AN: Who even knows what my muse is doing anymore. I keep expecting it to quit on me, and it keeps surprising me. Which means you all will be so spoiled for updates and so disappointed when it quits and I go four months without updating.

Also thank you to my new Beta, Lywen! Hopefully this chapter will be mistake free!

warnings for this chapter include self doubt from Kuvira, some sexual activity, though still not all the way (but we are getting really close!), talk of bad parents

As always, please take the time to review if you can! It keeps my muse fed.

The dull thuds of her fists echoed through the gym, mixed with her labored breathing. She could feel the burn in the muscles of her back and shoulders, but it was a good pain. Not too much to suggest she had pushed herself too far. Korra was at the bag next to her, stretching and shaking out her limbs.

"You know, I like the hair," she said. "Looks pretty fierce."

"I feel stupid with it pulled back," Kuvira said, pausing, catching the punching bag as it swung back at her. "I feel stupid with it most of the time."

"You'll get used to it." Korra wrapped her hands, watching Kuvira. "Natsuko cannot shut up about it. She wants it, too. I think I'll let Asami make that decision. No way I'm bringing her home with half her head shaved. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a month." Natsuko was Korra and Asami's ten year old daughter and eldest child, who they had adopted five years earlier. She had come along with Korra this trip. Since she was almost the same age as Kaori, Korra had thought it would be fun for the two girls to meet.

"I'll make sure to tell her what a pain it is," Kuvira said. "Huan makes it look so good. I just don't know what to do with it like he does. He assures me, though, that it looks fine. I'm not sure if he would lie to me about that."

"I doubt it. He's not the type." Korra cracked her knuckles. They were alone in the gym. Since her concussion, Kuvira had taken to training alone, or just with trusted partners such as Suyin, Lin, and Hua. And of course Korra, when she was in town. "Does Su like it?" There was heavy suggestion in Korra's tone, and Kuvira rolled her eyes.

"Yes. But even if she didn't, she'd never say so." Kuvira returned to her bag, thwacking it satisfyingly as Korra did the same to her own.

"How are things going with that?"

"Really good, I think," Kuvira said.

"Not too fast?"

"No. She's been really respectful of my boundaries, even when I get lost in the moment." There had been a few more close calls, where Kuvira pushed her own boundaries with regards to sex. One time where she even got her hand between Suyin's legs before freaking out and pulling back. Suyin had been sure to tell her it was all right. "Baatar is going out of town in a couple of weeks and…I want to be ready by then."

"Be careful," Korra warned. "I thought I was ready with Asami a few months into it, but it turned out that I wasn't. It was a hard experience for us both. She felt like she'd done something wrong, and I felt guilty for getting her hopes up. It's better to wait until you're sure."

"I know. It's just getting difficult to wait."

"Maybe ease into it," Korra suggested. "Sleep together without sex. Sleep together naked. Do a lot of touching with your clothes on. See what you're comfortable with without that added pressure."

"I don't know how we could do that," Kuvira said, frowning. "I don't have a lot of privacy, and I wouldn't want to…make Baatar uncomfortable."

"How is it with you and him?"

"Better. Almost normal, or as close as we're going to get. He looks at me sometimes, with this really intense longing." Kuvira shook her head, landing a more forceful punch. "I don't know what to do about it. I don't want him to feel bad, but I can't just…change the way I feel about him."

"I know it's a hard situation," Korra began, paying more attention to Kuvira than she was to her punches. "But I think he knows how to take care of himself. He hasn't asked for anything from you, right?"

"No. Still nothing."

"Then just keep going like you're going. And I don't think you need to worry about hurting him by moving forward with Suyin. From what I understand, he's pretty used to her having other lovers."

"But in their bed?"

"Talk to Su about it. She'll know what's okay and what's not." Korra stepped away from her punching bag, looking at Kuvira in affectionate exasperation. "You're stressing over something that is going to work itself out. They've done this before, even if you haven't. Su's not going to do anything with you that will jeopardize her relationship with Baatar. All you need to do is worry about you."

