had put forth, she would be too tired for any dreams, sexual or not.
She woke a few hours later, with a hot wetness between her legs, a flush over her entire body. Breathing hard, she checked the clock. It was only eleven. Lin had made a big deal about making sure Kuvira knew she would be out until one or two. Kya was still home, but Kuvira knew she had gone to bed hours ago.
It was still with hesitation that Kuvira made a decision. It wasn't that she'd never masturbated before, because she had. But never when she felt like other people knew what she was going to do. It kind of put a damper on things. Even though her dream had been one of the most intense yet. For the first time, it had been something other than face to face, for the first time she had finished, and Kuvira had felt exceptionally turned on. So much so that she knew she would not be able to get back to sleep. Not without doing something about it.
Closing her eyes, she ran one hand down her body. She knew that many women liked to have their breasts touched, but she did not see much appeal. Maybe it felt different when a partner did it. Suyin had never touched hers. Not yet. For the time being, Kuvira bypassed her breasts, though she did push up her tank top to expose her stomach. Her fingers brushed over her skin, and slowly she worked up the nerve to move her hand lower, slipping it below the waist of her shorts.
She was surprised by how slick she was. A little wetness was all she had experienced before, but this was enough that she was sure she would have to change shorts after. Shifting to get more comfortable, she let her legs spread open a bit further, but then the fabric of her shorts stretched uncomfortably tight across her wrist. Sighing, she pulled her hand out long enough to push the shorts down and off her legs. Bare now from the waist down, she settled back on the bed, letting her legs fall open again. This time, she gently ran her fingers over the swollen flesh, gathering the wetness there.
It was nice. Even nicer when she circled her clit and pressed down. But there were no fireworks, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to finish. Not before becoming oversensitive and sore. This would be the part, she thought, when she was supposed to fantasize. Think about all the things she wanted to do with Suyin, wanted Suyin to do to her.
She thought about her dream, which had been lewd enough to embarrass her even as she sat alone in her room. But that lewdness also stoked the heat between her legs. In the dream, Suyin had turned her over onto her stomach and laid over her, breasts to back. Kuvira bit her lip as she recalled the fingers entering her, the hips thrusting against her. She let her own finger slip inside her. Her muscles clenched around it, and her hips jerked as her palm ground into her clit. Slowly, she built herself up, her pleasure bringing her closer to release.
She kept thinking of Suyin, how she had looked without her clothes. Kuvira knew her mind was working with outdated information. Back when they had danced together, she had seen Suyin almost naked. Down to her underwear in the changing room. She had even seen Suyin's naked back, but never the front. That had been thirteen years earlier. She was sure things were different now. Her own body had changed drastically. Even without prison, she knew there would have been differences. Logically she knew that if she did not care about the changes to Suyin's body, then Suyin would not care about the changes to hers.
Kuvira slid another finger inside herself, hips rolling against her hand. She could hear her own ragged breathing in her ears, so loud that she was certain Kya would hear. Everything thundered in her head, her heartbeat pounding out an urgent rhythm against her chest. Flashes of Suyin pressed against her flitted through her mind, and she concentrated on the end of the dream as her fingers moved inside her. In the dream, as Suyin had pressed herself against Kuvira's back, as she had thrust her fingers inside Kuvira, she had taken her teeth to Kuvira's neck, nipping at the skin, first softly and then rather aggressively. That was the point in the dream where Kuvira had climaxed, and its recollection, the image, was enough to bring her over the edge in reality, too.
She let her head fall back, biting her lip hard to keep from crying out as she eased herself through her climax. Trembling, she removed her fingers, noting how slick they were with her release. Even though she was alone, she let out a shuddering breath, trying not to be embarrassed. Her body felt weak and limp, fully relaxed for the first time in…well, she could not quite remember ever being so relaxed. It seemed Lin had been right.
Kuvira let out a small laugh, shaking her head. Now she had to clean up. Unlike the master bedroom, her room did not have a washroom attached. So now she had to make it across the hall without waking Kya or, spirits forbid, running into Lin, who could come home at any moment. She pulled on her shorts and listened carefully at the door. Everything seemed quiet, and so she took the chance to dash across the hall.
That morning at breakfast, Kuvira did her best to stay cool and calm, but when Lin asked if she'd had a nice night, her blush gave her away. Which then prompted Kya to start explaining safe sex to Kuvira. Luckily, Lin was equally as in favor as Kuvira to stop that conversation before it really got started. She saved them both by claiming she needed to go in to work early, and that Kuvira needed to finish getting ready if she wanted a ride. She said nothing about Kuvira's late night activities in the car, and Kuvira was forever grateful. If she had been flustered on the ride over, there was no way she could have collected herself enough to face Suyin.
That was still difficult. Especially when Suyin greeted them at the door, wearing a sharply cut tunic that was cinched in at her waist. Normally, Suyin wore rather loose clothing, but today, her figure was out on display, and Kuvira felt her mouth go dry.