"I care about him. I can't just…not worry about it." Kuvira let her punching bag settle, and placed her hands on her hips, looking down at the floor as she caught her breath. "I don't want my first time to be in a broom closet."

Korra burst out laughing, her hair tossing around her head as she threw it back. "Spirits, Kuvira, I really don't think that's going to happen. Su is going to make sure it's special. She is all about grand gestures. I really do think, though, that you should try my suggestions. Get comfortable with each other physically."

Kuvira thought back to a few nights earlier when she had practically been wrapped around Suyin, their hands roaming over each other. "I think we're pretty comfortable."

"Has she seen you naked yet?"

"No."

"Do that."

"This is not how most people do this," Kuvira complained. "It doesn't feel like a natural progression. It feels so…planned."

Korra raised a brow. "Says the woman who has to have every second of her day laid out. I thought you liked it when things were planned?"

"I do, but sex isn't supposed to be planned. It's supposed to just…happen."

Korra rolled her eyes. "Says who? Sex is a personal thing, and it's different for everyone. Just because some people can have their first time spontaneously doesn't mean you need to. Your circumstances are pretty unique, and if you need to do a few extra things to make sure you're comfortable and ready to have sex, then that's fine."

"I almost just want to get it over with," Kuvira admitted. "It seems to be all I talk about with you and Kya. Even Su. If I go ahead and do it, then I can talk about other things."

"You should be talking about other things," Korra said. "A relationship can't survive if all you talk about is the relationship. But, you also shouldn't just 'get it over with.' That's not a healthy way to deal with it. You're going to build this up so much that it's going to be a letdown when you actually do fuck."

"Korra!"

"What? You don't like that word?" Korra grinned. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, come on! I've heard you say it before."

Kuvira glared at her, crossing her arms over her chest. "Not when I mean sex. That's…vulgar."

"You should probably get used to vulgar if you want to be with Su," Korra observed. "I've heard stories."

"How would you know?"

"Kya likes to talk."

"Kya…and Su?" Kuvira's eyes widened, and she felt a punch of betrayal deep in her gut. That neither of them had ever mentioned it to her hurt more than she could have expected.

"Oh, spirits, no," Korra said quickly. "Lin and Su shared a house growing up. Lin talks to Kya and Kya talks to me. But don't worry, it was like years ago when Kya told me about this. Way before you and Su got together. Kya wouldn't gossip about that now."

Kuvira did not want to tell Korra that she was probably right about Suyin's proclivity for vulgarity. Some of the things she had whispered into Kuvira's ear suggested that she could go much farther. Kuvira definitely was not going to tell Korra that she liked it. That could just stay between her and Suyin.

"I would prefer if you could just say sex," she finally said. "It would makes my life just a little better."

"All right," Korra said, hands held up in surrender. "I'll watch my language around your delicate ears. I should hang out with Lin more. She can outdo anyone I know when it comes to cussing. Toph must have been one hell of a mom."

"She certainly left her daughters with enough issues," Kuvira commented, finding a lot less amusement in the situation than Korra. Anyone who caused Suyin pain was on Kuvira's blacklist. Of course, she supposed by that logic she should be on her own blacklist.

"I suppose she did," Korra said softly. "I guess being a master bender doesn't make you a master parent."

Kuvira ran a hand over the shaved side of her head. It was growing in, and soon it would be long enough that she would have to decide if she wanted to keep the undercut or if she wanted to deal with the awkward length differences. She could feel the small raised ridge of the scar Lin had left. Kya had been able to heal most of it, and it was barely visible, especially as her hair grew back in.

"Sometimes I wonder if that's why Lin never had kids."

"I would definitely suggest never ever asking her that," Korra said. "It's a super sore subject. You know, because of the whole Tenzin thing."

"I gathered." Kuvira had learned quickly that anything and everything to do with Tenzin was off limits with Lin. She wondered if that ever made things awkward with Kya. "I can understand it, though. Not wanting kids because of your own parents' failings." She gave a mirthless snort. "Sometimes I'm glad that I spent my peak childbearing years in prison. No more questions about when I'll have a kid of my own. I had enough of those in my twenties."

"Kids are a lot of work. You make a lot of sacrifices." Korra shrugged. "I love mine, but I totally get why some people don't want them."

"Just having something to do with Kaori is enough for me." Kuvira began unwrapping the bandages from her hands. "She's a handful. I don't know how you do it with all of yours." Kuvira gave Korra a small smile. "Or how Su and Baatar did it. They took me in, and now Kaori, on top of their own kids. I admire people who can balance it all. I can barely take care of myself these days."

Korra knocked her shoulder, gently. "I can never take care of myself. That's why I have a wonderful and amazing wife."

Kuvira felt a pang of longing, not quite jealousy. Korra's marriage was so strong, her relationship with Asami was so solid. Kuvira wondered if she would have anything like that with Suyin. Their situations seemed so different that it was hard for her to imagine a time when she would casually eat breakfast with Suyin after spending the night together. Would there ever be a time when she was always in Suyin's bed? With a start, Kuvira realized she had not ever thought about how it would work. Suyin shared a bed with Baatar. That was their room, their space. He had that part of Suyin's life. The marriage, the partnership, the history.

Her stomach fell as she realized she never would have what Korra and Asami did, what Lin and Kya did, what Opal and Bolin had. Would she be relegated to a designated room, only to have Suyin every other night? Would they have to make a schedule, or would it go by Suyin's whims? They would never share a closet, a washroom, a bedroom. Suyin would share those things with Baatar and simply visit Kuvira. No matter their promises for equality, that would be the reality. She felt the acute yearning burrow into her chest, under her ribs. It tightened around her lungs, and she had to turn away from Korra.

She knew that she should have thought of these things earlier. Before she was in so deep. Because now…she could not imagine giving up Suyin, of ending this relationship. Not now. Not after all this. She wanted this relationship, whatever it came to, and she knew she would accept these conditions and concessions. If that was what it took.

The pain was there all the same.

"Kuvira?" Korra's hand was on her shoulder, turning her around. "What is it?"

"I just…" She took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "I keep realizing all the things I'll never have." At Korra's questioning look, she continued, "With Su, it's never going to be like it is for you. It's always going to be more…complicated."

"Relationships are usually complicated," Korra said. "But there's a good complicated and a bad complicated. Me and Asami, we have six kids now. She's running a company, and I'm the Avatar. Our schedules are crazy complicated, and we're both exhausted all the time. But these are things we both wanted. And so that makes it the good kind of complicated. When I was with Mako, we fought all the time and had to walk on egg shells around each other and we both carried this baggage of dishonesty. That's the bad kind of complicated."

"I want to be able to wake up with Su ever morning. I'll never have that."

"I'd like to do that with Asami, but I travel all the time. All over the place." Korra tipped her head to the side. "I know it's different, but I think that if the relationship is worth it, if the person is worth it, you figure it out. Communication is important."

"I should get that tattooed on my eyelids," Kuvira complained. "I hear it enough from you and Kya."

"Hey, if it makes you remember!" Korra's goofy grin was enough to have Kuvira smiling.

"I'll have you know that I communicate very well with Su."

"That's good," Korra said seriously. "I really was worried when you first told me about this. I wasn't sure that you two would be able to make things work. But I think I might have been wrong. I know you're going through a lot in regards to your bending and all that, but you seem more settled emotionally."

"I suppose so." Kuvira mulled it over. If she thought back on it, it was true that in the past few months she had stopped wondering if things would work with Suyin. Now, she just thought about how to make things work. She supposed that meant she was dedicated to this relationship, despite the complications. "I love her. I want to be with her."

"Even with Baatar as part of the equation?"

"Yes. I'm…I still want it."

Korra hugged her. "I'm really proud of you, Kuvira. You've come so far, and I want you to know that you deserve to be happy."

Kuvira could only nod, pressing her face into Korra's hair. This visit had been the best so far, and Kuvira thought maybe, just maybe, Korra had enough to convince the Council to let Kuvira have more freedom. She hated knowing that she was reliant upon Lin or Kya's good graces to go visit Suyin. She hated feeling like she was a sort of burden, like she made their lives harder. Neither of them would ever say so, and she was almost certain they didn't even feel that way, but her doubts still lingered. It probably came from the circumstances of her childhood. She never wanted to feel dependent.