This relationship was not about sex. It was about love and companionship. A relationship that had lasted decades and had survived something that should have destroyed it. There had been betrayals, hurt and anger on both sides, and it was something of a miracle that they had reached the point where Suyin kissed her in greeting. There was so much between them, so much love and understanding, a connection that kept bringing them back to each other despite everything.
But that did not mean that they could not have a sexual attraction. Kuvira knew that the two could go hand in hand, or they could be separate. She knew that a romantic relationship was not reliant upon a sexual one and that a sexual relationship was not reliant upon a romantic one. She also knew that having both did not make her relationship with Suyin more special than a romance where there was no sex. She had just gone so long, so very long without having either, but especially without the sexual attraction, that it was hard for her to reconcile it in her heart. She felt somewhat dirty, that she had sullied her relationship with Suyin by fantasizing about her. She knew it was irrational, but it almost felt like she had taken advantage of the other woman, used her image to get off. It did not feel honest or honorable.
Suyin could see that something was wrong, that Kuvira was distracted and upset. She did not push. Kuvira wondered how she could have felt so good, so relaxed right after the act, and now feel so guilty about it. She tried to hide her discomfort, but she wasn't very good at that anymore. Suyin cancelled her meetings for the morning and invited Kuvira into her study. She poured them both a cup of tea and settled herself on the sofa next to Kuvira, her legs tucked up under her. She looked like a lounging feline, all coiled grace and poise, and Kuvira felt so very pedestrian in comparison. Not something she had ever felt as the Great Uniter.
"Are you all right?" Suyin asked, letting her hand rest on Kuvira's knee. "You seem distracted."
"It's…" She started to say it was nothing, but Kya's urges for honesty stuck in her head. Was this too honest to share? What if it made Suyin uncomfortable? "It's embarrassing."
Suyin's eyes softened. "You can tell me anything, Kuvira. Are you feeling all right? Is it nightmares?"
"It's not nightmares," Kuvira snorted. "Wrong kind of dream."
"Wrong kind…." Suyin's eyes widened. "Oh. I see." She lowered her head, then looked at Kuvira from under her lashes. "About me?"
"Who else would it have been about?" she grumbled.
"Was it good?" Suyin smirked and waggled her eyebrows.
"Yes."
"And that's what you're so embarrassed about?"
"It's happened several times now," Kuvira revealed.
"That's perfectly natural. I've had my fair share of wet dreams." Suyin gave Kuvira a sincere smile. "About you."
"Oh."
"You don't need to feel embarrassed. I like it." She kissed Kuvira, drawing it out before trailing her lips down Kuvira's neck. "It really turns me on to know you've gotten hot and bothered thinking about me."
Kuvira actually whimpered, her hand threading through Suyin's hair. She could still remember what it had felt like in her dream when Suyin bit her neck, and she stretched out the column of her throat, exposing it to the older woman in hope that reality would mirror her dream. Suyin took the hint and gently nipped at the skin, pressing her tongue against each bite.
"Harder," Kuvira gasped, and Suyin complied, biting and sucking on the juncture of Kuvira's neck and shoulder. It would surely leave a mark, and Kuvira moaned deep in her throat. Here she was, sitting on Suyin's sofa, in her office in the middle of the day, growing more aroused by the second. Knowing that she had to stop now, she gently pulled back, gasping for breath.
"I can't go further," she said, and Suyin nodded.
"I know. I got a little carried away." She brushed her thumb over the bite mark.
"I wanted it. Spirits, Su, I want it. I want you. And it scares me. I'm not…ready yet."
Suyin frowned. "Have I made you feel like I'm pushing for more?"
"No. No, it's not you at all." She sighed. "I mean, it is you. You're the one I dream about, the one I love." Kuvira nuzzled Suyin's neck, careful not to kiss her, remembering Suyin's warning about her neck. "You've been really wonderful. I just worry about disappointing you."
Suyin's arms were around her quickly fiercely. "You could never, ever disappoint me. Not that way. Not with sex. Spirits, Kuvira, please don't put so much importance on it. Sex isn't everything. It can be good and wonderful and it can be a way to gain intimacy. But it's not the only way to do that."
"Kya thinks I need to tell you everything I'm feeling."
"That's a good policy."
"Would you do the same for me?"
"I will." Suyin kissed the top of her head. "I love you. I want you, so much. But if you're never ready for sex, then I will be okay with that, too."
"I will be, I just don't know when."
Suyin held her close, and they stayed like that for a long while, just enjoying each other's company. Kuvira was reluctant to leave for lunch, even more reluctant to leave that evening. But she knew that this separation was good. Already, they had made strides, growing closer and more at ease with each other in the short time Kuvira had lived with Lin and Kya. The following weeks would show if the risks and heartache had been worth it.