Natsuko and Kaori wanted Kuvira to stay with them and Korra to have a sleepover, which Lin reluctantly agreed to even though it meant she was legally obligated to stay, as well. However, her grumbling stopped when Kya showed up, stating there couldn't be a sleepover without the daughter of the Avatar. Which then sparked a discussion over whether or not Kya had been dethroned by Natsuko.

Suyin, who claimed she was an expert on sleepovers, dragged armfuls of blankets and pillows onto the floor of her room (Baatar had graciously taken a guest room for the night) and ordered ice cream for all of them. Lin sat in the corner, scowling and doing her best to keep the fun to a minimum. The whole thing was so disgustingly adorable that Kuvira ached to snuggle up to Suyin and just hold hands. That would be an impossibility, though, with Kaori and Natsuko in the room. The children were still unaware of Suyin and Kuvira's relationship, and it would stay that way for the foreseeable future.

"Aunt Kya," Kaori said as they sat in a circle, digging into their ice cream. "Will you tell us stories about Avatar Aang?"

Kuvira knew she was not the only one of the adults to catch the brief tensing in Kya's shoulders, the way her face grew hard. They all knew of her issues with her father, of her anger at him and how she was treated when compared to her brother.

"Kaori," Suyin began, "I don't think Kya wants to talk about that."

"But why not?" Natsuko said, brows furrowing as she exchanged a confused glance with Kaori. "It's so awesome having the Avatar as a parent. We go on all kinds of cool adventures!"

Lin placed a hand on Kya's knee, and the older waterbender forced a smile on her face. "It was a little different with my dad. He had to travel a lot to places that weren't safe for me. But I can think of a few adventures." She gave Lin a small, reassuring nod, and kept the girls entertained until they fell asleep. Kuvira was certain that a few of her stories were exaggerated, but she supposed there was no harm in it. The girls were captivated and even Lin's completely false stories about her scars could not top Kya's tale of how her father went to the Spirit World to rescue her after an evil spirit kidnapped her.

"Did that really happen?" Kuvira asked after Natsuko and Kaori were asleep. Kaori's head rested on her thigh, and she could see the way Suyin watched them. Like this was everything she could have asked for.

Kya laughed. "No. Not even close. That one was pretty much completely made up. But hey, they enjoyed it."

"I'm sorry they asked you about your father," Suyin said, and Korra nodded in agreement. "I know that must have been uncomfortable for you."

"It's fine. Next time, I'll just tell them to ask you about Toph." She grinned as both Suyin and Lin pulled faces.

"Can't I just give you money instead?" Suyin asked.

"Oh please, Su, you were always Mom's favorite," Lin said. "You could just tell them about all the times she looked the other way when you acted out.

"I would rather not encourage that type of behavior," Suyin sniffed. "I have a new appreciation for what Mom went through with me. Though, I suppose that Jr. paid me back in full." Her eyes widened as she realized what she said. Kuvira looked down at her lap, wincing as the air filled with awkward silence. "Oh, Kuvira, I didn't mean…."

"No, of course. I understand. Five years in prison because his fiancé had him help her conquer a nation. Not exactly what you want for your son." She tried to sound light, but she knew it just sounded bitter. "I'm sorry, we're supposed to be having fun. I shouldn't still be hanging on to that."

"Nonsense," Kya said, flapping her hand. "You fit right in with the Beifongs. In fact, if you want to be a true Beifong, then you'll hold on to that resentment for twenty more years and bring it up every chance you get."

"Kya!" Lin exclaimed. "That is a gross misrepresentation of my character."

"I never said it was you," Kya grinned.

"It's not my fault I lived my entire life to try and please my mother, even though none of it mattered."

"Well if we're playing biggest parental disappointment," Kya said easily. "I turned out to be a gay waterbender who never had a family to pass on potential airbending to, so I think I win this round." She beamed at them, and Lin smacked her on the shoulder.

"Be serious," Lin said.

"I am! No one else here failed to keep a dying race alive. Only me!" She leaned back, folding her hands under her head. "Kuvira doesn't get to be the only one who has dramatics."

"This isn't fair," Korra complained. "My parents never messed up nearly as bad as all yours."

"Be thankful for that," Suyin murmured, still looking at Kuvira with painfully apologetic eyes. "Kuvira, can I talk to you in the hall?"

"Yes." Kuvira did not look at the other women as she rose and followed Suyin out.

"I really didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," Suyin said when the door was shut behind them. "I spoke without thinking."

"It was only true. You can't keep dancing around Jr.'s name with me. If we're going to have this relationship, then it can't be such a taboo topic." Kuvira tipped her head up to kiss Suyin. She wanted more, so much more, but she pulled back after a few moments. "We should enjoy tonight. It's been nice to feel like a normal person again, with friends."

"It's been years since I've done this," Suyin said with a small smile. "The last time was when Opal was young. Do you remember that? You were starting to get serious about your training, and you said you were too old for sleepovers."

"But she convinced me anyway," Kuvira finished. "I always had a hard time saying no to her."

"We all do. She asked about you the other day when she called."

"She did?" This was the first time in ten years that Opal had shown any interest in her that was not prompted by an attack.

"Yes." Suyin kissed her nose. "I think that things with her will eventually be all right."

"Four out of five children who don't want to throw me off a cliff? Not bad," Kuvira joked.

"Five out of six," Suyin said. "Kaori is ours, too."

"At least she genuinely likes me."

Suyin's face softened. "What's not to like?"

"I can hear you being disgusting!" Lin called through the door. "Get back in here, and stop making out."

"Better do as she says," Suyin sighed. "She can be so annoying sometime." She raised her voice purposefully, and Kuvira had to smile as she heard Lin curse on the other side of the door.

Kya had brought Kuvira and Lin changes of clothes from home, and they enjoyed the extra time in the morning without the daily commute. Kuvira realized just how much she did miss having breakfast at the table with Suyin and Huan and Baatar and Kaori. She appreciated Lin and Kya, but they weren't her family. Not really. Not the way the others were. She hoped desperately that she would be able to have her autonomy back soon, that she would only have to have weekly check ins instead of constant supervision. Then, she could move back in, take her room back, spend more time with the people who really mattered to her.

The next week, when Kuvira found Suyin in the morning, the older woman smirked mischievously at her. "It's just us today," she said.

"Just us?"

"Baatar got a last minute call for some business at the Misty Palms Oasis," Suyin said. "Kaori tagged along, and Huan is with Yunru."

"Oh," Kuvira said. She looked at Suyin, hesitating to say what she immediately wanted to. Korra's words kept knocking around in her head. This was the opportunity she had needed. An uninterrupted day with Suyin. A way to test the waters. She and Suyin had talked about it, and Suyin had agreed it could be a beneficial process. They had just needed to time. It seemed, now, that they had it. But she also remembered… "Lin is here."

Suyin pursed her lips. "True. But she will likely be out all day doing silly patrols. Has she ever come looking for you before it's time to leave?"

"No."

"I doubt she'll start now." Suyin stoop up from her desk, and touched Kuvira's cheek, growing somber. "Today will be just a normal day if you want. Nothing will happen, and we just go about our usual routines. Or…my bed has fresh sheets, and the lock on the door is very good."

Kuvira took a few moments to think about it, to make sure she was doing the right thing. Then she held out her hand to Suyin. "Lead the way."

She halfway expected everyone they passed to miraculously know what they were about to do, but no one looked at them strangely. They made it all the way to Suyin's bedroom without garnering suspicion, and Kuvira danced nervously on the balls of her feet as Suyin locked the door.

"Spirits, Kuvira, you're shaking," Suyin said as she turned around. "Never mind, we're not doing this now."

"No, please." Kuvira bit her lip and grasped Suyin's wrist. "I want this. Yes, I'm nervous, but I want it."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. I mean…we're not having sex, we're just…" She searched for the right word. "Exploring."

Suyin stepped into Kuvira's space and kissed her. She kept kissing Kuvira, pushing her back across the room until they reached the bed. Suyin broke away, and slid her hands down to Kuvira's stomach.

"What do you want?"

"I want to see you," Kuvira breathed, worried that she might die if she didn't see Suyin's body soon.

"Oh, good, because I want to see you, too," Suyin said. She undid Kuvira's belt, throwing it down on the floor. "Do you want me to do this, or do you want to?"

"You." Kuvira feared that her hands were shaking too much to undo any of her fastens.

"I am more than happy to oblige." Suyin tried to seem smooth, but Kuvira could see the she was nervous, too. Gingerly, she pulled off Kuvira's outer tunic, leaving her in a white tank top. Her fingers played with the hem of the undershirt, and Kuvira trembled in anticipation.

"Wait, Su, wait." She took a deep breath, realizing where they were. "Is it all right that we're…here?"

"If it's all right with you, then yes." Suyin indicated the bed. "I changed the sheets, but if you're uncomfortable, we can go to your old rooms."

"Um…that…" Kuvira looked back at the bed. The bed that Suyin and Baatar shared. "Maybe that would be best."

Suyin picked up her tunic and belt off the floor. "Whatever is best for you, love."

Kuvira did not look forward to another trip across the building, but this one was equally as uneventful as the last. She felt like a teenager, sneaking around trying not to get caught. Which was kind of really ridiculous.

She instantly felt more at ease in her old rooms, which she still thought of as hers. Hopefully they would be again soon.

"Your turn to lead," Suyin said after they kicked off their shoes at the door, and Kuvira took her hand, drawing her to the bedroom. Unlike her bed at Lin and Kya's, this one was a queen sized. Perhaps not as large and luxurious as Suyin's bed, but it was more than big enough for their purposes.

As Suyin watched, Kuvira took her belt and her tunic back off. Then she held her arms open. "All right. Let's pick up where we left off."

Suyin kissed her, hand sliding up Kuvira's stomach, taking the tank top with her. She pushed it up and over Kuvira's breasts, breaking the kiss to pull it over the younger woman's head. Kuvira lifted her arms helpfully, trying not to stick on the fact that she was now topless in front of Suyin, that she was about to go farther sexually than she had ever been. All that covered her breasts was a bra Suyin had bought for her months ago, when she had first come back to Zaofu. She was sure that neither of them could have guessed at the time that they would end up here.

"You're so beautiful," Suyin said. She almost looked sad, and Kuvira could not quite work out why.

"Su?"

Suyin looked away, one arm wrapping around herself. "I'm…going to be a disappointment," she said softy.

"What?"

"Kuvira, I'm almost sixty," Suyin said, shaking her head. "I keep in shape, and I know that I look good for my age, but…I can't compete with a body twenty years younger."

Kuvira felt a surge of love in her chest, and she carefully reached for the fastens on Suyin's shirt. "Please, I want to see you."

Suyin nodded, and Kuvira eased the shirt over her head. Suyin wore a more elaborate undershirt than Kuvira, and it was a little more involved getting her topless, but when the expanse of brown skin was revealed, Kuvira ran a hand across Suyin's stomach as she took in the sight before her.

"You will never disappoint me," Kuvira said, echoing the words Suyin had said to her just a few weeks earlier. Suyin's stomach wasn't as flat as her own, and it bore the marks of her children. Her hips were softer, wider, fuller, and her breasts did not sit as high, even in the bra she wore. But she was, without a doubt, the most beautiful sight Kuvira had ever seen. "You're perfect."

"Kuvira…"

"I mean it. Spirits, I mean it." Suddenly very very sure of what she should do next, Kuvira cupped Suyin's breasts in her hands, marveling at their weight. She had never touched any that were not her own, and she was infinitely glad that she was remedying that situation. "Can I take this off?"

"Please."

With Suyin's permission, she reached around and undid the clasp. Her fingers fumbled over it. She had never done it from this angle. After a couple of tries, it popped open, and Suyin let it fall from her shoulders. Kuvira took a sharp breath, staring intently at Suyin's chest. Certainly, there were more technically perfect breasts, younger, fuller, more symmetrical. But Kuvira could not imagine any that were more beautiful than the ones she had in front of her. Reluctantly, she moved her eyes to Suyin's face, finding her with her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I suppose it's only fair if I take mine off, too," Kuvira said, reaching behind her to take off her own bra. Suyin swallowed in anticipation, and Kuvira tried to push down her nervousness as she let her bra fall away. She then stood in front of Suyin, bare from her hips up, and she had to fight the urge to throw a hand across her chest. Suyin's lips had parted, and she brought a hand up as if to touch Kuvira, but then stopped half way.

"Can I…?"

Kuvira nodded, her voice refusing to cooperate. Suyin's hand cupped her. Kuvira's breasts were smaller, just fitting in Suyin's hands. She moaned as Suyin's palm brushed her nipple, the peak pebbling against it.

"Is this all right?"

"Yes, Spirits, yes." Kuvira closed her eyes, letting her back arch slightly into Suyin's hands. She slid her hands down and undid her pants, pushing them down her legs. Suyin stepped back to do the same, and then went for her underwear, which threw up a red flag of panic in Kuvira's mind. "Stop, wait!"

"Kuvira?"

"Not yet. Just…leave them on, please." Kuvira looked down at Suyin's strong thighs, her mouth going dry. "I don't want to have sex yet, and if you take off your underwear, I don't think I'll be able to resist."

"Underwear on," Suyin affirmed. "What do you want to do now?"

What she really wanted was to lie down on the bed and let Suyin kiss her entire body. What she knew they needed to do, however, was just sit together.

"I want you to hold me."

Suyin pulled back the covers on the bed and lay down, patting the spot next to her. "Come on."

Kuvira lowered herself onto the mattress, turning to face Suyin. The older woman pulled her close, and their breasts touched. Kuvira let her eyes flutter close again, tangling their legs together. Suyin managed to position Kuvira's head at the hollow of her neck, pulling their bodies flush against each other.

"Is this what you want?" she asked softly.

"Yes."

She felt Suyin hum deep in her throat, the sound resonating through her chest. "Honestly, I think I could stay like this forever."

"Too bad you have to run a city," Kuvira said, her hand splaying across Suyin's chest, gently stroking the soft swells of her breasts. She could not get over how good they felt.

"Maybe I should retire soon."

"Who would take your place?"

Under her, Suyin stiffened, and Kuvira remembered that she was the one who had been slated to do that. Flinching, she turned her face into Suyin's neck.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't know who will do it," Suyin said, ignoring the apology. "It was always going to be you. I've had ten years to think about it, and I still don't know. I wish it could be you."

"I can't."

"I know. I wouldn't ask you to. Not now. Not when I know how…difficult that would be for you."

Kuvira bit back her impulse to apologize again. "There has to be someone."

"None of my children were ever going to do it. Not happily. Oh, Wing or Wei would step up if I asked, but they would be miserable." Suyin's hand came up to stroke her hair, flitting through the fuzz on the left side. "Are you going to keep it like this? I really do like it."

"I don't know. It's kind of hard to deal with."

Suyin made a small noise of agreement. "I suppose I could look in the security force for someone," she mused. "The truth is, no one can do this job like I can. Or you. Now that you're older and more…aware, you really would make an excellent leader."

"Su…"

"I know, Vira." The nickname felt odd on her ears, but Kuvira didn't hate it. She might have actually liked it coming from Suyin. "I need to let go of that. It's not fair to you."

"I wish I could do it for you," Kuvira said. "But maybe, I could help you figure it out?"

Suyin tilted her head down to look at Kuvira. "You have some ideas?"

"Well…the rest of the states have gone to republics. Zaofu is…lagging behind." She hoped that Suyin would not be offended by her observations, but it always struck her as odd that Zaofu had not gone along with the trend, even ten years later.

Suyin frowned, rolling onto her back, causing Kuvira to slide down her chest. "It's not that simple."

"You don't have to talk down to me," Kuvira huffed. "I understand politics. I may not understand much else, but I know what it takes to run a state."

Sighing, Suyin pressed her palms to her eyes. "It's not like I haven't thought about it. It's just…I worry that if I turn over power to someone else, a council or president or whoever…What if they screw up my city?"

"This is why you didn't want to be charged with uniting the Earth Kingdom."

"I have…trouble letting go," Suyin mumbled. Kuvira turned over so that she could more comfortably look at Suyin, folding her arms over Suyin's chest and resting her chin where they crossed. She raised a brow.

"This surprises approximately no one," she said, trying to keep the mood easy and light. If she was not careful, this conversation could turn into a fight and ruin what they were trying to do. "I never thought you would let Opal go, and with Jr. it was nearly impossible. But now, they all have their own lives. So you can do it. You just don't like to."

"It's a little different when it's an entire city," Suyin said. She seemed to be relaxing, though, because her fingers returned to Kuvira's hair, then trailed down her neck to stroke her bare back. "There are so many people who count on me. If I handed over power to the wrong people and something happened….I would never forgive myself."

Kuvira looked at her long and hard. "Suyin." Her full name got Suyin's full attention. "That, more than anything, is why I did what I did with the Earth Kingdom. You understand that, don't you?"

"I do. And I…I fully recognize my own hypocrisy. Do as I say, not as I do, and all that." She turned her head and shifted her body to press her nose into Kuvira's hair. "Lin keeps pushing me to set up an elected government."

"That's what's popular now," Kuvira said. Their position had her lips close to Suyin's chest, and she took the initiative to kiss Suyin's chest. "Letting the people pick their own leader. I know how…unappealing that sounds when you don't think the people know what's best for them. But I've learned that giving power to just one person can be…disastrous. Even when that person has initially good intentions."

"I think I've done well," Suyin said defensively.

Kuvira waited a moment, picking her words carefully. "For the most part, you have. But…there are still things that could be improved upon. As with any government," she added quickly. "Most of the time, different perspectives on the same issue can lead to the best solution. I just…I think you should consider it."

"It's hard."

"I know. Believe me, I know." Kuvira snuggled closer to Suyin. She wanted to get as close as she could, skin to skin. "I love you, Su. I want to help however I can."

Suyin reached down between them and found Kuvira's hand, clasping it in her own. She pulled up her arm so that their hands were cradled between their bodies. "I love you, too. Very much. I'll…I'll think about what you said. The people of Zaofu deserve the best I can give them, and if that's a republic, then…" She blew out a long sigh, her breath tickling Kuvira's skin. "Then that's what I will give them."

Kuvira kissed her, and kept kissing her. And as they kissed, Suyin gently pushed Kuvira back against the bed, rolling herself over the younger woman. Her leg came up between Kuvira's, and her breasts pressed into Kuvira's. Her hips rolled into Kuvira, and she began kissing down Kuvira's neck, down to her chest.

If Kuvira had thought Suyin's hands on breasts felt good, it was nothing to Suyin's mouth closing over her nipple. Normally, Suyin was at least a little aggressive with Kuvira, taking charge with deliberate determination. But now, she was exceptionally gentle, slow and soft as she kissed and nuzzled Kuvira's breasts.

Kuvira's head fell back, and she moaned softly. "Su…please…"

"Please what?" Suyin nipped very gently at Kuvira's skin.

"I don't know," Kuvira groaned. "I want…more, but I'm not…please…"

Suyin's nose bumped her breast once more, then she sat up. "Do you want to stop? Do you want to wait? This isn't what we had planned, but if you want to go farther, we can."

Eyes closed, Kuvira crossed an arm over her chest. "I think, um…" She tried to even out her breathing, clear her head to make a rational and proper decision. "I want…to have more time. When we do this, I want more time to…to go slow and…and just…." She sat up, too, with Suyin still straddled across her thighs. "I want to wait."

"Do you want to get dressed or do you want to lay here some more?"

"Just a little longer." She still craved Suyin's touch, the feel of her skin, so soft and smooth. She knew it would be another week before she would have the opportunity to be like this again, and she wanted to take advantage. She knew, also, that she had just made a decision about what to do while Baatar was out of town. She knew that she was ready, finally, to give herself to Suyin.

As they settled back on the bed, with Suyin's arms around her, Kuvira could finally begin to imagine the rest of her life.